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标题: (AI5)平生第一篇英语作文,请大家帮忙看看。还有9天考试 [打印本页]

作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-15 00:21
标题: (AI5)平生第一篇英语作文,请大家帮忙看看。还有9天考试

5. “All groups and organizations should function as teams in which everyone makes decisions and shares responsibilities and duties. Giving one person central authority and responsibility for a project or task is not an effective way to get work done.”

“所有的团体和组织都应该作为一个每个人都参与决定、分享责任和义务的团队来运作。给予一个人关于一个项目和行动的集中的权威和责任不是完成工作的有效方式。”  

In practice, faced with the dilemma whether to make decisions and share responsibilities and duties to everyone or to give one person central authority and responsibility for a project or task, different people hold different views because of their distinct backgrounds. Some assert that sharing responsibilities and duties by all group numbers is the most accurate way to get work done, while other people believe that giving one person central authority and responsibility for a project abridge much time spent on negotiation. As far as I’m concerned, it is the more effective way that all groups and organizations can function as teams in which everyone makes decisions and shares responsibilities and duties if we can avoid ineffective negotiation and reduce the negative interaction with each other. My opinion can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

Admittedly, no one can deny the basic fact that concentrating authority and responsibility on one person is a rapid way to get work done in some conditions. However, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to claim because the rapid way does not mean the effective way. When one person hold central authority, he or she may make a mistake that lead the project or task to fail. It is widely acknowledged that success of the project is more important than speed. Examining the advantage and disadvantage that one person hold central authority and responsibility for a project or task , we can draw the conclusion that giving one person central authority and responsibility for a project or task is not an effective way to get wok done.

Instead, the important reason that can be presented to develop my position that more person generate more energy to take the work.. Different people have different ability , combined to finish a whole work. A good example that may be found in the case is football team-someone who is good at running can carry on shooting and others who are well skilled in controlling ball can hand down football. Just imagine what would be like if a football team has only runner. Hence, it is obvious that all operating as teams in which everyone makes decisions and shares responsibilities and duties is the productive method.

However, we should pay attention to avoid the case that number of team speed much time on negotiating and make negative interaction.

Given the reasons discussed above, which are corrected with each other can generate an organic whole and achieve a more persuasive conclusion. Now, we may safely conclude that sharing responsibilities and duties is the most effective means if we can avoid ineffective negotiation and reduce the negative interaction with each other.

真的是第一次用英文写东东,过程及其痛苦,远非“难产”能以形容,足足写了四个小时:(

而且还是用了模板的,基本上除了模板,其他一个单词都想不起来,超过5个字母的单词就有拼错的可能。

因为字数超过四百了,所以倒数第二段是实在不想写了。

写的超级简单的理由,不要笑偶,因为如果写复杂一点的,我就更想不出有什么单词可以用了。

还有10天,不,现在是15日了,还有9天就考试了。

该怎么办呢?接下来的9个晚上该怎么练习才能提高呢,4.5分我就心满意足了。



作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-15 01:25

In practice, faced with the dilemma whether to make decisions and share responsibilities and duties to everyone or to give one person central authority and responsibility for a project or task, different people hold different views because of their distinct backgrounds. Some assert that sharing responsibilities and duties by all group numbers is the most accurate way to get work done, while other people believe that giving one person central authority and responsibility for a project abridge much time spent on negotiation. As far as I’m (I am) concerned, it is the more effective way that all groups and organizations can function as teams in which everyone makes decisions and shares responsibilities and duties if we can avoid ineffective negotiation and reduce the negative interaction with each other. My opinion can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

Admittedly, no one can deny the basic fact that concentrating authority and responsibility on one person is a rapid way to get work done in some conditions. However, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to claim because the rapid way does not mean the effective way. When one person hold central authority, he or she may make a mistake that lead the project or task to fail. It is widely acknowledged that success of the project is more important than speed. Examining the advantage and disadvantage that one person hold central authority and responsibility for a project or task , we can draw the conclusion that giving one person central authority and responsibility for a project or task is not an effective way to get wok done.

Instead, the important reason that can be presented to develop my position that more person generate more energy to take the work. Different people have different ability, combined to finish a whole work. A good example that may be found in the case is football team-someone who is good at running can carry on shooting and others who are well skilled in controlling ball can hand down football. Just imagine what would be like if a football team has only runner.(不要让考官imagine,为什么不自己把what it would be like写出来呢?) Hence, it is obvious that all operating as teams in which everyone makes decisions and shares responsibilities and duties is the productive method. (这一句的意思表达不明确)

However, we should pay attention to avoid the case that number of team speed much time on negotiating and make negative interaction.

