[写作小分队]新人备考九月底托福，请大家多多指教

Mint静默

改完了，hoho~

ni_kate

In the lecture, the professor made several points about several measures to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. The professor argues that these measures are unsuccess and have damage.  However, the reading contends that these measures have been proposed.

The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that a national fence is unlikely to be effective. The toad carry its egg just to find some spot. According to the professor, This argument differs from the reading in that the reading states building a national fence can prevent the spread of the toad.

Another point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is he toads could be destroyed by volumenometers. The professor claims that volunteers will destroy the folk, and other things will be in danger. It's  not easy use them to control the population of cane. However, the reading states the collective effort might stop the toad from spreading.

Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, chasseing the virus is a bad idea. The virus is special species in America, but in Australia it become a equal species. In other words, using the virus does harm for other equal species. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates the virus will control the population of cane toads by preventing them from maturing and reproducing.

ni_kate

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-22 16:23
改完了，hoho~

3Q3Q~

ni_kate

8.22 独立
學生參加學校的 organization 和activities club is as important as   their academic class.

Do you think organization and activities club is as important as their academic class? Somebody's answer is yes. Teeny think organization activities is also a part of university. The answer of someone is no. They think academic class is more important than organization and activities club. As far as I can see, Organization and activities club is not as important as their academic class. There are several statements supporting my opinion.

Academic class is related with your job closely in the further. In university, the vast majority of credit is made up of your academic class. If you don't finish your classes, you will not be able to graduate. I know two fellow students, Jack and Peter. Jack took his most of time to take part in many organization and club. Moreover, He didn't have enough time to learn academic class. In the end, he didn't graduate in senior year. On the other hand, Peter attached importance to his academic class during university. After graduated, he finds a satisfactory job in New York. What we learn in collage is ready to our jobs in the future. Academic knowledge is more important than it.

We can learn much more knowledge in academic class. Who teach you is professors. They are intelligent, experienced, and professional. No only academic knowledge but also moral cha rater can we learn from them. I know an aunt, called Sally. When she just started developing career, she faced many kinds of trouble. she even didn't know how to deal with something in her job. She told me, when she were in trouble, she often think of one words her professor told her during university. The words is clam down, just find out. She were encouraged. And, many years later, Sally is good at her job.

Although taking part in organization and club is part of the life of university, it's not more important than academic. Although taking part in organization and club is convenient to communicate with your friends, we can often communicate with friends and professors though academic classes. Fortunately, academic knowledge is useful to your job in the future, I believe what more important thing during university is academic class.

laneesherry

只是来提醒一下。。。
这是我21号的独立，不要忘了批改哦~
http://forum.chasedream.com/foru ... &fromuid=810631

whom123

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-23 17:05
8.22 独立
學生參加學校的 organization 和activities club is as important as   their academic class.

Do you think organization and activities club is as important as their academic class? Somebody（不知是不是强迫症的缘故我觉得someone更顺口呢。。）'s answer is yes. Teeny think organization activities is also a part of university. The answer of someone is no. They think academic class is more important than organization and activities club. As far as I can see, Organization and activities club is not as important as their academic class. There are many statements supporting my opinion.

Academic class is related with（只有be related to） your job closely in the further. In university, the vast majority of credit is made up of your academic class. If you don't finish your classes, you will not be able to graduate. I know two fellow students, Jack and Peter. Jack took his most of time to（这里用spend句式好一点） take part in m any organization and club. Moreover, He didn't have enough time to learn academic class. In the end, he didn't graduate in senior year. On the other hand, Peter attached importance to his academic class during university. After graduated, he finds a satisfactory job in New York. What we learn in collage is ready to our jobs in the future. Academic knowledge is more important than it（指代不明）.

We can learn much more knowledge in academic class. Who teach you is professors（主谓不一致）. They are intelligent, experienced, and professional. No only academic knowledge but also moral charater can we learn from them. I know an aunt, called Sally. When she just started developing career, she faced many kinds of trouble. she even didn't know how to deal with something in her job. She told me, when she were in trouble, she often think of one words her professor told her during university. The words is clam down, just find out. She were encouraged. And, many years later, Sally is good at her job.

Although taking part in organization and club is part of the life of university, it's not more important than academic. Although taking part in organization and club is convenient to communicate with your friends, we can often communicate with friends and professors though academic classes. Fortunately（用这个副词显得有点意味不明）, academic knowledge is useful to your job in the future, I believe what more important thing during university is academic class.

总体来说，结构上没有大问题。但是少数地方有些表达不明。小错尽量避免。另外例子方面还是加强一点，有的例子略显牵强。

19911006

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-22 17:48
In the lecture, the professor made several points about several measures to stop the spread of the c ...

In the lecture, the professor made several points about several measures to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. The professor argues that these measures are unsuccess and have damage.  However, the reading contends that these measures have been proposed. (总觉得这个开头好变扭，however的部分强调阅读材料）The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that a national fence is unlikely to be effective. The toad carry（carries） its egg just to find some spots. According to the professor, This argument differs from the reading in that the reading states building a national fence can prevent the spread of the toad. （这段写的不够详细，特别是一些能够反驳文章的details）Another point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading（换个句型吧，亲） is he（？） toads could be destroyed（原文是捕捉） by volumenometers. The professor claims that volunteers will destroy the folk, and other things will be in danger. It's  not easy use them to control the population of cane. However, the reading states the collective effort might stop the toad from spreading.（不是所有的志愿者都会抓错）Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, chasseing the virus is a bad idea（典型的中式英语）. The virus is special species in America, but in Australia it become a equal species. In other words, using the virus does harm for（to） other equal species. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates the virus will control the population of cane toads by preventing them from maturing and reproducing.

