新人刚刚练作文，求考友提出宝贵意见！不胜感激！

deron0905

The following appeared in a memorandum from the information technology department of a major advertising firm:
  “The more efficient a firm’s employees are, the more profitable that firm will be. Improvements in a firm’s information technology hardware and software are a proven way to increase the efficiency of employees who do the majority of their work on computers. Therefore, if our firm invests in the most powerful and advanced information technology available, employee productivity will be maximized. This strategy ensures that every dollar spent on enhanced information technology will help to increase our firm’s profit margins.”





In the argument, the author suggest the information technology department of a major advertising firm to invest in the most powerful and advanced information technology available. In his opinion, this action will absolutely increase the firm’s profit. His reason is because of this kind of invest, the efficiency of employees who do the majority of their work on computers will be increased, and this kind of increased efficiency will lead to the benefit of the company. At the first glance, it seems reasonable but after a deeper thought, the viewpoint becomes flawed and unconvincing.
First of all, the author made an underlying assumption that most of the staff of the advertising company need this kind of most powerful and advanced information technology. Obviously, the advertising company relies more on the staff’s creative ideas and novel thoughts than on the technology. If the hardware and the software are super but the staff are empty of good ideas, it seems that the powerful and advanced technology will not do any benefit.
Secondly, even using the improved hardware and software can really be beneficial to the company, we still cannot say that this action can boost the profit of the firm. Installing the most powerful and advanced hardware and software doesn’t guarantee that the staff of the advertising company will make full use of these features. Maybe it is hard for the employees to learn how to use the newest technology and as a result, they will never use these new powerful features. At this case, I can see no usage of the technology.
Lastly, although the employees are willing to take the use of the powerful and advanced technology, it still cannot guarantee the increase of the profit of the firm. It is a common sense that introducing a most powerful technology may cost the company a lot of money that means the cost of the company will grow. We have no statistics to compare the additional cost brought by the introduction and the additional profits, so we can’t make sure that the profit will increase. If the cost of introducing the powerful technology overweighs the extra profit, we can’t say it is a good plan for the company’s development.
In conclusion, this argument is not persuasive as it stands because the evidence cited in the analysis is too weak to lend strong support to what the author claims. The author must give us the evidence that most of the employees in the company need this powerful technology and they will make full use of it. What’s more, the author should also provide us the statistics about the cost of introducing the new technology and the estimated profit it will make. Only with these, the author’s conclusion can be convincing.


望考友提出宝贵意见，本人不胜感激！

deron0905

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