DB的作文贴

搞G战士DB

谢谢熊熊的修改，这篇错误好多啊……确实写得不好。task book是我脑残把textbook写错了……

我的语法很烂，熊熊语法很好，多向你学习哈。

还有，teacher不能是一个职业啊？career 和 job的区别是？

xeyyxzty

谢谢熊熊的修改，这篇错误好多啊……确实写得不好。task book是我脑残把textbook写错了……

我的语法很烂，熊熊语法很好，多向你学习哈。

还有，teacher不能是一个职业啊？career 和 job的区别是？

-- by 会员 搞G战士DB (2012/9/8 22:04:22)

网上搜到的~看看哈~
btw：其实我也不知道具体怎么用~一起学习吧~不过觉得找到的东西说了和没说差不多


careern.[C] profession or occupation with opportunities for advancement or promotion 职业; 事业; 生涯: a career in accountancy, journalism, politics, etc 会计、 新闻工作、 政治等生涯 * She chose an academic career. 她选择了学术界职业. * [attrib 作定语] a career diplomat, ie a professional one 职业外交家.  occupation[C] (a) (fml 文) job; employment 工作; 职业: `What's your occupation?' `I'm a dancer.' ‘你的职业是什麼?’‘我是跳舞的.’ * Please state your name, age and occupation. 请说明姓名、 年龄和职业. (b) activity that occupies a person's (esp spare) time; pastime 占据某人时间的活动; （尤指）业余活动; 消遣: She has many occupations including gardening and wine-making. 她有许多消遣, 包括园艺和酿酒. * His favourite occupation is reading. 他的业余爱好是看书.jobn  1 regularly paid position or post 职业; 职位: Thousands of workers lost their jobs when the factory closed. 那家工厂一倒闭, 成千的工人都失业了. * He got a part-time job as a gardener. 他找到个兼职工作, 当花匠. * Should she give up her job when she has a baby? 她有小孩之后, 要辞去工作吗? * The government is trying to create new jobs. 政府正设法提供新的就业机会. 2 piece of work; task or assignment 工作; 任务: The shipyard is working on three different jobs, ie building three ships. 该造船厂正在造三艘船. * They've done a fine job (of work) sewing these curtains. 他们把缝窗帘这项工作干得挺好. * pay sb by the job, ie separately for each job done 按件计酬 * Writing a book was a more difficult job than he'd thought. 写书这工作可比他原来想像的难得多. * It was quite a job (ie a difficult task) finding his flat. 找到他的寓所可不是件容易事. ***************有关“职位”（Professional Position）、“工作”（Job）、“职业”（Occupation）和“职业生涯”（Career）这几个词的含义在理论上仍然存在着一定程度的争议，不过我们可以大致将它们定义如下： 工作（work）是指体能或心智上的努力，以产生某事或结果。工作占人类生活中的绝大部分，人类是透过工作以掌握生活。个人所追求的工作目标可能是工作本身所带来的愉悦感，工作角色所赋予生活的结构、工作所提供的经济支持、或者是其所伴随的休闲型态。工作可能达成经济、社会及心理上的目的。可能获得经济上的酬赏，也可能没有报酬，例如学校工作（schoolwork）、家庭作业（homework）以及家事工作（housework）、志愿服务工作（voluntary work）等。 工作（job）是指在一个组织机构中，一群类似的、有薪资的职位（positions），涵盖为维持机构运作所必须执行的一群职务（tasks）。不同职位的工作者在执行任务之后，会获得所期望的经济报酬。例如务农（农会干事）、建筑（工地主任）、贸易（业务经理）、教育（人员）、医护（人员）、公务（人员）等。 职位（position）：是和分配给个人的一系列具体任务直接相关的。因此，职位和参与工作的个人相对应，有多少参与工作的个人，就有多少个职位。 职业（occupation）指在许多工商事业或机构中的一群类似的工作（jobs）。职业在经济社会的历史上早已存在，与个人无关。例如：农工商教育医护法律会计等。 事业（enterprise）在华人社会的文化中，事业是指值得个人投注一生心力，以获得最大实现可能性的生涯目标。在一个事业体中，通常包含较广泛的职业范畴。例如，教育事业、慈善事业、医疗事业、科技事业、文化事业等。 职业生涯（Career）这个概念的含义曾随着时间的推移发生过很多变化。在70年代，职业生涯专指个人生活中和工作相关的各个方面。随后，又有很多新的意义被纳入到“职业生涯”的概念中，其中甚至包含了生活中关于个人、集体以及经济生活的方方面面。

搞G战士DB

916独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Currently, many parents prefer to let their children choose the same career as they do. Beneficial it is for children following their parents’ steps, I, after careful thought, still believe children should choose the career they like instead of what their parents do. Since doing the same job is not only a huge pressure for children to be compared with their parents, but also an enormous loss for children to give up their dreaming career. Meanwhile, children may not suitable for jobs their parents do.

