[求助]AI131,我的第一篇AI,有几个问题,大家帮忙看看

131. “We can learn more about a society by observing how its people spend their leisure time than by observing them at work.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

The issue of whether we can learn more about a society by observing how its people spend their leisure time or by observing them at work is complex and controversial one. Different people hold different views due to their distinct experiences. Some may argue that what people do at work reflects the main spirits of the society, while others may argue that how people spend their leisure time is more important to present the values and cultures of this nation. Therefore, there is not a universal no universal answer to this question, and 应该加一个whether one choice takes precedence over the other relies on the specific circumstances. (划线的这句可以在表达mix的position中出现吗? 好像应该在case-by-case position中出现的哦? 请大家帮我确认一下)However, as far as I concerned, I believe没必要用however吧？然后把I believe 去掉 they are important equally. My view will be greatly substantiated by the following analysis. (这两句话好像不够连贯, 大家帮我加点什么或改改?)

For the first place, how people spend their leisure time does reflect a society's values and fashions. In developed nations, people spend holidays or their leisure time with family in on traveling, skiing, climbing, and swimming, while in China, for example, people do more studying or even working. From this evidence, we can learn that, generally, in developing country people want to be more superior in the fierce competition and thus invest more continued education into individual's future life or devote more time in working, which present a diligent picture in most cities in China. (这个例子是否太poor?)

However, work is as important as leisure activities in understanding a society. How people work is very important not only to individual but also to the whole nation. What people do exactly reflects the characteristics and values of the society. Empirical evidences that support this view are so overwhelming that we do not have to look very far to see the validity of this matter. (划线句子我用so...that...结果状语从句表达可以吗?)可以To illustrate, in the United States, various marketing offers, different financial professions and numerous insurances companies, in which most American devote, demonstrate a thriving business atmosphere and a prosperous environment in the society. In addition, in China, lots of people in small cities and rural area work in manufacturers, which promote China to be "Manufacturing World" at its special developing stage. (好像这里要写点这段总结性的东东, 但不知怎么写, 请大家指教)

Admittedly,??? (对于mix的position, 正文第三段有必要写预期反对的内容吗? 若不写好像字数不够? 还是继续写the third place?)

我觉得写一些预期的反对内容然后反驳一下这种模式比较好拉。但是你这篇其实是各取一半并没有完全的偏向那么就是把中间的两段分别充实一下就好了。没有必要写admittedly这段啊。

In conclusion, while it may appear paradoxical to recommend that to learn about a society can both from people’s leisure time and from their working time, it is not. Understanding how people spend the spare time will help us cognize a society, and digging how people work also will assist us to know the nation better. It is better to combine these two to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, we may be comfortable to say that to learn more about a society, we need to observe both how people spend their leisure time and how they work. (可以这样作为mix position的结论吗?)

问了好多问题, 实在不好意思. 麻烦大家了.

131. “We can learn more about a society by observing how its people spend their leisure time than by observing them at work.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

The issue of whether we can learn more about a society by observing how its people spend their leisure time or by observing them at work is complex and controversial one. Different people hold different views due to their distinct experiences. Some may argue that what people do at work reflects the main spirits of the society, while others may argue that how people spend their leisure time is more important to present the values and cultures of this nation. Therefore, there is not a universal answer to this question, and one choice takes precedence over the other relies on the specific circumstances.这一句我觉得有语法问题，两个谓语。另外还有就是感觉第一段好像是很多人用过的摩板，还是应该加上自己独特的东西)。However, as far as I concerned, I believe they are important equally. My view will be greatly substantiated by the following analysis. (这两句话好像不够连贯, 大家帮我加点什么或改改? as far as I concerned 和　i believed语义重复了，另外如果是我的话， My view will be greatly substantiated by the following analysis这句我不会写，可能是个人写作风格的问题吧。)

For the first place, how people spend their leisure time does reflect a society's values and fashions. In developed nations, people spend holidays or their leisure time with family in traveling, skiing, climbing, and swimming, while in China, for example, people do more studying or even working. From this evidence, we can learn that, generally, in developing country people want to be more superior in the fierce competition and thus invest more continued education into individual's future life or devote more time in working, which present a diligent picture in most cities in China. (这个例子是否太poor?我觉得这个例子还可以，就是developed countries的例子没有分析透，比如要提到developed countries生活应该比较悠闲。)

However, work is as important as leisure activities in understanding a society. How people work is very important not only to individual but also to the whole nation. What people do exactly reflects the characteristics and values of the society. Empirical evidences that support this view are so overwhelming that we do not have to look very far to see the validity of this matter. (划线句子我用so...that...结果状语从句表达可以吗?to tell the truth, i cannot accurately get the meaning of this sentence. what does "this matter" refer to?To illustrate, in the United States, various marketing offers, different financial professions and numerous insurances companies, in which most American devote, demonstrate a thriving business atmosphere and a prosperous environment in the society. In addition, in China, lots of people in small cities and rural area work in manufacturers, which promote China to be "Manufacturing World" at its special developing stage. (好像这里要写点这段总结性的东东, 但不知怎么写, 请大家指教,in the case of "United States", I feel that the use of comma is questionable. Besides, a sentence is necessary in the conclusion of this paragraph and should reflect the meaning of the first sentence.)

Admittedly,??? (对于mix的position, 正文第三段有必要写预期反对的内容吗? 若不写好像字数不够? 还是继续写the third place?在我看来，你不应该被一些摩板所限制，人的思维应该是很发散的，我写作文的时候不知道什么是“预期反对”。你可以写有些时候how they spend their leisure time可能会误导人们对一个国家的认识，比如在leisure time玩是因为工作太紧张了，需要放松。你可以参考)

In conclusion, while it may appear paradoxical to recommend that to learn about a society can both from people’s leisure time and from their working time, it is not. Understanding how people spend the spare time will help us cognize a society, and digging how people work also will assist us to know the nation better. It is better to combine these two to generate an integrate whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, we may be comfortable to say that to learn more about a society, we need to observe both how people spend their leisure time and how they work. (可以这样作为mix position的结论吗?我的结尾可没你这么长，但是一定要概括你在三段中的观点，我一般是重复一下。)

问了好多问题, 实在不好意思. 麻烦大家了.