lmylacoste的作文贴，求狠该,今天机经写作一起开始！

lmylacoste

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one about the relationship between how people dress and their characters. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with the reference to the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that dress is a good reminder of the personalities.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that we can know the attitude of appearance and even further the whether he or she is self-principle through the dress style. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, those who pay more attention to their dressing will earn themselves respects of being perfect. To make my demonstration more compelling, I'd like to refer to the story from one of my friends from which my point can draw strength. He is a very decent person with tidy clothes. And not only on dressing does he manifest his best part, but also on all the aspects like studying and working. He never untimely finishes his work all of which are with good quality. In this case, it is clearly to conclude that well-dressing is an indication of his earnest.

In addition, another equally essential point is that the color of the dress is also a sign of people's personality as my experience aptly illustrates. Ruby is my favorite color. And it is the symbol of energy and imprudence. When facing the tasks, no matter how tough , I will feel full of power to accomplish them. And when something is far from certain, there is no doubt I will hastily reach the conclusion before considering all the possibilities. Not only this case illustrates my points, another point can also verify the point. One of my friend favors lavander, a beautiful purple. And her personality is in accordance with that, peace with a little melancholy. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our lives may lead those people to put their hand on the arc of the credit to believe that dress is a precise indication of personality.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the assertion before the opposition has been into consideration. Human nature being what it is, people always have doubts on the link between these two things. There is no better illustration than that one. Some people tend to believe that the way of dress will be influenced by many empheralephemeralfactors like fashion. It is important for us to be aware of this kind of explanations, but it is too occasional and negligible to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side, since although some other factors can be the reasons, but their will fail to explain a long-team trend. After weighing the positive reasons and the negative objections, the striking upshot is obvious that the dress can reflect the interior and unchangeable part.

In sum, although many people may still remain unconvinced, the reasons and factors about the relationship between dress color and personality and between tidiness and the pursuit of perfectness I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions and I hope more and more people will share the same

The reading passage casts light on the benefits of the Genetic modified trees. T he professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, she utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

To begin with, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the hardy genetically modified trees are more likely to survive compared with the unmodified trees. On the contrary, she asserts that it is much more possible for those modified trees to died out when facing with threats have diverse genes which may ensure that some trees may be resistentresistant to the problems despite others will be killed while the genes of genetically modified trees are uniform so that they cannot defeat the challenges. Clearly, the point of professor is incompatible with the reading.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading passage. She contends that the genetically modified trees cannot bring about as much economic benefits as said in the reading material since the company will charge higher price than that of the nature trees. And, what's more, farmers don't collect and grow them for free. By law, farmers have to pay companies some money when every time they grow the genetically modified trees. Apparently having taken this reason into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that this kind of trees will protect the trees and the ecosystem. But the professor said that genetically modified trees will do harmful to the native trees since they are aggresiveaggressive and planted among native trees, so they will absorb resource like nutrition and water from native trees which will have a negative impact on the survive of the native trees. Evidently, the credibility of the conceptions starts to shrink when this fact has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks of the reading and takes one more step to reveal that the passage needs a closer scrutiny

婷婷connie

11.5的独立你木有写啊？
第一次改，红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩

There is perhaps no(other加上感觉好点) issue more controversial than this one about the relationship between how people dress and their characters. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with the reference to the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that dress is a good reminder of the personalities.



First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that we can know the attitude of appearance and even further the（去掉） whether he or she is self-principle（后面的例子没有提到啊，讲的是他工作一丝不苟，所以改成meticulosity）through the dress style. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, those who pay more attention to their dressing will earn themselves respects of being perfect（因为完美获得尊重吗？这里感觉逻辑上不对）. To make my demonstration more compelling, I'd（I would） like to refer to the story from one of my friends from which my point can draw strength(这句话跟前面的to make my demonstration more compelling重复了). He is a very decent person with tidy clothes. And not only on dressing does he manifest his best part, but also on all the aspects like studying and working. He never untimely（fall to be the last one to） finishes his work all of which are with good quality. In this case, it is clearly to conclude that well-dressing is an indication of his earnest.



