饼干小熊作文贴，求狠批，求指正，9/8考试~8/23更新

饼干小熊

jacki1 发表于 2013-8-8 19:21
8/7 写作小分队
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
Nowadays it iseasier to maintai ...

谢谢你的点评，不过我第二段的意思是“现代人可以获得更加全面的保持健康的知识”。另外increase是名词

饼干小熊

写作小分队  TPO 12 246字  40min左右

The reading passage examines a recentprofessionally portrait of a teenage girl which owned by a member of the Jane Austen's families, and asserts that the teenage girl in portrait is Jane Austen herself. However, the professor in lecture thinks contradicts to the reading state and supports his idea in three specific points.

Firstly, the lecture points out that even through the use of portrait as an illustration in an edition of Austen'sletters was get the approval of Austen's family, as the passage said, the case was happened 70 years after Austen's death. Her family might didn't see Austen with their own eyes, which means the teenage girl in portrait, could be mistake for Jane Austen.

Secondly, the passage indicates the face of the girl  in portrait resembles Austen in the only accepted image by her sister. But the lecture insists that there are many girls in Austen's family have these facial features, and the girl in portrait could be MG, one of Austen's distant kin.

Finally, contrary to the statement inreading that the image was painted by Ozias Humphrey.  The professor contends that a stamp on the portraitreveals the painter actually is WL, and, base on the fact that Jane Austen hasalready been old in WL's active period. Thus, the girl in the painting seems impossible to be Austen herself.

In conclusion, the professor clearly refute the weakness in the reading and convincingly shows that  the girl in painting is not Jane Austen herself.

饼干小熊

8/19 综合 写作小分队 239字 TPO13

The disadvantages of private collectors selling and buying fossils are revealed in reading passage. However, the professor in the lecture considers the negative consequence of commercial fossil collection has been exaggerate and refutes the reading with three specific advantages.

In the first place, although the reading passage asserts that the private collection of fossils will reduce the fossils display in public and lead to the public interest decline, the presenter argues that it offer an approach for public school, or other organization, to purchase the fossil for display, thus increase the exposure.

Moreover, the professor in lecture points out that the rarest and important fossils all need to be examined and test by scientist to find its value, which contradict with the concern about scientist lose access to some of the most important fossils in the reading passage. Because the fossils are need to be passed to scientist experts for identification, therefore make the reason in the reading invalid.

Lastly, despite the statement in the reading that commercial fossil collectors didn’t document details about animal life in the ancient and carry out filed work careless. The professor indicates that there are not enough universities or same kind of institutions to find and excavate the fossils. Anyway, the fossils are better to be discovered than be buried deep in earth.

In conclusion, the professor identifies the weakness in the passage and illustrated the positive consequence of private fossil collection clearly.

倾海比目鱼

The disadvantages of private collectors selling and buying fossils are revealed in reading passage. However, the professor in the lecture considers the negative consequence of commercial fossil collection has been exaggerate(用不用过去式的？) and refutes the reading（the reading context？） with three specific advantages.

In the first place, although the reading passage asserts that the private collection of fossils will reduce the fossils display in public and lead to the public interest decline, the presenter argues that it offer an approach for public school, or other organization, to purchase the fossil for display, thus increase the exposure.

Moreover, the professor in lecture points out that the rarest and important fossils all need to be examined and test by scientist to find its value, which contradict with the concern about scientist lose access to some of the most important fossils in the reading passage. Because the fossils are need to be passed to scientist experts for identification, therefore make the reason in the reading invalid.

Lastly, despite the statement in the reading that commercial fossil collectors didn’t document details about animal life in the ancient and carry out filed work careless. The professor indicates that there are not enough universities or same kind of institutions to find and excavate the fossils. Anyway, the fossils are better to be discovered than be buried deep in earth.

In conclusion, the professor identifies the weakness in the passage and illustrated the positive consequence of private fossil collection clearly.
红色为商榷的地方，黄色认为写得挺好的。真的写的很好，挑不出什么毛病。学习了

xiaxiaya

倾海比目鱼 发表于 2013-8-19 20:23
The disadvantages of private collectors selling and buying fossils are revealed in reading passage.  ...

？不是我来改她的吗？

xiaxiaya

饼干小熊 发表于 2013-8-18 17:10
写作小分队  TPO 12 246字  40min左右

The reading passage examines a recentprofessionally portrait of ...

