(AA16)请斑斑帮忙指点一下

我也是今天第一次写AA，不知所错慌乱中。请斑斑nn指点一下。。

感觉字数也很难凑哦。。。实在不知道该写什么  

16. The following appeared as part of an article in the education section of a Waymarsh
     City newspaper.

“Throughout the last two decades, those who earned graduate degrees found it very difficult to get jobs teaching their academic specialties at the college level. Those with graduate degrees from Waymarsh
     University had an especially hard time finding such jobs. But better times are coming in the next decade for all academic job seekers, including those from Waymarsh. Demographic trends indicate that an increasing number of people will be reaching college age over the next ten years; consequently, we can expect that the job market will improve dramatically for people seeking college-level teaching positions in their fields.”

In this argument the author concludes that people seeking college-level teaching positions in their fields, including the academic job seekers from Waymarsh, can expect that the job market will improve dramatically. The author’s line of reasoning is: Demographic trends indicate that an increasing number of people will be reaching college age over the next ten years, consequently the job market will improve for college level teachers. For a couple of reasons, this argument is not very convincing.

First, the author asserts that increasing number of reaching college age people can expand the demand for college lever teachers. What if the students don’t like to enter a college next ten years? If students find some professional training programs such as cooking, motorcar repairing, are more helpful in finding a job, then college entrance students number would decline. Correspondingly, the need for college teacher will not increase also.

Second, even if it is granted that an increase of reaching college age people can expand the need for college level teacher, what if even more job seekers interested in such position? If the job market becomes more competitive than it is now, then perhaps the aspect of job seekers is not so rosy.

Third, even if college entrance number is increased and job market demand is expanded, what if Waymarsh is a very low academic quality university and no college want to hire the graduates from Waymarsh?

In conclusion, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the author would have demonstrate that the increasing college age people surely improve the college entrance number people, and the increased students surely increase the demand for college level teachers. In addition, to solidify the conclusion, the author should provide concrete evidence as well as show that increased demand for college teachers surely causes the improvement of job market. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

In this argument the author concludes that people seeking college-level teaching positions in their fields, including the academic job seekers from Waymarsh, can expect that the job market will improve dramatically. The author’s line of reasoning is: Demographic trends indicate that an increasing number of people will be reaching college age over the next ten years; consequently the job market will improve for college level teachers. For a couple of reasons, this argument is not very convincing.

First, the author asserts that increasing number of reaching college age people can expand the demand for college lever teachers. What if the students don’t（do not） like to enter a college next ten years? If students find some professional training programs such as cooking, motorcar repairing are more helpful in finding a job, then college entrance students number would decline. Correspondingly, the need for college teacher will not increase also(either).

这里可以加上一段议论：即使人们都愿意上学，学校就能录取吗？也许学校没有足够的教学楼，食堂，操场什么的。

Second, even if it is granted that an increase of reaching college age people can expand the need for college level teacher, what if even more job seekers interested in such position? If the job market becomes more competitive than it is now, then perhaps the aspect of job seekers is not so rosy.

Third, even if college entrance number is increased and job market demand is expanded, what if Waymarsh is a very low academic quality university and no college want to hire the graduates from Waymarsh?

In conclusion, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the author would have demonstrate that the increasing college age people surely improve the college entrance number people, and the increased students surely increase the demand for college level teachers. In addition, to solidify the conclusion, the author should provide concrete evidence as well as show that increased demand for college teachers surely causes the improvement of job market. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

你可以先去找一下argument的魔板，对于各种论点的魔板。

但我不建议整篇都用魔板堆砌，那样没有特色且分析的不贴近题目。其实想写的长很简单：例如第三点：

The author fails to take other possible facts into consideration. No reason is provided for the failure of the job placement of the Waymarsh graduates, therefore it is entirely possible that they are not qualified in teaching at all. What’s more, the job market might be always strong for the past decades and colleges have been looking for qualified employees-not those from Waymarsh. In that case, even the number of perspective students increases dramatically, those unqualified “Waymarshers” still have difficulties finding a job.

这一段比较长吧，我就是边想边写就写出来了，所以也没什么高级语言用法，但这足够了，毕竟AA靠的是思路。而且你可以发现我用到了waymarsher这样的用法，就是为了与其他考生不同，突出与题目的贴近性。而且我写的时候其实是在给评卷人下套：毕业生找不到工作，原因是素质差，那么在素质差的基础上，你就可以展开新的议论，不就有很多话可以写了！

谢谢斑斑！

看着我那贫乏的短短几行字真是惭愧啊。。。加上斑斑写的那段才好不容易过了四百字

唉。。。再看看模版，学习一下套话转折词

发现nn们都是这么有思路有想法啊

我怎么这么贫乏没想法呢...

