独立写作练习贴···求提高 求指导 求28

最后一次杀T

排比也是我从这个版块某帖子里边学的。。

多谢批改··一起加油

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930独立交作业

总字数404【曾被付图图同学批改过，此为2.0版本 O(∩_∩)O】欢迎进一步修改，成为3.0版本
Unlike the people in the past, young generation get more chances to receive higher education. Not only the number of universities has been skyrocketing, but also an increasing number of students are enrolled in universities. Therefore, it is difficult for students who just graduate from colleges to find promising jobs because the degrees seems not that valuable as the past. In this case, whether colleges should offer students a better preparation before they start working becomes a controversial argument. It is nature that people from different background have diverse viewpoints on the same issue.

As to me, however, I hold the opinion that colleges or universities should, indeed, provide their students a better job preparation before they graduate. To begin with, a better job preparation, including good career service, opportunities of internship, lectures about job-seeking and so on, will benefit the students by giving them more than a degree. For example, most of the fulltime jobs are given to interns who have work experiences in the company. Hence, whether the university could offer students good career service, such as help student review their resumes and hold campus career fairs, becomes a key factor that determined the result of their students’ job-seeking. To be more precise, if the university desires to increase their students’ employment rate, one of the best way is to offer them a better job preparation during the school time.

Moreover, offering students good job preparation will attract more promising students and, to some extent, boost the school’s reputation. The reason why students choose to study in university is always that they want to find a high-salaried, high-status, creditable job after graduation. Thus, they may easily attracted by universities that will assist them to achieve their goals. After these ambitious and potential students get offers from famous companies, they become the most convincing advertisements of the school and perhaps help built a closer relationship between the company and the university.

Admittedly, some people argue that universities should focus on the academic teaching instead of job preparation because some students must have strong academic background to apply a PhD. But this opinion could not hold water because those minority could not represent the whole. The benefits of the job preparation services overweigh its flaws.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, a better job preparation should be offered by universities to make their students more competitive in the job market.

Salome90

Unlike the people in the past, young generationget more chances to receive higher education. Not only the number ofuniversities has been skyrocketing, but also an increasing number of studentsare enrolled in universities. Therefore, it is difficult for students who justgraduate from colleges to find promising jobs because the degrees seems(seem) notthat valuable as the past. In this case, whether colleges should offer studentsa better preparation before they start working becomes a controversialargument. It is nature that people from different background (backgrounds) have diverse viewpoints on the same issue.

As to me, however, I hold the opinion thatcolleges or universities should, indeed, provide their students a better jobpreparation before they graduate. To begin with, a better job preparation,including good career service, opportunities of internship, lectures aboutjob-seeking and so on, will benefit the students by giving them more than adegree. For example, most of the fulltime jobs are given to interns who havework experiences in the company（用the company感觉有点奇怪，不确定）. Hence, whether the university could offer students good careerservice (services), such as help student review their resumes and hold campuscareer fairs, becomes a key factor that determined the result of theirstudents’ job-seeking. To be more precise, if the university desires toincrease their （前面the univesity貌似应该用its）students’ employment rate, one of the best way（ways） is tooffer them a better job preparation during the school time.

Moreover, offering students （a）good jobpreparation will attract more promising students and, to some extent, boost theschool’s reputation. The reason why students choose to study in university isalways that they want to find a high-salaried, high-status, creditable jobafter graduation. Thus, they may easily (be) attracted by universities that will assist themto achieve their goals. After these ambitious and potential students get offersfrom famous companies, they become the most convincing advertisements of theschool and perhaps help built(build) a closer relationship between the company andthe university.

Admittedly, some people argue that universitiesshould focus on the academic teaching instead of job preparation because somestudents must have strong academic background (backgrounds) to apply aPhD. But this opinion could not hold water because(这一段的2个大句子都是XXX becauseXXX的形式，要不要稍微变换一点？) those minority could not represent the whole. Thebenefits of the job preparation services （后面是its，这里貌似单数）overweigh its flaws.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, abetter job preparation should be offered by universities to make their studentsmore competitive in the job market.
我第一次参加小组活动也是刚开始准备作文。。。就遇到了大牛的文章。。。。。。杀t 同学比我写的好太多太多了，现在回头看看自己写的简直不忍直视。。。。。水平有限，看了很多遍也只找出来一点单复数问题，有的我自己也不确定。。。。。期待更多好作文，我要向杀t同学学习!真的收获很多！

最后一次杀T

我第一次参加小组活动也是刚开始准备作文。。。就遇到了大牛的文章。。。。。。杀t 同学比我写的好太多太多了，现在回头看看自己写的简直不忍直视。。。。。水平有限，看了很多遍也只找出来一点单复数问题，有的我自己也不确定。。。。。期待更多好作文，我要向杀t同学学习!真的收获很多！

-- by 会员 Salome90 (2012/10/1 10:56:33)

大牛真的不敢当啊。。共同进步··

最后一次杀T

10.1交作业··

总字数450
With the expansion influence of the high technology, such as new transportations and the internet, it is more convenient for us to live in the modern life. However, those high technologies, at the same time, also bring us vast of risks and unsecure factors for our life. Whether these most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime is always a controversial argument. It is nature that people with different background will have diverse viewpoint on the same issue.