In addition, another equally essential point is that the color of the dress is also a sign of people's personality as my experience aptly illustrates. Ruby is my favorite color. And it is the symbol of energy and imprudence. When facing the tasks, no matter how tough , I will feel full of power to accomplish them. And when something is far from certain, there is no doubt I will hastily reach the conclusion before considering all the possibilities. Not only this case illustrates my points, another point can also verify the point. One of my friend favors lavander(lavender), a beautiful purple. And her personality is in accordance with that, peace with a little melancholy. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our lives may lead those people to put their hand on the arc of the credit to believe that dress is a precise indication of personality.



Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the assertion before the opposition has been into consideration. Human nature being what it is, people always have doubts on the link between these two things. There is no better illustration than that one. (这列可以改成分号)Some people tend to believe that the way of dress will be influenced by many ephemeralfactors like fashion. It is important for us to be aware of this kind of explanations, but it is too occasional and negligible to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side, since although some other factors can be the reasons, but their will fail to explain a long-team trend. After weighing the positive reasons and the negative objections, the striking upshot is obvious that the dress can reflect the interior and unchangeable part.（这一段说理太重了，建议来一个例子）



In sum, although many people may still remain unconvinced(unconvinced什么最后加一个宾补), the reasons and factors about the relationship between dress color and personality and between tidiness and the pursuit of perfectness I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions and I hope more and more people will share the same结尾没有完吧？

Conclusion：

1.观点不错，从着装的外表和颜色来说明人的性格，很新~

2.让步段写的欠佳，没有例子支持，时尚易变但不是长远的趋势，这里看完有点不知所云，可能我脑子不好，嘿嘿。

3.文字完全没有问题，佩服！

lmylacoste

There is perhaps no other issue more significant than this one on whether or not people will more likely to find a suitable career than before. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with the reference to this issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the condition of states que status quo is far from being optimistic for people to identify and even acquire an ideal job than before.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that various jobs are increasing created to meet the needs of development, bringing about an unexpected consequence; that is, there is little detailed information to inform us of what's main duties and contents of these jobs unless we have been a member of the field. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, I often get confused when facing the diverse professions for university and for graduate school. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to a experience from one of my friends from which my point can draw strength. He is really excellent in mathematics and graduated from a prestigious university with high scores. we all undoubtedly regard him as a promising guy. But the fact is he was not as successful as we thought because of his faults in choosing a proper job. Having not been familiar with the job, he was impeded by many unpredicted and herculean challenges like dealing with the inter-relationship which disturbed him a lot and his advantages have been buried. In this case, it is easy for us to know the difficulty in choosing a good job.

In addition, another compelling point is that the present positions need a extremely high qualification as my own experience aptly illustrates. During a summer vacation, I planned to take a internship in a real estate company as a analyst since my major is mainly related to that realm. What made me disappointed is that the requirements of this job include high GPA, excellent cooperating ability and other afiliatedaffiliated conditions. Not only this case illustrates my view,a story coming from the Internet can further verify my point. With the increase of the qualification which is mainly caused by the increase of population, some jobs like librarians and tour guides should come with graduate degrees, impressing me a lot.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the conclusion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than that to manifest the adverse view. Thanks to the development of the information technology, it is convenient for us to get the information as much as possible via this access. It is essential for us to be aware of that kinds of facts. However, since the information are so untrustworthy and unpreciseimprecise, this case will fail to constitute a sufficient support for the opposition. After weighing the positive and negative views, the striking upshot is obvious that it is a tough task for people, nowadays, to obtain a job which can give the secure life and will help to be successful.

