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标题: 慢慢写的第一篇 [打印本页]

作者: cannahere 时间: 2010-3-10 06:34
标题: 慢慢写的第一篇
离考试时间不远了，加上我自己词汇量也不够大，写作能力也不强，我要求不高，差不多就行了。
今天写第一篇arguement，其实基本上都是模板语言，去掉模板，改写可能也就不到100字，先酱紫吧。。。
大家给提提意见就好。因为写的时间比较长，字数肯定够了。只希望大家多批判批判，谢了先
选的是这几个月考的最频繁的一篇，新题库36题

The following appeared as part of aplan proposed by an executive of the Easy Credit Company to the president:

“The Easy Credit Company would gainan advantage over competing credit card services if we were to donate a portionof the proceeds from the use of our cards to a well-known environmentalorganization in exchange for the use of its symbol or logo on our card. Since arecent poll shows that a large percentage of the public is concerned aboutenvironmental issues, this policy would attract new customers, increase useamong existing customers, and enable us to charge interest rates that arehigher than the lowest ones available.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc

正文：

In this statement of the plan, the author draws the recommendation that the Easy Credit Company should use symbol or logo of a well known environmental organization on their card. To substantiate his argument, he cites the result of a poll that the public is concerned more about the environmental issues, and reasons that the symbol or logo will bring them some benefits. It appears at first that the reasoning is plausible with these evidence, but essentially, it suffers from several critical problems.

In the first place, the author mentions a poll, which indicates that a large percentage of the public is concerned about environmental issues, to prove his discussion,while the poll itself is doubtful because the author doesn’t expand on the details of the poll. For example, a large percentage of the public is too vagueto be statistically meaningful, so what’s the number of percentage, who are the sample and are they representative of the entire customers of the company, est.Without this explicit evidence, the result is much less reliable to stand for a current situation.

In the second place, even though the poll is unquestionable, the author establishe sthe causal relationship between the fact that people are more concerning about the environment and the fact that the symbol of the environmental company would affect these people, just based on his arbitrary determination. Admittedly, people pay more attention to the environmental issues nowadays than everbefore, but it doesn’t mean that they will recognize the symbol or logo of the related organizations or even will affected by them. The reasoning is unpersuasiveunless the author indicates more compelling evidence to expound on the cause-and-effect relationship between the two elements. If there are more proofs, the reasoning could be more tenable.

Last but not least, the most serious problem of the plan is that the author comes to the conclusion just on the assumption that the policy is a sufficient factor to cause so many benefits. Even if the policy may have some affection, there aresome other additional factors to play a significant role in these results, such as the quality of the services, the diversity of the products, the effectiveness and efficiency of the employees, the customers’ loyalty and so on, rather than only one policy. Without referring to these facts, the author is too hasty to predict the policy will success.

In a word, the plan fails to figure out adequate pivotal factors and therefore is unpersuasive.The logical flaws seriously undermine the reasoning of the plan. To solidify the conclusion, the author should supply some more evidence, such as the details of the poll, the cause and effect connection between the people’s concerning and the policy, and the policy’s affection on several results. Accordingly,only with more logical reasoning could this plan become more than just anemotional appeal.

作者: lavender0612 时间: 2010-3-16 12:32
我现在和 lz水平非常相似

作者: zhaolingoblin 时间: 2010-3-17 21:25
大家用的模板果然好相似啊～～～

作者: cannahere 时间: 2010-3-18 00:44
这么相似会被“毙”么

作者: 忽然忘了解脱 时间: 2010-3-25 16:41
额。。。。。。。有点像我一战时候的模板啊。。。。。。。。LZ.。。。。。。模板慎用！！！

作者: superselina 时间: 2010-4-5 01:46
我拿走了，我觉得不错。其实关键是思路啦。到考场上你把模板80自己发挥20，就模板不像模板了。LZ放心。

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