开贴留念-狂虐托福作文

GJason

The movies and television play extremely important roles in human society. The debate whether the movies and television produce more positive influences on adolescent than negative ones has been widely discussed by public. An increasing number of people maintain that the movies and television are harmful to the growth of personality. However, this view is questioned by more and more people who claim that movies and television contribute directly to the development of personality for young people. The information I have collected for many years leads me to believe that despite some disadvantage of movie and television, they exert favorable impact on young people in some aspects.

Firstly, movies and television extend the view of young people and provide them more opportunities to understand foreign excellent culture. As the development of media industry, we can enjoy movies and television programs from all over the world. Even though the advance of economy has changed our life dramatically, a majority of people, especially for young people, cannot afford to travel in abroad. Fortunately, the movies and television programs make it possible for young people to know what has happened in other countries, encouraging them to learn advanced knowledge and discover the world. Without movies and television programs, those who have not enough money to fund international trip, would have little chance to find the whole world.

In the second place, excellent movies and television programs help to form personality. In the history of movies and television programs, a great of number of major characters in the movie or television are impressive for young people and their perfect personality affect the way young people deal with problems. Take the famous film, Shawshank redemption, as example. The major character persevered with his idea and never gave up the hope during nineteen year and finally escaped from the prison. The story always encourages me to insist on my thought especially when I am frustrated or depressed. Besides this movie, numerous films benefit our growth.

Of course, we have to admit that some movies and television programs are saturated with violence, crimes and unhealthy lifestyle, which may affect the views of young people. However, we also have to see that such kinds of programs only take up small part of the whole industry. Furthermore, young people are able to identify and choose what programs to enjoy.

Based on what has discussed above, it is reasonable to conclude that, even though the movies and television programs have some disadvantages, their advantages should not be ignored and far outweigh the disadvantages. Obviously, the movies and television programs will continue to play essential roles in the society and make more favorable effects on young people.

GJason

9.2，独立
时隔20天重拾作文，倍感压力，加上如此难题，愿批改此文者忍住不要吐！附上word版本，以备不同修改习惯者
being creative， rather than carefully planning, is more often results in better solution.

Some managers claim that creative ideas play essential roles when solving problems. However, the information I have collected over the past few years leads me to believe that a deliberated strategy is more important than creativity. With a well arranged plan, every member of the organization could collaborate with each other and proceed very fast. It is possible that creative thinking accelerates the solution, but the strategy produces extremely paramount effects on the goal.

Attributed to the dramatically advance of technology and society, the assignments and tasks in modern organizations become more and more complicated, which only could be solved by well organized and planed team. Generally, to deal with problems, various functions should be involved rather than individual department or single employee. In the automobile company, for example, to improve a quality flaw of a part, many departments such as designing department, purchasing department, quality controlling department and manufacturing department will work together to find the best way to guarantee the quality. In such project, a strategy is extremely necessary since many employees have to work together. With a plan, the employees have clear idea about their responsibility and will work effectively according to the plan. It is really difficult to imagine what will happen without a plan.

The process of making plan provides us an opportunity to analyze the problems and find effective ways to solve the problem. The majority consider that a plan not only means a time table but includes detail information, because the problem will be divided to small pieces. By analyzing the problem, an effective plan will lead to success. When I work in my former company, my colleagues always discuss about problem first and then make a plan, which will lead us to complete work in time. To reduce the cost of certain process of manufacturing, colleagues research the composition of costs and then find the ways how to reduce each aspect of cost. According to the plan, some colleagues make efforts to reduce the waste of material and the others work to improve the efficiency of labors. We achieve our goal before the deadline of the schedule.

Of course we have to admit that creativity exerts positive influence on the organization. In many cases, creative thinking helps organization to solve serious problems. However, we have to notice that creative ideas always appear in well planed team because every member in the team complete their work well and members have opportunity to think creatively.

Based on what has discussed above, it is reasonable to conclude that even though creative thought lead us to find new ways to solve problems, a well arranged plan make the whole team work more efficiently and achieve the goal more fast. The fact that more and more organizations concentrate on improving the ability to handle the circle of PDCA (Plan-Do-Check-Action) makes us realize the importance of plan.

loverony713

GJason 发表于 2014-9-2 22:18
9.2，独立
时隔20天重拾作文，倍感压力，加上如此难题，愿批改此文者忍住不要吐！附上word版本，以备不同修 ...