Given the reasons discussed above, which are corrected with each other can generate an organic whole and achieve a more persuasive conclusion. Now, we may safely conclude that sharing responsibilities and duties is the most effective means if we can avoid ineffective negotiation and reduce the negative interaction with each other.

第一次写作只要写完就是成功,虽然时间紧了点,不过一定坚持剩下几天每天一篇。考试的时候4.5分没问题的。

除了个别的拼写问题外,最好能再内容上再把话说得完整一些。能举例则举例,第一段可以引用一个谚语:what is the use of running if you are not on the right way. German Proverb

另外,第一段不要写那么长,明显使用了魔板的,而且第一段并没有任何实质的论证,考官想看到的是言之有物的文章,而不是套话。

推荐看一些范文,看其中论证的展开方式。

 


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-15 10:19

哇,谢谢版主。这么晚还在帮我改作文。

我会每天练的。

不过我看过一些范文,都觉得自己是肯定写不出那样的层次的。

怎么说呢,就是我觉得我的英语输出能力仅仅就是this is 、there are的程度:(


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-15 14:29

那就背一篇范文

反复的背,背到自己张口就说英文的境界


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-15 19:47

背一篇?

背哪一篇?


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-15 20:04
随便找一篇范文
作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-15 20:35

版主,这是休克疗法吗?

背一遍就够了???


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-15 22:04

因为时间不多了,背一篇就能掌握几个很好的句式阿。

考试的时候多用几种分数就会高些


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-15 22:25
我连单词都想不起来:(
作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-15 23:04

今天又写了一篇。

不好意思,还是用模板了。大概被的太熟了,一开写就想到那几个句子,转不过来了。不过感觉比昨天用的顺了。

请再给看看,多谢了!!!!

11. “When someone achieves greatness in any field — such as the arts, science, politics, or business — that person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults.”

“当某些人在任何领域获得成功时,无论该领域是艺术科学政治还是商业,此人的成就比他或她的任何个人错误重要的多。”
   
 

In practice, faced with dilemma whether one person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults or one’s faults are more important than his or her achievements, different people hold different views because of their distinct backgrounds. As far as I am concerned, I believe that this issue is complex and controversial what has not universal answer. Under different conditions, we can draw the distinct conclusions. I assume that the most important judgment standard is the social influence taking by person’s achievement or faults.

Admittedly, no one can sure that he does not make any mistake in his whole life. So we can not negate person’s achievement because of his or her personal faults. Likewise, we can not ignore person’s error because of his or her achievements. For example, Mao, who released Chinese from aggression of other nations and became the first president of new Chinese, made more serious mistakes such as “great culture revolution”, which brought huge disease to hundreds and thousands people. Examining the faults and achievement of Mao, we hardly do not reach the conclusion that his achievements are more important than any his of faults. Are his faults more important than his achievements? I also do not conclude this issue.

Instead, when it comes to which one is more important, greatness or fault., the more appropriate standard is the social influence, the benefit drawn from person’s achievements and the disease taking from person’s error. If the benefit drawn from person’s achievement is greater than the disease taking from person’s error, we can point out that person’s greatness is more important than his or her fault. The same example discussed above, Mao , may be found in the case that judging the social influence of his greatness and fault we can assert that his achievement and error are equally important.

Given the reasons discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that we should evaluate a person by considering both of the faults or the achievements rather than by claiming one of them.

 

 


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-4-15 23:06:13编辑过]

作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-15 23:24
先说一句,太短了吧
作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-15 23:37

In practice, faced with dilemma whether one person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults or one’s faults are more important than his or her achievementsnot, different people hold different views because of their distinct backgrounds. As far as I am concerned, I believe that this issue is complex and controversial what has not universal answer. Under different conditions, we can draw the distinct conclusions. I assume that the most important judgment standard is the social influence taking by person’s achievement or faults.

 

Admittedly, no one can sure that he does not make any mistake in his whole life. So we can not negate a person’s achievement because of his or her personal faults. Likewise, we can not ignore a person’s error because of his or her achievements. For example, Mao, who released (liberated) Chinese from aggression of other nations and became the first president (chairman) of new Chinese, made more serious mistakes such as “great culture revolution”, which brought huge disease(disaster) to hundreds and thousands of people. Examining the faults and achievement of Mao, we hardly do not reach the conclusion that his achievements are more important than any his of faults. Are his faults more important than his achievements? I also do not conclude this issue.