In sum, although some people will still remain suspicious and unconvinced concerning my points, the factors and reasons I have analyzed that cover the difficulty in choosing jobs and in being admitted to a suitable job will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions which they have ignored. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading passage casts light on that ethanol is not better than gasoline. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with totally opposite attitude. Likewise, he utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading that the use of ethanol fuel would not be beneficial to the environment. On the contrary, he asserts that the ethanol is a good alternative of gasoline. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the ethanol comes from plants like corn and the plant will counter the effect, the release of carbon dioxide, during the process of producing ethanol since the growing plants will absorb the carbon dioxide as one of nutrition so that the use of ethanol will remove this kind of greenhouse gas in the atomsphereatmosphere.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the reading passage. He contends that the main source of ethanol is the part of plants and also the main ingredients of plant's cell wall, which is not the food of animals. So the production of ethanol will not at the same time reduce the food for animals since animals will not eat them. Clearly having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the points made in the passage.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the price of ethanol will rise if without the subsidies given to ethanol producers from government. However, the professor challenges the view by arguing that the price of ethanol maintain or maybe even decline even though the government no longer gives the premium. He defends his point further by explaining that the huge amount of the ethanol will stimulate the increase in production which will lead to a lower price. And according to a survey, if the production is three times larger, the price will be reduced by 40%.

In sum, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks in the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a close scrutiny.

AnthonySummer

The reading passage casts light on that ethanol is not better than gasoline. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with totally opposite attitude. Likewise, he utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.













First of all, the professor refuses the idea in the reading that the use of ethanol fuel would not be beneficial to the environment. On the contrary, he asserts that the ethanol is a good alternative of gasoline. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the ethanol comes from plants like corn and the plant will counter the effect, the release of carbon dioxide, during the process of producing ethanol since the growing plants will absorb the carbon dioxide as one of nutrition so that the use of ethanol will remove this kind of greenhouse gas in the atomsphereatmosphere.













In addition, as well-defined as the reading is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the reading passage. He contends that the main source of ethanol is the part of plants and also the main ingredients of plant's cell wall, which is not the food of animals. So the production of ethanol will not at the same time reduce the food for animals since animals will not eat them. Clearly having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the points made in the passage.













What's more, the reading pinpoints that the price of ethanol will rise if （你這裡的if從句需要主語吧！或者直接刪掉if也可以） without the subsidies given to ethanol producers from government. However, the professor challenges the view by arguing that the price of ethanol maintains or maybe even decline even though the government no longer gives the premium. He defends his point further by explaining that the huge amount of the ethanol will stimulate the increase in production which will lead to a lower price. And according to a survey, if the production is three times larger, the price will be reduced by 40%.













In sum, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks in the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a close scrutiny.



寫的基本沒什麼錯誤，結構非常清楚，聽力中的重點也都講到了，非常好的一篇文章！



粉红色拼写错误橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）

lmylacoste

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one: whether or not people are more informed now than in the past. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what the influence the development of science and technology have on education. Although the individual's taste does differ, the viewpoint ruling the roost in my mind is that people are more likely to be educated than those in the past.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that there are increasingly sources of systematic information and knowledge compared with the past. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, we can receive the knowledge in class, surf the internet getinggetting domestic and international news on advanced digital devices via free wifi and read the various and interesting books in the library. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father lived in a village near Shanghai when he was a child and at that time although he desired knowledge, he had no access to what he wanted. But now, he spends most of his time absorbing information as much as possible and has become a man with rich knowledge.

Besides, another essential point worth being mentioned is that the convenient and comfortable environment provides us a good chance to enjoy the education, as my own experience aptly illustrates. I prefer reading classics literitureliteratiure like The old man and the sea with a cup of rich coffee and the sunshine in my clean and neat study. The environment also increases my happiness when reading books. Not only does this case verify my point, another point coming from the daily life can also give my point a hand. Now more and more classrooms are equipped with air-conditioners which may maintain the indoor temperature at a range of being comfortable. In this way, students will not be disturbed by fierce climate and will pay more attention to learning. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our daily lives may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful andcynical, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the present.

In addition, there are more people participating in the education than before. And the companies are a beneficial factor to stimulate people to learn, partly caused by the peer pressure. For example, I didn't study hard at first, but one day I was so surprised that most of my friends came with higher scores than I did, which frustrated me a lot. After that, I embarked on hardworking and finally caught up with my friends.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Nature being what it is, people may be distracted by online games or TV series. But this kind of things comes away with a pernamentpermanent attraction so that people will soon get bored and return back to study. So these cases are so occasional and negligible that they cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the positive and negative points, the striking upshot is obvious that it is easier for people receive education.