TPO 12 246字  40min左右

The reading passage examines a recent professionally ( adj+adv 的搭配语法错误比较明显呐^^感觉如果想要表达“最近的专业研究”可以说recently professional research之类的...虽然我感觉这样说也不太地道) portrait of a teenage girl which owned by a member of the Jane Austen's families, and asserts that the teenage girl in portrait is Jane Austen herself. However, the professor in lecture thinks （the professor's opinion比较地道而且也把语法错误改正了~） contradicts to the reading state （reading's statement） and （因为前面主语改成了opinion,所以这里加上一个he吧）supports his idea in three specific points.

Firstly, the lecture points out that even through the use of portrait as an illustration in an edition of Austen's letters was get （改成got或者用现在完成时） the approval of Austen's family, as the passage said, the case was happened （sth happen不需要被动哦~） 70 years after Austen's death. Her family might didn't （最好不用缩写啦~ 而且两个助动词哦。。下次要小心） see Austen with their own eyes ( 亲眼看见，其实就说 see sb on their own或直接 see sb themselves), which means the teenage girl in the portrait, could be mistake ( 这个是词典翻译出来的吗？^^。。最好不要这样用啦，换词如果一时想不出来，用原文的说法也可以的~换词是加分，语法错误可是扣分哦~) for Jane Austen.

Secondly, the passage indicates that（宾语从句的引导词不可以省略哦，特别是书面的时候） the face of the girl  in portrait resembles Austen in the only accepted（这个有点看不懂了。。） image by her sister. But the lecture insists that there are many girls in Austen's family have these facial features （这个换词抽象得很好~）, and the girl in portrait could be MG, one of Austen's distant kin.
（portrait 是可数名词，不能单数单独出现哦，要加上冠词~多打几个the字数还会多一点^^...）

Finally, contrary to the statement in the(加一些定冠词不会有错的~) reading that the image was painted by Ozias Humphrey.  The professor contends that a stamp on the portrait reveals the painter actually is WL, and, base on the fact that Jane Austen has already been old in WL's active period. Thus, the girl in the painting seems impossible to be Austen herself.

（楼主的听力抓得比我准~）

In conclusion, the professor clearly refute the weakness in the reading and convincingly shows that  the girl in painting is not Jane Austen herself.

饼干小熊

搜了2篇高分范文放这里
TPO 12
The reading passage suggests that three pieces of evidence provide support that a portrait recently commissioned for sale by a member of Jane Austen’s family is of Jane Austen herself when she was a teenager. However, the lecturer rejects such evidence and argues that the painting could not be a portrait of Jane Austen.

　　First, the lecturer argues that the portrait was approved for publication by the Austen family 70 years after Jane Austen’s death, suggesting that members of her extended family might have published the portrait without having actually seen her in person. Therefore. the fact that the portrait had been endorsed by her family members does not necessarily prove that it is a portrait of Jane Austen.

　　Second, the lecturer argues that the resemblance between the portrait and an authentic sketch of the adult Jane Austen could be explained by the hypothesis that the portrait is of a relative of Jane Austen when the relative was a teenager.

　　Finally, the lecturer argues that despite the style of the painting, which links it to the exact period when Jane Austen was a teenager, the stamp on the back of the canvas suggests that the portrait was painted at least 27 years after Jane Austen’s birth, indicating that the portrait was of someone else who was much older than the teenage Jane Austen.

TPO 13

The lecturer rejects the ideas presented in the reading passage about the problems involved in the booming business of commercial fossil trading. In her opinion, the benefits of this new development outweigh its negative consequences.

　　The lecturer does not agree with the first point made in the reading—that private collectors keep their fossil collections away from the public. She contends that the commercial trading of fossils actually makes them available to a wider public, because everyone with a budget, such as private schools and libraries, can purchase them for study and exhibition.

　　The lecturer goes on to refute the claim in the reading that fossil trading business prevents scientists and public museum from benefiting from fossil finds, as these parties cannot compete with wealthy private buyers to acquire important fossils for research purpose. On the contrary, she argues, scientists themselves are the first to evaluate any important fossil before it can be sold in the commercial market at a price, so the academic community does not miss any opportunity to study privately traded fossils.

