Amissrosa的作文帖--中英作文底子都不好...11/24將第一次考托福 求狠批><!!!感謝各位前輩!!

AnthonySummer

11.4 綜合 TPO20





The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic about a policy of "let it burn".However, the professor discords with the idea in the passage. She thinks that the fire gives the ecology an opportunity to create new form（ the fires provided an new opportunity to ecosystem，原文如此錶達的，更加精煉）. Therefore, the professor provides several reasons to oppose the article.

The first reason inthe lecture is that the event of Yellowstone Park fire actually created new places for smaller plants to live while the reading points that the fire caused a tremendous disaster to the plants. The professor says that although the fire destroyed trees and vegetation in Yellowstone Park, but it actually created new（你這點和前面重複了啊，刪掉吧）spaces for smaller planets to live. For example, after the fire, the large trees which had occupied most areas were destroyed, and the destroyed areasbecome new habitats for smaller vegetation to survive. （很多原文的細節都沒聽到，譬如物種多樣化，高溫幫助某些種子發芽，建議重聽吧！）

Second, the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning the recovery of wildlife. Though thearticle states that the "let it burn" policy destruct the habitat and foodchains of ecology, the professor argues that the environment is able to recover.Besides, the destruction of habitat actually helps smaller species, such asrabbits, to propagate, and the propagation provide food to predators in foodchains. （又是和原文有些出入，應該是講提供了 new food chains，然後從而幫助bla bla 什麽的，感覺你寫的沒有表達原文的意思）

The third reason is the fire will not affectlocal tourism and the local economy. While the article indicates that serious fire cause the decrease of local economy and tourism, the professor holds that thefire which is like Yellowstone Park fire doesn't frequently happen and will notaffect local business.（前面三個小句再重複一個意思，啰嗦啊,得縮寫）Instead, the fire not only helps some creatures whichneed higher （這是第二段的內容）（你看你這句的意思前後不搭調啊）temperature to live but also attracts more and more tourists come to Yellowstone Park. （有迷失了一些聽力中的意思，譬如乾燥因素，後來遊客每年都會來啊）

In conclusion,the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading, shebelieves that the "let it burn" policy will not harm ecology and local business.

amissrosa

今天比較忙，以下是初稿…想必有很多錯誤的用詞和文法，結果還是超出時間了…我要再加油!!麻煩前輩批改了>”<

11.5 獨立 Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? In the past, it was easier for people to identify what types ofcareer or job would lead to a secure, successful future

The societyin the past is different from the present society. For example, theconstruction of economy emphasized on industry, the kinds of career whichpeople were given were almost labors level. Because the economy situation wasbetter than today’s economy so that the rate of unemployment was not so serious,and people were very cherish job opportunities. Therefore, I agree that peoplein the past were easily find careers to a secure and successful future.

First of all, nowadays, people arefacing economy depression, the rate of unemployment keep increased. Because of therate of unemployment, people cannot choose jobs which they are interested inbut seeking jobs which are still recruiting. Unlike present people, people wholived in the past were more luckily because many global events which stimulatedeconomy to keep growing for a long time. Economy growth needed labors so thatalmost every people in the past had a long-term career.

Second, people in the past were taughtto be precious every job opportunities rather than often switched job. Although,people had experienced a long time economy growth, the poor is still poor. Peoplecared about money so that they could feed family. Once they were given jobs,they were willing to learn for their lifetime to be professional in theircareer. Unlike people in the past, modern people have better lives now, butthey lack of patience for learning a particular career for a long-time. Their workingexperiences on resumes lead them hardly find jobs.

Third, before people find jobs, thereare many information channels to help modern people either search informationor learn professional skills. Therefore, for modern people, there are too manyappeals to focus on one special skill. People like to learn varied professionalfield; however, varied choices makes people hard to decide their lifelongcareer. On the contrary, because of less learning opportunities, people in thepast only can learn professional skill in factories or companies. Most peoplein the past only have one professional skill, but this particular skill helpsthem have a lifetime career.