As to me, however, I hold the opinion that all the significant problems will be solved in few decades. To begin with, one of the most crucial troubles in our daily life now is the car emission. Due to the polluted gases emitted from various transportations, which are the culprit of the greenhouse effort, not only the environment but also the health of animals on earth, including our human beings, are in danger. However, all the scientists spare no effort to solve this problem and they have, indeed, come up with some solutions. For example, using the alcohol to replace the fossil fuel has been proved to be a practical way to avoid producing the greenhouse gases. And what is more, the number of people who have realized that they must take actions to prevent our planet from contaminating has been skyrocketing. Therefore, with the help of all the human beings, the car emission will definitely reduce or even disappear in few decades.

Furthermore, with the rapid development of the internet, the information secure has become a serious problem which is closely related to our life. To some extent, nearly all the private information of us has a risk to be exposed. But I strongly contend that this problem will be solved in my lifetime. We live in a world where knowledge is accumulated by multiplying and becomes simultaneously more and more specialized. All the professional experts will try their best to develop new methods to protect our information security. It is no doubt that those information systems, for example those used by government, business organizations, and hospitals, will be more precisely and well-made so that it can defend from any attacks.

Admittedly, some people may argue that the worldwide problem such as the nuclear weapon will never be solved because no country which owns it will give up their study first. But this perspective could not hold water because all the troubles produced by ourselves could must be solved by ourselves. The potential of human beings is far beyond our imagination.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given, I absolutely believe that the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

tracyn

10.1交作业··



总字数450

With the expansionincreasing influence of the high technology, such as new transportations and the internet, it is more convenient for us to live in thea modern life. However, those high technologies y, at the same time, also brings us vast (vast在强调大量的时候后面通常加number/amount之类的，这里用numerous强调数量多)of risks and unsecured factors for to our life. Whether these most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime is always a controversial argument. It is nature that people with different background will have diverse viewpoints on the same issue.



As to me, however, I hold the opinion that all the significant problems will be solved in few decades. To begin with, one of the most crucial troubles in our daily life now is the car emission. Due to the polluted gases emitted from various transportations, which are the culprits of the greenhouse effort, not only the environment but also the health of animals on the earth, including our human beings, are in danger. However, all the scientists spare no effort to solve this problem and they have, indeed, come up with some solutions. For example, using the alcohol to replace the fossil fuel has been proved to be a practical way to avoid producing the greenhouse gases.(这个例子不错) And what is more, the number of people who have realized that they must take actionsactions must be taken(多点变化) to prevent our planet from contaminating has been skyrocketing(这个词是informal的，虽然不错). Therefore, with the help of all the human beings, the car emission will definitely reduce or even disappear in few decades.



Furthermore, with the rapid development of the internet, the information securesecurity has become a serious problem which is closely related to our life. To some extent, nearly all the private information of us has a risk to be exposed. But I strongly contend that this problem will be solved in my lifetime. We live in a world where knowledge is accumulated by multiplying(这个用法没有查到) and becomes simultaneously more and more specialized. All the professional experts will try their best to develop new methods to protect our information security. It is no doubt that those information systems, for example those used by government, business organizations, and hospitals, will be more precisely and well-made so that it can defend from any attacks.(第二，三主体段内部结构都不错，第三段论述不是很充分，理由也和第二段相似)



Admittedly, some people may argue that the worldwide problem such as the nuclear weapon will never be solved because no country which owns it will give up their study first. But this perspective could not hold water because all the troubles produced by ourselves could must be solved by ourselves. The potential of human beings is far beyond our imagination.



To sum up, for the reasons I have given, I absolutely believe that the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.



就整片论述而言，不是很充分，仅仅举出两个例子，无法说明the most important problems都可以解决，或者再开头定义the most important problems只有这两个，或者在结尾解释下，其他的也可以解决。

wsywsy1

哈喽~我是来是来围观学习的~

亲~等你的作文捏~~

互相督促~互相提高~

最后一次杀T

10.2独立写作

总字数421


Withthe development of the high technology, various types of new electronic media, includingtelevision and movies, spring out and have an increasing effects on society. Whetherthose kinds of new media have more negative influences than positive influenceson the way young people behave is always a controversial argument. It isnatural that people with different background might have diverse viewpoints onthe same issue.

