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TWE101 some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer?

In the daily life, people are always confronted with a lot of questions, analysis of which will help people to make better decisions. One of such intriguing issues is whether to do work by hand or using machines. When facing this question, different people will present different answers due to respective experience and standpoints. Some claim that they would like to do work by hand. Others, on the contrary, may choose to use machines instead. As far as I am concerned, of the two opinions, I would rather agree with the latter than the former. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, using machines will greatly improve the work efficiency. Machines are usually power-driven and equipped with modern technology, which can process the work more quickly and conveniently. Moreover, machines could work continuously and need not take a break. Compared to do work by hand, machines shorten the working period to a big degree. For example, with the help of various machines, people nowadays could erect high buildings such as skyscrapers in a short time, usually several months. But if such work has to be done by hand, it will at least last many years to finish. From this aspect, using machines to do work not only save people energy but save people time as well, thus the work efficiency and productivity will be enhanced definitely.

Next, except for the high efficiency, another advantage of using machines to do work is that the quality of the work will be better. Machines are controlled by automatic programs and could reach the considerable precision. For instance, almost all companies today tend to use computers to do their office work, not simply because computers handle the office work more quickly, but also because they produce a better result. Using the computer to write a report, the report will be very neat and clean which is more convenient for others to read and understand. Whereas, writing the report by hand, it is common that one’s hand writing is difficult for other people to recognize and thus cause many inconvenience.

In addition, using machines to do work will be safer. There are a lot of work that are dangerous for people to do by hand, such as building high mansions and digging coal from underground. The working conditions at such places are bad and the disaster happens at times. Fortunately, with the help of modern machines, people need not to take the risk of doing such work anymore. For example, during the construction of high building today, such heavy materials as concrete and steel are sent by lifter to dangerous places that need them, and workers no longer climb to the high shelf to send the stuff and thus their life safety would be greatly promised.

To sum up, it is obvious that to do work using machines has many advantages. Using machines can enhance the working efficiency, produce a better result and protect people in safety. So, from what have been discussed above, I would prefer to do work using machines.

试做评议.红色是认为需要删除和修改的部分.蓝色是添加或修改后的部分.括号内绿色是COMMENTS.谬见之处,希望大家批评指正.

TWE101 some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer?

In the daily life, people are always confronted with a lot of questions, analysis of which will help people to make better decisions. One of such intriguing issues is whether to do work by hand or by using machines. When Facing this question, different people will present different answers due to respective experience and standpoints. Some claim that they would like to do work by hand. Others, on the contrary, may choose to use machines instead. (The meaning of “on the contrary” and “instead” in this sentence is duplicated, you may want to use just one of them) As far as I am concerned, of the two opinions, (you may want to omit this here since it won’t make the meaning any ambiguous without it) I would rather agree with the latter than the former. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, using machines will greatly improve the work efficiency. Machines are usually power-driven and equipped with modern technology, which can process the work more quickly and conveniently. Moreover, machines could work continuously and need not take a break. Compared with to (please check the usage of “compare with” and “compare to”) doing work by hand, using machines shortens the working period to a big degree. For example, with the help of various machines, people nowadays could erect high buildings such as skyscrapers (duplicate meaning again, using one of them is enough) in a short time, usually several months. But if such work has to be done by hand, it will at least last many years to be finished. From this aspect, using machines to do work not only save people energy but save people time as well, thus the work efficiency and productivity will be enhanced definitely.

Next, except for (check the usage of “except for” and “besides”) the high efficiency, another advantage of using machines to do work (don’t need it here, people already knew the machines are used to do work) is that the quality of the work will be better. (I would rather use “the better qualities of the work” here. A noun group will make the sentence more balanced than a sub-sentence will, since “high efficiency” was used previously) Machines are controlled by automatic programs and could reach the a considerable precision. For instance, almost all companies today tend to use computers to do their office work, not simply because computers handle the office work more quickly, but also because they produce a better result. Using the computer to write a report Edited and printed by computers and printers, (I guess you know why the original sentence was wrong if you have done some TOEFL structure exercise) the reports will be very neat and clean (duplicate meaning again) which so that it (What does “which” represent here?) is more convenient for others to read and understand. Whereas, writing the report by hand, (omit this otherwise make the same grammar mistake as above) it is common that one’s hand writing is difficult for other people to recognize and thus cause many inconveniences.

In addition, using machines to do work will be safer. There are a lot of work that are dangerous for people to do by hand, such as construction and mining building high mansions and digging coal from underground. (Try to make your sentence concise, and it will make your sentence more academic. By the way, put “such as construction and mining” after “a lot of work,”) The working conditions at such places are bad and the disasters happen at times. Fortunately, with the help of modern machines, people need not to take the risk of doing such work in person anymore. For example, during the construction of high building today, such heavy materials as concrete and steel are sent by lifter to dangerous places that need them, and workers no longer climb to the high shelf to send the stuff and thus their life safety would be greatly promised. (Never ever try to write such a long sentence in TWE. It makes your sentence ambiguous and more likely cause grammar mistakes. And a concise sentence makes your meaning more obvious and clear.)

