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AAA15,第一次写,请大家多提意见!还有6天就考了~

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楼主
发表于 2005-12-19 14:50:00 | 只看该作者

AAA15,第一次写,请大家多提意见!还有6天就考了~

还有一周就上战场了,今天才第一次写argument,白话了600多字,用了1个小时,汗~


实在觉得写得很不好,请大家帮我polish一下,多提提意见,小女不胜感激!



The following appeared in a memo from a public health official.


“A recent international study shows that 7,000 children who brushed their teeth with a toothpaste containing altide had 40 percent fewer cavities than 7,000 other children who did not use a toothpaste with this ingredient. Furthermore, altide occurs naturally in the water from springs on the laceType w:st="on">islandlaceType> of laceName w:st="on">MandibalaceName>, and residents of that island typically have very few dental fillings or artificially replaced teeth. Therefore, the cheapest and most effective way to improve the dental health of residents of nearby islands is to provide them bottled water from the springs on Mandiba.”


Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.



In this argument, the author is trying to establish that  providing residents of other island bottled water from the spring on Mandiba is the  cheapest and most effective method to protect them from dental diseases. To support his conclusion, the author point out that 7000 children who used toothpaste containing altide, according to a recent international  study, had shown 40 percent fewer cavities that 7000 other children who did not use this kind of toothpaste. In addition, he reasons that residents of Mandiba where the springs are rich in altide have very few dental filling or artificially replaced teeth. Close scrutiny of the author's logic and reasoning, we find that the conclusion is base on some dubious assumption and the reasoning is biased due to inadequacy and partiality in the nature of evidence provided to justify the conclusion. This argument is doubtful in the following aspects.



To begin with, the evidence cited by the author is insufficient to support the conclusion from it. The author only shows that the children using toothpaste which contains altide are less likely to have cavities then those not using that kind of toothpaste. This example is logically unsounded to establish the general conclusion that people of all ages can benefit from using that toothpaste, unless it can be shown that effects of altide on children are representative of effects on all the people. It is perhaps that altide is only good for growing youth, yet has little effects on adult. In fact, limited to such possibly atypical evidence, the conclusion that bottled water from the spring on Mandiba should be provided to residents of other island in order to protect them from dental diseases is completely unwarranted.



In the second place, the conclusion relies on a gratuitous assumption that the better teeth conditions of residents of Mandiba are attribute to the spring water in which altide naturally occurs. However, this assumption is questionable because the author provides no evidence to support this argument. There are many other factors that could have caused or contribute to their better teeth conditions. It is likely that the residents of Mandiba have a reasonable diet structure that ingredients harming tooth health are excluded. It is also likely that the residents are more concerning about their teeth health than people in other regions. Any of these scenarios, if true, would show that altide has nothing to do with the tooth condition. Therefore, without ruling out other factors or presenting stronger evidence, the author cannot conclusively assert that the better teeth conditions of residents of Mandiba are attribute to the spring water in which altide naturally occurs.



Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that significantly undermine the argument. The author claims that providing residents of other island bottled water from the spring on Mandiba is the  cheapest and most effective method to protect them from dental diseases. Unfortunately, we cannot find any evidence presented in the argument about cost-effect relations. It dose not as well tell us that whether other island has these spring resouces. Unless these questions are answered, the argument are ill-founded at all.



To sum up, this argument is unconvincing as it stands. Accordingly it is frivolous for the author to conclude that providing residents of other island bottled water from the spring on Mandiba is the  cheapest and most effective method to protect them from dental diseases. To make this argument logically acceptable, the author would have to illustrate that effects of altide on children are representative of effects on all the people. Additionally, to solidify the conclusion, the author should provide concrete evidence as well to demonstrate that the better teeth conditions of residents of Mandiba are attribute to the spring water in which altide naturally occurs. Only with more perspective evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.




[此贴子已经被作者于2005-12-19 20:44:24编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2005-12-19 21:48:00 | 只看该作者

整体不错,但太多废话了。不简洁。并且,反例不直接

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2005-12-19 23:01:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢laihong!


我怕考试时写不出就编了一个废话模板,是不是太罗索了?反例怎么样举才好那?我要是考试时想不出反例怎么办?


请具体说说好吗?


[此贴子已经被作者于2005-12-20 10:05:11编辑过]
地板
发表于 2005-12-21 17:46:00 | 只看该作者

我26号考,也才写了一篇,怕阿


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