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刚刚写了一篇issue,请指教了AI125 <-happy更改标题见谅!

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楼主
发表于 2005-9-28 09:23:00 | 只看该作者

刚刚写了一篇issue,请指教了AI125 <-happy更改标题见谅!

第一次写issue,多多指教.请各位看看我的语言是否有重复之处,该做如何改正?谢过了

AI005“The most effective leaders are those who can solve complex problems by finding simple, immediate solutions.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from

your own experience, observations, or reading.

“Formal education should not come to an end when people graduate from college. Instead people should frequently enroll in courses

throughout their lives.”

People hold different criteria for the "most effective leaders", and the capability of solving complex problem through simple and immediate methods is merely one of criteria. As far as I am concerned, the ability stated is not the key point to assert whether the leader is most effective. I will support my point of view by following statements.

To begin with, it is required that every leader obtain the ability to solve problem in a simple and immediate way. Faced an emergency, the leader should be calmer than others and think quickly for the possible solutions then make the dicision in time. Obviously, it is the basic quality for a leader, and no one will obey his lead if he has no such merit. So what the author claims is not sufficient to determine that the one is the most effective leader.

What's more, the quick solution is not necessarily the most effect way to deal with the problems. A simple method may solve the problem within a short time, but always can do nothing with the outcomes in the long future. It is always the case that immediate actions lack of deep reflection so that could not cope with the problems satisfactorily. There is a good example to illustrate it: One company is running with high debt, low profit and huge salaries to allocate. The manager seeks a really easy way to cut the cost that is to fire a number of employees. Obviously, the company's cost will decrease sharply at once, however, this will harm the health of the development of the company undoubtedly. Although the manager has thought up a simple and immediate solution, as we all see, it is not carefully considered and of course is not the most effective one in the long term. Given the instance above, we can never simply say that the one has the simple and mediate solution to solve complex problem is the most effective leader.

To sum up, according to the reasons stated above, it is not convincing to claim that the most effective leader get his prestige only by the capability to solve problem with simple and immediate solution. As a matter of fact, beside the ability to recognize the potential problem, solve the problem in time, the leader should also has the wisdom to tackle the problem in long term consideration, leading the whole thing to develop toward a good prospect, so that we can call him "the most effective leader".




沙发
发表于 2005-9-28 12:56:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用12345678912345在2005-9-28 9:23:00的发言:

第一次写issue,多多指教.请各位看看我的语言是否有重复之处,该做如何改正?谢过了


AI005“The most effective leaders are those who can solve complex problems by finding simple, immediate solutions.”


Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from


your own experience, observations, or reading.


“Formal education should not come to an end when people graduate from college. Instead people should frequently enroll in courses


throughout their lives.”



People hold different criteria for the "most effective leaders", and the capability of solving complex problem through simple and immediate methods is merely one of criteria.感觉用one criterion会比较好。


As far as I am concerned, the ability stated is not the key point to assert whether the leader is most effective. I will support my point of view by following statements.


第一段太单薄了,模版要改进哦。



To begin with, it is required that every leader obtain the ability to solve problem in a simple and immediate way. Faced an emergency, the leader should be calmer than others and think quickly for the possible solutions then make the dicision in time. Obviously, it is the basic quality for a leader, and no one will obey his lead if he has no such merit. So我个人觉得SO 放在句首表示这么说来比较口语,用therefore会比较好。 what the author claims is not sufficient to determine that the one is the most effective leader.


What's more, the quick solution is not necessarily the most effect way to deal with the problems. A simple method may solve the problem within a short time, but always can do nothing with the outcomes in the long future. It is always the case that immediate actions lack of deep reflection so that could not cope with the problems satisfactorily. There is a good example to illustrate it: One company is running with high debt, low profit and huge salaries to allocate. The manager seeks a really easy way to cut the cost that is to fire a number of employees. Obviously, the company's cost will decrease sharply at once, however, this will harm the health of the development of the company undoubtedly. Although the manager has thought up a simple and immediate solution, as we all see, it is not carefully considered and of course is not the most effective one in the long term. Given the instance above, we can never simply say that the one has the simple and mediate solution to solve complex problem is the most effective leader.


To sum up, according to the reasons stated above, it is not convincing to claim that the most effective leader get his prestige only by the capability to solve problem with simple and immediate solution. As a matter of fact, beside the ability to recognize the potential problem, solve the problem in time, the leader should also has the wisdom to tackle the problem in long term consideration, leading the whole thing to develop toward a good prospect, so that we can call him "the most effective leader".


感觉123456789可能是刚刚接触AWA。建议先看看大家的模版然后看下AWA224或者是大家写的作文,然后再成文。因为是应试作文还是尽量套用模式会比较好。

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2005-9-28 21:28:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢你的指教,我会加以改进的.


不过提及模板这个问题,我真的心存疑虑,本身我是很不喜欢模板的,因为看似很多模板真的是比较废话&罗嗦.我也曾经在这下载过一篇叫什么800score的介绍写作文的,那是written in English的,敢情是外国人写的,他的宗旨居然与大部分的中国人很不一样.很多模板是为了凑字数在那转过来转过去,然而我看的文章说是用词得精练,句子不得累赘,还举了很多例子把长句子给缩短了.


至于很多人因为模板得了高分,是否真的是因为冗长的模板给他们得了高分?抑或所有运用了模板的人都得了高分呢?I am wondering.


地板
发表于 2005-9-29 03:30:00 | 只看该作者

我觉得开头结尾都有点仓促


然后中间段展开的不够全面,也不是很看的通:(


楼主再练练吧

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-9-29 03:36:00 | 只看该作者

um,多练多练.

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