0005TWE，在题库里竟没找着。第一次写，马上就考，请大虾帮忙修改！！

还有十来天就考试，我的第一篇

好担心阿，我的作文很烂，迟迟不敢动笔，但再不写就没救了。这个我昨天写了一个晚上，而且是随时参考笔记写出来的，可能我现在最大的问题是速度和一气呵成的能力。0005的作文请大虾不吝指教！

Some students want to attend a university in their home country, others desire to study abroad. What is a better way to get education? Give specific reasons.

Have you noticed the increasing number of graduates coming back from USA or other developed countries year by year? the questions of the beginning seems not related to the topic, and supprised me when I read it.I may say "the increasing number of people going to university aboard. Those who have gotten advanced education in world famous universities abroad are sharing their knowledge learned from foreign teachers with their native colleages and, to some extent, they have reached certain acheivements in all kinds of areas. When faced with the decision of studying in a domestic university or receiving advanced education abroad, every person has his standpoint and his specific reasons. As far as I am concerned, it is more considerable to study abroad. Afterwards, I will explain my opinions about it.

good try in the introduction.

First and foremost, universities in my homeland could not provide us satisfactory advanced education in many fields, (;)however, we are able to gain it from a world top college abroad instead. Take the aviation industry as an example, for example, in aviation industry, universities in China usually do little research or failed to perform intensive study in aviation management,(;) in sharp contrast, some colleges in Canada cooperate with international aviation organizations such as IATA, ICAO(it is good idea to desctibe the abr completely) and engage in a lot of researchs in aviation management. As a consequence, it is rather useful for some people to take a further study abroad.

the topic sentence is a little awkward, and idea is too strong to be believed, but the organization of this paragraph is excellent.

Admittedly, it is arbitrary to judge the advantages of choosing a foreign university to study only to the excuse(reason) I mentioned above. In fact, (it is not a good logical connection with the first pharagraph) there is a more reasonable point to consider, (.)that is, you will not only study in a foreign university, but also live in another country. To take the idea further, (are you sure this phrase?)you can broaden your field of vision as well as experience a totally different life. For one thing, it is accessible for you to live, talk, study and travel with the people of another different countries;  or even further, people from a number of countries. In other words, you will have the chance to feel (touch) another culture, which is a valuable experience for a young person. Besides this, you are able to appreciate the beautiful scene which may be widely divergent from one country to another. In some this sense, this kind of experience endows a person with cherishable fortune.

"YOU" refer to the reader WHO reads this essay. use it carefully.
Beyongd these obvious reasons, there lies a much subtle cause that usually be ignored. That is to say, the environment of a foreign university is just like a small foreign society, where you can warm up for your future career. Granted that if one have spend nearly most of his time in a mountain area, how shocked he would be as long as he was put into a modern society. Although it is an extreme instance, we can also image the difficulty an indigenous businessman might face when he contacts with his foreign partner. (the connection is rrrrealy weak)To be frank, it is not simply an obstacle of language, and moreover, it is a huge gap between ideas and culture. On that account, it seems crucial for somebody to understand foreigners and make himself understood by foreign people if his career is closely related with that country.

In a word, to study abroad has a clear edge on the opposite, that is better education, divergent culture background and greater preparation for one’s career. Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that to study abroad is a wise choice.

good conclusion.

请大虾一定修改，这么晚了，我作文底子有差，心里真是虚虚的。

谢谢guandream和其他大虾，我修改了一下，主要是结构和语法上的，真的很感激。

Some students want to attend a university in their home country, others desire to study abroad. What is a better way to get education? Give specific reasons.

Have you noticed the increasing number of people going to university aboard year by year? Those who have gotten advanced education in world-famous universities abroad are sharing their knowledge learned from foreign teachers with their native colleagues. To some extent, they have reached certain achievements in all kinds of areas. Generally speaking, when faced with the decision whether to study in a domestic university or receive advanced education abroad, every person has his standpoint and his specific reasons. As far as I am concerned, it is more considerable to study abroad. Afterwards, I will explain my opinions about it.

ETS的官方指导上说introductory要写三部分，一开头就要求是hook,我准备谚语是来不及了，就想用问句。可是写出来怪怪的，又长又臭，可能还是不写得好，跳过这一步。

the question is not really ask readers to anwser. the purpose is just to introduce the theme statement. but make sure the question is naturally related to your topic.

First and foremost, universities in my homeland could not provide us satisfactory advanced education in many fields; however, we are able to gain it from a top college abroad instead. To take the aviation industry as an example（这个是我从twe完全手册上抄的，这里好多怪怪的东西都是我囫囵吞枣弄出来的。大虾的意见是保守点好还是多些花样好？）, universities in China usually do few researches or fail to perform intensive studies in this area; in sharp contrast, some colleges in Canada cooperate with international aviation organizations such as IATA & ICAO（如果用全称就很长了，整个句子的结构会打乱阿...）(but not all people can understand what they refer to) and engage in a lot of researches in aviation. As a consequence, it is rather useful for some people to take a further study abroad.

Admittedly, it is arbitrary to judge the advantages of choosing a foreign university to study only according to the excuse I mentioned above. In fact, there is a more reasonable point to consider, that is, we will not only study in a foreign university, but also live in another country. To take the idea further, we can broaden our field of vision as well as (能不能连接动词阿？doing) experience a distinctive life. For one thing, it is convenient for us to live, talk, study and travel with people from varieties of countries. In other words, we will have the chance to touch(谢谢！我一直想不出好词) another culture, which may be a valuable experience for a youngster. Besides this, we are able to enjoy the beautiful scene which may be widely divergent from one country to another. In some sense, this kind of experience endows a person with cherishable fortune.

Beyond these obvious reasons, there lies a subtle cause that is usually ignored. Briefly speaking, the environment of a foreign university is similar to a small foreign society, where we can warm up for our career. Granted that if one has spent nearly most of his time in a mountain area, how shocked he would be when he was put into a modern society. Although it is an extreme instance, we can also image the difficulty an indigenous businessman might face when he works with his foreign partners. To be frank, it is not only an obstacle of language but also a huge gap between ideas and cultures. On that account, it seems crucial for somebody to understand foreigners and make himself understood by foreign people if his career is closely related with that country.

In a word, to study abroad has a clear edge on the opposite, which involves better education, divergent culture background and greater preparation for one’s career. Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that to study abroad is a wise choice.

这篇文章是不是连词用的太多了显得罗嗦？