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标题: 我的几篇作文，经过美国同事改过，给大家借鉴 [打印本页]

作者: marinezheng 时间: 2005-9-22 17:12
标题: 我的几篇作文，经过美国同事改过，给大家借鉴

在ＣＤ上结识了很多朋友，我第二次考Ｔ，作文５分，第一次是４分．虽然不高，愿把几篇由美国同事改过的文章（包括改动过程）放上来供大家参考．本来又好几篇，但我电脑坏过一次就全没了，这几篇是刚从邮箱里找到的．

其实我考试时感觉特别不好，想必又会在作文上失利．虽然用了三个实例，但句子比较生硬．我想得５分的原因有：

１．篇幅比较长；

２．形头比较顺，但结尾很烂；

３．实例比较多．

正在写头疼的论文，感觉一关比一关难．努力

祝各位好运！！

[attach]41692[/attach]

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-9-22 17:17:20编辑过]

作者: marinezheng 时间: 2005-9-23 14:23

it seems nobody answers me, so i have to sit the first place. I see Likui here, really thanks Likui and Guandream who helped me a lot last year when i prepared for the first exam.

I think when you read the amended paper by the American guy, you can learn the different ways of American thinking. So it really has some value to read it.

作者: farsuccess 时间: 2005-9-26 13:51

Thanks a lot!

Good luck in future!

作者: stanci 时间: 2005-9-26 22:16

Thanks! I appreciated you shared your composer with us.

Hopefully to have a real conversation with you soon. Good Luck!

作者: 水滴石穿 时间: 2005-9-27 21:44
Thank you .you are so nice,could you give us more model essay?

作者: snow_mountain 时间: 2005-9-28 20:29
不错哦。写的挺好。尤其是没什么废话。

作者: marinezheng 时间: 2005-9-29 19:12

水滴石穿

all other essays were lost because my computer was attached by virsus. Really sorry

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-9-29 19:12:42编辑过]

作者: jade_lee 时间: 2005-9-29 21:33

Thank you for sharing.

I am worrying about TWE, which is the major reason for me to re-take TOFEL. I got 4.5 on 5T. I hope to get at least 5 on 10T, and today is my first day to start preparation.So I really appreciate your effort to help others, such as me, to improve our writing ability.

作者: zhidong_w 时间: 2005-9-30 16:12
thanks for sharing

作者: hncsxj 时间: 2005-10-7 07:18
好东西！

作者: Miyaki 时间: 2005-10-10 00:56
Succinct and prominent!!!

作者: kiscyn 时间: 2005-10-15 11:26
thanks for sharing

作者: juliasun 时间: 2005-10-18 10:22

昨天看了楼主的文章113，提点个人感觉。

开头和结尾均又把理由段里面的理由重复了一遍，感觉没有必要，特别是开头那里，显得罗嗦

理由段里面没有实例。看看下面这个理由段，论证的文字是写得不错，但是没有例子，

o begin with, a university located in my community can stimulate the needs for employee, thus reducing the unemployment pressure put on the local government. Moreover, with the increased employment rate, local residents will improve the quality of their lives, which will inspire the demand for goods. In turn, this will increase the supply of consumables and stimulate the development of the economy.

作者: nhda 时间: 2005-10-22 12:39

i'm sorry,i can't open it although i really like to.

i'm the new one here.so i don't understand what does the 5T,TWS etc mean?

作者: wolf911 时间: 2005-10-22 21:38
谢谢

作者: CAROLE 时间: 2005-10-28 03:04
good job

作者: maojinlu1983 时间: 2006-10-22 22:50
it is good.

作者: zhanglianleitj 时间: 2006-10-23 21:56
thank you for your sharing.

作者: caichengtao 时间: 2006-11-1 09:20

I really appreciate your warm affort!

thanks again, hope you fine in the future!

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-1 9:33:49编辑过]

作者: weiwei129a 时间: 2006-11-21 12:29

Iam preparing the new toefl on Dec.10 .

I really appreciate you

Many thanks and hugs

作者: adamlan 时间: 2007-3-5 16:32
there are so many students preparing for the exam.i am also among them.then i find the net,and thank u fou your writing .good luck to u,so do i.hehe

作者: stevelihui 时间: 2007-4-25 09:16

Thanx

作者: jingliu122 时间: 2007-4-28 17:01
step by step~

作者: yuwenyiyi 时间: 2007-7-4 14:51

非常感谢

你会有好运的^_^

作者: 正式睡觉 时间: 2007-7-9 17:06

3Q~

作者: dingyao166 时间: 2008-2-20 23:03
thank you sincerely

作者: 方丈 时间: 2008-2-25 19:05

Thank you for sharing!

Good luck for you!

