AI031 我的第一篇习作，恳请NN指正 - ChaseDream

用论坛上下的练习软件，30分钟内完成。字数好像只有214。请牛牛指正

Some people may consider the financial gain as the most vital reason for them to select a career,while others may consider other factors such as the realiztion of their dream to become a CEO or the evaluation of their self-value.For me ,beside admitting that the financial gain is a necessarily means to live for myself and to support my family,I really regards my career of a proper filled to let me realize my personal value that I can contribute the our society.

On the one hand,our attitude towards work will differenct for different goals.Consider that a man join into a CPA firm just to earn enough money to pay off the debt to bank of his 20 years loan for realestate.Because he is really dislike this kind of work ,he may omitte some audit findings in some case if the futhure investiage will keep him work till the midnight,or tell lie to company that he have work overtime for about 80 hours a week to earn extra income for working over time while he have not really done so much work and even do not have willing to work hard and long.What I want to say through this sample is that if everyone regard earning money as first consideration,they may ruin the companies quickly.

以下是引用titatita在2005-7-3 20:27:00的发言：

用论坛上下的练习软件，30分钟内完成。字数好像只有214。请牛牛指正

不胜感激

Some people may consider the financial gain as the most vital reason for them to select a career,

1、select a career和前面some people不搭配，最好是select careers.

2、consider to be/ regard as吧~~而且G里面好像consider *** as/to be ***这里的as 或者to be 必须省略的吧？我语法不是很牛，lz可以去语法区再确定一下~

while others may consider other factors such as the realization of their dreams to become a CEO or the evaluation of their self-value.

1、consider sth sth...这里缺少第二个sth...用consider不是太好...用treasure或者regard...as 比较好，显得不重复~

2、同前，dream最好用复数，a CEO也不大合适，和前面their不搭~：）

For me ,besides admitting that the financial gain is a necessarily means to live for myself and to support my family,I really regards my career of a proper filled to let me realize my personal value that I can contribute the our society.

1、for me 不大正式，逗号前面的空格多余。可以改成as far as I concern, 或者In my opinion...之类的

2、逗号和句号后面，再下一句开始之前，要空格~

3、besides+doing我个人感觉也不是太好。

4、regard才和I搭配；contribute to.

5、regard as, 而不是of...后面a proper filled one，加上one比较合适。let me 也有点啰嗦的意思，可以去掉。

On the one hand,our attitude towards work will differenct for different goals.Consider that a man join into a CPA firm just to earn enough money to pay off the debt to bank of his 20 years loan for real estate.Because he is really dislike this kind of work ,he may omitte some audit findings in some case if the futhure investiage will keep him work till the midnight,or tell lie to company that he have work overtime for about 80 hours a week to earn extra income for working over time while he have not really done so much work and even do not have willing to work hard and long.What I want to say through this sample is that if everyone regards earning money as first consideration,they may ruin the companies quickly.

1、逗号之后的空格

2、for表原因不是太好，这里用because of 比较好吧~

3、我知道join in,但是不是太确定可不可以join into...gg可以再确定一下！~

4、till midnight就好，不用the啦~

5、sample不如example或者instance...

6、everyone后面要用第三人称单数，everyone和后面的they不搭配。可以把everyone改成most people...之类的

就gg的现有的第一篇习作来说，还是不太习惯awa的写法，有些搭配和前后单复数的一致性没有注意到，拼写也有些手误~同时还要注意写完每句话之后的空格~这都是初写者常犯的错误。不用灰心~多练之后很快就能得到改善的~~：）

建议gg把写好的文章先贴到word里面利用拼写检查，先检查一遍，看看有哪些单词或者字母容易漏打或者是打错（这可能是键盘的问题，比如我的本本键盘的m就不是太灵光...）

至于逻辑构思方面，因为文章不完整，我也没办法评价太多。对于作者的观点你是大负小正，不同意以财务方面作为择业最重要的标准。所以第一段应该明确提出自己的观点，例如：the author's conclusion seems to be unconvincing in the light of a more persuasive assertion that...主题句上！

然后二段三段列举两个反对的原因，四段让步一下，讲述财务标准也有一些道理。

以下是引用happyfish0517在2005-7-4 1:01:00的发言：

写完之后，问你“DO YOU WANT TO SAVE IT”

按YES...然后DO YOU WANT TO START ANOTHER QUESTION...

这时候记住你刚才所写的题号，按YES

在主页面上，选择你刚才写过的题号，进入

按HELP...

出现文字和题目...

CTRL+A全选，CTRL+C复制

再到WORD里面CTRL+V粘贴就OKAY啦...

这个好像比较麻烦...主要就是为了也能看到题目...

如果不需要看到题目，就写完后全选再复制就OKAY啦~~

在看了黄金80题中的约10个issue和10个argument以后开始写这第一篇，

范文再好，自己再30分钟内写的时候，什么好句子也想不出来，写的也特口语话。