[求助]批改作文，ＴＷＥ１６６

刚开始写作文，用的模板，写的不好，没有什么复杂的句式和漂亮的单词，字数也不太多，自己感觉很差．无论如何献丑了，请各位大侠多提宝贵意见．多谢了．

People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

What events make a person an adult? Different people have different answers. Some people think that getting married is the symbol of becoming an adult. Others, however, may believe that graduating from the high school will signify that their child become an adult. As far as I am concerned, I totally agree with the latter opinion that graduating from high school makes a person an adult. The reasons are presented as follows.

The first reason lies in that graduating from high school implies that one has reached the lawful age of becoming an adult. When a person finishes his high school course, he will be 18 years old normally which is the lawful age of an adult in China. That means he has become an adult in law. Since then, he can decide many things by himself and be responsible for the results. For example, he has the right for the first time to vote the President’s election and choose the candidate whom he favors. He also can choose the university which he likes by himself and never be controlled by his parents any more.

Another reason why I regard graduating from high school as the sign of becoming an adult is that a person has already owned the ability to live by himself. For instance, he can cook meals and wash clothes for himself without the help of the family. He also has known how to cooperate with other people and be a good partner. With all of these abilities, he can get away from the protection of the family and become an adult to step into the society indeed.

What’s more, after a person graduates from the high school, he has studied enough knowledge and skills to get a job in society and make his own money. This signifies that he will be economically independent and never need to rely on his family any more. Unlike a child, he can buy anything he wants now using his money which means he has become an adult already.

From what have been discussed above, I safely draw the conclusion that graduating from high school makes a person an adult.

这个题目对我来说真的很难写呀! Pumpkin MM 能不能把你的文章贴上来给我们学习学习呢? 谢谢先!

你考试中遇到就是这个题目呀,看来这个题考得还真多,2001年就考了两次呢.

the introduction is very much better than before.

keep on practicing.

Please fee free to comment on my writing:

People might receive many gifts during their life time. There are always several gifts which are very special to them and are unforgettable. The explanations to this phenomenon could vary. In my view, these gifts are related to special person, special event or gift themselves are special.

First of all, a gift from a special person could not be forgotten. People always have some friends who are very close to or have great impaction on them. The relationship between them takes a very important role. When people receive a gift from these friends, even its market value is not much; they still believe this gift proves they have good friendship. Furthermore, the receiver will carefully keep the gift take it with him/her wherever he moves.

Secondly, a gift can remind people a special event. In most people’s memories, there are several special things happened which they will remember forever. When I was at eleven years old, I found a future novel was very interesting. At that time my father had a very low salary job and could not afford to buy this book. I was trying hard to collect money little by little buy still could not reach the amount. Finally, I fulfilled my will by winning a literature contest and this book is a gift for the winner. Many years past and I still keep this book with me.

Last but not least, the gift itself might be valuable. Not long time ago, a friend of mine came to visit me from China and brought me a Qing Clay Figure as a gift. Although it is a fake one, but it is still cost a lot of money when he bought it. Of course it has more additional value in Canada. A of friends admired me when they saw it in my home.

In summary, as I presented above, people could not remember some special gifts because they relate to special person, special event or they are special gifts.