In sum, although someone will still remain unconvinced with reference to my demonstration, the factors and reasons about more educational sources, more suitable environment for studying and more people studying around you will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions about the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading passage casts light on the hypotheses about the reasons why the population of yellow cedars has declined. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the insect parasites, specifically the cedar bark beetle, cause yellow cedar to decline. On the contrary, the professor asserts that the decline of yellow cedars should not be attributed to the beetle. To be specific, his claim is ground on the fact that the yellow cedars have much more resistence resistance to infection than other species because the barks and leaves of this kind of trees are saturated with chemicals which is toxic to insects. If the pests plan to attack the trees, the poisonous chemicals will make the insects ill or even die. Apparently, the professor's viewpoint is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading passage that the brown bears are a factor to wear thin the yellow cedars. He contends that maybe the bears will cause some damages on the overall population but since the yellow cedars spread at a wide range covering the coast of America and the North America and including the mainland and the islands, the bears cannot be used to explain the decline of the trees on the islands where no bears exist. Evidently having taken this factor into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the gradual changes of climate is also an appealling appealing reason. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that the reading has ignored an important fact that the low elevation place is usually with low temperature and the high elevation location often comes with the high temperature. The status quo is that more decline of yellow cedars happens on the high elevation where is warmer. So the temperature is not a persuasive explanation. Clearly, the credibility starts to shrink after taking the reasons of the professor into account.

In sum, the professor not only discerns the drawback of the passage, but also takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

婷婷connie

11.8 综合改文

The reading passage casts light on好 the hypotheses about the reasons why the population of yellow cedars has declined. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the insect parasites, specifically the cedar bark beetle, cause yellow cedar to decline. On the contrary, the professor asserts that the decline of yellow cedars should not be attributed to the beetle. To be specific, his claim is ground on the fact that the yellow cedars have much more resistence resistance to infection than other species because the barks and leaves of this kind of trees are saturated with chemicals which is toxic to insects. If the pests plan to attack the trees, the poisonous chemicals will make the insects ill or even die. （这句话貌似没什么用）Apparently, the professor's viewpoint is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading passage that the brown bears are a factor to wear thin（这个用法没有见过，求解释） the yellow cedars. He contends that maybe the bears will cause some damages on the overall population but since the yellow cedars spread at a wide range covering the coast of America and the North America and including the mainland and the islands, the bears cannot be used to explain the decline of the trees on the islands where no bears exist. Evidently having taken this factor into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the gradual changes of climate is also an appealling appealing（compelling）reason. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that the reading has ignored an important fact that the low elevation place is usually with low temperature and the high elevation location often comes with the high temperature. The status quo is that more decline of yellow cedars happens on the high（low） elevation where is warmer. So the temperature is not a persuasive explanation. Clearly, the credibility starts to shrink after taking the reasons of the professor into account.

In sum, the professor not only discerns the drawback of the passage, but also takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

写的很好，但是注意控制字数哦，加油！

婷婷connie

11.8 独立改文
There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one: whether or not people are more informed now than in the past. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what the influence the development of science and technology have on education. Although the individual's taste does differ, the viewpoint ruling the roost in my mind is that people are more likely to be educated than those in the past.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that there are increasingly sources of systematic information and knowledge compared with the past. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, we can receive the knowledge in class, surf the internet getinggetting domestic and international news on advanced digital devices via free wifi and read the various and interesting books in the library. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father lived in a village near Shanghai when he was a child and at that time although he desired knowledge, he had no access to what he wanted. But now,he spends most of his time absorbing information as much as possible and has become a man with rich knowledge.

Besides, another essential point worth being mentioned is that the convenient and comfortable environment provides us (with) a good chance to enjoy the education, as my own experience aptly illustrates. I prefer reading classics literitureliteratiure like The old man and the sea with a cup of rich coffee and the sunshine in my clean and neat study. The environment also increases my happiness when reading books. Not only does this case verify my point, another point coming from the daily life can also give my point a hand. Now more and more classrooms are equipped with air-conditioners which may maintain the indoor temperature at a range of being comfortable(a range which makes people comfortable）. In this way, students will not be disturbed by fierce climate(change) and will pay more attention to learning. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our daily lives may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful andcynical, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the present.