I think people are used to enjoycomfortable lives and lack of crisis attention. Even though present economyprovides lots of job opportunities, people regard them invaluable. In the past,because of the difference of the rich and the poor, most people didn’t choosekinds of jobs and were willing to devout to jobs for their lifetime. Therefore,I agree that it was easier for people in the past to identify whattypes of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future.
Word:429  Time: 54 mins----------------------------------------------------------------
11.5 綜合TPO21


The reading passage and theprofessor both discuss the topic of genetic modification. However, the speakerdiscords with the idea in the passage. She thinks that genetic modification isnot a good idea, and she offers several reasons to oppose the article.


The first reason is thatgenetically modified trees are not so hardier than nature trees while thereading states the opposed viewpoint. The professor says that geneticallymodified trees are not easily to survive because they pass uniform gene togeneration by generation. However, nature trees don't share the same gene andcharacteristics so that even though one of these tree are affected by climateor insects, the other trees still have possibility to survive.

Second, the speaker refutesthe reading by mentioning economic benefits even though the article indicatesthat genetically modified trees brings economic benefits to those who growthem. The lecturer thinks that the seeds of genetically modified trees are moreexpensive than the seeds of nature trees. Besides, farmers who need place toplant genetically modified trees have to pay money to genetic modificationcompanies. Therefore, the professor concludes that genetically modified treescannot make farmers richer.

The third reason is that genetically modified trees will damage localtrees. While the reading points out that genetically modified trees can preventover exploitation of wild trees, the professor purposes that the because of the growthrate of genetically modified trees, these trees occupy most habitat of localtrees. Besides, abundant genetically modified trees absorb most of sunlight,water and nitrogen which originally provide nutrition to local trees.

To sum up, the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in thereading. She believes that genetic modification cannot bring economic benefits,and it also endangers local trees.

lmylacoste

等你的作文哦，好了可以发消息通知我

amissrosa

前輩，抱歉讓你等那麼久>"<
下方獨立作文是計時完成的(但還是超過了15分鐘....)是草稿，因為24號要考試了，打算直接獻上草稿因為最接近考試時的狀況..
求前輩嚴格批改>"<  學妹虛心求教！！
11.6 獨立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character.
People need clothes to cover our privateparts of bodies. Sometimes, we need clothes to warm up in the winter. Becausemost people judge a person by his or her outlook, people nowadays have clothesto pretend that they are someone else or want to hide their drawbacks in frontof the public. I believe that the way of a person's dress cannot show his orher personality because the reason why people have clothes is that dressinghelps them prevent from other's judgments.

First of all, as I mentioned, people haveto buy varied kinds of clothes to deal with varied situations. For most people,they must need a suit because everyone has at least a chance to attend formalmeetings in the lifetime. For example, we cannot understand a person whom wemeet in a formal feast because the person must dress in a formal way. Maybe wecan know the prices of his or her dress but not the personality.

The second reason is similar to the firstone which is that dressing help people fit in the different situations. Teacheris an obvious example. If a teacher likes rock style, can parents accept thisteacher dress like a rock star in front of children? I guess the answer is No.Therefore, this teacher has to choose general dress to blend in the teachingenvironment. In most time, the way of a person's dress is to play a social rolebut not the intrinsic personality.

Last but not the least; we cannotunderstand a person by the outlook. Combining the above two reasons, the reasonwhy people choose their clothes is to make them proper in varied places.Besides, we usually know persons by spending time on them or her and observing theiraction or attitude. For example, I never judge customer by their dress becauseI have met lots of customer wear casual clothes, but they buy many Chanel orGucci products.

In conclusion, in our society, peopleseldom reveal their real characters in front of the public, and most of themsave money to buy beautiful clothes so that they can prevent from judgments.Besides, the truth is not always show in front of our eyes. Therefore, Ibelieve that the way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or herpersonality or character.

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11.6 綜合 TPO 22


Thereading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of ethanol fuel.However, the speaker discords with the idea in the passage. He thinks thatethanol fuel is a good replacement for gasoline and provides several reasons tooppose the article.


Thefirst reason is that ethanol fuel will not cause global warming which thereading passage points out. The professor mentions that the even though ethanolrelease carbon dioxide as gasoline dose, the growing plants of ethanol fuel,such as corm, can absorb those released carbon dioxide as nutrition. Therefore,ethanol plants can remove carbon dioxide in atmosphere.

