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[issue] issue89求批改,求拍砖,写作太水,希望有好心人可以看到

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楼主
发表于 2013-5-5 22:17:02 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
issue89
Claim: Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system.
Reason: Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.
Outline
1. I fundamentally agree that laws cannot change what is in people’s hearts and minds since that is not the primal propose of laws. Laws are inseparable from morals but differ from it since laws regulate people’s behavior and moral change what in people’s hearts and minds.
同:法律的确不能改变人们的内心和思想,因为这并不是法律本身的目的。
    法律的目的是...
2. With the rapid development of society, many new problems emerged today that cannot be solved by laws and the legal system since it involves many fields and turned itself to complex issues.
同:的确有许多法律不能解决的问题,例如:安乐死
A. 法律解决不了是因为这些问题涉及到太多领域,已经是十分复杂。
B. 我们现行的法律体制还不够健全
3. We cannot neglect the importance of laws.
反:我们不能忽视法律的重要性
     There is a public controversy nowadays over the issue of whether all the problems of modern society can be solved by laws and the legal system. Insofar as laws cannot change what in people's hearts and minds,it take many persons to take it for granted that laws become gradually ineffectiveness. However,further reflection tells me that we cannot neglect the importance of laws.
     To begin with,I fundamentally agree that laws cannot change what is in people’s hearts and minds in some extent that is not the primal propose of laws. Laws are inseparable from morals but differ from it.Laws regulate people’s behavior and moral change what in people’s hearts and minds. Laws are what government made to set a model for the guidance of human society and regulate people's behavior. Laws are accumulated by the masses’ intelligence in order to make the social controlled in the sequence and establish the social justice to dispute settlement.(法律集合了众人的智慧,法律是为了控制社会让其有秩序并且建立社会公正去平息争议)   
     What's more,With the rapid development of society, many new problems emerge today that cannot be solved by laws and the legal system which might due to two reasons,one is that these problems involves many fields and turned itself to complex issues and the other is that our legal system is not fully operated. It takes serval decades for western countries to accept euthanasia since it is a comprehensive social problems that involves medical science,ethics, morals,philosophy,sociology and so on. While euthanasia is illegal in China. Without special law to ensure it is not legal murder,it causes great crises that point out euthanasia against the traditional ethics and humanism.(没有专门的法律去保障安乐死不是合法杀人,这个问题就引起了强烈反对,反对者指出它违反了传统的伦理道德和人道主义) However,with the development and advancement of the society,not only the criterion of ethics and morals but also the legal system should be updating. Imagine that people who live in 21st centry but use an ancient law, he will find nothing could be solved and involved himself in lots of more problems. So law ought to update in order to face new problems and new centry.      However,We cannot neglect the importance of laws.It should be admitted that laws cannot solve all the problems,but it play a crucial role in impulsing the cultural advancement and the evolution of human mind such as the abolition of slavery in the United States,the abolition of apartheid in South Africa and the right to vote of women.
     From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that law cannot change people's hearts and minds,but it can regulate people’ behavior.And solving new problems needs more complete legal system and it is unwise to neglect laws which plays a vital role in human life for it cannot deal with current questions.  
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沙发
发表于 2013-5-6 10:06:28 | 只看该作者
我觉得要重点攻击或者支持:Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

不用扯太远。
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2013-5-8 11:10:21 | 只看该作者
普渡哥 发表于 2013-5-6 10:06
我觉得要重点攻击或者支持:Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts or minds.

不用扯太远。 ...

谢谢指点
地板
发表于 2013-5-8 12:40:00 | 只看该作者
claim和reason分开论述,是否同意reason,是否认为reason和claim之间有必然关系
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-5-8 22:36:59 | 只看该作者
竹林中人 发表于 2013-5-8 12:40
claim和reason分开论述,是否同意reason,是否认为reason和claim之间有必然关系

那论述reason和claim有主次之分么?是不是题目想说明的重点是claim?还是...
6#
发表于 2013-5-8 23:12:05 | 只看该作者
milkstream 发表于 2013-5-8 22:36
那论述reason和claim有主次之分么?是不是题目想说明的重点是claim?还是...

没有主次之分,这是一条逻辑链上
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-5-12 22:28:01 | 只看该作者
竹林中人 发表于 2013-5-8 23:12
没有主次之分,这是一条逻辑链上

多谢指点!!!
8#
发表于 2013-5-20 08:52:06 | 只看该作者
这里是只改逻辑不改语言么....我觉得你很多主谓不一致的问题,然后写长句的时候很容易出错。比如这一段每一句话都有错误并且错误是严重到了影响阅读的程度. 介意长句量力而已。短句多变换形式也挺好的。
What's more,With the rapid development of society, many new problems emerge today that cannot be solved by laws and the legal system which might due to two reasons,one is that these problems involves many fields and turned itself to complex issues and the other is that our legal system is not fully operated. It takes serval decades for western countries to accept euthanasia since it is a comprehensive social problems that involves medical science,ethics, morals,philosophy,sociology and so on. While euthanasia is illegal in China. Without special law to ensure it is not legal murder,it causes great crises that point out euthanasia against the traditional ethics and humanism.
9#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-5-26 18:04:47 | 只看该作者
jacana 发表于 2013-5-20 08:52
这里是只改逻辑不改语言么....我觉得你很多主谓不一致的问题,然后写长句的时候很容易出错。比如这一段每一 ...

多谢指点,还有一个小问题,我写句子大多是中式思维直接写的,这就导致很多话写出来我自己觉得没问题,但其实错误百出,请问有什么快速提升的方法么?需要背范文或新概念么?
10#
发表于 2013-5-26 18:35:05 | 只看该作者
milkstream 发表于 2013-5-26 18:04
多谢指点,还有一个小问题,我写句子大多是中式思维直接写的,这就导致很多话写出来我自己觉得没问题,但 ...

背吧,当然提高语言肯定没有什么捷径,只能多读多用
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