 

Instead, when it comes to which one is more important, greatness or fault, the more appropriate standard is the social influence, the benefit drawn from person’s achievements and the disease taking from a person’s error. If the benefit drawn from a person’s achievement is greater than the disease taking from person’s error, we can point out that person’s greatness is more important than his or her fault. The same example discussed above, Mao, may be found in the case that judging the social influence of his greatness and fault we can assert that his achievement and error are equally important. (这一段语言太单调)

 

Given the reasons discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that we should evaluate a person by considering both of the faults or the achievements rather than by claiming one of them.

 


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-16 09:54

多谢版主

好多低级错误:(

还有第三段“语言太单调”版主是说我阐述的内容太单调,还是句型使用太单调了?


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-16 23:15

第三篇,用了2个小时左右。算进步吧,只是离半个小时还是太远:(

87. “As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business.”

“当某项特定服务的技术和需求改变时,很多工人将失业。适应这种改变的责任属于每个工人而不是政府或企业。”

Who should response for worker’s losing jobs because of the changes of the technologies and the demand for certain services? Different people hold different views due to their distinct stand. Some people assert that the responsibility for these people who lose their jobs to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker rather than to government or to business. Unfortunately, I could not agree with them. As far as I am concerned, I believed that both individual, government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change.

Admittedly, no one can obstruct social development. As social developing, technologies and the demand for certain services change more and more. If someone does not hold such technology and suit the demand, he or she will lose his/her job. What a pity for everyone! Thomas Middleton, British writer, said that never too old to learn. To keep social developing and avoid out of  technology changes, everyone should study in whole life

Furthermore, too many unemployed people may shank social steadily and give negative influence to business. Hence, both government and business also have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change. On the one hand, business should organize some training about new technology for workers rather than discard all person because operating new technology also need workers. Contrast with compensating worker, training worker is more economic method.

On the other hand, government also has the responsibility for those people to adjust to such change. Firstly, government can give insurance for unemployment to solve in part the economical problem of those unemployed family. In additional, government can organize regularly training, being different from business, that refer to new trend of certain service. Furthermore, to encourage people form the business himself, government can make some policy that advantage those unemployed person, the benefit that includes prolonging the time of returning money , reducing the mortgage value and so on. All behavior will not only help those unemployed people but also improve economical development.

In sum, given the reasons discussed above, we can make a more convincing conclusion by both of them than by one of them. Hence, we can safely reach the conclusion that both individual , government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change that be occurred by new technology and new demand for certain service.


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-17 01:42
以下是引用kitebird在2007-4-16 9:54:00的发言:

多谢版主

好多低级错误:(

还有第三段“语言太单调”版主是说我阐述的内容太单调,还是句型使用太单调了?

both


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-17 01:55

Who should response for worker’s losing jobs because of the changes of the technologies and the demand for certain services? Different people hold different views due to their distinct stand. Some people assert that the responsibility for these people who lose their jobsfail
            to adjust to such changes should belong to the individual worker rather than to government or to business. Unfortunately, I could not agree with them. As far as I am concerned, I believed that both(
删去) individual, government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change.

 

Admittedly, no one can obstruct social development. As social developingsociety develops, technologies and the demand for certain services change more and more. If someone does not hold such technology and suit the demand, he or she will lose his/her job. What a pity for everyone! Thomas Middleton, British writer, said that never too old to learn. To keep social developing and avoid out of technology changes(To keep pace with developing society and changing technologies), everyone should study in whole life

 

Furthermore, too many unemployed people may shank social steadily and give negative influence to business. Hence, both government and business also have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change. On the one hand, business should organize some training about new technology for workers rather than discard all person because operating new technology also need workers. Contrast with compensating worker, training worker is a more economic method.

 

On the other hand, government also has the responsibility for those people to adjust to such change. Firstly, government can give insurance for unemployment to solve in part the economical problem of those unemployed family. In additional(addition), government can organize regularly(regular) training, being different from business, that refer to new trend of certain service. Furthermore, to encourage people form the(to start their own) business himself, government can make some policy that advantage those unemployed person, the benefit that includes prolonging the time of returning money , reducing the mortgage value and so on. All behavior will not only help those unemployed people but also improve economicaleconomic development.

