再来一篇 AA112

感谢昨天happyfish给我改的作文，今天试着自己修改了一篇，这是改完以后的效果，不知道怎么样。麻烦各位再给我看看。这篇我写了三点理由，可是第三点不知道理解的对不对，请指正！

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Date: 2005-7-5

Time: 12:02:38

Argument No.106

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Question:

The following appeared in a memo to the Saluda town council from the town's business manager.

`Research indicates that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who don't exercise. By providing a well-equipped gym for Saluda's municipal employees, we should be able to reduce the cost of our group health insurance coverage by approximately 50% and thereby achieve a balanced town budget.~

Your Answer:

In this argument, the author concludes that established a well-equipped gym can reduce the cost of the health insurance and in turn achieve a balanced town budget. To support his conclusion, the author claims that a research indicates that the regular exercises can reduce the rate of hospitalization and the employees will be encouraged by the new gym. Meanwhile, the author assumes that the cost of health insurance will be reduced and thereby achieve a balanced town budget. These arguments seem to be solid and reasonable at the first sight, however, we can find out how weak and irrational it is if we look deeper into this argument. I will point out why the argument is problematic in the following aspects:

To begin with, the author rests on a groundless assumption that a well-equipped gym can enable the employees to like exercises. But the author does not provide any evidence to prove that the new gym can improve the interest of employees in the exercises. We cannot be informed whether those who exercise regularly usually have a healthy habit of life and want to build their body, however, those who often went to the hospital would not like to exercise at any time. What has been discussed above, if true, would show the argument of encouraging employees to exercise by a new gym is not acceptable.

Another problem with this argument is that the author unfairly predicts that the cost of their group health insurance coverage will reduce by approximately 50% due to the well-equipped gym established. We cannot see any information that can support the author's point. The author obviously has overlooked other crucial factors that might contribute to the result that the health insurance will not be reduced and even will be increased. It is likely that some retired employees are seriously ill and they will spend a lot of money. It is also likely that the number of employees going to exercise really increased, but they do not know the correct method to use the equipments and leads to many people was injured and thus they need to spend much more money. Any of these factors can get the result that the health insurance will be increased but not as the author said that the cost will be reduced.

Finally, the author assumes that since the cost of the health insurance will be reduced they can achieve a balanced town budget. As far as I am concerned, this prediction is unconsidered. Even if the face that the health insurance is reduced is truthful, the author does not tell us what percent of the employees of the town in the government. If the total population in the town is 50 and 30 of them work in the government, the author's claim is convinced. However, if the total population in the town is 500000 and 50 of them are in the municipal government, the argument will be much weaker.

In the conclusion, the argument is weak. To make the argument logically acceptable, the author must provide additional information about the new gym can encourage employees to join the exercises. And also the author should offer the concrete evidence to prove his claim that the cost will be reduced and they will achieve a balanced town budget.

另外，可能是我对作文理解的还不够深，昨天happyfish给我提出最后一段要有topic sentence, 可是我不太明白这个TS是一句什么样的话呢？“In the conclusion, the argument is weak” 不是TS吗？ 麻烦告知，谢谢！

Research indicates that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less（同时性因过错误） than half as often as those who don't exercise. By providing a well-equipped gym for LACE>SaludaLACE>'s municipal employees（内推错误）, we should（充分必要性） be able to reduce the cost of our group health insurance coverage by approximately 50% and thereby achieve a balanced town budget.~

我不知道AA的TS值得是什么，你要好好问问Happy。只是开头短的作用是：重述作者结论，列举作者理由，说作者错了（说得漂亮点）。正文段落每段开头说明本段落论证错误，举反例，然后说这一点作者错了。结尾段说作者的理由不能支持结论。然后说如果要支持应该怎么加强理由（批驳取非）。然后再漂亮得说一句作者很傻B，文章很垃圾。