Second,the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning ethanol fuel will not reduceavailable food for creatures. The article states that animal lost sources offood, such as corn, because of ethanol fuel. However, the professor argues thatpeople utilize Ethanol using cellulose which cannot be eaten by animals;therefore, planting Ethanol using plant cannot affect the food source ofanimals.

Thethird reason is that Ethanol fuel is able to compete with gasoline on price inthe future which is opposed to the reading part. The professor purposes thatthe demand of Ethanol fuel will increase in the future so that the ethanolproducer will not have to depend on government’s subsidy. Besides, according tothe research, if the price of ethanol fuel will be three times as presentprices, the demand of ethanol fuel will drop about 40%.

Tosum up, the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading.He believes that ethanol fuel will not cause global warming and lack of food,and the price of ethanol fuel will keep competing with that of gasoline in thefuture.

lmylacoste

People need clothes to cover our（their own 因为指people） private parts of bodies and minds（你觉得这样是不是跟扣题了？可讨论哈）.（这里呢，我觉得可以用原来和现在做对比,可讨论哈） Sometimes（primarily）, we need clothes to warm up in the winter. However，Because most people （+ mainly）judge a person by his or her outlook（outlook好像没有外表的意思吧。。appearance）, people nowadays have clothes to pretend that they are（to be会联系更清晰一点，个人观点） someone else or want to hide their drawbacks in front of the public. I believe that the way of a person's dress cannot show his or her personality because the reason why people have clothes is that dressing helps them prevent（prevent及物，用prevent them） from other's judgments.

这一段，我觉得我很能理解你的意思，但是若是加上几个表逻辑的词会让文章显得很清晰。

First of all, as I mentioned, people have to buy varied kinds of clothes to deal with varied situations. For most people, they must need a suit because everyone has at least a chance to attend formal meetings in the lifetime. For example, we cannot understand（用在这里不太合适吧，可以考虑familiar/acquaint+sb） a person whom we meet in a formal feast because the person must(有点别扭，可删去) dress in a formal way.（+From which） Maybe we can know the prices of his or her dress but not the personality. （not know the personality, but learn about the prices of his or her dress）

The second reason is similar to the first one which is that dressing help people fit in the different situations. Teacher is an obvious example（用复数吧，指所有）. If a teacher likes rock style, can parents accept this teacher dress like a rock star in front of（用得太多了，可用before） children? I guess the answer is No. Therefore, this teacher has to choose general dress to blend(要用被动哦) in the teaching environment. In most time, the way of a person's dress is to play a social role but not the intrinsic personality.（用not…but…结构比较好）

Last but not the least; we cannot understand a person by the outlook. Combining the above two reasons, the reason why people choose their clothes is to make them proper in varied places. Besides, we usually know persons by spending time on them or her（什么状况？） and observing their action（behavior比较好吧） or attitude. For example, I never judge customer（s） by their dress because I have met lots of customer（s） wear casual clothes, but they buy many Chanel or Gucci products.

In conclusion, in our society, people seldomly reveal their real characters in front of the public, and most of them save money to buy beautiful clothes so that they can prevent（which will prevent them） from judgments. Besides, the truth is not always show in front of our eyes. Therefore, I believe that the way of a person’s dress is not （观点不能反啊）an indication of his or her personality or character.

总结：

写得不错

但是有几点要注意：

1.最重要观点保持一致（最后一句）

2.观点重叠，感觉3,4两段差不多

3.同义改写 in front of=before=in the present of=in the face of=face

4.字数还要多点儿啊

加油！~

amissrosa

11.7 獨立 College or university should offer students a better job preparation before they start working
The rate ofunemployment hasn't been solved, and most people count on the relationship withpeople, such as manager of a company to get jobs. There is a universal sayingthat being a student is lucky because schools are able to not only providecareer training classes but also arrange jobs interviews for students.Therefore, I agree that college or university should offer students a betterjob preparation before they start working.

