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哈佛Essay Sample

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发表于 2003-9-20 14:16:00 |显示全部楼层

哈佛Essay Sample

Original Essay 2 – What are your career goals and potential obstacles?

Upon receiving my MBA degree from Harvard University, I will use my graduate education and marketing research knowledge in the context of the consumer-packaged-goods industry. First and foremost, I look forward to the challenge of successfully bringing a consumer product to market.  Although I will begin working on a product's go-to-market strategy, I eagerly anticipate gradually increasing my managerial context within the company. In addition to these future responsibilities, I am excited about managing a team's motivation and productivity.  

My strategic business marketing experience at Xerox Corporation, coupled with my short-term goal of success in consumer marketing, will build the solid foundation needed to reach my long-term career goal of playing a leadership role in a global company. I am particularly interested in customer focused marketing and am confident that my determination, perseverance and tenacity will lead to the successful achievement of this personal vision.

My greatest obstacle is likely to be my impatience, which is a direct result of hightened professional expectations. When I think of impatience, I recall the customer relationship management (CRM) project I managed for the retail organization at Xerox.  The CRM concept was revolutionary, as was the psycho-graphic, demographic and behavioral enriched customer data we received.  For the first time, we had detailed data on the identity of our end users, and on their purchasing behaviors at certain retail chains.  My job was to communicate both these specific findings and the greater CRM concept to the appropriate decision-makers on the marketing staff.  Because of my impatience, I expected everyone to promptly change.  After several weeks of my road-show, disappointment overcame my enthusiasm.  Although I was convinced that information would give our marketing programs a novel and necessary perspective, nobody jumped- nobody even blinked.  

Later, I discovered that being an agent for change within a large organization takes small steps and, most importantly, patience. Several months after the CRM program was introduced, it caught the attention it deserved.  As a result, I was awarded a new position in the corporate organization at Xerox.

My awareness of this shortcoming allows me both to recognize it in my behavior and to use it to my benefit.  By dividing a larger goal into fundamental pieces, my expectations become more grounded and my progress more measurable.  My impatience will help to accomplish smaller goals more quickly, and the lessons of increasing experience will encourage my efforts.   

I am confident that an MBA degree from Harvard will not only give me the tools that I need in order to succeed, but the necessary personal insight into my own inner workings.  I will maximize my MBA experience by taking advantage of Harvard's cross-functional curriculum, the study abroad opportunity, and the corporate / community network the program has established. Through perseverance and consistent awareness of the obstacles that lie before me, I hope to fulfill my career dream of becoming a true marketing leader.

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发表于 2004-9-3 20:25:00 |显示全部楼层

客观的说,我觉得这个申请者可能没有进入哈佛。这篇文章太一般了,基本都是套话,缺乏新意和洞见。另外,语言也比较一般,感觉有点象国人的笔法。:)


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发表于 2004-9-7 17:21:00 |显示全部楼层

skypacerzhou: 厉害厉害,

这篇"Original Essay" 可能是 那家essay edit公司的样板,是修改前的东西。

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发表于 2004-9-7 21:09:00 |显示全部楼层
thanks, chipmuck!
琵琶幽怨语,

弦冷暗年华。

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发表于 2004-9-10 14:37:00 |显示全部楼层
以下是引用skypacerzhou在2004-9-3 20:25:00的发言:

客观的说,我觉得这个申请者可能没有进入哈佛。这篇文章太一般了,基本都是套话,缺乏新意和洞见。另外,语言也比较一般,感觉有点象国人的笔法。:)


"新意和洞见" are not necessarily key for successful application essays, neither 华美的"语言"。

What's important is to thoroughly review your personal and professional life so far, think long and hard through the tough questions of "Why MBA, why now, and why this school", and devise a theme to tell your stories and market you to the school: convince them that you will fit into the class, and will be able to contribute to the class.

-- Remember who you are. Enjoying. Winning. And be humble. http://curiouswalks.spaces.msn.com/blog/

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发表于 2004-9-12 10:04:00 |显示全部楼层

我不知道这篇是不是已经申请harvard并被录取的人写的。总的看来,的确是没有新意,连我都没有心情把它全部看完。不知道admission officer感觉如何。

而且,有些句子我也读不懂。

---------------------------------------------------------------------- Be the change you want to see in the world.

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发表于 2005-8-23 15:00:00 |显示全部楼层
我怎么觉得还可以。 看来还有许多要学。。。

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发表于 2005-8-23 15:43:00 |显示全部楼层

俺说两句,提goal的部分写得尤其不好,不够逻辑也不够具体,单单是讲了goal是什么以及自己如何有信心实现,这是远远不够的。另外goal的最后部分讲道自己坚信凭借自己的决心与毅力一定可以实现目标,下面紧接着却说自己最大的弱点就是不够耐心,是否有些矛盾?至少感觉这样写不够smooth.还有,欧觉得在写goal和obstacle的时候,应该从professional的角度或者基于某个具体的case把两者结合起来谈,学校要求你写这个也就是要看你有哪些需要改进的地方以及这个学校能否帮你实现如此的改进。


总之本文作为初稿的话体现了作者比较好的方向性把握,一定程度上避免了多数中国学生爱说废话绕弯子的毛病,但是内容还不够充实,逻辑也不清晰,需要动手术。敝人之见,仅供参考。加油!

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