【跪求狠批】【求拍砖！】希望能从22提到27~感谢您的批改与帮助！

ChristinaJuris

天空的颜色 发表于 2013-10-14 22:29
我用word改的
复制过来之后 自己标的花花绿绿的东西没有了
就传个附件

谢谢亲的细致批改！我改的亲的作文，在上传后又补了几句话，不知道亲看到没。

ChristinaJuris

为了浏览方便，把10.13日独立作文中最重要的批改点贴上来，方便我日日背诵、铭记。

1.第一段的倒数第二句这么改更简洁！
—— If you hastily started working on your talk or report  without setting up a wonderful key point or direction towards your assignment.

2. cannot 分开写成两个词是错的！！！
我居然错了这么多年！！！

ChristinaJuris

10月14日 独立写作Do you agree or disagree with the statement that young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past.

What is respect? “To admire someone, especially because of their personal qualities, contribution, knowledge, or skills; to give them polite greetings and regard them as important. That is to have respected.” According to the definition of “respect”, which given by Ralph Waldo Emerson, I do NOT agree with the statement that young people nowadays do not respect their teachers as much as they did in the past. Although today’s ways of showing respect to the teacher differ in expression from the old styles, it does not mean that young people nowadays do not treat teachers with great honor and respect as much as they do in the past.

Beyond all doubt, almost every government attaches such great attention, which is unprecedented in the history of the human being, to the education and instructors in recent years. As a consequence, young people put much emphasis on learning and admiring their teachers. Actually, young people show respect to their teachers in numerous ways. Such as sending best wish massages to their favourite lecturers on each festival, making amazing cards for instructors on the annual Teacher’s Day, holding a ceremonial dinner honoring their teachers after they obtain the chance to further their study, visiting homes of teachers and sharing their ideas toward life and study, etc.  

In addition, respecting and honoring teachers has been part of human virtues since ancient times. Chinese young people, for instance, keep this tradition of honoring teacher alive well. Common it is, that students, especially pupils, are quite polite to teachers wherever and whenever they meet. More over, statistics indicate that fifty percent of undergraduate students and ninety percent of postgraduate students believe that they are most influenced by positive thoughts of their professor and lectures, and they are really grateful for it. Answers of TOEFL speaking section, as evidence, shows that a great deal of TOEFL takers consider their teacher to be the one who influence them most when they are answering the question that describe a person that who influenced you most, and these takers regard their professors as essential one in their life. Hence, Chinese instructors, who play the role of great importance in the whole life of Chinese students, are still honored by the young people.

At last, I would like to emphasize that young people nowadays still treat teachers with great honor and respect as much as they did in the past. Of course, there is a apparently difference lies in the ways of showing respect between the old day and today, yet it does not change the deep affection between teachers and young people.

yagiliang

不好意思，改晚了

ChristinaJuris

11.09 独立写作

The practice of parents giving their child money for good grade on the report card is something that has been debated a lot in the last decade. Nevertheless, it isn't a new concept for parents to use this tactic to encourage their child. Most people take a stance against giving a kid money for high marks because the message it sends is feared. Some parents are worry about giving money for good grades will be viewed as a horrible way which definitely arise the sense of “Money is the final destination”, and they believe that a child should aim to make good grades regardless of the rewards.

Some arguments against giving children money as a reward for high marks, as far as I am concerned, do not make sense. “Money reward is going to turn children into benthamites”, for example, is not a strong argument because whether money is a good issue depends on how you understand and use it. Say, child who holds a proper attitude towards money never going to be a benthamite no matter how much money he/she awarded from his/her parents for good grades. Besides, an other argument that paying children money awards will make children cheat in examinations is also wrong. Kids cheat in the tests is because of bad cognition and personalities, not because of money awards.

From where I stand, some children need the motivation of a money reward to get them to try harder, and it is the best time for parents to help their children understand money and manage basic money matters when kids shows so strong interests in money awards.

First, it isn't a lack of intelligence the reason that a child doesn't do well in school. Usually, it's the result of them not being motivated. In some situations, it is attention-seeking behavior because the child is aware that bad grades will get them a lot of attention, both positive and negative. Whatever the case with your child, why not offer some monetary encouragement for good grades? In a perfect world, everyone would work hard regardless of the outcome. But this isn't a perfect world. Isn't it a good idea to show kids if they work hard that it pays off？

Moreover, the big point is how to help kids understand money and manage basic money matters after they got money awards for high marks. A mother, whose son is a seven-year old primary school student, maintains that she was taught her son to manage money well by paying him money awards. Every time her son received money awards, she start to educate her son how to make a financial plan, how to save money in banks, and how enjoy public welfare activities by using money. That is quite beneficial for both mom and the kid.

To conclude, whether money awards is a beneficial tactic depends on how parents use it. And do remember that whatever is decided to be the best motivation for the kid to earn good grades, just don't confuse the child.

psychoarya

改得不好，多多包涵！！

ChristinaJuris

感谢大神的批改！
内流满面！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

ChristinaJuris 发表于 2013-12-3 17:35
感谢大神的批改！
内流满面！

逻辑问题很多
希望你能好好分析下我给你提出的问题，这个在考试的时候是致命的！

ChristinaJuris

ChristinaJuris 发表于 2013-12-3 17:35
感谢大神的批改！
内流满面！

鹤神改得好认真好细致啊~
太感人了~
我真是运气太好了~！

超级无敌小鹤鹤

ChristinaJuris 发表于 2013-12-4 11:51
鹤神改得好认真好细致啊~
太感人了~
我真是运气太好了~！

哈哈 过奖了
这篇文章错误其实挺严重的，以后要注意哈~~~