以下是引用天之角在2005-8-30 22:29:00的发言：
The following appeared in a memorandum from the human resources department of HomeStyle, a house remodeling business. `This year, despite HomeStyle's move to new office space, we have seen a decline in both company morale and productivity, and a corresponding increase in administrative costs. To rectify these problems, we should begin using a newly developed software package for performance appraisal and feedback. Managers will save time by simply choosing comments from a preexisting list; then the software will automatically generate feedback for the employee. The Human Resources department at CounterBalance, the manufacturer of the countertops we install, reports satisfaction with the package.~ ******************** In this argument, the author claims that HomeStyle should adopt the software package for performance appraisal and feedback to rectify the situation that both company morale and productivity have been decline since the move to the new office space. She cites the evidence that managers can save time by simply choosing comments from a preexisting list and that CounterBalance, the manufacturer of the countertops they install, have experienced a great success by using this software. At first glance, the conclusion seems to be prudent. But a careful examination can reveal several flaws from the argument. 有1个题意理解上的不同，可以探讨一下： 1、题中说：“This year, despite HomeStyle's move to new office space, we have seen ”，despite作为插入语，我理解是今年我们一直有decline...尽管搬迁到新办公住址，搬迁是作为一种补救措施而存在的。 而天之角的意思好像是“the situation that both company morale and productivity have been decline since the move to the new office space.”感觉把decline归因于搬迁，自从/因为搬迁之后，就开始decline了... 这样好像不大妥当。 2、题中：“CounterBalance, ... , reports satisfaction with the package”，并没有说CB是否用过此software, 也许只是CB认为此软件不错，支持HS使用而已。 所以天之角说：“ CounterBalance, ... , have experienced a great success by using this software.”是无中生有的，题目中没有明说的东西，不可以猜测或者添加，否则不是给你的反对者以漏洞攻击，逻辑错误可循？！ 3、另外，上文中的SHE用得也不好，我强调过多次，原文作者没有明确的性别指向的时候，不能在文中直接用HE...同理，用SHE也不可以。西方社会的性别歧视是一种很严重的忌讳，最好还是用the author, 或者he or she, 或者the manager这样的比较好。 First, the author only considers the good effects brought by using the software in HomeStyle. However, the side effects, ignored by the author, can seriously hinder the improvement of the productivity and moral. For example, since the preexisting list supplied by the software cannot include all the comments managers want to give, managers cannot usually send accurate comments to workers who would follow managers’ advice. Consequently, workers possibly get vague feedback and then misunderstand the managers' order. Therefore, using this software in HomeStyle may adversely decline the productivity and moral of the company even further. Second, the author reaches her conclusion based on an incorrect analogy between HomeStyle and CounterBalance. Because the two companies do not involve in the same business, their differences probably outweigh the similarities. Even though CounterBalance has achieved in using the software, HomeStyle does not necessarily succeed in the same way. Other methods rather than using the software may be better for HomeStyle to achieve its management goals. Last but not least, the author assumes that using the software can reduce the administrative costs by saving the managers’ time to comment the performance of workers. However, no evidence was shown to sustain her assumption. It is possibly that the cost-saving is so slight that it can not cover the cost of the purchase of the software. In conclude, the author makes a imprudent conclusion based on incomprehensive consideration and wrong analogy. To make the conclusion more convincing, the author must show that there would be no side effect in using the software. In addition, she should use some recent statistics to support the assumption that HomeStyle is similar to CounterBalance. 应该是In conclusion a 改成an 用should比较好，must太主观绝对 看了几篇范文和大家的文章，自叹差了很多，信心立刻没了一半多。这篇文章写了不到一个小时，写完以后还自己改了一下。不知道这次怎么样，请大家帮助帮助我吧！！ 
个人感觉，天之角对寻找逻辑错误不是很明晰，提两点我的看法：
1、仔细读题，对题意的理解是awa的基础，如果题目都看错，整篇文章走题，则分数不会太好看，所以30分钟开头的1-2分钟，必须用来审题，不能草率
2、看到题目后，对敏感字眼必须有反应：比如我在最上面的题目中用黄色highlight出来的字眼：
1）simply...立刻反应出，是否过于简单有利于决策的制定，单一的comments来源是否恰当？
2）preexisiting: 立刻反应出对这个list的选择如何进行，也许选择是一件困难而可行性低的的任务；而且一成不变的list是否能适应公司的不断发展和进步？
3）automatically: 立刻反应到，软件是否可靠？没有证据证明此软件适合HS...自动生成确实迅速，但是否能得到和人工判断一样好的效果？是否能够起到改进morale和productivity的作用？
4）The Human Resources department at CounterBalance, ... , reports satisfaction with the package.~这个就是你所说的，别人的经验不一定适合HS...别的公司更不可能了解HS的需求和真实/详细情况。
多练敏感度就会提高的，awa刚起步，不要不自信，每周用小安的软件写3-4篇...尽快把模版弄出来，看提纲，看讨论，这样很快就会有提高的。
p.s. 字数有点少，不过模版出来以后会有很大帮助的
a za a za fighting!! | 
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发表于 2005-8-30 22:29:00
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