ForTheAC的作文贴____An article a day keeps the low grade away

ForTheAC

初来乍到，不懂规矩。求教育求鞭打。。

ForTheAC

9.28 对成功的商业而言，广告投入越多越好

Outstanding advertisement often guarantees bright impression. Have you ever seen the advertisement of iphone? It is the unique style of its advertisement that contributes to the splendid sales and its unparalleled position in mobile phone market. It is definitely a must to put enough efforts and money in advertising.

It is self-evident that advertising serves as a good way to expose concept, quality and key features of the products to the potential customers. A good case in point is my uncle Bob. When he started his own business of jewelery shop, he was frustrated to see that many customers only walked around his shop but did not buy anything. He realized that customers were not convinced of the reliability of the jewelery, though the jewelery he sold was one hundred percent true. Thus he asked an expertise to make positive comments on his jewelery as advertisement, after which the customers coming to his shop became confident and started purchasing his jewelery.

Though advertising can bring so many good effects to the products, it does cost a lot of money. Therefore, it’s common that some business men might doubt if advertising deserves such large expense.

It is safe to say the profit created by the advertising much outweighs the expense of that. When the Chinese movie “Huang Jin Jia” was in the process of casting, the film company decided to request Jay to act in the film who is one of the most famous superstars in china. Then they spared no effort to post advertisement of this film to highlight Jay. This action undoubtedly costs a lot, but only in this way could this film acquire more audience. As a consequence, this film came into the first place in the movie market, which helped the company earn more profits than what they could imagine previously.

However, successful business not only depends on the advertisement, but also relies on the unimpeachable quality of the product. It is brilliant quality and suitable advertising that make iphone the best mobile phone around the world. Both of them are prerequisite of the success of business, and it’s worthwhile to attach significance to them.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is wise to put investment in advertising. For one respective, advertising has advantages in helping the public better understand the products. For another, it does bring more value than cost to the business. Additionally, it is crystal clear that with the support of good quality, advertising can absolutely promise a successful business.

ForTheAC

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loverony713

ForTheAC 发表于 2014-9-29 20:59
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9.28 对成功的商业而言，广告投入越多越好 Outstanding advertisement often guarantees bright(deep之类的词比较好) impression. Have you ever seen the advertisement of iphone? It is the unique style of its advertisement that contributes to the splendid sales and its(删掉 两个N并列) unparalleled position in (the) mobile(smart) phone market. It is definitely a must to put enough efforts and money in advertising. It is self-evident that advertising serves as a good way to expose concept, quality and key features of the products to the potential customers. A good case in point is my uncle Bob(case是一个人？表述不太好). When he started his own business of （a）jewelery shop, he was frustrated to see that many customers only walked around his shop but did not buy anything. He realized that customers were not convinced of the reliability of the jewelery, though the jewelery he sold was one hundred percent true. Thus he asked an expertise to make positive comments on his jewelery as advertisement, after which the customers coming to his shop became confident and started purchasing his jewelery.（斜体需要修改） 你这一段论述没有说清楚为啥广告能吸引顾客 （也就是说你主体句expose后面那些广告的特点没有详细说明）首先你得说出来 有无广告的对比，因为你的主题句是广告带来的好处，而不是那些positive comments带来的好处。在举例时 你应该侧重的是 uncle在广告上下功夫之后 才使得顾客买了东西 由此来突出广告的重要性 并且在论述的时候要覆盖你主题句说的那几点。不然的话论述还是跑题。 Though advertising can bring so many good effects to the products, it does cost a lot of money. Therefore, it’s common that some business men might doubt if advertising deserves such large expense. 纳尼？？？怎么就如此巨大的转折！ It is safe（？） to say the profit created by the advertising much outweighs the expense of that. When the Chinese movie “Huang Jin Jia”（可能有对应的英文名） was in the process of casting, the film company decided to request Jay（把人家名字写全了） to act in the film who is one of the most famous superstars in china. Then they spared no effort to post advertisement of this film to highlight Jay. （目的不是让他更有名 而是赚钱）This action undoubtedly costs（过去式） a lot, but only in this way could this film acquire more audience. As a consequence, this film came into the first place in the movie market, which helped the company earn more profits than what they could（去掉 or） imagine（+d） previously. 例子不够具体 难道更多的观众就意味着赚钱一定多么？万一其他制造成本大的惊人呢？？只用一种情况推出来结论是片面的。而且你的more profits到底是多少？previous是多少？得用具体的数例说明啊~ However, successful business not only depends on the advertisement, but also relies on the unimpeachable quality （是不是修饰的太绝对了...）of the product. It is brilliant quality and suitable advertising that make iphone the best mobile phone around the world. Both of them are prerequisite of the success of business, and it’s worthwhile to attach significance to them. but also后面不应该是你这方面的重点么？？？怎么后来说两个一样重要呢？？这样逻辑是不对的。。。广告和质量不能对等 这两个特点不同 你还是应该说广告本身能带来的好处。 From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that it is wise to put investment in advertising. For one respective, advertising has advantages in helping the public better understand the products. For another, it does bring more value than cost to the business. Additionally, it is crystal（没必要） clear that with the support of good quality, advertising can absolutely promise a successful business.