多练多看多想

44. The following is part of a business plan created by the management of the Megamart grocery store.

“Our total sales have increased this year by 20 percent since we added a pharmacy section to our grocery store. Clearly, the customer’s main concern is the convenience afforded by one-stop shopping. The surest way to increase our profits over the next couple of years, therefore, is to add a clothing department along with an automotive supplies and repair shop. We should also plan to continue adding new departments and services, such as a restaurant and a garden shop, in subsequent years. Being the only store in the area that offers such a range of services will give us a competitive advantage over other local stores.”

In this argument, the author concludes that the Megamart grocery store should continue to add new departments and services, such as a clothing department, an automotive supplies, a restaurant and a garden shop to increase its profits. The author’s line of reasoning is: Because its total sales have increased this year by 20 percent since it added a pharmacy section to grocery store, consequently newly added departments and services can increase its profit either. This conclusion is not very convincing for a couple of reasons.

First, the author asserts that Megamart’s total sales rise this year is caused by adding a pharmacy section. However the author does not support any evidence to prove it. We can not know whether the real reason of sales increase of Megamart is the adding of pharmacy section. What if the store implemented a lot of promotion event this year, and most of increased sales revenue are from this kind of promotion? If the pharmacy section is not the reason of sales increase, then adding restaurant and a garden shop will not helpful to improve sales record either.

Second, even if it is granted that adding new pharmacy section provided Megamart’s sales increase, we can not logically conclude that adding restaurant and garden shop will increase their sales too. Differences among pharmacy, restaurant and garden shop clearly outweigh the similarities, thus making the analogy highly suspect. For example, problems of hygienic condition, service quality and flavor all affect the restaurant but are virtually absent in the pharmacy.  Problems such as these might prevent lowering restaurant costs in the future.

Third, even if adding restaurant and garden shop can increase sales revenue of Megamart, it is totally different between sales increase and profit raise. The author only concentrated on sales increase, but neglected the operating costs. When we start restaurant and garden shop business, there will be many kind of costs, such as inventory reservation, human resource retain, and location rent. We even do not know whether the Megamart gained profit from its increasing sales. Thus this over rosy prospect is highly doubtful. Without overall detailed profit-cost analysis, we can not logically conclude whether the Megamart will gain profit or not.

In conclusion, this argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the author would demonstrate that the added department and services surely increase its profit through thorough profit-cost analysis. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

 In this argument, the author concludes that the Megamart grocery store should continue to add new departments and services, such as a clothing department, an automotive supplies, a restaurant and a garden shop to increase its profits. The author’s line of reasoning is: Because its total sales have increased this year by 20 percent since it added a pharmacy section to grocery store, consequently newly added departments and services can increase its profit either（also）. This conclusion is not very convincing for a couple of reasons.

First, the author asserts that the rise of Megamart’s total sales this year is caused by adding a pharmacy section. However the author does not support any evidence to prove it. We can not know whether the real reason of sales increase of Megamart is the adding of pharmacy section. What if the store implemented a lot of promotion event this year, and most of increased sales revenue are from this kind of promotion? If the pharmacy section is not the reason of sales increase, then adding restaurant and a garden shop will not helpful to improve sales record either.

Second, even if it is granted that adding new pharmacy section provided Megamart’s sales increase, we can not logically conclude that adding restaurant and garden shop will increase their sales too. Differences among pharmacy, restaurant and garden shop clearly outweigh the similarities, thus making the analogy highly suspect. For example, problems of hygienic condition, service quality and flavor all affect the restaurant but are virtually absent in the pharmacy.  Problems such as these might prevent lowering restaurant costs in the future.

(开头的写法很好)

Third, even if adding restaurant and garden shop can increase sales revenue of Megamart, it is totally different between sales increase and profit raise. The author only concentrated on sales increase, but neglected the operating costs. When we start restaurant and garden shop business, there will be many kind of costs, such as inventory reservation, human resource retain, and location rent. We even do not know whether the Megamart gained profit from its increasing sales. Thus this over rosy prospect is highly doubtful. Without overall detailed profit-cost analysis, we can not logically conclude whether the Megamart will gain profit or not.

 （开头的逻辑联系很好）

In conclusion, this argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the author would demonstrate that the added department and services surely increase its profit through thorough profit-cost analysis. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

写得很不错了！如果时间够用就把第三段再说的详细写

谢谢斑斑鼓励 真是好人啊 这么晚还帮我修改作文

现在写篇文章还是要花很长时间 还要不断翻看别的文章以抄袭句式

继续努力...

第三篇...写来写去就是一个套路, 句式也完全一样,sigh

看了一下别人写的文章, 第一个攻击的就是没得病的原因并不一定是锻炼, 我这里是没有写这个的.

