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AA001!请各位N人指点。

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楼主
发表于 2005-8-31 22:51:00 | 只看该作者

AA001!请各位N人指点。

每天都要麻烦大家,可是我实在是很差必须要练。请各位使劲拍砖,我不怕疼(铁头功已经练出来了 )字数总是提不上去,不知道还应该再写些什么,请指点迷津。


The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.


`Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.~


Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


********************


In this argument, the author concludes that the long experience of Olympic Foods will enable it to minimize costs and thus maximize profits. To buttress the argument, the author shows evidence that the color film processing has experienced a reduction of costs. At first glance, the author's conclusion seems to be acceptable. However, a careful examination can reveal several flaws from the argument.


First, the author makes a wrong analogy between the food processing and the color film processing in all aspects. The characteristics of food processing are so different from those of color film processing that the two processing cannot be analogous. For example, the food processing contains many aspects such as storing and transforming, to list a few, which do not involve in the color film processing. Therefore, although the color film processing have experienced a decrease in the costs, Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods, will possibly not achieve in reducing the costs.


Second, the author fails to correlate the profits to both the costs and revenues, both of which have great impact on profits. If only minimizing costs is considered in the plan to maximize the profits, it is possibly that the company will not achieve the business goal due to the dramatical decline of the revenues. Thus, the company Olympic Foods should both maximize revenues and minimize costs to reach its business target: maximum profits.


Third, the author unfairly assumes that company's long experience is sufficient to give birth to the desired goals: minimizing costs. However, if it turns out that cost minimization is due to a combination of factors, some of which will remain unchanged in the future, such as advanced technology and efficient management. Mere long experience can not have stimulating impact on the intention.


In conclusion, the author makes an unconvincing conclusion based on false analogy and incomprehensive consideration. To reach a more plausible argument, he or she would show evidence that the similarities of the color film processing and food processing outweigh the differences of them, and a inclusive contemplation is needed.


[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-31 22:51:21编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2005-8-31 23:12:00 | 只看该作者

呵呵今天作文好多,不能看语法了。和你说下字数的问题吧:


你的总体已经很不错了。模版初具规模逻辑错误也找的很到位。怎么才能增加字数呢?一个小的秘密武器就是在每个中间段第一句话把这个错误是什么说出来。比如你的第一个逻辑错误那段的开头可以加上The author commits a fallacy of false analogy.这样三段下来也可以凑几十个字再加上你现在的似乎就可以了呵呵。多看看提纲讨论吧,不要着急!

板凳
发表于 2005-9-1 11:16:00 | 只看该作者


In this argument, the author concludes that the long experience of Olympic Foods will enable it to minimize costs and thus maximize profits. To buttress the argument(个人认为应是加强conclusion,不确定中...), the author shows evidence that the color film processing has experienced a reduction of costs. At first glance,(At the first glance) the author's conclusion seems to be acceptable. However, a careful examination can reveal several flaws from the argument.


First, the author makes a wrong analogy between the food processing and the color film processing in all aspects. The characteristics of food processing are so different from those of color film processing that the two processing (复数:the two processing industries,另,建议把processing 都改成processing industry)cannot be analogous. For example, the food processing contains many aspects such as storing and transforming (transportation,表意不准,自己修改时要仔细查字典), to list a few, which do not involve in the color film processing. (这句话很奇怪的说,to list a few 的用法不清楚,但是总的读起来不连冠。如果是我写会说:For example, extra procedures such storing and transportation are all invovled in the food processing industry but are abosolutely absent in the film processing industry. Such differences between the two industries may make the analogy highly less than valid. )Therefore, although the color film processing have experienced a decrease in the costs, Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods, will possibly not achieve in reducing the costs.


Second, the author fails to correlate the profits to both the costs and revenues, both of which have great impact on profits. If only minimizing costs is considered in the plan to maximize the profits, it is possibly that the company will not achieve the business goal due to the dramatical decline of the revenues. Thus, the company Olympic Foods should both maximize revenues and minimize costs to reach its business target: maximum profits.(个人觉得这个总结应放到结尾部分,在行文中主要要强调原文的逻辑错误,尤其是每段的最后一句,比如表达成As the author gives no evidence that how the revenue will be like in the future, it is unconvincing to conclude that minimal costs lead to maximum profit.)


Third, the author unfairly assumes that company's long experience is sufficient to give birth to the desired goals: minimizing costs. However, if it turns out that cost minimization is due to a combination of factors, some of which will remain unchanged in the future, such as advanced technology and efficient management. Mere long experience can not have stimulating impact on the intention.(应该和前一句合成一句话,这样的错误写完文章后放到word里用语法检查就能找到的。)


In conclusion, the author makes an unconvincing conclusion based on false analogy and incomprehensive consideration. To reach a more plausible argument, he or she would show evidence that the similarities of the color film processing and food processing outweigh the differences of(between) them, and a(an) inclusive contemplation is needed.


建议:1、存在一些明显的语法和拼写错误,应在写完后留出时间检查,并且放在word里更正一下。这篇文章有5个明显语法和拼写错误,应该会被扣掉半分(每错3个扣半分)


2、个别词义表达不准确,这个问题大家都有吧,解决的办法就是查字典和参考例文啦!


3、字数上的增加应该来自于逻辑思路的清晰,我觉得每个问题至少都能说5句:


1-原文犯了一个xx的逻辑错误(参考七宗罪的表达)


2-这个逻辑错误在于忽视了,假设了,误以为了...的存在


3-事实上...(however,in fact/as we all know/ common sense tells us...)


4-举例for example/ just as likely...(略写段可以忽略)


5-因此,unless the author...the author's conclusion is unconvincing!


这个只是我的思路,你也可以有自己的逻辑思路,应该可以保证字数。如果还觉得字少,就在某点上多说句废话呗!


觉得你很多句子写的很不错,加油加油!


地板
 楼主| 发表于 2005-9-1 11:34:00 | 只看该作者
多谢judy 和小虾的指点,好像又有那么点信心了,继续努力中。。。。。。
5#
发表于 2005-9-1 15:59:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢小虾!!
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