AI013, 一月的jj, 大家帮忙看看阿 - ChaseDream

As I discussed above, the belongings of responsibility for natural environment is not an either-or choice. Taking together the merits of the two, namely, individual and governments, we could expect a better achievement.

以下是引用enjoyvalley在2006-1-23 20:51:00的发言：

第一次写，觉得写了好多错别字阿（现在是改过错字的，还改了一个an either-or choice...）另外就是写了好多environment, responsibility,也不知道行不行。现在心里比较没底，这个没有400字，那位nn指点一下我现在大概的水平阿，谢谢啦。

13. “Responsibility for preserving the natural environment ultimately belongs to each individual person, not to government.”

The speaker asserts that responsibility for preserving the natural environment ultimately belongs to each individual person, not to government. To some extent, I agree with it - on the basis that individual efforts are counted in every steps (every step吧?)of natural environment preservation. However, the environmental problem is also the government's responsibility. The nation should implement such duty by providing funds, setting regulations & guidelines, ect. The combination of the two will result in a good future for the natural environment.

First of all, each person, as individual, should take on the responsibility of 介词用for吧你上一段用的还是for那protecting environment. Small things, such as keeping the cars running at oil-sufficient level, never let(letting?) the room too cold when using the air-conditioners, would result in saving energy effectively, therefore, stop(逗号去掉,变为stoping) wasting the natural resources. Admittedly, not everyone are taking actions of or even willing to preserving our environment. Thus, it is even more urgent to remind ourselves this heavy burden. Nevertheless, great enhancement could also be made by individual. Consider Wangari Maathan, the Noble Price winner of 2004, she, along with her Green Women Belt, planted tens of thousands of trees in Africa. Not only contributes to the environmental protection, she 用在not only前面比较好吧but also improves the local environment.

Secondly, (是不是用转折连接一下两个论点比较好?)we cannot ignore the government's role in this great task. People, sometimes, cannot refrain their unbridled desire and greed, (逗号应该去掉,怎么觉得我象在做sc)and turn to overlook their responsibilities for the environment in order to get short term benefit. It is (time)when we need governments step in; (分号后面直接用谓语动词不对吧应该有主语)help us rebound behaviors by regulations, even law by punishing the misbehaviors, such as pollution, waste of energy and so on. Virtually, every country has environmental related rules for businesses and individuals to follow. This is a demonstration of how they are taking their responsibilities. Moreover, the funding from the government is a must for environmental preserve. The National Park System in the US is a great example to illustrate this point. Without the nation's consideration, organization and finance, we cannot imagine such a great, long-term project, let alone about the huge environmental consequences from this project.

As I (what I have )discussed above, the belongings of responsibility for natural environment is 该句主谓不一致not an either-or choice. Taking together the merits of the two, namely, individual and governments, we could expect a better achievement.

感觉例子举的比较好,有些表达怪怪的,建议多看范文和闪光句,另外用了太多被动语态,