TWE182样板题

嗯，今天的作业，一样，保证6分以上的质量

182 Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Though there may be some small shortcomings of having a pet at home, I am of the opinion that generally speaking, such relationship is a positive and beneficial one.

First of all, having a pet at home can make the person virtuous, sympathetic, humane and full of love. When dealing with animals, people usually become satisfied by the harmonious relationship between them and their pets. The feeling of reliability, goodness and love fills their hearts. You can hardly imagine a ruthless killer growing out of a family with a lovely dog that will swing its tail to him when he comes back home and chase after Frisbees thrown away by him. The evil and eccentric ideas will never appear when you are playing with your pet that you love so much.

Secondly, a pet can be very good friend and support you when you feels lonely. This is especially true for elders and children. When people grow up, they gradually loose the ability to catch up with the pace of the world, their friends fade away one by one, and their communication with their children diminishes. They normally will feel a bit lonely and want somebody to talk to and care for. If at that time, a pet is available at hand, it can serve the function of a good friend and an object to talk to. Elders can also find their value of existence on the world out of caring for those little animals. In some extreme cases, the pet may be considered their only relatives in the world and the only reason to live.

For children, they have a generation gap with their parents. Though parents love them very much, they still feel lonely because they do not share the same language with their parents. They would rather play with their pets then with their parents. This is especially important if there is only one child in the family. Furthermore, they can also learn to care for others as well as themselves through the process of playing with and caring for their pets.  

The biggest shortcoming people may raise about having a pet would be from hygienic aspect as far as I am concerned. They may argue that there are lots virus and germs carried by those pets and that close contact with them would make people vulnerable to various kinds of diseases. My answer would be that, first, those virus and germs can largely be controlled by precautious measures such as regular bath, antibacterial and preventing pets from exposure to contagious environment. It is not that easy actually to get disease from pets. The statistics can absolutely verify my argument. Even if people cannot ignore such small risk, I would argue that this risk is trivial compared with the benefit that having a pet would bring to us.

I have had lots of pets such as two cats, one turtle, one hedgehog, etc. Though due to practical reason I do not have one right now, my time with my lovely pets can only be described as fabulous. I can never for the world think of any negative word to describe such relationship and I am sure that most of the people with pets will agree with my opinion.

Find bones in an egg.

To be a critic is much easier than to be a good writer. Although you made more mistakes in this essay than in last one, you did a greate job. If I were asked to compose such an essay in the restricted time, mine would be much more awkward. Thank you for your contribution.

Though there may be some small shortcomings of having a pet at home, I am of the opinion that generally speaking, such relationship (what relationship? If you meant to refer to “having a pet at home”, it sounds a little bit vague since “having sth” is not a kinda relationship.) is a positive and beneficial one.

First of all, having a pet at home can make the person virtuous, sympathetic, humane and full of love. When dealing with animals, people usually become satisfied by (fell satisfied with) (“satisfied” here works as an adjective, so “satisfied by” was not a right usage) the harmonious relationship between them and their pets. The feeling of reliability, goodness and love fills their hearts. You can hardly imagine a ruthless killer growing out of a family with a lovely dog that will swing its tail to him when he comes back home and chase after Frisbees thrown away by him (This sentence is a little bit clumsy. You might want to revise it). The evil and eccentric ideas will never appear when you are playing with your pet that you love so much.

Secondly, a pet can be (a) very good friend and support you when you feels lonely. This is especially true for elders and children. When people grow up (According to the meaning you put in the sentence, I guess you meant to use “grow old” here), they gradually lose the ability to catch up with the pace of the world; their friends fade away one by one; and their (the) communication with their children diminishes. They normally will (It is normal for them to) feel a bit lonely and want somebody to talk to and care for. If at that time, a pet is available at hand, it can serve the function of a good friend and an object to talk to. (the expression sounds not good. How about “they have a pet around as a friend or family member to hang with, their loneliness will definitely be drifted away.”) Elders can also find their value of existence on the world out of caring for those little animals. In some extreme cases, the pet may be considered their only relatives in the world and the only reason to live.

For children, they have a generation gap with (there is a generation gap between them and) (The usage was not right. The generaton gap is neither caused by nor belong to Children.) their parents. Though parents love them very much, they (children) (using "they" here is ambigious since it may refer to “parents”) still feel lonely because they do not share the same language with their parents. They would rather play with their pets than with their parents. This is especially important (What is important? How does “This is more true” sound?) if there is only one child in the family. Furthermore, they (children) (too many “they”s for reader to know what "they"s refer to.) can also learn to care for others as well as themselves through the process of playing with and caring for their pets.  

The biggest shortcoming people may raise about having a pet would be from hygienic aspect as far as I am concerned. They may argue that there are lots (of )virus and germs carried by those pets and that close contact with them would make people vulnerable to various kinds of diseases. My answer would be that, first, those virus and germs can largely be controlled by precautious measures such as regular bath, antibacterial and preventing (against Parallel Structure rule) pets from exposure to contagious environment. It is not that easy actually to get disease from pets. The statistics can absolutely verify my argument. Even if people cannot ignore such (a) small risk, I would argue that this risk is trivial compared with the benefit that having a pet would bring to us.

I have had lots of pets such as two cats, one turtle, one hedgehog, etc. Though due to practical reason I do not have one right now, my time with my lovely pets can only be described as fabulous. I can never for the world think of any negative word to describe such relationship and I am sure that most of the people with pets will agree with my opinion.

多谢friend_friend修改，

除了第一个改正such relationship我不觉得表意不明，因为题目里面有明确写出relationship with their pets，

以及最后一个parrallel structure rule 没有听说过也不觉得这样并列有什么不妥以外，完全接受你的意见。争取以后的文章少犯点错误吧

谢谢WATERFROG的认真讨论.以下再就您的疑问做点补充.

所谓parallel structure就是我们说的平行结构, ... by precautious measures such as regular bath, antibacterial and preventing pets from exposure to contagious environment. 在这个句子里, 三项列举的东西第一,第二个是名词,而第三个是分词结构.(注意,preventing在这不是动名词).话说回来,即使是名词+名词+动名词这种形式,也是违反平行结构的原则的.

关于第一个问题,虽然在题目里提到了relationship,但是做为一篇独立完整的文章,是不应该依靠文章以外的REFERENCE的.就是说,题目起到的作用只是给你规定你文章的内容,而不是成为你文章的一部分.有的人在第一段中用above statement之类,我认为都不是很好的.脱离题目,文章也应该是完整的文章.所以,我主张在第一段把题目提出的话题或问题用自己的话REPHRASE一下.这样,几乎不用思考,第一段就出来了.关于这个问题存在争论,这只是我的个人意见,供大家参考.

再次感谢您的讨论

不同意你的观点, 没有题目的文章不成文章, 一篇文章的题目绝对是内容的有机组成部分之一.

parallel structure的确第一次听说. 不过仔细读了一下觉得稍有不顺, 改成by precautious measures such as regular bath, antibacterial and avoidence of contagious environment好了

平行结构是TOEFL句子结构和改错历年最偏爱的考点之一.非平行结构的句子是ETS的一大忌讳.下面的链接供大家参考.

Parallel Structure

奇妙的,我居然从来没听说过有这么个语法点.

any, 多谢friend兄指点

看看来咯

ff兄应该是考过g的吧, 很关注语法啊