In addition, there are more people participating in the education than before. And the companies are a beneficial factor to stimulate people to learn, partly caused by the peer pressure. For example, I didn't（did not)study hard at first, but one day I was so surprised that most of my friends came with higher scores than I did, which frustrated me a lot. After that, I embarked on hardworking and finally caught up with my friends.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Nature being what it is, people may be distracted by online games or TV series. But this kind of things comes away with a pernamentpermanent attraction so that people will soon get bored and return back to study. So these cases are so occasional and negligible that they cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the positive and negative points, the striking upshot is obvious that it is easier for people receive education.

In sum, although someone will still remain unconvinced with reference to my demonstration, the factors and reasons about more educational sources, more suitable environment for studying and more people studying around you will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions about the issue(，) and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

结尾有点草，最好是总结之前的观点，然后再把主题升华一点，比如在现在的环境和系统知识的提高，加上勤奋，越来越多的人会well-informed.

写得很好~膜拜一下

另外词汇再提升一些哦

lmylacoste

There is perhaps no issue more significant than this one about whether we human have the ability to address the serious problems threatening our society. A myriad of responses people may hold on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost on my mind is that it is certain for us to deal with the problems.

First of all, on the top of the list of viewpoints is the point that the skyrocketing development of science and technology will cope with a sheer number of dieases diseases and will reverse the trouble of lacking resources. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, more and more dieases diseases which have destroyed the society of our ancesters ancestors have been annihiliated annihilated by the efforts of biologists and some kinds of lethal dieases diseases like cancers have obviously and partly cured by the advanced technology. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the fact from which my point can draw further strength. Thanks to the successful research conducted by some agricultural scientists, the yield of the corn has been doubled and this success has saved hundreds and thousands of poor children in Africa and the contribution will be more influential than we could expected. From these two cases, undoubtedly, these problems will not exist anymore in the future.

In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that some problems about the society itself will be solved by the further understanding of the sociology, as the history of my country thousands of years have seen aptly illustrates. During the past eras, the country was dominated by the empires who did not care the difficulties of his people and would deprived them as possible as these kings could; in the present, the population shares a bigger voice on the affairs of the country and have their own rights. Not only does this case verify my view, another point coming from the experience of America will also lend me a hand to strength my point. America is a country ruled by the whole citizens, but at first, the country like other countries is not as ideal as what it is today. With the fight for the independence and the desire for the freedom, the country becomes to be a paradise for everyone living there. These replies from the history may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many doubtful, cynical and fearful to put their hands on the arc of the credibility to bend it toward the ability of people to solve any herculean challenges.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces toward the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, some people will doubt that people will solve tough tasks by their own efforts; the nature disasters and the increasing sharpened conflicts between different classes are still remained dark enough for us to see the victory. But most problems which have been considered impossible to deal with have, in fact, been far away from us now. And these cases are occasional and negligible enough to be a sufficient support for the adverse side and for us to cast hope on them. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that the problems will be extinct by us for sure.

In sum, although some people will still remain unconvinced about my statements, the reasons and factors including the advanced science and technology and the development of society and people their own, I have analyzed, will at least serve the purpose to propel opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hop more and more people will share the same idea with me.

lmylacoste

There is perhaps no issue more significant for we humans than this one about how to choose friends. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that whether or not the friend can help you when you are in trouble should be the primary consideration.

First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoint is that a person who may give you a hand when you are confused by the difficult problems maybe a qualified friend. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, the beneficial interaction will always leads to the friendship to be fortified and what's more, the friend will help you to master the knowledge you have ignored or confused at first and enhance the understanding of it. To make my demonstration more compelling, I would like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. I have a good friend Jack, who is always on the top of the class. After being friends with him, my grades have been obviously improved and thanks to his help, we become increasingly closed.

