给点意见，还有哪里需要改进？AI131，AAA13

131、“We can learn more about a society by observing how its people spend their leisure time than by observing them at work.”

What is the best way to learn about a society? Some people believe that by observing how the people spend their time is a good indicator to know the society. While some people advocate that by observing what they do during work is a better way to learn the society. In my point of view, I hold that we can learn about a society by many means. I also admit that both ways of observing people spending leisure time and working with them can help us learn about the society.

First of all, the recreation and amusement activities reflect how people lead their lives. We can see that a lot of people in many parts of the world like spending time with their family in the weekend. This is a good time for people to communicate with their family and relatives after busy days of work. And we can tell that the citizen in those countries value a lot for family life and emotionally fascinated to the family.

Secondly, we often find people’s habit and way of life when they are working. This case can be found in the example that the way that people work in Germany and Japan reflects the attitude and different kind of conception among the people. German are very strict and discipline during their work and thus many manager all over the world prefer hiring them. While in Japan, the Japanese are very loyal to their company, and they value their job higher over their personal life. In my eye, I think Japanese are good to be employee but tough to be a family member.

Thirdly, we can learn more about the society by other means, for example, people in China will have a family gathering during the traditional festivals, making a big meal and chatting with the family thus making them more attached to each other. That is why so many people all over the world believe that Chinese people place a big weigh over family life.

To sum up, we can conclude that the way of people spending their spare time and doing their job reflects the value and concept of the society. Admittedly, we can learn more by variety of means, and it is interesting to learn about people from different countries.

这个严重超时，18分钟啊。。。。555555

A13.The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of the Fizzle Soda Company.

“There is apparently a market for new beverages, as can be seen from the fact that other companies have recently introduced new juice drinks and sports drinks. Given this market and customer surveys indicating that many drinkers of regular Fizzle soda add chocolate syrup to their soda, we can increase our company’s sales by creating a new chocolate-flavored soda, ‘Choco-Fizz.’ Choco-Fizz will help us attract new customers and keep our customers who might otherwise switch to our competitors’ chocolate beverages. And Choco-Fizz will be more successful than Fizzle Plus, our most recently introduced flavor, because it will be easier to distinguish from regular Fizzle soda.”

In the argument, the author expects that there is a big market for the new beverages since other companies have recently introduced new juice drinks and sports drinks. To further his conclusion, the author cite the surveys indicating that many regular drinks of Fizzle add chocolate syrup to their soda, then they can increase the company’s sales by employed the same strategy. Moreover, he cites that the soda they use will help attracting the new customers and even keep their customers who might switch to their competitor. Finally, he also concludes that the Choco-Fizzle will be more successful than Fizlle Plus.At first glance, the argument appear to be somewhat appealing, however, a deep and close examination refelcts the argument is groundless and problematic. The argument suffer the following fallacies.

In the first place, the author makes a gratuitous expectation that there is a big market for new beverages. He reasons that other companies have recently introduced new juice drinks and sport drink. The line of reasoning is unconvincing to make such assumption. Without any information of the amount of the new beverages, it is hasty to expect a booming market to come. If the amount of the beverage is very small, the effect is not obvious to be paid attention to. It is also likely that other companies introduce the new beverages and sports drinks just for some certain purposes, for example, there will be a brand sport game coming. Without ruling out the possibilities, the assumption is not convincing to be accepted.

In the second place, the argument commits a false analogy. This assumption is weak since it is doubtful that strategy drawn from regular Fizzle soda is applicable to Choco-fizz. Differences between the two brand of beverages outweigh the similarities, therefore making the analogy highly invalid. It is possible that the two brand of beverage include different ingredient, thus it would be different result after the Choco-Fizz adds the chocolate syrup. Perhaps, the customers would dislike the taste thereby will lose the customers. In such case, the author assertion that Choco-Pizz will help attract new customer and keep the old customer by adding chocolate as regular Fizzle soda do is of dubious validity.

In the third place, the author commits a fallacy of oversimplification. In the line of reasoning, the author assumes that the Choco-Pizz adds the chocolate to attract customer, and will be easier to distinguish from regular pizzle soda, the Choco-pizz will be more successful. Without convincing and sufficient evidence to support the causality, it is biased to make the conclusion. In fact the author ignores the possibilities of other alternative factors that the price, public recognition and company's turnover will affect a company’s success other than difference from the competitors. Unless the author build up the causal correlation between the ability to distinguish from the regular Fizzle soda and the success of  Fizzle Plus, the argument is in question and cannot be accepted.

To conclude, because it commits the above-mentioned logic mistakes, the argument is not as persuasive as it stands. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should cover more evidence to show that applying the chocolate syrup to Choco-pizz soda will increase the customer’s interest to their product. Moreover, the author should build the causality relationship between the success and the easiness to distinguish from the competitor.

MM，可不可以把标题改一下呢

【发帖必读】---GMAT AWA区版规

wa鱼儿字字珠玑啊，收藏！

存在的问题：

嘻嘻~~jj这片写的不错哦~而且字数超够了~~超时的问题可以用缩写第一段的办法来解决~~：）

还是存在单复数问题~和少量指代问题，不过这篇真的不错了~~嘿嘿

a za a za fighting...

关于词汇和句型，看看awa区的加精文章，特别是tony和snow_mountain的大作...还有一些我最近顶上来的几篇佳作...都有些句型很好的...

不用着急...其实已经很不错了...我感觉awa的批改没有twe那样对语法要求严格，主要是看你的句型和逻辑思路...多写几篇，形成规律思路就好了~~