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AA001, my first argument essay, 欢迎修改

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楼主
发表于 2005-8-20 15:16:00 | 只看该作者

AA001, my first argument essay, 欢迎修改

1. The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.


“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”



My essay:



In this argument, the management of Olympic Foods holds such opinion that lessening costs can lead to high efficiency and profit maximization and that long experience help reduce costs,  concerned. Based on color film industry’s status, the reasoning line fails on rough casual relationship among compliated variables such as cost, efficiency and experience through too simply analogying the totally different industries. The following will examine the weakness of the reasoning line.



In the first place, the argument does not present how the color film industry become more efficient, just show a simple figure about cost saving, which is the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The truth does not show any relationship between cost and efficiency and it even does not explain what is efficiency, especially what is efficiency to frozen food industry. To any industry, improving efficiency maybe help reduce costs, or reducing costs is just a meathod to improve efficiency. It is definitely not true to regard reducing costs as a must to high efficiency. Especially, different industries have different criteria due to different pursues to efficiency. For example, as to frozen foods industry, efficiency means Just-In-time deliverary, fresh food supply, quality management, food security , taste, calorie balance and etc.. This issues represent the specific requirements of frozen food industry. Because of the specifications of different industryies,  color film is kind of standardized product without too much distinction among different brands of color film. Thus, costs become an important banchmark to evaluate the efficiency in this industry.  Clearly, it is too rough to compare the two dissimliar industries to look for high efficiency meathod.



In the second place, the management of Olympic Foods harshly consider profit maximization result from cost reduction. The profits of company refers to the difference between revenue to cost. If the cost reduction do harm to the sale of the company for product quality or outdated product unfiting the current market, the revenue of the company will lessen or even be on the edge of bankrupt. Hence, it is not wise to only consider the varible of cost. In contast with reducing cost strategy, Sony company devotes to high investment in produce innovation, with high production cost, however, it got great profit return.



In the third place, a company can learn how to do things better during the period of 25 years. It is still needed to be doubted. Different companies have specific status. If the color film company focus on organization culture establishment, we can’t expect this company to aggregate enough experience in reduing costs and Olympic foods can learn such know-how from it. Not speaking of such status, the color film company only has dealed with regular works and done nothing in reducing costs in the past 25 years.



In conclusion, this argument fails to support its allege by correct analogy between similar industry with similar satus. In order to support this propose, the author should provide the evidence to prove the casual relationship among cost, efficiency and profits. And at the same time, we need to know more about Olymic Foods to assess the relevance of this propose.

沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2005-8-20 18:07:00 | 只看该作者

In this argument, the management of Olympic Foods holds such opinion that lessening costs can lead to high efficiency and profit maximization and that long experience help reduce costs,  concerned. Based on color film industry’s status, the reasoning line fails on rough casual relationship among compliated variables such as cost, efficiency and experience through too simply analogying the totally different industries. The following will examine the weakness of the reasoning line.



In the first place, the argument does not present how the color film industry become more efficient, just show a simple figure about cost saving, which is the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The truth does not show any relationship between cost and efficiency and it even does not explain what is efficiency, especially what is efficiency to frozen food industry. To any industry, improving efficiency maybe help reduce costs, or reducing costs is just a meathod to improve efficiency. It is definitely not true to regard reducing costs as a must to high efficiency. Especially, different industries have different criteria due to different pursues to efficiency. For example, as to frozen foods industry, efficiency means Just-In-time deliverary, fresh food supply, quality management, food security , taste, calorie balance and etc.. This issues represent the specific requirements of frozen food industry. Because of the specifications of different industryies,  color film is kind of standardized product without too much distinction among different brands of color film. Thus, costs become an important banchmark to evaluate the efficiency in this industry.  Clearly, it is too rough to compare the two dissimliar industries to look for high efficiency meathod.



In the second place, the management of Olympic Foods harshly consider profit maximization result from cost reduction. The profits of company refers to the difference between revenue to cost. If the cost reduction do harm to the sale of the company for product quality or outdated product unfiting the current market, the revenue of the company will lessen or even be on the edge of bankrupt. Hence, it is not wise to only consider the varible of cost. In contast with reducing cost strategy, Sony company devotes to high investment in produce innovation, with high production cost, however, it got great profit return.



In the third place, a company can learn how to do things better during the period of 25 years. It is still needed to be doubted. Different companies have specific status. If the color film company focus on organization culture establishment, we can’t expect this company to aggregate enough experience in reduing costs and Olympic foods can learn such know-how from it. Not speaking of such status, the color film company only has dealed with regular works and done nothing in reducing costs in the past 25 years.



In conclusion, this argument fails to support its allege by correct analogy between similar industry with similar satus. In order to support this propose, the author should provide the evidence to prove the casual relationship among cost, efficiency and profits. And at the same time, we need to know more about Olymic Foods to assess the relevance of this propose.

