这个是后来重写的,没有限时,写了600多字,晕
由于我找了太多的错误,所以就没有一点一点地分段写,而是一句一句地进行驳斥,感觉比一开始的那篇更有说服力,但是看着有些乱
In the argument, the author concludes that corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. To substantiate this suggestion, the author points out three advantages of the city of Helios: lower unemployment rate, more manufacturing jobs and attempt to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. At first glance, the author’s line of reasoning seems attractive and convincing. However, further reflection reveals that it omits some important points that should be clarified when making such conclusion.
In the first place, the author cites that Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the region’s average in the recent recession. First, the author does not provide the exact date of the recession. The fact that happened in the past does not constitute a sound evidence to draw a conclusion that is applied to the present. Second, although Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the region’s average, it is possible that the region’s average unemployment rate was higher than the state’s average, leaving Helios’s unemployment rate, which was lower than the region’s average, still higher than the state’s average. Third, lower unemployment rate may bring disadvantages to new businesses, since fewer idle labor forces have more power in negotiations about such issues as the level of wages. With these considerations, the fact that Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the region’s average in the recent recession seems not a priority when corporations choose locations to establish new businesses.
In the second place, the author states that Helios is the industrial center of the region. While Helios can bring precious opportunities to new businesses, it also brings risks. There are so many established companies and such fierce competition that it will be difficult for a new business to stand stably in the existing market. The author also says that Helios has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. However, such a situation undoubtedly elicits a consideration that these jobs exceed the quantity needed. Since the quantity of jobs is oversupplanted(呵呵,这个词似乎是我自己造的,查了一下字典,改成superfluous), it will be difficult for new businesses to recruit sufficient workers.
Finally, the author gives another evidence that Helios is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. Since it is mentioned that Helios has provided more than share of the region’s manufacturing jobs, one can suspect that such a large group of workers proficient at manufacturing jobs is able to provide the very workers need for companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. There is another problem. Helios attracts only the high-tech companies, and maybe will supply such beneficial polices as tax relief. Therefore, this point is not attractive to the companies which do not focus on the research and development of innovative technologies. Without ruling out the possibility that the corporations at issue are not the kind of company which Helios tries to attract, the author’s suggestion is problematic.
In sum, the author provides three evidences all of which are not convincing. To make his conclusion more persuading, the author should provide the exact date of the recession and the exact unemployment rate of Helios. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should make sure that all the companies at issue focus on the research and development of innovative technologies. To better assess the conclusion, we need more information comparing the advantages of Helios as the industrial center of the region with the disadvantages of fewer available labor forces and fierce competition. Only after these procedures, we can draw an accurate conclusion whether Helios is a superior place for corporations to seek new business opportunities or a new location. |