这点是不是很强的攻击点, 加上它会好一些?

谢谢rio..

AA112. The following appeared in a memo to the Saluda town council from the town’s business manager.

“Research indicates that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who don’t exercise. By providing a well-equipped gym for Saluda’s municipal employees, we should be able to reduce the cost of our group health insurance coverage by approximately 50% and thereby achieve a balanced town budget.”

Saluda镇的商业管理者给镇议会的备忘录：
            
研究显示有规律地锻炼的人生病的概率比不运动的人要小一半。通过给Saluda的市政雇员提供一个设备良好的体育馆，我们应该可以大约减少50％的健康保险支出并得到平衡的镇预算。

In this argument the author concludes that Saluda town should provide a well-equipped gym for its municipal employees to reduce its group health insurance cost. The author’s line of reasoning is: Because research indicates that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who don’t exercise, thus by providing such well-equipped gym can reduce the health insurance cost by approximately 50%, consequently Saluda can achieve a balanced town budget. This conclusion is not very convincing for a couple of reasons.

First, the author asserts that proving a well-equipped gym for Saluda’s municipal employees can reduce the cost of group health insurance. However the author did not provide any evidence to prove it. What if Saluda already has a well-equipped gym, but it was seldom used by municipal employees? If most of the employees do not want to spend their time to exercise at the gym rather than go home earlier, then even well-equipped gym can work little for employee’s health. Consequently, adding new gym can not work well either.

Second, even if it is granted that the municipal employees are likely to exercise at this newly provided gym, we can not logically conclude that providing gym can reduce approximately 50% of group health insurance. It is only general probability that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who don’t exercise, and it is totally different between probability of illness and health cost. Both common sense and our experiences with illness inform us that the costs of catching twice flu are far away from the cost of treating lung cancer once.

Third, even if providing a well-equipped gym can attract employees to exercise regularly, and can reduce costs of group health insurance by 50%, we can not logically conclude that the government can achieve balanced town budget either. According to 2005 World Health Report of WHO, world average percentage of general government expenditure on health in total government expenditure is about 10%, and we can know that insurance costs are only one part of government expenditure, not most of important part. Because we do not know anything about Saluda’s government budget status, we hardly expect that reducing 50% of insurance costs can help to balance town budget. Thus this over rosy prospect is highly doubtful. Without overall detailed cost-profit analysis, we can not logically conclude the relationship between cost reduce of health insurance and town budget, thus we can not know whether providing well-equipped gym can help to achieve balanced town budget or not.

In conclusion, this argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the author would demonstrate that the newly provided gym surely helps to reduce the group insurance costs, and reduced insurance costs surely help to achieve budget balance through thorough cost-profit analysis. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

第一篇AI, 感觉很难写, 字数也很少. 内容还是参考别人的文章的. 不知道怎样才能改进?

AI62. “What education fails to teach us is to see the human community as one. Rather than focus on the unique differences that separate one nation from another, education should focus on the similarities among all people and places on Earth.”

“教育没有教会我们的是把人类社会看成一个整体。与其把焦点集中在区分一个国家和另一个的独特不同点上，教育应该集中焦点于地球上所有人类和所有地方的相似之处。”

Claiming the fails of education to teach us to see the human community as one, the speaker asserts that education should focus on the similarities rather than unique differences. While I agree that the similarities among all people are definitely important, the speaker fails to consider the relationship between human community’s similarities and differences is to complement each other rather than conflict and contradict each other. Education can and should include both.

Admittedly, we human beings are a lot of traits in common each other, such as loving family, preferring health, desiring peace, and hating criminals. Focusing on our unity will help us realize these hopes and goals. Moreover, in the modern society, it is crucial to find ways to unify citizens from diverse backgrounds. Otherwise, we risk being threatened from hatred, violence and craziness, as witnessed in the craziness of Hitler and in continued violence in Iraq. We can avoid such tragedy only if citizens are educated about our dreams and targets in common.

Nevertheless, that is not to say, education should only focus on the similarities among all people and place on Earth. Our schools should not attempt to erase, ignore, or even play down religious, ethnic or cultural diversity. If people can not agree with disagree and with diversity, there will be tragedy and bad effect that we do not want to see, such as Virginia Tech tragedy. Moreover, recognize and understand diversity of people are in order to better cooperation and appreciation. Only know well can we respect well.

In conclusion, similarities and differences of humanity are the two sides of the same coin. I do not agree that it appears paradoxical to recommend that education should stress both unity and diversity. Understanding our differences is in order to better tolerance and cooperation.  Our schools can and should promote both kinds of understanding by way of a balanced approach.