As to me, however,I hold the opinion that movies and television have more positive effects to theyoung generation. To begin with, television and movies, both kinds of new mediawhich are popular nowadays, offer all the people a perfect access to receiveeducation. For example, when I was in the university time, I often downloadedthe Harvard open courses from the internet and played them on television. Manypublic courses from famous universities all over the world will be madeavailable free to the public via the new media, so, to some extent, this is away of allowing the whole world to benefit from what the students do at those wellknown schools. And also, many channels provide meaningful and useful televisionprograms so that we can watch them just by opening the television.

Furthermore, younggeneration obtain not only the academic knowledge but also something that theycannot learn from books through watching television and movies. For instance, thestory Snow White has been adopted by many film producers in decades. It is nodoubt that no matter how the plot changed, children can still realize the truemeaning of love and courage via these kind of classic movies. When they facethe difficulties, they will insist and struggle to succeed just like the SnowWhite.

Admittedly, somecontexts of the television and movies, such as violence and horrible, are,indeed, not suitable for the youth. Parents may worry about that their kidswill follow the behaviors acted in the bad movies. But this perspective couldnot hold water because it is the responsibility for adults to give theirchildren correct leading. To be more precise, if parents help to select the programsand movies before their offspring watching them, this problem can be avoided. Therefore,the benefits brought from those new electronic media overweigh the flaws.

To sum up, for thereasons I have given above, I strongly contend that the movies and televisionplay an significant role in the society and have more positive influences than thenegative ones. No doubt their effects will become even greater to the nextgeneration in the future.

wsywsy1

With the development of the high technology, the electronic media, such as television and movies, hasan increasing effects（个人认为改为have great/increasing effects,因为TV和Movies 算复数吧~） on society. Whether those kinds of new media（medias） have more negative influences than positive influences on the way young people behave is always a controversial argument. It is natural that people with different background(backgrounds,我觉得用复数比较好哦~) might have diverse viewpoints on the same issue.

As to me, however, I hold the opinion that movies and television have more positive effects to（on ） the young generation. To begin with, television and movies, both kinds of new media which are popular nowadays, offer all the people a perfect access to receive education. For example, when I was in the university time, I often downloaded the Harvard open courses(opening courses) from the internet and played them on television. Many public courses from famous universities all over the world will be made available free(个人觉得有点点问题哦，make 是v，available 是adj，free 也是adj.改为necessarily free) to the public via the new media, so, to some extent, this is a way of allowing the whole world to benefit from what the students do at those well known schools. And also, many channels provide meaningful and useful television programs so that we can watch them just by opening the television. (段落的细节写得很好哦~鼓掌，学习了)

Furthermore, young generation obtain not only the academic knowledge but also something that they cannot learn from books through watching television and movies. For instance, the story Snow White has been adopted by many film producers in decades. It is no doubt that no matter how the plot changed, children can still realize the true meaning of love and courage via these kind of classic movies. When they face the difficulties, they will insist and struggle to succeed just like the Snow White. （细节展开得好好~）

Admittedly, some contexts of the television and movies, such as violence and horrible（horror）, are, indeed, not suitable for the youth. Parents may worry about that their kids will follow the behaviors acted in the bad movies. But this perspective could not hold water because it is the responsibility for adults(呃。。因为比较常见是这个it is responsible for) to give their children correct leading. To be more precise, if parents help to select the programs and movies before their offspring（孩子们是不是该加个S比较好~） watching them, this problem can be avoided. Therefore, the benefits brought from those new electronic media overweigh the flaws.

To sum up, for the reasons I have given above, I strongly contend （亲是不是想打convince）that the movies and television play an significant role in the society and have more positive influences than the negative ones. No doubt their effects will become even greater to the next generation in the future.



我第一次改文~改得不好~

细节展开很好，条理也很清晰，学习了。

有改得不对的地方请告诉我哦

最后一次杀T

感谢WSY童鞋批改

With the development of the high technology, the electronic media, such as television and movies, has an increasing effects on society.
这句话with是伴随状语，the electronic media作为主语是单数，such as...是插入语，谓语时has，所以谓语应该与主语电子媒体保持一致，所以是单数

Many public courses from famous universities all over the world will be made available free to the public
这句里面的free我想做动词来着，是be made do sth. 好像表达上是有点别扭，但是我也没想通是什么问题。。。