jay 作文练习不能水！！！

JanetYellen

jay871750293 发表于 2014-3-16 14:15
3.16 独立 Agree or DisagreeShould the government support artists or should the artists support thems ...

作文修改完毕，请过目~

悬月清辉

批改：
3.17 独立Agree/ Disagree
Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place.

From time to time, there are always some people who deem that they have already made more crucial improvement for the quality of people's lives than those before and since. Nonetheless, in my opinion, this point is theoretically and practically ridiculous. On the other hand, I am inclined to favor the point that as long as the science and technology are still advancing, the most significant inventions for improving the quality of people's lives will definitely take place in the unknown future.（开头段写得很好呀，主题明确，观点清晰~）

To begin with, since the science and technology are still improving, no one can predict with full of confidence that the existing improvement are the most significant one ever and since, because the future is just unpredictable. Here is one fine example concerning my point.（可以试试更高级的说法：An example will give some light to this point.） When the invention of digital camera first took place, it quickly replaced the traditional camera because of many important and valuable improvement it brought for the quality of people's lives, such as the saving of cost of films, the capacity to store much more photos,（逗号可去掉） and so on. At that time, many companies of digital camera announced that this invention is the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives ever and nothing can compete with it even in the future. However, soon after the invention of digital cameras, the smart phone came out and further enhanced the quality of people's lives because it combined the digital camera and phone and brought people much more convenience. Most of us nowadays take photos just by our cell phones or other portable digital devices, such as Ipad, rather than by digital cameras, right?（反问很好，可以考虑扩展为一个单独的反问句来再次点明自己的观点）
（这一段例子写得挺好，论证充实）

Furthermore, since there is no researchers or inventors can guarantee that their product or invention won't have any mistakes or bring any problems at the first time it is made, people always need some improvement to fix those mistakes or problems in the future with the advancement of technology and science. For instance, whereas the car, on which people relied a lot in their daily lives, do make people's lives easier and improve the quality of their lives, it still brings a lot of environmental problems, such as the greenhouse gas, which leads to the global warming. Therefore, scientists are still making some improvement and make it more and more energy-efficient.（这里也是最好加一两句总结性的话，来再次强调自己的观点）

To sum up, thanks to evidences and reasons mentioned above, my argument enjoys a distinct advantage, which far overshadows the disadvantage and it's safe to come to my conclusion that if the science and technology keep improving, the most significant inventions for giving the quality of people's lives a upgrade will always take place in the unknown future.（结尾利索，可以再整体论述下之前文中提及的论点，不过现在文章已经很完整啦~基本点都到位了~）

jay871750293

望狠批，谢谢~~~

jay871750293

3.19 独立A\D 学生一学期中是多上一些课程比较好呢，还是只着重上三四门比较好？

Time and time again, there are always some people claiming that students should only focus their limited energy and time on merely three to four courses in one semester, because that will, to some extent, guarantee the quality of study regarding these several courses. However, I disagree with that argument. Moreover, I am inclined to favor the opposite point that it's better for students to take more than three or four courses at same time.

To begin with, the first competitive edge for taking a little bit more courses is that students have the chance to learn or realize much more things in class from their teachers. In my own experience, I took a painting class, which was chosen by only a bunch of students, when I was in primary school. Although the class only lasted for several weeks, I did develop a strong interest in painting and take painting as my favorite hobby. However, if I refused to take that painting class then, I guess I won't have such a hobby, which do me a lot of favor in my later life. In addition, taking more courses also allow students to have the access to meet more classmates and be more likely to make more friends, too.

Furthermore, taking some extra courses also helps students to improve their ability to balance different tasks at one time and ability to wrestle with the tremendous pressure, which are very valuable abilities for their later lives since people will have much more stresses and strains to deal with after they enter the society. Specifically speaking, those students, who have more courses to take, will definitely have more assignment to finish and even more schedule conflicts. Thus, how will they fight against these problems? They will probably find their own ways to combat and fortunately, they won't be that nervous or worried if they find themselves in the middle of a real mess again in their later life.

