(AA1)请大家给打个分吧

我试着写了一下ARGUMENT 题库中的第一题,大家给打个分吧!

看看有什么需要改进的地方,清多多指教哈!^_^

1. The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”

以下是我自己写的作文^_^

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the costs of the processing food will go down because long experience can enable the company to minimize costs and maximize profits. To support the conclusion, the arguer points put that over time the cost of color-film processing has sharply declined. In addition, the arguer assumes that Olympic Food will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, the cost of the food will also definitely go down and thus maximize profits. However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

First, it is highly doubtful that the facts drawn from the color-film processing industry are applicable to the food processing industry. Differences between the two industries clearly outweigh the similarities, thus making the analogy highly less than vivid. For example, problems of spoilage, contamination, and timely transportation all affect the food industry, but are virtually absent in the film-color processing industry. Problems such as these might present insurmountable obstacles that prevent lowering food-processing costs in the future.

Secondly, we must establish the meaning of the vague concept "long experience". If the term is synonymous with the efficiency, then the statistics cited would strongly support the argument. But, normally we are interested something more than how long experience the company has; we also want to know whether the organizations in Olympic Food Company has learned to do things better and become more efficient. Thus, for the speaker the term "long experience" must essentially carry the same meaning as "low costs".

Finally, we must understand that minimizing costs does not necessarily mean maximizing profits. Of course, while cost is an important factor in maximizing profits, it is hardly the only element required. Other factors are equally important. In the case of maximizing profits, factors such as price, sales, and maybe consumers' preferences play a significant role in determining the profits. The author fails to state whether the factors affecting the profit except cost remain unchanged. Perhaps one of those ways would be just as, or even more, effective than the proposed plan-in which case, the cost would not seem compelling at all.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence that the two industries are similar enough to justify the analogical deduction. In addition, before any decision made, all things affecting the profit must be considered, not simply the cost. 

这是第一次写,有许多不对的地方,希望高人能帮助指点一下!

谢谢啦!

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the costs of the processing food will go down because long experience can enable the company to minimize costs and maximize profits. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that over time the cost of color-film processing has sharply declined. In addition, the arguer assumes that Olympic Food will soon celebrate its 25th birthday; the cost of the food will also definitely go down and thus maximize profits(前后主语不一致). However, this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

First, it is highly doubtful that the facts drawn from the color-film processing industry are applicable to the food processing industry. Differences between the two industries clearly outweigh the similarities, thus making the analogy highly less than vivid. For example, problems of spoilage, contamination, and timely transportation all affect the food industry, but are virtually absent in the film-color processing industry. Problems such as these might present insurmountable obstacles that prevent lowering food-processing costs in the future.（不妨再多说几句，比如作者与其和冲印比，不如和本行业的比。把论证说得圆满一些）

Secondly, we must establish the meaning of the vague concept "long experience". If the term is synonymous with the efficiency, then the statistics cited would strongly support the argument. But, normally we are interested in something more than how long experience the company has(句意不很清楚rather than in experience, we are interested in something else); we also want to know whether the organizations in Olympic Food Company has learned to do things better and become more efficient. Thus, for the speaker the term "long experience" must essentially carry the same meaning as "low costs".

Finally, we must understand that minimizing costs does not necessarily mean maximizing profits. Of course, while cost is an important factor in maximizing profits, it is hardly the only element required. Other factors are equally important. In the case of maximizing profits, factors such as price, sales, and maybe consumers' preferences play a significant role in determining the profits. The author fails to state whether the factors affecting the profit except cost remain unchanged. Perhaps one of those ways would be just as, or even more, effective than the proposed plan-in which case, the cost would not seem compelling at all.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence that the two industries are similar enough to justify the analogical deduction. In addition, before any decision made, all things affecting the profit must be considered, not simply the cost. 

写得不错。

谢谢!^_^

这样的文章大概可以拿到几分啊?