作者: sf2004 时间: 2008-2-26 11:44

作者: xiny85 时间: 2008-3-1 15:39
thank you

作者: china101 时间: 2008-3-11 20:49
感谢喽！

作者: jinghuagao 时间: 2008-3-11 22:43
nice guy

作者: Gege格格 时间: 2008-3-17 14:00
谢谢楼主的分享啦！

作者: candy1111 时间: 2008-3-19 23:19

thankyou

作者: 经度纬度 时间: 2008-3-23 11:15
thank you! I appreciate it a lot!

作者: wflsjohnda 时间: 2008-4-13 16:50

好

作者: grace618 时间: 2008-4-15 02:39

thanks...........

作者: jeannin 时间: 2008-4-15 13:52
thanks

作者: ariel_psp 时间: 2008-4-23 22:56
sounds nice

作者: PXY_milan 时间: 2008-5-21 10:38
thanks for sharing!

作者: woairichu 时间: 2008-5-24 13:32
thanks a lot for your sharing and wish you good luck in the way of persuing your dream!

作者: wzpbsb 时间: 2008-8-4 15:42
Thanks for your kindness!

作者: 柠檬8 时间: 2008-10-1 15:42
写得很好啊

作者: sarahtian 时间: 2008-10-5 11:04

how nice of you~

Thanks for your sharing~

Best~

作者: 10风中诺言03 时间: 2008-10-5 22:45
谢谢！

作者: jrrdy 时间: 2008-10-6 18:42
good！

作者: 陈星君 时间: 2008-10-22 21:11

thanks

作者: 永恒骇客 时间: 2009-8-8 21:43
多谢！

作者: sorolee 时间: 2009-8-15 16:44
Have a look at it,tks

作者: liu208xj 时间: 2009-9-2 17:32

thank you for your disintresting sharing.

作者: xm881126 时间: 2009-9-5 15:13
谢谢

作者: doris3zy 时间: 2009-10-30 19:12
非常感谢~~~~

作者: eric13530910 时间: 2009-11-11 09:34
谢谢分享

作者: hzm1983 时间: 2010-1-17 22:01
many thanks

作者: canadoctor 时间: 2010-2-3 23:33
you are so great. you can make use of your workmate to practise English.you are so lucky.thank you anyway.

作者: chou_jaba 时间: 2010-2-8 21:45
that's a rlly good stuff :]

作者: mjsnoopy 时间: 2010-2-10 03:43
thanks for sharing ~~~ best~

作者: dishxue 时间: 2010-3-23 11:24
thanks~~wish you success and good luch~~

作者: icedlemon 时间: 2010-4-3 23:18
Are you FUFU?

作者: 伯纳乌的云 时间: 2010-4-5 19:21
顶贴攒人品，废话不多说，感谢

作者: wangzhenya95 时间: 2010-5-6 15:33
Thank you!

作者: duxuanzb 时间: 2010-5-11 00:01
谢谢

作者: dracula0535 时间: 2010-5-17 18:42
thanks, you are so nice

作者: weiruihua 时间: 2010-5-18 12:11
thanks for sharing

作者: buttbutter 时间: 2010-5-19 18:21
谢谢楼主分享~

作者: moment0802 时间: 2010-7-3 11:01
THX

作者: lxx0930 时间: 2010-7-12 22:46
好东西！

作者: cysteresa 时间: 2010-7-17 22:15
thanks for sharing~ good luck

作者: herollm 时间: 2010-8-14 08:15
谢谢楼主分享

作者: sunnyfangyuan 时间: 2010-9-3 17:57
thanks for sharing

作者: liuyanbaby 时间: 2010-10-1 02:10
thank u

作者: DorothyHong 时间: 2010-10-2 21:41
谢谢！！！

作者: leehappygirl 时间: 2010-10-12 21:09
thanks

作者: huangsuzy 时间: 2010-10-14 20:54
thanks and good luck

作者: pengtiansh 时间: 2010-11-21 21:29
Thx~

作者: lm88silence 时间: 2010-12-11 18:04
谢谢

作者: lovesiqi4665 时间: 2010-12-11 20:03
收下LZ的好作品了，谢谢LZ！

作者: tangxin0027 时间: 2011-1-20 23:56
谢谢~~看看native的表达

作者: laiyuyun 时间: 2011-2-4 01:23
thankyou

作者: majiaobfsu 时间: 2011-4-3 17:16
请问一下作文前面的序号是哪个上的啊？？

作者: facetosea 时间: 2011-4-7 12:36
Thanks for sharing.
I am busy in preparing the BEC Vantage, save it for learning later~~

作者: 644537190 时间: 2011-10-15 17:25
thanks for sharing

作者: houmiao123 时间: 2011-10-15 20:15
I really appreciate your share!

作者: jaejoong小抽 时间: 2011-10-16 10:54

thanks 4 sharing

作者: emiliana 时间: 2011-10-16 18:46

作者: ice44 时间: 2011-10-17 18:02
thanks for sharing

作者: xiuyuan 时间: 2011-10-27 17:41
thanks

作者: schonwang 时间: 2011-11-3 11:37
好，顶

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