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youkymomo

4.5独立 It is better to relax by watching a movie orreading a book than doing physical exercise.

Do you lead a healthy life?Do you on your ownlifestyle satisfaction? In recent years, itis generally conceded that the lifestyle may have contributed to the decline inthe health enjoyed by modern people, especially who lives in city. A largequantity of people propose the statement that they prefer to stay at homewatching movies or reading a book as a major fashion of relaxation. However, inmy own perspective, I firmly support that exercise is of great significance forthe majority of citizens to improve their quality of life.

The first and the foremost, the fast-paced life in the heavily pollutedurban environment involves many health hazards, which constrains urbanresidents to have stronger bodies to resist diseases. Forinstance,pm2.5,referred to tiny particles in the air that are very hazardous tohealth, which as the heated discussed issue has been controversial since it wasraised up. Except wearing masks, toning up with more exercise seems to be themost efficient manner to avoid health hazards, before the government and theauthorities proposing the accurate and available plan to curb the environmentalpollution. Seeing increased rates of cancer and other chronic health disorders,there is no way around the fact that building up our resistance has become theessential duty to enhance our physical health.

Moreover, undergone a significant increase of human population for thepast centuries, the competition between no matter students or job seekers arebecoming fiercer and fiercer, accompanied by weighing heavily on the spirit. Aftersitting in front of the desk or the computer for a day, having an exerciseinarguably becomes a demand for urban dwellers. It is a healthy approach thatpeople can release their pressure of life through its diversity. For example, peoplewho prefer strenuous physical activities can swim or jog; people who are fondof the sports of a little aggressive can consider yoga as their best choice; andso on and so forth.

Furthermore, through the process of exercise in the gym, people obtainmore opportunities to make new friends those who may work in other fields withdifferent sorts of experience that they have never heard. Frankly, Communicatingwith other people, for me, is a better choice than reading books or watchingmovies at home.

Thanks to the reasons and the evidences mentioned above, I am a definitelyproponent of the statement that doing physical exercise to relax enjoys adistinct advantage. People should learn to improve their life quality, besidesexercise could be the most rational choice.

JanetYellen

OK~               批改完毕~

youkymomo

4.7独立The purpose of television should be all educative, not entertaining.
The impact that modern mass media such as telivision has had on our daily life,and society in general,is undeniable,especially for the young kids.Therefore,accompanied by the heated discussion ,a large proportion of people propose to improve the content of the programs to be all educative on TV ,in order to enhance the significance of education.I ,however,can't agree with this content completely.Several points in defferent aspects will be demonstrated to attest my personal view.
First of all, we need to rationally look on the television from the functional perspective. Television is a kind of device invented by people to relax themselves through the manner of amusement, which contains various types of programs, such as sports channel, music channel, agriculture channel and of course education channel and forth. With so many kinds of telecasts, what we incline to watch depends on our individual preferences and hobbies. Frankly speaking, although I consent with increasing the educational significance of the programs, I firmly insist that entertainment is also of irreplaceable importance.
Additionally, you can't wake up a person who is pretending to be asleep, in the same pattern, you can't pull up a person through the fashion of increasing more educational elements on TV programs. On my own perspective, motivation is what gets a person started, habit is what keeps you going. Although we maintain the most fertile learning environment, have the most responsible teachers, possess the most advanced equipment, and none of these will make a difference, none of it will matter unless we put in the hard work it takes to succeed.
Moreover, the line between education and entertainment has not been defined so clearly. For instance, when I was a primary school student, I used to watch a program named “Discovery”, which led to the consult that I indulge in the biology, for its diverse, mysterious, and creationary. And also in nowadays, a program called “What A Station” is heated discussed by the people, which in the form of answering the questions to reach the next level. If you give the incorrect answer, you may drop from the place where you stand. All these kinds of programs have brought us not only entertainment but also the knowledge we interested in.
To the conclusion, it is rather superficial to simply say that the objective of the television can only be educative. Due to the above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrive at the summary that the element of entertainment plays a key role to fulfill the great demand of audiences who watch television for relaxing.  

zsy2632

4-7      独立

包子不包子

亲 不能有缩写噶cant要写成cannot
个人不喜欢用人们都在热烈争论这种方式开头
写第一段的时候最好就能引起人的主意 用些句型 排比比喻什么都可以。还可以凑凑字数
还有就是。感觉每段中心句还不够明确。都想最后一段的论点那样清晰就更好了。(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))坚持！

youkymomo

包子不包子 发表于 2014-4-10 03:18
亲 不能有缩写噶cant要写成cannot
个人不喜欢用人们都在热烈争论这种方式开头
写第一段的时候最好就能引起 ...

