AI012Education as the key to success in life,第一次写作文，恳请多多指教！

Issue12 Education as the key to success in life

"Education has become the main provider of individual opportunity in our society.Just as property and money once were keys to success,education has now  become the element that most ensures success in life."In yuor opinion,how accurate is the view exressed above?

Success may derive from several attributions such as money and property ,wit ,education etc.In my view,no matter education or money and property ,both of them rely siginificant on other factors like individual characters to provide opportunities of success.

My chef reason for surporting my view is simply that the fact has existed.Individuals who has no formal education,yet has special aspects,still have the possibility to be successful.For instance, some folk artists including musician,dancer and painter ,have been considered as celebrated people in their own field.They  might not have  any education but have lots of  consummate skills or experiences.

Another reason for my point is that individual character and  strong will of success seem to be more fundamental than education.Specially,without indurative stamina and persistent effort  to pursue  the goal of success,nobody can attain any achievement even though he/she have highest education.Admittedly,nearly all successful people have accepet education,which contributes siginificantly to their success procedure,since education become more and more available to most people nowadays.For example,scientists,literators and engineers whose work need numerous proffesional knowlege,must be educated systematicly and effectively.However,persistence to the target and endurance to the toughs are still necerrary to succeed in their  special territory,whereas education is accmopanying with them.

In sum,I agree that education is an important ingredient for success in our life.Nevertheless,it is generally not povital to each case of success;On balance,some other factor-perhaps character ,experience or believe--could be the elemental factor that most  ensures success in life.

由于是第一次尝试，字数不够多，自己感觉偏题了，因为没有提到money and property，而是自己提出了它因，不知道这样可不可以？

其实有的时候结构要比内容重要，所以应该先把模版弄出来会比较好。至于内容我觉得你写的可以啊，在练习的过程中不断加强肯定没问题的。语法问题好象比较多，没有一个一个改，可以自己粘到word里检查一下。以后要慢慢注意哈，要么影响了分数很不值得的。

谢谢judy,终于认识到AWA的严重性了,自己功底本来就差,看来光看别人写是不够的,还是要多练才行!