 

In sum, given the reasons discussed above, we can make a more convincing conclusion by both of them than by one of them.(这句话其实没有实际意义,除非你写得更具体) Hence, we can safely reach the conclusion that both individual, government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change that be occurred by new technology and new demand for certain service.

注意单复数。

同一个表达不要用得太多。

你每写一篇都可以找相应的范文对照,看某些表达怎么说。实在不行就记一些常用的,比如科技和生活的关系,个人与社会这些都是经常可以扯到的话题。


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-17 11:02

谢谢.

也看过范文,总是觉得跟自己的思路差太远了.

我今晚去看范文先


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-18 00:32

嘻嘻,看了范文,结果还是写出了一篇跟范文截然相反的:(

真不知道是不是我思路怪异。

最后一篇AI,再这么写下去,80就看不完了。

In practice, faced with the dilemma which one is the main provider of individual opportunity in our society, education or money? Different people hold different views because of their distinct stand and experience. Some people assume that education is so important that become the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. As far as I am concerned, I believe that property and education are equally important for one’s success in life. My assumption will be greatly substantiated by the following discussion.

Admittedly, no one can deny the basic fact that education has become more and more significant as the provider of person’s opportunity. There is nothing can be better than education in providing us with all kinds of knowledge and skills demanded in our job and life. However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to claim that property and money are not the main element factor of individual chance of success.

Instead, we have to be faced with the reluctant fact that property and money can provide the opportunity of receiving education in some condition. Actually, the information that I have noticed over last few years leads me to point out that a lot of people, especially the poorest people who live in the lowest live standard in our social, may suffer the dilemma that give up the opportunity of education because of lacking the tuition. These people all are want to study to change their life and also understand that education is the key element to ensure success in life. In such condition, property and money have become the necessary factor.

Furthermore , education can teach us the all kinds of knowledge and skills from books rather than the experience and common sense to solve every problem in our life, the latter that also are important factor to ensure success. After leaving school, we will undergo all kinds of question, many of which are out of books. To catch success, we must solve these problems by using our experience and common sense collected from our whole life. The essential property, but not abounding wealth , can improve us to collect all kinds of experience.

In sum, given the reasons mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that education is probably the main factor in opening doors to success for a lot of young people, but property and money are also equally important keys to success for the poor who have not enough money for tuition and increasing the additional experience that is different from knowledge from the books.


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-18 01:20

In practice, faced with the dilemma which one is the main provider of individual opportunity in our society, education or money? Different people hold different views because of their distinct stand and experience. Some people assume that education is so important that it becomes the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. As far as I am concerned, I believe that property and education are equally important for one’s success in life. My assumption will be greatly substantiated by the following discussion.

 

Admittedly, no one can deny the basic fact that education has become more and more significant as the provider of person’s opportunity. There is nothing can be better than education in providing us with all kinds of knowledge and skills demanded in our job and life. (这句话如果不延展说一下,等于没说。你可以举例说中国拼命学习要上学,要去美国,不就是为了获得知识和技能?可以多写30-50个字)However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to claim that property and money are not the main element factor of individual chance of success.

 

Instead, we have to be faced withface the reluctant fact that property and money can provide the opportunity of receiving education in some condition. Actually, the information that I have noticed over last few years leads me to point out that a lot of people, especially the poorest people who live in the lowest live standard in our social, may suffer the dilemma that give up the opportunity of education because of lacking the tuition. These people all are want to study to change their life and also understand that education is the key element to ensure success in life. In such condition, property and money have become the necessary factor. (这一段很好,逻辑上继承了前面的文章,并且内部有展开)

 

Furthermore, education can teach us the all kinds of knowledge and skills from books rather than the experience and common sense to solve every problem in our life, the latter that also are important factor to ensure success. After leaving school, we will undergo all kinds of question, many of which are out of books. To catch success, we must solve these problems by using our experience and common sense collected from our whole life. The essential property, but not abounding wealth, can improve us to collect all kinds of experience.

 

In sum, given the reasons mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that education is probably the main factor in opening doors to success for a lot of young people, but property and money are also equally important keys to success for the poor who have not enough money for tuition and increasing the additional experience that is different from knowledge from the books.

