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标题: 刚刚刚刚写了篇argument,刚刚400字.指教了.AA027 [打印本页]

作者: 12345678912345 时间: 2005-9-27 09:07
标题: 刚刚刚刚写了篇argument,刚刚400字.指教了.AA027

关于那些有说服力,什么说明,证明,证据啊什么的专业术语实在觉得匮乏啊,哪位高人可以再给一些词汇与我啊?不甚感激啊,先谢过了

AA027 The following appeared in a newspaper editorial.

“As violence in movies increases, so do crime rates in our cities. To combat this problem we must establish a board to censor certain

movies, or we must limit admission to persons over 21 years of age. Apparently our legislators are not concerned about this issue since a

bill calling for such actions recently failed to receive a majority vote.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The author suggests that a board must be established to censor certain movies, or we must limit admission to persons over 21 years of age for certain movies, based on that as violence in movies increases, so do crime rates in our cities. Furthermore, the author blames that the legislators are not concerned about this issue since a bill calling for such action didn't pass the vote. However, there are some flaws making the argument unconvincing.

To begin with, the author assumes that the increase in violence in movies is the cause of the increase in crime rates in our cities. But the author does not supply any evidence to demonstrate this assumption. Maybe the increasing crimes in our cities caused the increase in movies, since most movies' contexts are the reflection of society. Without persuasive evidence, we cannot attribute the increasing crime rate to the increase in violence in movies.

What's more, the author suggests that the admission should be limited to persons over 21. The author simply suggests such limitation, but hasn't given out any reason. Is it the case that person over 21 years old is mature in psychology and won't be influenced by the movies? There is no research supporting it. Perhaps people beyond 18 is mature and self -controlling enough to expose to violence movies, and maybe even people above 21 is liable to imitate the violence in the movie. So it lacks supports for the 21 years old criterion for violence exposure.

finally, the author thinks the failure of the bill calling for the action is out of the indifference of the legislators. However, maybe the legislators have a much better plan to decrease the crime rates rather than the ones recommended by the author, and that's why the bill didn't be passed. The evidence cited by the author is not sound enough to reach the conclusion that the legislators are not concerned about the issue.

To sum up, the author's recommendation is not logically solid for several aspects. To make it more sound, the author should demonstrate the increase in the crime rates is caused by the increase in violence in movies, and give out the reason why limit admission only to people above 21 years old. To better assess the argument, we should know whether the legislators simply decline the bill and have no other actions to take to deal with such issue?

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-9-30 7:54:07编辑过]

作者: claudius77 时间: 2005-9-27 11:37

先申明不是NN, 也是菜菜一个，随便参考一下吧。

我觉得似乎在论证中用了太多的maybe/perhaps，去用一个可能的状况/假设来否定另一个不可靠的推论，这样有点缺乏力度。先指出逻辑错误，指出两者缺乏必然因果联系，然后用尽可能多的公认的东西和常识，或者某些类比，而不是简单的举出具体的某种情形假设和猜测，来驳坼可能更有说服力吧。

例如：

比如这一段，我觉得可以先谈谈构成犯罪的多种客观的复杂因素，比如家庭教育，城市治安，贫富差距，离婚率，教育水平等。你已经提到了reflection of the society，可以进一步清晰的阐明电影中的暴力是一个相对独立于犯罪率的因素，或至少不是导致后者上升的原因，比如电影虽然是一个社会的部分反映和缩影，同时作为一种艺术，它又并非完全真实的，更多的是出于艺术价值和吸引观众。而且事实上绝大多数的观众能够清晰的分辨电影和生活，例如天下无贼，虽然广受欢迎，但并未有任何报道表明观众在观看这部影片之后决心投身这个行业的。可见两者并无任何显著的因果关联。

作者: happyfish0517 时间: 2005-9-27 19:36
把题号给写在标题中把！遵守版规，多谢合作！！

作者: 12345678912345 时间: 2005-9-27 22:11

to claudius的建议不错哦,我写的时候也为自己的maybes担忧了,苦于没有解救的办法,看来来个for instance,example的确实是不错的主义.先谢过.我写的时候超过时间了,这是我写的第二篇文章,第一篇就300字

to happyfish,我是新手,不懂规矩.题号是不是AA**?下回一定改正了.

作者: happyfish0517 时间: 2005-9-27 22:21

对的啊~AA***数字写三位的~

用帖子右下角的“编辑”功能就可以改正标题了~不用等下次，嘿嘿！

作者: 12345678912345 时间: 2005-9-28 01:20

好push的斑竹啊,改正啦.我也不知道是哪一题,在那一个个地往下数.当时抽的是随机的.学习啦学习啦.

作者: happyfish0517 时间: 2005-9-29 23:01
晕倒~新的一篇还是没写在标题上！！

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