iammuse的作文，求狠拍

iammuse

831
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Currently, there is one popular concept, named work SOHO, which means work with your own computer and telephone at your home. Because its flexible working time and time saving on the commute between home to office, some people said that it’s a new way to increase the working efficiency. But in my personal point of view, I think it’s just the adverse. Working at home will be less effective and efficient than work in the office.

Right, electronics advices and internet can help the communication between colleagues in long distances away, but it’s far not enough. For example, if you have the group meeting face to face, you can learn everybody’s mood, opinion and thoughts through their body language and face impression very clearly, and also you can react according to it quickly to solve the problems. But if you just held a meeting on internet, definitely you can’t make the right decision only by sounds.

Also, In your cozy house, you’ll have a lot of distractions, such as your favorite books, comfortable bed and sofa, small snacks and ect. No time constraints make you distracted by all these lovely stuffs from the work. At the end, your work time span will be longer and the efficiency will be lower.

And besides all these above, the most important thing is you don’t have the relationship connection with your colleagues. In the company, people also need to have some connections besides working. They can have lunch together, talk about the interesting news and exchange the ideas freely. Several close colleagues will form a small community to have activities in holidays. And all these connection will give you deeper understanding about your colleagues, your job will go more smooth. But if you just communicate with your colleagues through cold telephone and internet, you can’t build up that connection.

So, as you can see, working at home is not a better idea. Face to face communication, concentration and relationship connection with colleagues are important factors which can increase working efficiency and effectiveness.

Markk丶

Hi，iammuse，为了不辜负你这么辛苦的写，我研究了很久你的作文，尽管我的英语实力不强，但是我也算尽力，希望你能够谅解。
首先看完你的文章，我做了一个文章思路的总结，如下：

一、开门见山，说出一个例子————SOHO让员工在家工作，然后点出被大家认为的“优点”
【1】flexible working time  【2】 save time   【3】提高效率
然后否定，尤其是针对【3】，你觉得反而会降低效率。

二、互联网帮助我们。。。然后否定不能够完全替代面对面的交流，叙述原因
【1】不能够察言观色  【2】家里的东西会影响我们


三、其实第三段的内容也算上面的理由，但是你觉得特别重要于是拿出来讲，说这样会影响我们与同事之间的关系。最后再是说这样会降低效率。

我觉得结构看下来，还不错，比较都很充分，那我们进入具体的文章内容。

Currently, there is one popularconcept, named work SOHO, which means work with your own computer and telephoneat your home.(这个例子很赞哦) Because its flexible working time and time saving on the commutebetween home to office, some people said that it’s a new way to increase（这里有个疑问，increase和improve更好？） the working efficiency. But in my personal point of view, I thinkit’s just the adverse. Working at home will be less effective and efficientthan working in the office.

Right, electronics advices andinternet can help the communication between colleagues in long distances away,but it’s far not enough. For example, if you have the group meeting face toface, you can learn everybody’s mood, opinions（这里需要S）and thoughts through their body language and face impression very clearly, andalso you can react according to it quickly to solve the problems. But if youjust held a meeting on internet, definitely you can’t make the right decisiononly by sounds.（个人意见，不仅可以音频会议，还有视频，所以你需要提一下，可以这么说Even if you have a video conference, it’s hardly to do that[这里你可以写的清楚一点，文采有限哈]

Also, In your cozy house, you’ll havea lot of distractions, such as your favorite books, comfortable bed and sofa,small snacks and ect. No time constraintsmake you distracted by all these lovely stuffs from the work. At the end, yourwork time span will be longer and the efficiency will be lower.【这里可以提一下在办公室和公司上班可以怎么样集中你的注意力，或者为什么让你提高效率】

And besides all these above, the mostimportant thing is you don’t have the relationship connection with yourcolleagues. In the company, people also need to have some connections besidesworking. They can have lunch together, talk about the interesting news andexchange the ideas freely. Several close colleagues will form a small communityto have activities in holidays. And all these connection will give you deeperunderstanding about your colleagues,【这里可以加一句，and tell you how to make a great teamwork with them】 , after that, your job will go moresmooth. But if you just communicate with your colleagues through cold telephoneand internet, you can’t build up that connection. You can only live in yourworld forever. So, as you cansee, working at home is not a better idea. Face to face communication,concentration and relationship connection with colleagues are important factorswhich can increase working efficiency and effectiveness.

iammuse

Markk丶 发表于 2013-9-1 23:21
Hi，iammuse，为了不辜负你这么辛苦的写，我研究了很久你的作文，尽管我的英语实力不强，但是我也算尽力， ...