Some managers claim that creative ideas play (an) essential role whensolving (ing形式动作发出者是人) problems. However, the information I have collected over the pastfew years leads me to believe that a deliberated（木有这个词啊） strategy is more important than creativity. With a well arrangedplan, every member of the organization could collaborate with each other andproceed very fast. It is possible that creative thinking accelerates thesolution, but the strategy producesextremely paramount effects （produce effect 这个用法对么 用exert比较好吧）onthe goal.

Attributedto（这个用法对么? 被动？一般用because of\ on account of+ N.） the dramatically advance of technology and society, the assignmentsand tasks in modern organizations become more and more complicated, which onlycould be solved by well organized and planed team.(需要强调team这个概念么?) Generally, to deal (to do 主语是人?) with problems,various functions should be involved rather than individual department orsingle employee. In the automobile company, for example, to improve a qualityflaw of a part, many departments such as designing department, purchasingdepartment, quality controlling department and manufacturing department willwork together to find the best way to guarantee the quality. In such project, a strategy is extremely necessary sincemany employees have to work together. Witha plan, the employees have clear ideas abouttheir responsibility and will work effectively according to the plan. （在本段中你对plan的描述≈team work 或者给我的感觉是这样的 从第一句话和前一句话可以看出. 但是全面的计划不仅仅如此，你可以从多个角度展开当automobile company遇到质量问题的时候是如何计划最终解决问题的）It is really difficult to imagine what will happen without a plan.

The process of making a plan providesus an opportunity to analyze the problems and find effective ways to solve theproblem. The majority consider that a plan not only means a time table butincludes detail information , because the problem will be divided to smallpieces. By analyzing (同样 主语是人) the problem, an effective plan will lead to success. （依然没有说清楚计划和解决问题之间的逻辑关系 多加分析 而不是仅仅说分析问题能带来成功）When I worked in my former company(应该都用过去时态), my colleagues always discussed about problem first and then made a plan, which will leadus to complete work in time. To reduce the cost of certain process ofmanufacturing, colleagues research thecomposition of costs and then find the ways howto reduce each aspect of cost. According to the plan, some colleagues make efforts to reduce the waste of material and theothers work to improve the efficiency of labors.We achieve our goal before the deadline of theschedule. （这个例子详细多了论述方面加强哦~ ）

（Admittedly）Ofcourse we have to admit that creativity exerts positive influence on theorganization. In many cases, creativethinking helps organization to solve serious problems（有点空）.However, we have to notice that creative ideas always appear in well planedteam because every member in the team complete their work well and members haveopportunity to think creatively. （这一段让步内容有点少 However后面的论述单薄 可以再加一句 如果没有详细的计划 只有创新的点子 也是不能成功的+example）

Based on what has discussed above, it isreasonable to conclude that even though creative thought leads us to find new ways to solve problems, a well arranged plan makes the whole team work more efficiently and achieve thegoal more fast. （我还是觉得team不是重点突出plan的重要性就行了）The fact that more and more organizations concentrate on improvingthe ability to handle the circle of PDCA (Plan-Do-Check-Action) makes usrealize the importance of plan.（最后一句写的不错 可以放在前面的论点里面哦~）

GJason

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-3 10:04
GJason 发表于 2014-9-2 22:18
9.2，独立
时隔20天重拾作文，倍感压力，加上如此难题，愿批改此文者忍住不 ...

我觉得，你在修改作文的时候思路好清晰呀

GJason

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-3 10:04
GJason 发表于 2014-9-2 22:18
9.2，独立
时隔20天重拾作文，倍感压力，加上如此难题，愿批改此文者忍住不 ...

deliberate，动词，意为深思熟虑，我用deliberated形容词，应该还可以吧

loverony713

GJason 发表于 2014-9-3 20:12
我觉得，你在修改作文的时候思路好清晰呀

么么哒一起努力！！~~~

GJason

9.3 综合 巧合的225字，与OG要求的一字不差，最后一个论点愣是没听明白，胡乱写的
The reading passage talks about the phenomenon that the trade of commercial fossils increased fast in recent years which leads to serious problems. In contrast to the writer, the lecturer claims that the advantages of the development of commercial fossils far outweigh its disadvantages. She provides three evidences to support her conclusion.

Firstly, according to the passage, the public would have less chance to observe the fossils because more and more fossils are collected by private collectors. However, the lecturer disagrees with this point. She explains that the available fossils to sell increase because of the development of commercial fossils. Consequently, many small organizations could buy fossils and show them to public.  

Secondly, the writer worries about that the scientists would lose chance to research some valuable fossils. While the lecturers take the opposite opinion. She demonstrates that before the fossils are sold they will be examined and identified by scientists, because the fossils should be valued. The evidence mentioned means that scientist never miss any crucial fossils.

