新手一枚，多多指教

sherryv

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-8 13:38
非常抱歉，下次一定抽出一些时间检查下语法和拼写错误再贴上来，大家时间都很宝贵，本应互相体谅才是。 ...

Never mind~ keep fighting!

sherlock1992

97
In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able to
make decisions in their own lives.
現在的年輕人比以前更願意自己做決定了，不會太依賴家長。

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With the ideological emancipation of humanity over recent hundreds of years, people today enjoy a much wider spectrum of choices. Especially for those whose sentimental development is universally not mature enough, they are more likely to domain their directions of life. Of course, this group is the young. Compared with young people living in old world, in modern times, the young prefer to make decisions by their own.
First, just like The Who, a British rock band of 1960's and 1970's fame, expressed in their song, the youth today are full of youthful rebellion and romantic confusion. They pursue a more independent and idealistic life, they desire to conquer mountains in their own path to prove themselevs. Thus, they choose to have their own decisions. One example comes from my friend, Irene, she always dreamed of a tour to France alone. But her parents disagreed with her because of unsafe.  One day, she prepared some necessities and left a note on his desk when her parents were at work, and then directly went to Paris by her own. So, from the above, we can conclude that the youth today are more independent and prone to make their own choice.
Second, with the innovation of technology, the explosion of information, as well as the proliferation of Internet, the young more often rely on these convinient facilities to help them and guide them to make the decision. Owning to the generation gap and differences of knowledge structures, parents cannot make the constantly right decison for their children solely under their limited experiences. Therefore, young people, who master the new technologies of the world, enjoy judging circumstances by their own and ultimately, do their own choice.
Third, it is no exaggeration to say that the person who is adept at making right decisons is the most probable successful person in the world. Just as GMAT exam requires people with the ability of judging context and making the good decision quickly, the same is true for today's society. The youth is at the rim of stepping into society. Therefore, just as one saying goes, " Get your feet wet before you jump in", before going into society, young people should practice making decisions by themselves. Maybe realized this, the youth today always consciously cultivate this ability in the decision-making area.
All in all, young people are surely more depended on themselves rather on their parents.

wanggang0411

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-8 16:08
97
In the past young people are more depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young peop ...

终于改完啦~~~, 标绿的部分相当高端上档次, 楼主加油.

sherlock1992

98
School always collect information of the teaching performance of teachers and according to it, give teacher who has efficient  
teaching rewards. So which is more useful: evaluation by students or by other teachers?  

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Just as the two parties of a bargain need to go back and forth and find a middle ground, the real performance of a teacher is also a "bargain" that requires the other teachers surrounding her and students in her class, the two parties altogether, come into a final conclusion. Neither her colleagues alone nor only students can give a relatively objective assessment. Thus, in regarding to the evaluation of teachers' performance by students or other teachers, I, given the chance, will find the middle way and choose the both.

First, let us make an assumption that this whole evaluation is dominated by other teachers. If so, maybe for schools, this way can save much time and money just because the number of teachers is much less than students and thus diminish the cost of interviewing paper, on the other hand, these employees of school are highly disciplined, which will make the execution of performance more smooth. Whereas, adopting this method is accompanying some side effects. One is the "collusion" phenomena, that is to say teachers cooperate together for a deceitful purpose. They will give A plus mutually or give a C or D to the one they all dislike, and a series of problems like office politics may ensuing after. Extremely possible it is for everything above! Therefore, the way of evaluation solely by other teachers should be considered again.

Second, how about doing the evaluation all by students? Is it a perfect evaluating method? The answer is no, too. Although, at the standpoint of students to assess the teachers' performance is worth considering, owing to  the special sentiment level of students, some prejudice may occurs and easily cause bias to the actual performance of the teacher. Thus, this method still needs to fix up.

And the third is a combination of the two. Students appraise their teachers' performance and submit some feedbacks, meanwhile, the performed teacher is being evaluated by other colleagues. Through this way, the school can collect well-rounded information of this teacher and make a rightful reward.

All in all, after the analysis of above, we can come to a conclusion that only an evaluation participated both by students and teachers can harvest an objective result.

和善大叔

抱歉晚了，今天有些急事耽误了。补上，唉唉，水平有点，只能找点小错误。

sherlock1992

99
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes,  are more important to younger people than to older
people.  

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When referring to the influence of celebrities between younger people and the older, no doubt that people will vote to the former. Owing to the distinct conceptions entrenched in each generation's inner heart, people in different age level will respond inconsistently towards one subject, which can be a commodity, a people, or a value. So, that is why when an entertainer or athlete speak out of some opinions, the students or adolescents will pay more attention otherwise the adult have no response.

Different time period has different celebrities. And usually, the ages of celebrities such as entertainers or athletes are prone to younger, which is surveyed in the scope of 20~30 or so. Thus, because of the conclusion made by University of Ohio that people of similar age could bring more trust between each other compared to these existing age gaps, the younger people are more easily to believe in the opinions coming from celebrities. And there is one instance supporting this idea. My girlfriend Irene is a groupie, charming a household name--Kobe Bryant. She always buy tickets to Staples Center to support Los Angeles Lakers and regard every word Kobe said ever are right. But his father is completely different. He dislikes these athletes and holds a firm opinion that these players lack enough knowledge and always are irresponsible for their words. So, from above we can see how fiercely the ideas of the two fight!

