The following appeared in a memorandum from the human resources department of HomeStyle, a house remodeling business.
`This year, despite HomeStyle's move to new office space, we have seen a decline in both company morale and productivity, and a corresponding increase in administrative costs. To rectify these problems, we should begin using a newly developed software package for performance appraisal and feedback. Managers will save time by simply choosing comments from a preexisting list; then the software will automatically generate feedback for the employee. The Human Resources department at CounterBalance, the manufacturer of the countertops we install, reports satisfaction with the package.~
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In this argument, the author claims that HomeStyle should adopt the software package for performance appraisal and feedback to rectify the situation that both company morale and productivity have been decline since the move to the new office space. She cites the evidence that managers can save time by simply choosing comments from a preexisting list and that CounterBalance, the manufacturer of the countertops they install, have experienced a great success by using this software. At first glance, the conclusion seems to be prudent. But a careful examination can reveal several flaws from the argument.
First, the author only considers the good effects brought by using the software in HomeStyle. However, the side effects, ignored by the author, can seriously hinder the improvement of the productivity and moral. For example, since the preexisting list supplied by the software cannot include all the comments managers want to give, managers cannot usually send accurate comments to workers who would follow managers’ advice. Consequently, workers possibly get vague feedback and then misunderstand the managers' order. Therefore, using this software in HomeStyle may adversely decline the productivity and moral of the company even further.
Second, the author reaches her conclusion based on an incorrect analogy between HomeStyle and CounterBalance. Because the two companies do not involve in the same business, their differences probably outweigh the similarities. Even though CounterBalance has achieved in using the software, HomeStyle does not necessarily succeed in the same way. Other methods rather than using the software may be better for HomeStyle to achieve its management goals.
Last but not least, the author assumes that using the software can reduce the administrative costs by saving the managers’ time to comment the performance of workers. However, no evidence was shown to sustain her assumption. It is possibly that the cost-saving is so slight that it can not cover the cost of the purchase of the software.
In conclude, the author makes a imprudent conclusion based on incomprehensive consideration and wrong analogy. To make the conclusion more convincing, the author must show that there would be no side effect in using the software. In addition, she should use some recent statistics to support the assumption that HomeStyle is similar to CounterBalance.
看了几篇范文和大家的文章，自叹差了很多，信心立刻没了一半多。这篇文章写了不到一个小时，写完以后还自己改了一下。不知道这次怎么样，请大家帮助帮助我吧！！
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发表于 2005-8-30 22:29:00
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