First of all, itis a obligation for schools to train student practical skills before they havejobs. The reason why parents spend much money on children to go to universityis the hope that their children can learn professional skills which is requiredfor future careers.  Besides, setting jobpreparation class is prevailing in most campuses. For example, I was requiredto select job preparation class when I was a senior student in the university.

Moreover, trainingstudents practical career skills helps them leave good impression to thepublic, and that is also a good long-term plan for schools. People judge a schoolby evaluating not only how many educational resources a school can provide butalso the performance of students who graduated from that school. When wediscuss a celebrity, we are also concerned about his or her educationalbackground. As a result, the performance of students in their future workingenvironments becomes a key factor for people choosing a school. For example,most parents want their children to apply Harvard University because there aremany CEO s graduated from Harvard University.

Third,cultivating great students is like investment. If the schools help studentswell-prepared before they apply for jobs, these students are potential tobecome managers in the companies in the future. They will donate their almamaters to extend educational sources once they are promoted. Therefore, it isconvinced that providing a better job preparation is win-win for students andschools.

In conclusion,arranging a better job preparation have become an important key points forschools to attract parents and students. And that is also kind of investmentbecause most famous alumni are going to be a major part of financial sourcesfor schools.

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11. 7綜合 TPO23


這篇integrate writing是first draft...寫完檢查後有發現第二點漏了很多detail...因為聽力沒聽懂
不知道我的integrate writing的架構(轉折詞...等等)夠不夠嚴謹？
求狠批>"<!!!


The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of thereasons why yellow cedars have been declined. However, the professor discordswith the reasons raised in the passages and offers several opposite points.


The first reason is that the cedar bark beetle cannot lead to thedeclination of yellow cedar. Although the passage points out that the beetle isknown to attack cedar trees; the lecturer indicates that the major of cedartrees is resistant from those beetles because cedars tree can produce a kind ofchemical which can prevent from the attack of beetles. Besides, there are onlysick or dying cedar trees that will be harmed by beetles.

Second, the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning brown bears. Thoughthe article states that bears eat the tree bark, the professor argues thatbears seldom appear in the mainland where cedar barks occupy.

The third reason is that the changes of climate cannot be blamed for thedeclination of cedar trees. While the article indicates that the cedar barks'root which has changed to grow in the winter are likely to suffer from frozen,  the professor holds that most cedar treeswere found that they were dying at low elevation where is warmer temperature.

Finally, the professorin the lecture disagrees with the reasons in the reading. He believes that the actualreasons which caused the declination of cedar barks still have to be investigated.

婷婷connie

11.7综合改文
The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of thereasons why yellow cedars have been declined. However, the professor discordswith(不错) the reasons raised in the passages and offers several opposite points.
开头挺好的
The first reason is that the cedar bark beetle cannot lead to thedeclination of yellow cedar. Although the passage points out that the beetle isknown to attack cedar trees; the lecturer indicates that the major of cedartrees is（are注意单复数一致） resistant from those beetles because cedars tree can produce a kind ofchemical which can prevent(trees少了个宾语)from the attack of beetles. Besides, there are(这里的there be 句型没有必要，直接写：only sick and dying cedar trees will be attacked by cedar beetles) onlysick or dying cedar trees that will be harmed by beetles.

Second, the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning brown bears. Thoughthe article states that bears eat（熊貌似不是eat而是destroy，类似于用爪子挠）the tree bark, the professor argues thatbears seldom appear in the mainland(听力是说mainland有熊，island没有，搞反了)where cedar barks occupy.

The third reason is that the changes of climate cannot be blamed for thedeclination of cedar trees. While the article indicates that the cedar barks'root which has changed to grow in the winter are likely to suffer from frozen, the professor holds that most cedar treeswere found that they were dying at low elevation where is （at）warmer temperature.

Finally, the professorin the lecture disagrees with the reasons in the reading. He believes that the actualreasons which caused the declination of cedar barks still have to be investigated.