Second reason lies in the life experience between the old and the young. Just as Bob Dylan sung in his song, "How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?", older a man is, more experience he accumulates. So, the old have also experienced the stage of idol-pursuing. And later, they have a more clear insight into something and final abandoned something. Therefore, because of relatively lower sentimental development and any other environmental factors, the group of young more easily reflect some admiring disposition towards the celebrities and thus, believe in what they are saying.

All in all, compared with the older, more experienced people, younger people are more likely to be swayed by the opinions of celebrities, though, it is not all.

yzwdan818

99
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers andathletes,  are more important to younger people than to older
people.  

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When referring to the influence of celebrities between younger people and the older, （感觉这用这个短语，逻辑关系不对，可以改成upon A and B）no doubt that people will vote to theformer. Owing to the distinct conceptions entrenched in each generation's innerheart, people in different age level will respond inconsistently towards onesubject, which can be a commodity, a people, or a value. So, that is why whenan entertainer or athlete speak out of some opinions, the students oradolescents will pay more attention otherwise the adult have no response.(不同年龄的人对事物看法不一，不能直接成为年轻人更注意名人的原因，你中间还有个gap，就是名人大部分是年轻人，这里的逻辑是不严密的，虽然你在下一段具体解释了，但是这里还是不要这样写的好，要不你就把这几句话加到下一段，感觉3你开头并没有起到总结全文的作用。)

Different time period has different celebrities. Andusually, the ages of celebrities such as entertainers or athletes are prone toyounger, which is surveyed in the scope of 20~30 or so. Thus, because of theconclusion made by University of Ohio that people of similar age could bringmore trust between each other compared to these existing age gaps, the youngerpeople are more easily to believe in the opinions coming from celebrities. Andthere is one instance supporting this idea. My girlfriend Irene is a groupie,charming a household name--Kobe Bryant. She always buys tickets to Staples Center to supportLos Angeles Lakers and regard every word Kobe said ever are right. But hisfather is completely different. He dislikes these athletes and holds a firmopinion that these players lack enough knowledge and always are irresponsiblefor their words. So, from above we can see how fiercely the ideas of the twofight!（题目的中心在于名人的观点对谁更重要，但是你这一段都是在说年轻人更易喜欢名人，没有涉及到“重要”。应该说名人对年轻人有什么积极影响，所以才会重要吧？）

Second reason lies in the life experience between the oldand the young. Just as Bob Dylan sung in his song, "How many roads must aman walk down before you call him a man?", older a man is, more experiencehe accumulates. So, the old have also experienced the stage of idol-pursuing.And later, they have a more clear insight into something and final abandoned something.Therefore, because of relatively lower sentimental development and any otherenvironmental factors, the group of young more easily reflect some admiringdisposition towards the celebrities and thus, believe in what they are saying.

All in all, compared with the older, more experiencedpeople, younger people are more likely to be swayed by the opinions ofcelebrities, though, it is not all.

好像我很久之前和你互改过作文吧？sherlock同学

1.      优点是你可以引经据典，例子都举得很好，句式多变，词汇丰富，基本功好强！

2.      不足是逻辑结构应该再仔细琢磨琢磨，开头不清晰，结尾也有点草率,希望文章能写得更逻辑清晰，内容丰富些！加油！

sherlock1992

yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-10 18:58
99
The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers andathletes,  are more important to youn ...

对啊，欢迎回来yzw

sherlock1992

今天就不写了，需要积累些材料，总结一些错误。

sherlock1992

09.12 [TODAY]
是否同意政府不应该给艺术家(musician, filmmaker, artist...) 任何 financial support.

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As a scarce virgin regime full of truth, love, and any other magical sentimental reflection and vibration, I firmly agree with the financial support from the government to these excellent artists. As you can see, in such a competitive society, it is so difficult to seek a sphere providing you with momentary quite and enjoy except such artistic realms like museums, galleries and concerts. They are a so dedicated and contributory group not only for a country but all our human beings. Therefore, I restate that this particular group should and must be paid a  special attention.

First, just as John Maynard keynes ever described artists as a group of person who are aloof and incorruptible, and the fact is they are actually true! You can even call them anti-socialists because they more pursue the joyful ensuing from perfect and beauty coming from art compared with white-collar's money-worshipping orientation. So, in order to maintain this noble trait in society, certain amount of financial support is necessary. Just have an imagination of Beethoven, the brilliant German musician, his Moonlight Sonata is so euphonious that one easily forgets when wrote these immortal songs he was fighting with pain and deaf deterioration. Without his tenacity, we will not have a chance to hear these precious songs. Thus, understood as a reward for these artists' spirit, the government should extend a hand.

Second, learned from my friends' experience, people engaging in art areas usually need relatively more money. Let us set painters as a example, as a painter, rudimentary tools are needed. So, you need money to pay canvas, paints, strokes and so on. But if you come from a not wealthy family, where is the money coming from? It is a tough question. Furthermore, owing to short of money, these art-lovers have to give up their interests and turn to engage other jobs just to make a living, is that worth? provided that this situation happens, who can take over our art career in our society? Therefore, government should consider the ensuing results and make a wise judgment.

The third one, Hillary Clinton ever recommended students in Columbia University that today, the smart power is the core of competitiveness in bilateral interaction. So, what is the smart power? she gave a definition that something involves culture, including art. So, from a nation's perspective, one government has the responsibility to buttress the art career for the sake of improving its culture influence in the fierce global competitiveness. Once again, financial support is required in the standpoint of a nation.

All in all, just as mentioned above, artists, no matter musicians, filmmakers, or painters, as a contributor of our nation's culture development, the government should and must burden the role of providing necessary financial supports to these artists.