ForTheAC

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-29 21:59

太感谢了，你指出的漏洞都很一针见血啊= =过渡段有啥意见，太突兀了么？

ForTheAC

9.29 孩子独立决定更好

Naïve thoughts usually lead to unsound decisions. Are you really sure your children have ability to make decisions without your assistance? It is clear that it is adults’ consideration plays a more significant role in decision making process of their young children.

It is self-evident that most children are not mature enough to resist outer influence, thus cannot make right decisions by themselves. And sometime they even do not have ability to face the consequence derived from their own decision. For instance, in my hometown, some parents seem to prefer sending their children to the famous high schools in the big city. They believe that their children can become more independent and outstanding in that environment. However, the truth is that when these young men are confronted with allure from the outside, they fail to make right decision to say no when they leave their families. They abandon themselves in such a free environment by playing vedio games all day or starting to smoke. They become regretful after they fail in the college entrance examination and find their previous classmates staying in hometown, who study under the guidance of their parents, are admitted by first-class university. This case reflects the fact that young children are not prepared to make right decision without guidance of adults.

Since adults own more knowledge and experiences, it is wise of children to be humble to accept the advice of their parents and teachers, which in most cases can bring them a lot of benefits they cannot see at present. Take myself as an example, when I was young, I benefit a lot from my parents’ suggestions. In summer vacation when I was still in primary school, I always decided to spend the whole vacation playing with my friends, while my father strongly suggested I should take some courses like piano course to develop interests in specific field. I accepted his advice and decided to learn playing chess. It was this hobby that gave me an opportunity to make acquintance with different people. It was this attempt that helped me think in a more rational way when faced with difficulties. I could never believe this choice would have so many positive effects on my life.

Granted, completely restricting children’s own thoughts is harmful to their growth. Their ability to make wise decision needs to be cultivated so that one day they could be more sedate to shoulder their responsibility and choose the most effective way to fullfill their aspirations. However, it is not equal to say they can make decisions entirely by themselves when they are still young. Adults such as parents and teachers do have duty to guide the young generation and help them make right choices. That is how education functions. That is how the sapling changes into lush tree.

As it stands, children lack maturity and enough experiences to make decision on their own. Although it is necessary for them to practice making choices, they really need to seek the suggestion from adults to help them do the right thing. Only in this way could they move in the right direction and turn into future leader of this world.

loverony713

ForTheAC 发表于 2014-9-30 11:03
太感谢了，你指出的漏洞都很一针见血啊= =过渡段有啥意见，太突兀了么？ ...

就是你的那一段转折有点大 其实不是很需要

daisy333

抱歉晚了一点哦

ForTheAC

daisy333 发表于 2014-9-30 23:09
抱歉晚了一点哦

Thx！改的很仔细，也让我复习了一些语法
1. abandon oneself应该是可以，详见http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abandon里第4条解释
2. find/suggest后面的从句是不是加that比较formal？我平时比较懒会省略
3. have duty to guide the young generation and （to） help them make right choices我记得并列不定式是可以省略后面一个to的不太确定= =
4. in most cases can bring them a lot of benefits （that这里的that还是要的吧？） they cannot see at present. 好像被修饰的词在从句中充当宾语的时候that/who是可以省略的

ForTheAC

9.30 政府该不该支持没实用价值的科学研究

Scientific research helps us better understand the origin of creature. Scientific research teaches us how to predict what will happen in this universe. Scientific research tells us the right thing we should do at the moment. Not all scientific researches own great value in practical use, but it is still compulsory for our government to offer support for these researches.

It is unsound to label the scientific research that has no visible benefits at present as useless research. As a matter of fact, many researches that seemed useless at first glance turned out to be of unexpected value in practical use. For instance, when great mathematician Galosis first brought group theory into the palace of math in 17th century, French government and other academic institutions did not attach enough attention to this great discovery and thought that it had no practical use. No one liked to provide funding for this young scientist, and as a consequence, he was frustrated by the acdemic world and committed suicide by joining in a fight that he had knew he would fail. However, nowadays group theory proves to have huge influence on different fields such as computer science, finance and so forth. The cases like this are not rare, which suggest that the government should not overlook the scientific research which seemingly has no practical use.

Besides, I strongly believe that it is not practical potential but human’s determination to pursuing truth of nature and human society that serves as primary driving force of scientific research. Yitang Zhang is a contemporary scientist who studies number theory, and he devotes his whole life studying a hypothesis in that field. Once in an interview, the reporter asked him why he had chosen this field since it seemed to be pragmatically useless. Yitang Zhang said that it was every mathematician’s dream to prove this theory and the theory could help understand the fundamental rule of nature. That is the reason why he worked in a small room year by year in spite of the low salary and harsh working environment. How can our government not provide assistance for these great men who spend every miniute seeking the truth of this world? How can our government be phlegmatic to such genuine aspiration for exploring more knowledge for human society?

Granted, the resource that our government can provide is limited, hence the government should be discreet to infuse fundings into promising researches. However, it is not equal to say they can neglect or abandon the researches which seem to have no practical use at present. It is necessary for the government to support every scientific research that can make contributions to building up the collective knowledge of human society. That is the fastest way our society develops.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely say that it is possible for every overlooked scientific research to bring us significant practical use we cannot anticipate at present. Additionally, the real goal of scientific research is to decipher the secrets of this world. Therefore, it is clear that our government has responsibility to provide support for scientific researches, even if they do not promise any practical use.

感觉这篇写得好渣渣= =