可以不用写结尾的，字数有限制的，是225

另外听力细节还得加强，语言很好了，加油哦~

lizchang1990

The rate of unemployment hasn't been solved, and most people count on the relationship with people, such as manager of a company to get jobs(这个不应该这样用哦,such as ). There is a universal saying that being a student is lucky because schools are able to not only provide career training classes but also arrange jobs interviews for students. Therefore, I agree that college or university should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.(你的逻辑性不是很强,句子衔接不好,比如首段说失业率没解决,貌似后面跟manager貌似扯不上很大关系.你的三句话读完后感觉不是很顺畅.但优点是没有啥搭配的小错误.  建议改成: As the rapid development of our society, the rate of unemployment has increased. Facing such a tough situation, in order to help students gain their vocational advantages, I consider that …此处写你的观点. 其实这样写下来,你会觉得至少前后是衔接的. 亲要继续努力哦~ )

First of all, it is a obligation for schools to train student practical skills before they have jobs. The reason why parents spend much money on children to go to universityis(粗心咯) the hope that their children can learn professional skills which is required for future careers.(把长句剪切掉,美国人不喜欢长句的! 一写长了问题就出来了,你这句话没通,当然我知道你说啥啦. 改为: The reason why parents want to spend much money on children’s education is that they hope their kids to learn…你后面句子是对的) Besides, setting job preparation class(设立班级么?这个只有中文才这样表达的哦~) is prevailing in most campuses. For example, I was required to select job preparation class when I was a senior student in the university. (继续点评你的逻辑问题,前面说preparation 是学校的义务, 感觉跟写的爸妈那些没啥衔接性.)

Moreover, training students practical career skills helps them leave good impression to the public, and that is also a good long-term plan for schools. (赞下你的这个理由,不错)People judge a school by evaluating not only how many educational resources a school can provide but also the performance of students who graduated from that school. When we discuss a celebrity, we are also concerned about his or her educational  background. As a result, the performance of students in their future working environments becomes a key factor for people choosing a school. For example, most parents want their children to apply Harvard University because there are many CEO s graduated from Harvard University.(直接说that university,免得出现太多次.整体这段不错)

Third, cultivating great(great感觉可以去掉吧) students is like investment. If the schools help students well-prepared before they apply for jobs, these students are potential to become managers in the companies in the future. They will donate their almamaters(alumnus) to extend educational sources once they are promoted. Therefore, it is convinced that providing a better job preparation is win-win for students and schools.

In conclusion, arranging a better job preparation have(动名词开头用单数has) become an important key points(细心哦,前面你用an 的) for schools to attract parents and students. And that is also kind of investment because most famous alumni are going to be a major part of financial sources for schools.(结尾不错)
(在没看你文字之前,我扫眼你文章,第一感觉有模板痕迹,尽量少说First, second ,当然说能显得有层次性,但其实这个已经很过时的写法了. 我亲自被批斗过这样写法,所以我一直在避免模板,全中国多少学生都写这样啦,千篇一律不好~你也要注意哦,力争拿高分! )

amissrosa

終於能在30mins內完成作文了!但字數還得再衝刺>"< 因為要考試了,直接貼初稿給組員批改,為求進步,求狠批>"<!!!


11.8 獨立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.
In the past, the society was lack of acomplete education system and information sources. Most people who lived in thepast were under bad financial situation which caused them could not affordtuition. However, these problems have been resolved in decades. It is easierfor modern people to become educated because of obligated education, bettereconomic situation and many free educational sources.

First of all, most countries have carriedout the policy of obligated education for many years. For example, it is theobligation for parents in Taiwan to have their children study in elementary andjunior high schools. If parents violate this policy, they are going to befined. Even though the policy regulates children only to have 12 yearseducation, at least children who are educated under junior high schools areable to spell words and solve basic mathematic calculation.

Moreover, present economy is better thanthe past one. Most people around the world are able to afford tuition. Besides,majors of governments providing educational subside for children who don't haveenought money to go to schools. Furthermore, children can earn scholarships orapply part-time jobs to cover their tuition.

The third reason is that the popularity ofinformation. Studying in schools is not the only way to gain knowledge. Forexample, community libraries provide many free educational sources, and some ofthese libraries even supply computers for people to surf the Internet. Besides,there are many professors hold free lectures in the science museums or nationalculture center. Therefore, being educated is not a mission impossible anymore.

