TWE - 005 - 第二篇，NN们费心了

005

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

As far as I am concerned, I support the plan of the company to build a large factory near my community. In the following statement, I would like to present some justification to support my position.

First of all, there is little doubt that one reason why I support such plan is that the factory will create a lot of jobs for our community. Everyday, people in our community have to work outside in other communities because our community cannot offer sufficient jobs to them. Now, they will have another choice. If they can work in the factory near our community, they do not have to wake up and rush at their companies as early as they do, they do not need to worry about their children waiting in front of the school after the class with anxiety and disappointment, and they also do not have to drive through the dangerous heavy traffic everyday.

Another obvious advantage is that the factory will largely increase the tax-income of our community. Such increased tax-income can be used to plant more trees, pave more new roads, and build more public sports centers in the community. All of these will improve the lives of people in the community.

Other advantages that can be attributed to the appearance of this large factory include the stimulation to boom some other industries, such as transportation, entertainment, and food service industry, around the factory in the community.

Of course, we have to admit to the fact that almost every action bringing advantages will also bring some disadvantages with it. Giving us so many advantages, the appearance of factory perhaps will also bring on some social problems. For example, criminal rate would be increased and some aspects of environment would be harmed. But, fortunately, our community has foreseen such problems and will try it's best to decrease the harm it will impact on our life.

In conclusion, because the advantages that the large factory will bring us to develop our community are more important than the disadvantages it will impact on our society, I prefer to vote for the company's announcement that it wishes to build a large factory near my community.

总体感觉， 语言的问题并不大。 支持的理由够了， 但理由的阐述有点留于表面。建议深入一点。

首先，谢谢bryony和pumpkin，如果方便的话，请再给指点一下，谢谢。

005 - 二稿

The controversy over whether we should support the plan of a company to build a large factory near our community simmers, and it divides politicians, residents, merchants and environmentalists on both sides in and out of our community. As far as I am concerned, I approve this plan. In the following statement, I would like to present some justification to support my position.

First of all, there is little doubt that one reason why I support such plan is that the factory will create a lot of jobs for our community. As we know, more and more companies have established oversea subsidiaries and transferred their factories to other countries, such as China, India, or Singapore, to save labor cost. In addition to this trend, the projected high bankruptcy rate in our country because of some complex reasons, such as the low investment rate, the terrorism and the poor administration of our government, is estimated to increase with no letup in the recent few years. This new factory, of course, will save many families.

(注：bryony，本段首句我没有按照你的建议改，因为这句是我从Toefl听力的段子题里摘来的，所以，我认为这个句式可能没有什么问题)

Another obvious advantage is that the factory will largely increase the tax-income of our community. Such increased tax-income can be used to plant more trees, which would improve the environment of the community. We can use such money to pave more new roads, making transportation in our community more convenient. Such convenience will of course attract more investment. We also can use such money to build more public sports center. As we know, the modern sports center will stimulate people to exercise, and regular exercise will improve people’s health.  

Along with the establishment of the new factory there will be many new requirements. For example, restaurants are necessary because the workers need to have lunch at noon. Therefore, the appearance of this large factory will stimulate to boom some other industries, such as transportation, entertainment, and food service industry, around the factory in the community.

Of course, we have to admit to the fact that almost every action bringing advantages will also bring some disadvantages with it. Promising as it is for the development of our community, the establishment of the factory will pose some dangers for the community. For example, some aspects of environment would be harmed. But, fortunately, our community has foreseen such problems and will try it's best, for instance, to enact local law to restrict the quantity of the waster the factory can discharge, to decrease the harm it will impact on our life.

In conclusion, because the advantages that the large factory will bring us to develop our community are more important than the disadvantages it will impact on our society, I prefer to vote for the company's announcement that it wishes to build a large factory near my community.

I am wondering the tone of first paragraph.

From the first paragraph, I think the author is a American. But TOEFL is the test for foreigner.