ChaseDream

标题: [紧急求助！]最后38小时，请NN指正作文！AI012 [打印本页]

作者: claudius77 时间: 2005-9-26 18:16
标题: [紧急求助！]最后38小时，请NN指正作文！AI012
各位CD兄弟，大家好

之前以为作文好容易，一点都没看，都快忘了有这个项目了，结果到了今天才想起来复习，发现好难阿，就明天最后一天啦 5555~~~~

也只好利用最后的时刻再练几篇了, 请大家一定一定指正，有什么明显的问题，还有大概能有什么个分数,小弟先谢过了！

先来篇Issue #12的，其他题目的写了再接着发上来。

12. “Education has become the main provider of individual opportunity
in our society. Just as property and money once were the keys to
success, education has now become the element that most ensures success
in life.”

People may come up with all kinds of answers toward the issue “What is
the key element to ensure success in life”. Based on my own
experience and observation, I would definitely agree with the spoker
here: education is the most important factor for people who wants to
become sucessful in today's society, no matter of his profession,
gender, age, nationality and etc.

Firstly, education gives people most of the knowledge that would be
useful throughout his life, whreas knowledge is often considered the
most valuable resource in the information society. Let's take a recent
example, in 1999 two PhD candidates from Stanford University started
their Internet search engine firm named Google, with nothing but their
knowledge and expertise,and today Google become one of the largest IT
company in the world. As co-founders of Google, they soonly became
billionares and also well respected entrepreneurs, while all of these
happened in only five years. This example demonstrates how knowledge
could help an ordinary person, without great family background or large
amount of money, to achieve such an enormous success, both economical
and social.

Furthermore, the education that a person received greatly affects, if
not determines, almost every aspect of his life, including the way he
deals with things and people, language(s) he speaks, his alumni/friends
network, his political and social level, and etc. As we all know, these
things are the most fundamental issues that either directly or
indirectly decides whether or not a person will become successful, and
how big his achievement might be.

Lastly, education nowadays is much more accessible than any other time
before. Unlike centuries ago, while education, esp. Higher education,
is only available to those riches or nobles, thus resulting in the fact
that most of the people's life is still determined by the money and
property they and their family own, simply because children from poor
families did not have the money to receive good eduation, even though
the latter could definitely change their life. Today, most of the
nation's colleges and universities provide scholarships and
low-interest loans to both domestic and international students to help
them complete their college education, as long as they are qualified
acadamicly.

Therefore, based on the reasons and facts presented above, that
education has the power to greatly improve people's life, and that, in
the meantime, education is accessible to most of the people independant
of any other factors such as money or family background, the conclusion
could be drawn that education is the main provider of oppurtunies to
individuals in our society.

作者: claudius77 时间: 2005-9-26 18:46
自己先顶一个了！各位路过的给点指教吧...

作者: smallball 时间: 2005-9-26 20:41

单看字数，我觉得楼主很了不起了

语言也很不错。

后天考试吗？

加油！！！

作者: dearjane 时间: 2005-9-26 21:23

啊呀，和我一天考，我半小时也就写你的三分之二，羡慕的我流口水！

作者: dearjane 时间: 2005-9-26 21:28

Firstly, education gives people most of the knowledge that would be
useful throughout his life, whreas knowledge is often considered the
most valuable resource in the information society. Let's take a recent
example, （感觉应该用句号）in 1999 two PhD candidates from Stanford University started
their Internet search engine firm named Google, with nothing but their
knowledge and expertise,and today Google become one of the largest IT
company in the world. As co-founders of Google, they soonly became
billionares and also well respected entrepreneurs, while all of these
happened in only five years. This example demonstrates how knowledge
could help an ordinary person, without great family background or large
amount of money, to achieve such an enormous success, both economical
and social.