刚看到，非常赞啊，太感谢了。一会把修改过的贴上来：）

iammuse

8.31的修正版承上~~非常感谢markk的修改：）

Currently, there is one popular concept, named work SOHO, which means work with your own computer and telephone at your home. Because its flexible working time and time saving on the commute between home to office, some people said that it’s a new way to improve the working efficiency. But in my personal point of view, I think it’s just the adverse. Working at home will be less effective and efficient than working in the office.
Right, electronics advices and internet can help the communication between colleagues in long distances away, but it’s far not enough. For example, if you have the group meeting face to face, you can learn everybody’s moods, opinions, and thoughts through their body language and face impression very clearly, and also you can react according to it quickly to solve the problems. But if you just held a meeting on internet, definitely you can’t make the right decision only by sounds. Even if you have a video conference, it’s still hard to understand others’ thinking just from the screens.
Also, In your cozy house, you’ll have a lot of distractions, such as your favorite books, comfortable bed and sofa, small snacks and ect. No time constraints make you distracted by all these lovely stuffs from the work. At the end, your work time span will be longer and the efficiency will be lower. However in the office, you are deeply involved in the working environment—only table, documents, meetings and busy people, then you’ll make yourself concentrate on the job.
And besides all these above, the most important thing is you don’t have the relationship connection with your colleagues. In the company, people also need to have some connections besides working. They can have lunch together, talking about the interesting news and exchange the ideas freely. Several close colleagues will form a small community to have activities in holidays. And all these connection will give you deeper understanding about your colleagues, and made you learn how to make a great teamwork with them, after that, your job will go more smoothly. But if you just communicate with your colleagues through cold telephone and internet, you can’t build up that connection. You can only live in your world forever.
So, as you can see, working at home is not a better idea. Face to face communication, concentration and relationship connection with colleagues are important factors which can increase working efficiency and effectiveness.

Markk丶

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-2 10:48
8.31的修正版承上~~非常感谢markk的修改：）

Currently, there is one popular concept, named work SOHO, ...

哈哈，你的作文很棒呢，向你学习!

iammuse

9.1 TPO26 综合

The lecture contradicts the views in the scientific article which points that the zebra mussels will spread to North American without stopping and has been threaten other fish species there. You can find the details of its contradictions below.

In the beginning, the professor provided a solution to prohibit the spread of zebra mussels. If the ship empty all the fresh water and fulfill the ocean water, then the mussels will be killed by salt water. This solution solved the spreading issue perfectly.

Moreover, about the domination of the new habitat in the article, the lecturer thinks it just at the beginning. Because when the number of zebra mussels increase, birds will notice them. And when other fish can’t be caught frequently, the birds will change to eat the mussels with large volume.

And finally, if the mussels have dominated the habitat, while the other fish’s number is dropping, mussels still have positive effect. While they eat the planktons which is mentioned in the article, the body will be the nutrients of fish in the river bottoms, then the fish in the bottom river will be increase.

dingzhiwei

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-2 21:09
9.1 TPO26 综合

The lecture contradicts the views in the scientific article which points that the ze ...

写的挺好的，水平有限，提不出建设性建议~~

iammuse

dingzhiwei 发表于 2013-9-3 11:00
写的挺好的，水平有限，提不出建设性建议~~

非常感谢，改的很细致。开头和结尾我都重新加了，一会把改进版发上来。

iammuse

9.1 TPO 26综合 修正版
The passage insists that zebra mussels will spread increasingly to North America and will dominate the new habitat and hurt other species of fish. The lecturer contradicts these two points with detailed examples and arguments as below.
At the beginning, regarding the non-stopping invasion in the passage, the professor provided a solution to prohibit the spread of zebra mussels. If the ship empties all the fresh water and fulfill the ocean water, then the mussels will be killed by salt water. This solution solved the spreading issue perfectly.
Moreover, about the domination of the new habitat in the article, the lecturer thinks it just happened at the beginning. Because when the number of zebra mussels increase, birds will notice them. And when other fish can’t be caught frequently, the birds will change to eat the mussels with large volume.

And finally, even the mussels have dominated the habitat, the other fish’s number might not drop, since mussels also have a positive effect. While they eat the planktons, which is mentioned in the article, the body will be the nutrients of fish in the river bottoms, then the fish in the bottom river will increase.
Because above points, you can find that zebra mussels will not spread to North America increasingly and will not dominate new habitats for a long time. Furthermore, they still play positive role for other species of fish.