每段中间空一行

我没标记的地方并不是说没问题,不过你时间比较紧,不用管那些了。只要不犯低级错误,而且段落内部注意展开论证,4.5以上没问题


作者: kitebird    时间: 2007-4-21 21:21

今天写了一篇AA,两天不打,手就生了。给看看,还有3天

A3

The Largo Piano Company has long been known for producing carefully handcrafted, expensive pianos used by leading concert pianists. During the past few years, however, our revenue have declined; meanwhile, the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company introduced a line of inexpensive digital pianos and then saw its revenues increase. In order to increase Largo’s sales and in fact revenues increase, we should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety outsell of price ranges. Our digital pianos would be likely to find instant acceptance with customers, since they would be associated with the prestigious Largo name.

 

In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that Largo Piano Company should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety outsell of price rangers to increase Largo’s sales and revenues. To support the argument, the author points out the fact that the company’s revenue have declined during the past few years. Furthermore, he also cites the example that after introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos, the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company sew its increase revenue . Closely examining the author’s logical and reasoning, we find that neither of these reasons provides sufficient support for the conclusion and this argument suffers two serious logical flaws.

 

In the first place, the author commits the “after this and therefore because of this” fallacy where the author assumes that the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company’s revenue increase occurred after the company introduce a line of digital pianos, the introducing of a line of digital pianos was responsible for the increase of the Allegro company’s revenue. However, the relationship between two issue mentioned above cannot establish the causality relationship. In fact, the author may ignore the possibility of the other alternative factors such as large advertisement of the Allegro Company, which may contribute to the increase in the revenue of he Allegro Company. It may be only a coincidence that the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company saw its increase revenue after introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos. Unless the author rules out the possibility of the other alternative factors, the argument is in question and cannot be accepted.

 

In the second place, the author fails to assume that the Largo Company can achieve the same results as the Allegro Company, if the Largo Company also introduces a line of digital pianos. Nevertheless the argument uses a faulty analogy between the Allegro Company and the Largo Company, analogies drawn between the two fields are highly suspect because there are many serious differences. The Largo Piano Company, for example, has long been known for producing carefully handcrafted, expensive pianos used by leading concert pianists. But the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company met the demand of common customers instead of the performer’s. So dissimilar that the Largo company is unlikely to experience the same consequence if the company adopts the strategy of the Allegro company.

 

In sum, the author commits the above discussed logical mistakes and fails to consider the whole situation comprehensively, his ideas should not be adopted. To make the argument logical acceptable, the author should provide additional information listed in the previous analysis. Buttressed with more evidence, the argument can be more convincing.


作者: rio    时间: 2007-4-22 01:45

 In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that Largo Piano Company should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety outsell of price rangers to increase Largo’s sales and revenues. To support the argument, the author points out the fact that the company’s revenues have declined during the past few years. Furthermore, he also cites the example that after introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos, the Allegro Musical Instrument Company sew its increase revenue(revenues increased). Closely examining the author’s logical and reasoning, we can find that neither of these reasons provides sufficient support for the conclusion and this argument suffers two serious logical flaws.

 

In the first place, the author commits the “after this and therefore because of this” fallacy where the author assumes that the Allegro Musical Instrument Company’s revenue increase occurred after the company introduce(introduced) a line of digital pianos, the introducing(introduction) of a line of digital pianos was responsible for the increase of the Allegro company’s revenue. However, the relationship between two issue mentioned above cannot establish the causality relationship. In fact, the author may ignore the possibility of the other alternative factors such as large advertisement of the Allegro Company, which may contribute to the increase in the revenue of the Allegro Company. It may be only a coincidence that the Allegro Musical Instrument Company saw its increase revenue after introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos. Unless the author rules out the possibility of the other alternative factors, the argument is in question and cannot be accepted.

 

In the second place, the author fails to assume that the Largo Company can achieve the same results as the Allegro Company, if the Largo Company also introduces a line of digital pianos. Nevertheless the argument uses a faulty(false) analogy between the Allegro Company and the Largo Company; analogies drawn between the two fields are highly suspect because there are many serious differences. The Largo Piano Company, for example, has long been known for producing carefully handcrafted, expensive pianos used by leading concert pianists. But the Allegro Musical Instrument Company met the demand of common customers instead of the performer’s(performers). So dissimilar that the Largo company is unlikely to experience the same consequence if the company adopts the strategy of the Allegro company.

 

In sum, the author commits the above discussed logical mistakes and fails to consider the whole situation comprehensively, his ideas should not be adopted. To make the argument logically acceptable, the author should provide additional information listed in the previous analysis. Buttressed with more evidence, the argument can be more convincing.(这一句话和之前一句是一个意思吧)

 

 


作者: TheSolution    时间: 2009-7-26 20:50
up!




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