In addition, another point worth being mentioned is that when you meet with a unpredicted accidents, a helpful friend becomes more important as the experience of Jack, one of my cousin, aptly illustrates. When Jack had a leg-broken caused by the his inadvert inadvertent basketball team player, his best friend Tom took him to hospital at first time and paid most of the medical fee for the surgery operation. Due to the help of Tom, the consequence of Jack's leg was not so serious. Not only does this case verify my point, another case coming from my own story can also illustrate my demonstration. One day when I would pay the bill, I found my wallet had lost and the restaurant manager did not allow me to leave unless I could give the money. Finally, my friend Tim came here to solve the problem for me. These replies from the part-and parcel of our daily lives may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hand on the arc of the credit to bend it toward the friends in need.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion, until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one; human nature being what it is, some people prefer those who may bring about fun. It is worthwhile for us to pay attention to fun since such kind of friends will undoubtedly keep you happy and make you comfortable. However, it will fail to constitute a support for the adverse side for the reason that the core part of friends, no matter how rejolingly rejoicingly you stay with him or her, is the help in necessity, without which the relationship will be so fragile and superfitial and won't last for long. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is so obvious that helpful people will be good candidates of your friends.

In sum, although some people may remain unconvinced about my argument, the reasons and factors that friends should be able to help you to deal with both the study problems and the living troubles I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me

lizchang1990

There is perhaps no issue more significant for we humans than this one about how to choose friends. A myriad of responses people(??没看懂这句,无数调查的人?) may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that whether or not the friend can help you when you are in trouble should be the primary consideration.
(开头衔接比较好)

First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoint(建议用viewpoints,因为有top的话,至少不是一个view吧) is that a person who may give you a hand when you are confused by the difficult problems maybe a qualified friend. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, the beneficial interaction will always leads (用lead)to the friendship to be fortified and what's more, the friend will help you to master the knowledge you have ignored or confused at first and enhance the understanding of it. To make my demonstration more compelling, I would like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. I have a good friend Jack, who is always on the top of the class. After being friends with him, my grades have been obviously improved and thanks to his help, we become increasingly closed.(你后面这个Jack 的例子过于简单了,若加点你遇到问题的困难程度,你朋友伸出援助之手会更好点.
还有一点是:你喜欢用长句,感觉瞬间回到GMAT去了,其实尽量简化点比较好,不会感觉一层层套下去还没完呀的感觉.纯属个人意见,因为美国朋友叫我少写长句,professor说看着纠结.)

In addition, another point worth being mentioned is that when you meet with a (用an)unpredicted accidents(去s), a helpful friend becomes more important as the experience of Jack, one of my cousin, aptly illustrates. (你第一个跟第二个例子感觉没啥区分度阿,都在说帮你是好朋友,帮你依旧是好朋友.跨度稍微大点点好哦)When Jack had a leg-broken caused by the his inadvert inadvertent basketball team player, his best friend Tom took him to hospital at first time and paid most of the medical fee for the surgery operation. Due to the help of Tom, the consequence of Jack's leg(感觉chinglish了点点呀,去掉the consequence of,前面有due to, 后面自然是结果,况且你这种说法很少见) was not so serious. Not only does this case verify my point, another case coming from my own story can also illustrate my demonstration. One day when I would pay the bill, I found my wallet had lost and the restaurant manager did not allow me to leave unless I could give the money. Finally, my friend Tim came here to solve the problem for me. These replies from the part-and parcel of our daily lives may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hand (hands)on the arc of the credit to bend it toward the friends in need.


Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion, until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one; human nature being what it is, some people prefer those who may bring about(去掉about) fun. It is worthwhile for us to pay attention to fun since such kind of friends will undoubtedly keep you happy and make you comfortable. However, it will fail to constitute a support for the adverse side for the reason that the core part of friends, no matter how rejolingly rejoicingly you stay with him or her, is the help in necessity, without which the relationship will be so fragile and superfitial and won't last for long. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is so obvious that helpful people will be good candidates of your friends.(这个反例不错,增强了说服力.)

In sum, although some people may remain unconvinced about my argument, the reasons and factors that friends should be able to help you to deal with both the study problems and the living troubles I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me(强力建议你cut cut你的长句.你的结尾那个share the same idea with you,感觉欠妥,你要论证你说的是对的,不应该出现这种折中的话.态度表现强硬点!)

(纳尼?你打了这么多字?估计你奔29分去的.)
看得出你的基础还是扎实的,整体很好!