板凳
发表于 2005-8-20 18:24:00 | 只看该作者
My essay:

>>
>>In this argument, the management of Olympic Foods holds such opinion that lessening costs can lead to high efficiency and profit maximization and that long experience help reduce costs,  concerned. Based on color film industry’s status, the reasoning line fails on rough casual relationship among compliated (complicated) variables such as cost, efficiency and experience through too simply analogying (analogizing) the totally different industries. The following will examine the weakness of the reasoning line.

>>

>>
In the first place, the argument does not present how the color film industry become more efficient, just show a simple figure about cost saving, which is the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The truth does not show any relationship between cost and efficiency and it even does not explain what is efficiency, especially what is efficiency to frozen food industry. (第二个what is efficiency)To any industry, improving efficiency maybe (最好不要用maybe,直接用may吧) help reduce costs, or reducing costs is just a meathod to improve efficiency. It is definitely not true to regard reducing costs as a must to high efficiency. Especially, different industries have different criteria due to different pursues to efficiency. For example, as to frozen foods industry, efficiency means Just-In-time deliverary, fresh food supply, quality management, food security , taste, calorie balance and etc.. This issues (this 和 issues 复数搭配错了) represent the specific requirements of frozen food industry. Because of the specifications of different industryies,  color film is kind of standardized product without too much distinction among different brands of color film. Thus, costs become an important banchmark to evaluate the efficiency in this industry.  Clearly, it is too rough to compare the two dissimliar industries to look for high efficiency meathod.

>>


In the second place, the management of Olympic Foods harshly consider profit maximization result from cost reduction. The profits of company refers to the difference between revenue to cost. If the cost reduction do harm to the sale of the company for product quality or outdated product unfiting the current market, the revenue of the company will lessen or even be on the edge of bankrupt. Hence, it is not wise to only consider the varible of cost. In contast with reducing cost strategy, Sony company devotes to high investment in produce innovation, with high production cost, however, it got great profit return.



In the third place, a company can learn how to do things better during the period of 25 years. It is still needed to be doubted. Different companies have specific status. If the color film company focus on organization culture establishment, we can’t expect this company to aggregate enough experience in reduing costs and Olympic foods can learn such know-how from it. Not speaking of such status, the color film company only has dealed with regular works and done nothing in reducing costs in the past 25 years.



In conclusion, this argument fails to support its allege by correct analogy between similar industry with similar satus. In order to support this propose, the author should provide the evidence to prove the casual relationship among cost, efficiency and profits. And at the same time, we need to know more about Olymic Foods to assess the relevance of this propose.



又是一篇好多字的文章,感觉楼主还是很能写的。个人觉得只要在语言组织上更有条理性,肯定会是得高分,觉得在语言结构,整体结构上还需加强。建议可以写完之后,直接粘贴到word,你就可以发现你在单词正确率上还需加强,还有就是句子组织的正确性。说实话,我一粘到word,好多红线阿!以后注意阿!我就不一一帮你改了,你可以自己粘一下!!呵呵。



同时建议可看看七宗罪,毕竟王道,同时可以看看各种模版,加强自己的语言,结构组织的条理性!慢慢地就会形成自己的模版了。



小弟不才,如有偏颇,期待着楼主的交流与反驳!


地板
发表于 2005-8-20 18:25:00 | 只看该作者

这是以前有关本文讨论的连接,你也可以参考一下!!!


http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=26&ID=107391&page=11


5#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-8-20 18:48:00 | 只看该作者

thanks a lot once again. my msn : lindazhou2001@hotmail, my yahoo account: lindazhou2001@yahoo.com  


you are welcome to add me at your buddy list.


我好奇怪,我的word文档,没有改错的功能。55555


我写这篇,花了一个多小时十几分,hehe 我是对照着七宗罪写的,hehe ,还需要修炼。


I like writing. I waste a lot of time before I decided to take GMAT and found CD. 终于找到了自我,通过gmat学习和写作,我发现我喜欢academic research,事实上,以前开始备考时,真的是为了逃避现在的生活。

6#
发表于 2005-8-20 19:06:00 | 只看该作者

你的word是什么版本的,我的是可以的。


在word-〉工具-〉选项-〉拼写和语法-〉复选框中可以选择纠错的。你可以试试看。


还有 我这里网络有点问题,外国网都上不去了,包括msn。等到好了再加你把。或者你加我好了


我的msn:luruihua(A) hotmail.com

7#
 楼主| 发表于 2005-8-21 15:14:00 | 只看该作者
i have added you in my buddy list. there are so many handsome smiles here. hehe . so nice.
8#
发表于 2011-9-27 23:23:14 | 只看该作者
LZ我觉得分别是:成本下降和效率无具体因果; Color film processing & Food processing 的错误类比; 25年的经验对于成本最小化利润最大化的无理假设。
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