　　Additionally, the lecturer challenges the final downside of fossil trading mentioned in the reading. The lecturer reminds us that the damages, if any, caused by private collectors in their field operations are more than offset by the effort these individuals have made to increase the number of fossils available to the public that would otherwise remain undiscovered.

饼干小熊

8/20 TPO 14 232字  我看大家都不写结尾的总结,那我也不写了..

The author of reading passage enumerates several advantages of salvage logging to illustrates it is beneficial both to a damaged forest and to the economy. However, the professor in lecture thinks the salvage logging will bring serious long-term damage to forest and refutes the reading in use of three specific points.

Firstly, although the reading passage asserts that forest are chocked with dead trees, which take years to decompose and leave no room for new grow trees, if they are not been removed immediately, the professor argues that the nature decompose process of dead tree makes soil nutritious, which means the soil can provide a better condition for new trees to grow up. But salvage logging will cut the process of release nutrition to soil.

Moreover, the reading considers that the large number of insects in decaying wood will increase the dangers of insect infestation. On the contrary, for the professor of the lecture contends that the decaying wood is a highly suitable for not only injurious insects but also useful insects and birds, thus, the advantages of leave the dead trees decaying in forest are outweigh the disadvantages.

Finally, the professor questions that the economic benefits of salvage logging by proves that the cost of logs might be higher than usual and the addition jobs for local residents are temporary. Therefore, the economic benefits will much less than the reading stated.

饼干小熊

8/21 综合 写作小分队 276字

The author in the reading passage recommended three approaches to prevent the spread of cane toad and reduce their population. However, the professor in lecture asserts that the approaches may not only unsuccessful but also damage the ecosystem. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support he’s opinion.

In the first place, even though the reading passage proposes that the national fence can be one way to prohibit the cane toad to move to the places they have not yet colonized, the lecture points out that the water flow can bring toad eggs to everywhere and young and small cane toads still can move through the fence, which means the mean of erect a national fence is failed.

Moreover, the reading suggests that the toads could be captured and destroyed by large number of volunteers. Even so the professor admits the approach might be useful, he claims that it is not easy to tell the difference between cane toads and native frogs, especially hard to extinguish a kind of in danger native frogs and cane toads when they young. Thus, the untrained volunteers are likely to captured the in danger frogs by mistake and threaten the survival of native animals.

Finally, despite the reading passage contends that disease-causing virus will specifically harm only the cane toads but not most of the infect species in Australia, the professor indicates that the virus might be bring to central American by other species and hurt the cane toads there. The virus will suffer the whole ecosystem in central and south American because the cane toad is one of the native species and critical to the local ecosystem.

whom123

饼干小熊 发表于 2013-8-20 16:42
8/20 TPO 14 232字  我看大家都不写结尾的总结,那我也不写了..

The author of reading passage enumerates ...

The author of reading passage enumerates several advantages of salvage logging to illustrates it is beneficial both to a damaged forest and to the economy. However, the professor in lecture thinks the salvage logging will bring serious long-term damage to forest and refutes the reading in use of three specific points.
开头稍微总结下passage结构并指明lecture反驳要点的结构我觉得很值得提倡~

Firstly, although the reading passage asserts that forest are chocked with dead trees, which take years to decompose and leave no room for new grow trees, if they are not been removed immediately,（此处标点符号问题想说下，还是结尾好点吧，不然太长了而且不连贯。不过我觉得你应该是笔误。。） the professor argues that the nature decompose process of dead tree makes soil nutritious, which means the soil can provide a better condition for new trees to grow up. But salvage logging will cut（cut out？） the process of release nutrition to soil.

Moreover, the reading considers that the large number of insects in decaying wood will increase the dangers of insect infestation. On the contrary, for the professor of the lecture contends that the decaying wood is a highly suitable for not only injurious insects but also useful insects and birds, thus, the advantages of leave the dead trees decaying in forest are outweigh the disadvantages.

Finally, the professor questions that the economic benefits of salvage logging by proves that the cost of logs might be higher than usual and the addition jobs for local residents are temporary. Therefore, the economic benefits will much less than the reading stated.
第三部分细节有点少了。 听力的问题吧

总体来说还不错，结构没什么问题。只是内容上有些细节没听全，虽然主要的点都说到了，但是细节方面还望更完全些。