In conclusion, our social circumstances have been improved. People are not only obligated to have basic educational background,but also are able to pay the tuition. The most important reason is thepopularity of educational recourse. As the result, I believe that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.



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11.8 綜合 TPO 24    請問綜合寫作有限制字數嗎?


The reading passage and the professor both discussthe topic of the discoveries of the fossil of T-rex. However, the professordiscords with the idea in the passage. He thinks those fossilized leg bonecannot provide the samples of blood, blood cells and collagen matrix. Besides,he offers several reasons to oppose the article.


The first reason is that the small branching channelwhich is regarded as blood vessels in the reading. Nevertheless, the professorsays that bacteria would colonize in the bodies of animals after these animalsdied. The bacteria would occupy bones, and as we know that there are manyhollows in bones. Therefore, these hollows of bones are the trace of bacteria'sresidence but not the presence of blood vessels.

Moreover, the reading states that parts of innerbone manifested the presence of spheres which might be the remains of red bloodcells. But, the professor disputes that not only the fossils of T-rex showed thiskind of spheres but also other animals fossils. Unless these spheres stillremain the presence of red blood cells, researchers cannot verify that there arered blood cells remains in the bones of T-rex. On the other hand, these spheresfound in the bones might be some reddish minerals.

Furthermore, even though the passage points out thatthe fossils of T-rex remains collagen, the professor thinks it is wrong saying.He indicates that the collagen matrix have never existed before 10,000 yearsago. However, the existed time of T-rex is dated around 700,000 years ago. Thatis, the scientists disregarded the remains as collagen because collagen is kindof recent fossils.

In conclusion, thelecturer disagrees with the points stated in the passage.

verchieldan

11.8 獨立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.
In the past, the society was lack of a complete education system and information sources. Most people who lived in the past were under bad financial situation which caused them could not afford tuition. However, these problems have been resolved in decades. It is easier for modern people to become educated because of obligated education, better economic situation and many free educational sources.

First of all, most countries have carried out the policy of obligated education for many years. For example, it is the obligation for parents in Taiwan to have their children study in elementary and junior high schools. If parents violate this policy, they are going to be fined. Even though the policy regulates children only to have 12 years education, at least children who are educated under junior high schools are able to spell words and solve basic mathematic calculation.

Moreover, present economy is better than the past one. Most people around the world are able to afford tuition. Besides,（前面用了moreover，这里可以用个别的）majors of governments providing educational subside for children who don't have enought money to go to schools. Furthermore, children can earn scholarships or apply part-time jobs to cover their tuition.


The third reason is that the popularity of information. Studying in schools is not the only way to gain knowledge. For example（上一段用过了，可以说to give you a idea of … ）, community libraries provide many free educational sources, and some of these libraries even supply computers for people to surf the Internet. Besides, there are many professors hold free lectures in the science museums or national culture center. Therefore, being educated is not a mission impossible anymore.

In conclusion, our social circumstances have been improved. People are not only obligated to have basic educational background, but also are able to pay the tuition. The most important reason is the popularity of educational recourse. As the result, I believe that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.

1.整篇文章几乎没有看到语法错误与拼错的词，并且楼主说是在30分钟内完成的初稿，觉得这一点非常值得我学习。2.怎么说呢，觉得这篇文章非常容易Follow,但是觉得写得非常刻板，觉得套模板套得很标准，就怕不符合ETS的口味。
3.文章的句式确实做到了多样化（包括定语从句、ing形式，祈使句，宾语从句，条件状语从句），作者的文风明显属于简介明了了，没有任何一句话让我看两遍或者会误解，但是，同时，我就建议楼主，既然可以纯熟地运用这些，那么可不可以写出新意，特别是自己的风格呢？因为我觉得楼主连连接词（highlight部分）都是比较简单而原始的，怕在一堆文章里不出彩。
4.个人建议啊，因为这种文章不存在决定性观点，最好用一点点让步，这样比较CRITICAL .




总之，因为楼主快要考试了，从文章看来功底不俗，不防做得新颖一些，向30冲刺，这种比较保守的文章可能就有待改进。欢迎交流啊。