To sum up, it is obvious that to do work using machines has many advantages. Using machines can enhance the working efficiency, produce a better result and protect people in safety. So, from what for the reasons which have been discussed above, I would prefer to do work by using machines.

总的来说,文章结构清晰,条理通顺,结构完整.也表现出一定的驾驭词句的能力.但正如楼上指出,在半个小时内你可能写不完一篇500字的文章.文中部分地方表达意思重复,有凑字之嫌疑.今后努力方向是要把句子写的更简练.句式可以灵活一些,但不要在一个句子里试图表达太多意思.否则不但意思变得模糊,而且更容易犯语法错误.

语法上的注意点:

1)      在分词结构的使用中,要注意其逻辑主语要和主句一致.

2)      定冠词,不定冠词的使用,区分泛指和特指.

3)      对一些PHRASE的用法,如compare with, except for,要敏感,不要受中文翻译后的意思影响.

你现在这篇文章已经能得5分,在短期内注意修正毛病,拿下6分不是难事.祝好运.

参照friend_friend的建议, 修改过再贴一下.希望各位不吝赐教,谢谢先.

To begin with, using machines will greatly improve the work efficiency. Machines are usually power-driven and equipped with advanced modern technology, which can process work quickly and conveniently. Moreover, machines could work continuously and need not to rest. Compared with doing work by hand, using machines shortens the working period to a big degree. For example, with the help of various machines, people nowadays could erect a high building in a short time, normally several months. But if the same work is going to be done by hand, it will at least take many years to be finished. From this aspect, using machines to do work definitely enhance the work efficiency and productivity.

Next, besides the high efficiency, another advantage of using machines is the better qualities of work. Machines are controlled by automatic programs and could reach a considerable precision. For instance, most companies today tend to use computers to do their office work, not simply because computers handle the office work quickly, but also because they produce a better result. Edited and printed by computers and printers, the reports will be very neat so that it is more convenient for others to read and understand. Whereas, it is common that one’s handwriting is difficult for other people to discern and thus may cause much inconvenience.

In addition, using machines to do work will be safer. There are a lot of work such as construction and mining that are dangerous for people to do by hand. The working conditions at such places are bad and the disasters happen at times. However, with the help of modern machines, people need not to do such perilous work in person anymore and their safety will be strengthened accordingly.

To sum up, it is obvious that to do work using machines has many advantages. Using machines will improve the work efficiency, produce a better result and protect people from danger. So, for the reasons which have been discussed above, I would prefer to do work by using machines.

      建议在倒数第二段加一点让步分析, 会使论述逻辑更完整.

参考friend_friend 和pengstone 两位ＮＮ的建议，贴第三稿。多谢了，两位大牛

The issue of whether to do work by hand or by using machines is a controversial one.  Facing this question, different people will present different answers due to respective experiences and standpoints. Some claim that they would like to do work by hand. Others may choose to use machines instead. As far as I am concerned, I would rather agree with the latter than the former. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, using machines will greatly improve the productivity. Machines are usually power-driven and equipped with advanced modern technology, which can work quickly and conveniently. Moreover, machines could work continuously and need not to rest. Compared with doing work by hand, using machines shortens the working period to a high degree. For example, with the help of various machines, people nowadays could erect a high building in only several months. But if the same work were going to be done completely by hand, it would at least take many years to be finished. From this aspect, using machines definitely enhance the work efficiency and productivity.

Next, besides the high efficiency, another advantage of using machines is the better qualities of work. Machines are controlled by automatic programs and could achieve considerable precision. For instance, most companies today tend to use computers to do their office work, mainly because computers are able to produce a better result, as well as handle the office work quickly. Edited and printed by computers and printers, the reports will be very neat so that it is more convenient for others to read and understand. By contrast, often enough one’s handwriting is difficult for other people to discern and thus may cause much inconvenience.

In addition, using machines will be safer. There are a lot of work such as construction and mining that are dangerous for people to do by hand. The working conditions are bad and disasters happen at times. However, with the help of modern machines, people need not to do such perilous work in person anymore and their safety will be strengthened accordingly. On the contrary, people are always threatened by unpredicted dangers during the process of doing such work by hand.

To sum up, it is obvious that to do work using machines has many advantages. Using machines will improve the productivity, produce a better result and protect people from danger. So, for the reasons which have been discussed above, I would prefer to do work by using machines.