I think you should mention some crucial points so that there will be more details to debate the reading material

BY 19911006 加油

ni_kate

8.25 独立[369]

Do you agree that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning?

Do you think that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning? Someone maybe think playing sports is a part of life learning. By contrast, the answer of someone is that I don't think so. I think that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning. There are several opinions supporting my idea.

It's good to our health to play sports. Because of a research, people can make a better rest after playing sports. Playing sports can move your feet, whip your hand, make your mind fresh. I have a friend, Jane. She didn't like playing sports few years ago, and she was heavy and dull. Due to her father's advice, she started to play sports and loved playing tennis. Now, she looks thin and refreshing. When you feel tired, just say holding on to yourself. Insisting is also a important lesson on life learning. What you can learn from playing sports is a part of lesson in your life.

When playing sports, you can communicate with your partner. When you playing tennis you can talk anythings with your partner. It's a convenient way to communicate with your friends and family. Communicating with each other can deepen the understanding. In society, the understanding of people is very important. I know an senior, Peter. He doesn't know how to communicate with his colleague at the beginning. Once in a time, an colleague calls him to play tennis together. He talks about his confusion with this colleague during playing sports. His colleague understand how is his feeling, and help him to know any other colleague. After that day, Peter feels better than before. Understanding and communication are important lesson in our lives, and we can learn them from playing sports.

Although the content of life learning is very wide and fruitful, we know a bit of it from playing sports will become more and more useful. Fortunately, we can find many kinds of places to play sports today. What kinds of sports to play is also various. I believe, playing sports is good to our health, and it's a good way to communicate with your partner.

ni_kate

8.25综合 TPO19
In the lecture, the professor makes several points about buzzing. The professor argues that people mislead buzzing, and it wrong impression. However, the reading contends that buzzing has generated a lot of controversy, and many critics would like to see it banned.

The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that what you hear is just paid advertising with buzzing. According to the professor, buzzer is someone think the product is great.Of course, the company finds and pays buzzer. But what they tell is true. This argument differs from the reading in the reading states buzzer gives a person incorrect information.

Another point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is buzzing could really harm consumers. The professor claim that buzzers just give an answer of the product from consumers, and tell consumers won't pay for if. The reading states that consumers accept the claims and be harmed.

Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, what your get from buzzer is more trustful, and open people. In other words, buzzing can bu trust. This directly contradicts what the reading passage states that buzzing will result in the spread of mistrust and the expectation of dishonesty.

sherlock1992

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-26 11:50
8.25 独立[369]Do you agree that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning?
Do you think ...

8.25 独立[369]

Do you agree that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning?

红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞

Do you think that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning? Someone maybe think playing sports is a part of life learning. By contrast, the answer of someone is that I don't think so.（总赶脚题目中的important可以告诉我们“运动是人生学习的lesson是必然的，只是该lesson的程度问题,不过这两句也OK，毕竟是一个大集合，只要精确定位无误就好） I think that playing sports gives important lesson on life learning. There are several opinions supporting my idea.

It's good to our health to play sports. Because of a research, people can make a better rest after playing sports（这个句子前后缺乏衔接，读起来颇为生硬） Playing sports can move your feet, whip your hand, make your mind fresh. I have a friend, Jane. She didn't like playing sports few years ago, and she was heavy and dull. Due to her father's advice, she started to play sports and loved playing tennis. Now, she looks thin and refreshing. When you feel tired, just say holding on to yourself. Insisting is also a important lesson on life learning. What you can learn from playing sports is a part of lesson in your life.  这一段赶脚前面部分和后面部分逻辑上连接不起来额，，，另外缺乏恰当的连词。

When playing sports, you can communicate with your partner. When you（cut掉） playing tennis you can talk anythings with your partner. It's a convenient way to communicate with your friends and family. Communicating with each other can deepen the understanding. In society, the understanding of people is very important（the ability of understanding is indispensible用在这里赶脚更合适，当然，个人意见哦）. I know an（a) senior, Peter. He doesn't know how to communicate with his colleague at the beginning. Once in a time, an colleague calls him to play tennis together. He talks about his confusion with this colleague during playing sports. His colleague understand how is his feeling, and help him to know any other colleague.(童鞋，叙述过去的一件事要用过去时） After that day, Peter feels better than before. Understanding and communication are（is) important lesson in our lives, and we can learn them from playing sports.

Although the content of life learning is very wide and fruitful, that(主从需加that) we know a bit of it from playing sports will become more and more useful(同样的，赶脚这里的比较级用的很蹩脚）. Fortunately, we can find many kinds of places to play sports today. What kinds of sports to play is also various. I believe, playing sports is good to our health, and it's a good way to communicate with your partner.

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊，小结了， 这位兄台，您的作文：

1.结构有些凌乱，赶脚您有些许偏题，难很细微（个人见解，，，，）
2.您的词汇需要升级一下，否则达到高分有些难度，另外多背些连词吧， 那会使您的作文更加流畅。
3.文章的逻辑一定要清晰，kate童鞋的point+details结构值得赞一个。。。。
4.加油喽喽喽喽喽。。。。


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