Finally, the passage asserts that commercial fossil collectors may destroy some important fossils since they are not professional collectors. However, it is not the fact. To substantiate her view, she indicates that many operations about fossil are run by scientists or scientific institutions. It is better to discover more fossils than never destroy any piece of fossils.

小蘑菇开始打怪

[size=13.63636302948px]The reading passage talks about the phenomenon that the trade of commercial fossils increased fast in recent years which leads to serious problems. In contrast to the writer, the lecturer claims that the advantages of the development of commercial fossils far outweigh its disadvantages. She provides three evidences to support her conclusion.

[size=13.63636302948px]Firstly, according to the passage, the public would have less chance to observe the fossils because more and more fossils are collected by private collectors. However, the lecturer disagrees with this point. She explains that the available fossils to sell increase because of the development of commercial fossils. Consequently, many small organizations could buy fossils and show them to public.  

[size=13.63636302948px]Secondly, the writer worries about that the scientists would lose chance to research some valuable fossils. (这个句号可以改成逗号）While the lecturers take the opposite opinion. She demonstrates that before the fossils are sold they will be examined and identified by scientists, because the fossils should be valued.（这里because的原因不是很准确，我听到的是，只有科学家才有专业知识给fossil认证） The evidence mentioned means that scientist never miss any crucial fossils.

[size=13.63636302948px]Finally, the passage asserts that commercial fossil collectors may destroy some important fossils since they are not professional collectors. However, it is not the fact. To substantiate her view, she indicates that many operations about fossil are run by scientists or scientific institutions. It is better to discover more fossils than never destroy any piece of fossils.
最后一点应该没有听对，我听到的意思是说，因为商业开发了，所以可以有更多的fossil被发现了，于是scientist可以接触到更多的fossil了，这当然比不开发要好。

楼主前两段表述的没什么问题，最后一段的听力再听一下吧，虽然我觉得我听得可能也有些不对。。

GJason

10.10 独立
Without a doubt, how to improve the quality of college is a great concern in modern society. Some experts assert that it is better to improve facilities rather than hire famous professors. However, the information I have collected in the past years leads me to believe that the college and student will benefit from employing good professors, because the professors with good reputation obtain professional knowledge and teaching skills and they also will increase the reputation of the school.

First of all, the students will benefit from famous professors. Compared with ordinary teachers, famous professors tend to have more research and study experience in certain field since they have more opportunities to get touch with experts in the field. Attributed to their professional knowledge, students in the class have chance to discuss deeply. On the other hand, famous professors have more teaching experience, which will make the course more attractive and interesting. When I was in university, all of my classmates never missed the economic course, not only because the teacher was very famous in the field but also because his professional knowledge and teaching style was very fascinating for us.

Furthermore, famous professors also exert positive influence on the college since they will improve the reputation of the college, which will bring more donation and fund. My current company collaborates with a local university to make a research because of a famous professor. The professor has strong professional knowledge to solve our problems. Due to the collaboration, our company established a scholarship in the university and denoted some fund. If the professor was in another school, we would work with that school. Obviously, the college will benefit from famous professors too.

Admittedly, we cannot deny that facilities are also essential for both students and college, however facilities have limited impact. It is possible that facilities, such as sports equipments, will provide many conveniences for students and faculty. We cannot only focus on campus life but ignore the academic issues.

Based on what has been discussed above, it is reasonable to conclude that the advantages of employing famous professors far outweigh that of facilities. The fact the more and more colleges compete for professors indicates that the professors are significant for the colleges.

GJason

10.10 综合
The reading passage discusses about the buzzing, a kind of advertisement, and indicates that the buzzing has many weakness. However, according to the speaker, who is a buzzer, the view of the reading passage is unreasonable. He provides three reasons to support his opinion.

Firstly, the reading passage shows that the buzzers may provide incorrect information because they get money from the product company. In contrast to the writer, the speaker demonstrates that the buzzers provide accurate information of the product. The company hires those who have good experience of the product as buzzers. Even though the buzzers are paid, they will provide truth to the customers. It means that customers will obtain valuable information from buzzers.

Secondly, the writer complains that customers tend to believe buzzers easily and do not think about the product critically, while the speaker disagrees with this opinion. According to his experience, customers will ask buzzers for much information, including price, service and quality. It means that customers will get enough information to make decision.

Finally, the speaker totally disagrees with the view that the buzzing harms the social relationships. He indicates that the company with bad product cannot find buzzers. The buzzers try to introduce product which they already have used. People who use buzzing product will have good experience too. Therefore buzzing benefits but not destroys the relationships.