嘻嘻，谨遵教诲~

youkymomo

4.10
独立写作 Compared to hiring famous teachers, the school should focus on improving facilities such as libraries and computer labs.
Have you ever considered that what element has had the most profound impact on children's study? For all children and parents tend to unconsciously or subconsciously incline to the idea that famous teachers are of great significant for the students to have a brilliant grade. Apparently, a school with a large number of famous teachers can surely lead the people to think that it is a better choice to send their children in this school. But compared with facilities improvement, I consent to the view of improving facilities to its best advantage.
The first and the foremost, famous teachers are not equal to qualified teachers. Admittedly, if a school desire to improve their education quality, all they have to face, is not only the student’s learning enthusiasm stimulation and advanced facilities improvement, but also an increasing in the number of teachers with abundant teaching experience. Although a teacher who is famous for his esoteric academic thesis or the other reasons, has successfully completed a large number of complicated research and projects, is he adapted to assist the students to catch the point in the learning materials depends on his language competence and affinity. At bottle, I have to emphasize that famous is not means teaching experience.
In addition, more opportunity and space will be offered for students to practice after the facilities improvement. It goes without saying, knowledge begins with practice, and theoretical knowledge is acquired through practice and then must return to practice. As we all known, Practice is the sole criterion of truth. Only if the students will do some experiments or practice , will the knowledge be absorbed by the students.
Moreover, as for teachers, the character of responsible is equally important to the character of qualified. If I were a famous teacher, from my own perspective, I would prefer to spend most of my time on academic studies rather than teaching tasks. There is no way around the fact that hiring famous teacher, in a sense, is not actually benefit to the children’s study.
To the conclusion, it is rather superficial to simply say that hiring famous teacher is definitely good to students’ academic performance. Due to the above-mentioned reasons and expositions, we may safely arrive at the summary that the improvement of facilities can be the better choice to enhance performance.

chushidefeng

独立写作 Compared to hiring famous teachers, the school should focus on improving facilities such as libraries and computer labs.
Have you ever considered that what element has had the most(改成which element，famous teachers or advanced facilities， has more) profound impact on children's study? For(去掉) all（改成most of ） children and parents tend to unconsciously or subconsciously incline to the idea that famous teachers are of great significant for the students to have a brilliant grade. Apparently, a school with a large number of famous teachers can surely lead the people to think that it is a better choice to send their children in this school. But compared with facilities improvement, I consent to the view of improving facilities to its best advantage.
The first and the foremost, famous teachers are not equal to qualified teachers. Admittedly, if a school desires to improve their education quality, all they have to face, is not only the student’s learning enthusiasm stimulation（改成the stimulation of students‘ learning enthusiam） and advanced（去掉） facilities improvement, but also an increasing in the number of teachers with abundant teaching experience. Although a teacher who is famous for his esoteric academic thesis or the other reasons, has successfully completed a large number of complicated researches and projects, is he adapted to assist the students to catch the point in the learning materials depends on his language competence and affinity.（需要修改） At bottle（？）, I have to emphasize that famous（改成fame） is（does） not means（mean） teaching experience.
In addition, more opportunity（opportunities） and space will be offered for students to practice after the facilities improvement（改成improvement of facilities比较好）. It goes without saying, knowledge begins with practice, and theoretical knowledge is acquired through practice and then must return to practice. As we all known, Practice is the sole criterion of truth. Only if the students will do some experiments or practice , will the knowledge be absorbed by the students.
Moreover, as for teachers, the character of responsible（responsibility） is equally important to the character of qualified. If I were a famous teacher, from my own perspective, I would prefer to spend most of my time on academic studies rather than teaching tasks. There is no way around the fact that hiring famous teacher, in a sense, is not actually benefit（beneficial） to the children’s study.
To the conclusion, it is rather superficial to simply say that hiring famous teacher is definitely good to students’ academic performance. Due to the above-mentioned reasons and expositions, we may safely arrive at the summary that the improvement of facilities can be the better choice to enhance performance.

ps. 思路清晰，但需积累词汇！加油！

youkymomo

chushidefeng 发表于 2014-4-14 11:33
独立写作 Compared to hiring famous teachers, the school should focus on improving facilities such as ...

嗯，谢谢批改，词汇量确实是我的大问题......

youkymomo

4.13独立写作

Getting advice from friends who are older than youis more valuable than getting advice from friends of your age.

Most of us absolutely have encountered challenges or puzzles that we can not settle them among ourselves. At this moment, a friend who can point out the path to guide us keep away the hardness by suggesting a good way to "know what to do" without going through a long process of generating and examining alternative solutions is all we need. Through this point of view, some people may incline to get advice from their friends who are the same age. But this idea and the one that I personally subscribe to, is that people who are older than us can provide us more valuable proposition.
The first and foremost, the more adversities people gone through, the more experience will be accumulated. A person who has little experience can not offer you an excellent suggestion which fit in with the condition in long term, but instead of the advice that is too emotional and naive. At a fundamental level, there must be a person, who has met the same problem like you, has overcome the troubles in some particular way. Only if you ask the correct person who has suffered the same matters, will the intractable problems be tackled and avoid wasting too much on figuring out the troubles.
Moreover, with the gradual fiercer growing competition in the society, the peers who are your competitors may not show you all the relevant information about the problems. To be more specific, some of them may lead you to the wrong way deliberately. You may be hard to believe this concept may be too abstract, let me raise a convincing example to break down this statement. When I was a fresh man, I participated the student union for developing my own ability of leadership. The chairman set a task for both me and another girl. However, when I ask the girl how to deal with the details of this task, she not only refused to answer my question, but also warned me not to steal her thunder. It left me an indelible memory which is so horrible and unforgivable. So I hold the concept that it is useless for us to get available suggestion through the mean of asking the people who are in the same age.
Nevertheless, the people who are in the same age may in the same ideological level and comprehensive ability, so it is easy for them to resonate with each other. Fundamentally, peers actually lack of experience to make a proposal of overcoming the difficulties.
To the conclusion, due to the above-mentioned reasons and expositions, we may safely arrive at the summary that the people who are older than us can provide more functional and experienced advice to help us get out of the mass.