参照新3写的,照搬了不少句子,变相照搬了不少句子,NCE就是写的好啊~~
只有第四段完全出自本人,一眼可以看出差距的说~~本来都不想写这段了,但考虑到工作机会的VIEW用的还瞒多所以还是写了,练手用....
发现参照牛文的后果就是,满篇都是长句子...大家帮忙看看应该怎么改
最后,对在考场30分钟内可以写出美文的NN们表示下我崇高的敬意~~~想我挤了两个多小时的牙膏才这个样子啊,差距啊....
perference
9、Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
The quiet life of the country has never appealed to me. City born and city bred, I have always regarded
the country as something you look at through a train window, or something you occasionally
visit during the weekend. Altough people invariable go into rapture at the mere moment of the country, the discommodious aspects of rurl life would render my interest of moving to the countryside recur to zero.(还是没有map,发现其实map很难呢,怎么用一个词概括一段话呢?)
The first thing brings me back from the illusion that country life is somehow superior to city life is the problem of traffic.Virtually, unlike the city dwellers can conveniencely buy things from a couple of mintuates walk away market, country people always go wild when they go shoping in the city and stagger home loaded with as many exotic items as they can carry. furthermore, if you are among those unfortunate people who need to travel from the country to the city, you would have to tolerant a four-hour journey each day and be scared to your payment on gasoline(汽油费帐单应该怎么说?). So, why not save the misery and expense and live in the city where you rightly belong. (这句话很别扭,但是我死都想不出怎么改了,大家帮我看下吧)
Secondly, if you can do without the few pastoral pleasure of the country, you will find the city can provide you with the best that life can offer. First of all, I can enjoy the charming places (可以这么写吗?)in films, exhibitions and plays whenever I want, while my country acquaintances only come up to city one or two times a year to visit these places as a special treat, for them this is a major operation involves considerable planning. additionly, shopping is invariable a pleasure, in cities, there is so much variaty that you never have to make do with second best, but when you go countries and face the poor selection of goods in shops, you would be repentant to leave the city.
Finally, more job opportunities are waiting for you in the cities than in the rural places. Both our experiences and common sense indicate that, If you are the breadowner of your family and want a stabilization income, or you are a graduated student who itch to realize your cause, the best place to chase your dream is the big cities. (自认这句写的很不好,长,复杂,让人不容易看懂)Simply because the more corporations, factories and shops there are(这个there are 用的对不对??) the more people are needed to work, to operate and to serve.Countryside, however, is more suitable to visit on weekend and it is only a excellent place to enjoy the clean atmosphere, the closeness to nature and the gentle pace
of living. in conclude, cities are the places for all you ambitious guys(是不是太口语了?应该怎么改?).
In sum, all the things such as the first cockcrow, the twittering of birds at dawn, the sight of the rising sun glinting on the trees and pastures in the country can not make me feel that I would prefer to live in the country when I think much of the merits of living in the city.(又是一个长句子,要怎么改比较好?)
“汽油费帐单”可以直接用gasoline吧，没必要写得那么具体吧……
"Both our experiences and common sense indicate that, If you are the breadowner of your family and want a stabilization income, or you are a graduated student who itch to realize your cause, the best place to chase your dream is the big cities."这个句子还是蛮好懂的，像中文的感觉。
另外，"cities are the places for all you ambitious guys" 感觉怪怪的
PS：不晓得你的老师有没有跟你提过这类essay中最好使用第三人称，显得客观点
Finally, more job opportunities are waiting for you in the cities than in the rural places. Both our experiences and common sense indicate that, If you are the breadowner of your family and want a stabilization income, or you are a graduated student who itch to realize your cause, the best place to chase your dream is the big cities. (自认这句写的很不好,长,复杂,让人不容易看懂)Simply because the more corporations, factories and shops there are(这个there are 用的对不对??) the more people are needed to work, to operate and to serve.Countryside, however, is more suitable to visit on weekend and it is only a excellent place to enjoy the clean atmosphere, the closeness to nature and the gentle pace of living. in conclude, cities are the places for all you ambitious guys(是不是太口语了?应该怎么改?).
(Finally, no more job opportunities are provided in other places than those in big cities. Cities, definitely, are centers of economy, manufactory, and services which bring birth to a large number of occupational chances. No matter what level their education is, anyone can readily hunt jobs in cities. However, in small town, farming is the only opportunity that people there engage in and never avoid. Occasionally seasonal disease will inevitably devour the whole yearly income. Hence, from my perspective, as the primary breadwinner in family, I more likely incline to stay in cities to obtain a stabilized job, rather than, as a farmer, live in rural areas to suffer the reality of goods scarce and finance risk.)
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