Arguable and debatable, my viewpoint may still suffer some, if any, problems and drawbacks. For instance, if a student just has too much courses, it will definitely make him or her feel extremely tired of studying, leading to an opposite result. Therefore, it's better for students to take it in a gradual pace, and not add too much courses at one time.

To sum up, thanks to the aforementioned evidences and reasons, my argument enjoys a distinct advantage, which far overweighs the disadvantage and it's safe to come to my conclusion that students will obtain and gain more in both their school work and abilities, if they take more than three or four courses in a term.

psychoarya

一如既往的棒~

jay871750293

3.20 独立
A\D The most important thing people learnt is from families.

From time to time, there area always some people claiming that people learn the most important things in their lives from various sources, such as schools, friends and so forth, but family is only a very tiny part of them. However, as far as I am concerned, that argument is theoretically and practically unacceptable. Moreover, I am inclined to favor the opposite point that most important things people get are really from their families.

To begin with, the first reason is that when people are in their childhood, the period of time when they begin to learn those significant things, they will spend a lot of time with their families, and common sense tells that people who you spend more time with, are those who are very likely to influence you or who you probably learn from. Therefore, by that logic, it is your family that influences you when you was a kid and make you learn the most crucial things in your life. In my own experience, when I was a child, I am very shy and afraid to talk with other students, at first. Then after my parents found this problem of me, they began to force me to communicate with others and try my best to be active in front of a group of people. Finally, I gradually became an outgoing boy and realized how important this personality is for my development.

Furthermore, whereas children will also spend a huge amount of time studying in school, what they learn are not absolutely very essential for them. Concretely speaking, the main purpose of school is to teach some basic knowledge to students but not to teach them how to deal with their problems or something else in their lives. However, knowledge is certainly not the most important thing in our lives, right?

Arguable and debatable, my argument might still suffer some, if any, drawbacks and problems. For instance, there are some people who are born without parents or even no relatives, and thus, during their whole life, those most important stuff they learn in their life can never derive from their families. Although I agree with the assertion above, honestly speaking, this kind of people are really miserable few in our society. Additionally, as for those people, the definition of family should be enlarged to some extent, because in their later life, they might be adopted or build close relationship with some other people and thus, those people who adopt them or build that relationship with them might be considered as their "family members".

To sum up, thanks to the aforementioned evidences and reasons, my argument enjoys a distinct advantage, which far overshadows the disadvantage, and it's safe to come to my conclusion that people do learn the most important things in their lives from families.

感觉这次写的有点乱，不太适应这个题目...

jay871750293

psychoarya 发表于 2014-3-20 22:19
一如既往的棒~

谢谢psy~
每次都能向你学到很多表达与词汇~
嘻嘻，相互学习，共同进步哈~

话说准备什么时候考？

psychoarya

jay871750293 发表于 2014-3-21 10:03
谢谢psy~
每次都能向你学到很多表达与词汇~
嘻嘻，相互学习，共同进步哈~

明天 希望口语能上24啊 T T
你什么时候考？

jay871750293

psychoarya 发表于 2014-3-21 10:18
明天 希望口语能上24啊 T T
你什么时候考？

我后天，只求口语22+...
通过改你几次作文，我隐隐觉得psy应该是蛮牛逼的，至少作文29应该没问题的！
btw，你昨天的独立写的真的好棒，除了几个小瑕疵以外，几乎是完美~~~

话说还有蛮多问题想和你交流一下，不过还是等你先考完试再说吧，考试加油！！！

psychoarya

jay871750293 发表于 2014-3-21 13:25
我后天，只求口语22+...
通过改你几次作文，我隐隐觉得psy应该是蛮牛逼的，至少作文29应该没问题的！
bt ...

我上次就是22。。。就是因为这个所以再刷一次
希望这个周末我们都能愉快的度过！

你也很牛啊！作文写得很棒！
考完一起交流！

加油！

另：你提的关于开头的建议很受用，我是背了一段关于教育的话就总觉得要用上- -。