Many parents prefer to let their children do what they do because they have experiences and relationships in their occupational circle. They can easily help their children get a steady job and chances to get promotion thus make their children live a comfortable life. However, it also brings children a huge pressure since they will be compared to their parents during the whole career. Children might think it is humiliated if they cannot beyond the achievements their parents made, which brings pressures to them. It is true that pressure sometimes can be a good inspiration, but it more often brings bad effects to people, especially for young people like children.

Secondly, it can be an enormous loss for children to give up their dreaming career only to follow their parents’ steps. Doing a job you do not like is the most awful thing I can imagine. On the other hand, doing a job you like brings you happiness in your life. Children are so young that they have infinitely potential and plenty of time to make their dreams come true. It is so regrettable for children to give up their dreams because their parents want them to live a comfortable life. For example, in China, most of parents, including one of my friends’, want their children to become a lawyer or doctor which both have high social status and handsome salary. But my friend wants to become a dancer and choreographer. He is so talented and works so hard that his parents finally agreed to let him do what he likes, and he becomes one of most excellent young dancers in China.

Furthermore, Children may not suitable for jobs their parents do at all. Set an example of myself, my parents are both professors in a university, but I am not suitable to become a teacher since I get trembled on the platform every time. But I am excellent in some other fields and decide to become a business man in the future, which is also my dreaming career. Every single man is special and some people are just not suitable for some careers since they were born this way.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I do not agree that children should choose the same careers their parents do just for live a comfortable life. I really think children should follow their hearts and do what they like the most.

晨依Jacqueline

Currently, many parents prefer to lettheir children to choose the same career as they do. Beneficial it is for children following their parents’ steps, I, after careful thought, still believe that children should choose the career they like instead of what their parents do(that of their parents'). From my standpoint, Since doing the same job is not only a huge pressure for children to be compared with their parents, but also an enormous loss for children to give up their dreaming career. Meanwhile, children may not be suitable for jobs their parents do.

xeyyxzty

DB写的好多

Currently,many parents prefer to let their children choose the same career as they do.Beneficial it is for children following their parents’ steps, I, after careful thought(after thinking deeply怎么样),still believe children should choose the career they like instead of what theirparents do. Since doing the same job is not only a huge pressure for children to be compared with their parents, but also an enormous loss forchildren to give(giving~就是个人感觉to do表示目的，或者还有别的意思？告诉我啊——) uptheir dreaming career. Meanwhile, children may not suitable for jobs theirparents do.

Many parents prefer to let their children do what they(parents/children指代不是很清楚吧~后面的貌似也有这种感觉…) do because they haveexperiences and relationships in their occupational circle. They can easily helptheir children get a steady job and chances to get promotion thus make theirchildren live a comfortable life. However, it also brings children a hugepressure since they will be compared to their parents during the whole career(确定对吧~那我就学习了~嘻嘻). Childrenmight think it is humiliated if they cannot beyond（这个不是动词哟~不过应该用什么我不了解~） the achievements their parents made, whichbrings pressures（重复好多遍咯~感觉好啰嗦） to them. It is true that pressure sometimes can be a goodinspiration, but it more often brings bad effects to people, especially for young people like children（其实我不觉得young与children有什么关系吧~长大了也使XX的孩子呀~换成for the young就可以吧~个人意见）.

Secondly, it can be an enormous loss for childrento give up their dreaming career only to follow their parents’ steps. Doing ajob you do not like is the most awful thing I can imagine. On the other hand,doing a job you like brings you happiness in your life. Children are so youngthat they have infinitely potential and plenty of time to make their dreamscome true. It is so regrettable for children to give up their dreams becausetheir parents want them to live a comfortable life. For example, in China, mostofparents, including one of my friends’, want their children to become a lawyeror doctor which both have high social status and handsome salary. But my friendwants to become a dancer and choreographer. He is so talented and works so hardthat his parents finally agreed to let him do what he likes, and he becomes oneof most excellent young dancers in China.

Furthermore, Children may not be suitablefor jobs their parents do at all. Set an example of myself, my parents are bothprofessors in a university, but I am not suitable to become a teacher since Iget trembled on the platform every time. But I am excellent in some otherfields and decide to become a business man in the future, which is also mydreaming career. Every single man is special and some people are just not suitable for some careers sincethey were born this way.（明白你的意思，就是不知道这里是不是很native~）

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I do not agree that children should choose the same careers theirparents do just for(to) live a comfortable life. I really thinkchildren should follow their hearts and do what they like the most.

为什么前面的错误很多而后面就好了呢~是进入状态了？
文章主要是说家长希望孩子have a stable life因此推荐自己的工作，但会造成XXX问题~是吧~
感觉写的很好
就是有的时候读起来有点奇怪（没有标出来~就是整体的感觉）~也许是不太native~其实我也不知道什么算native哈~
总之就是多读原文，范文什么的吧~
加油

搞G战士DB

917独立Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D

Currently, more and more people think students are constrained by grades while others stand on the points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it is that grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, still believe that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students to learn. From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition but also brings students a target to fight for. Meanwhile, the proper stress it brings is a good supervision for students’ study.

First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled with competition. The law of jungle is the truth of our society, including schools. When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not. Since almost every students want to be brilliant and get compliment and recognition from others, they have to compete with each other and try their best to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition will inspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyone around you is studying, it is naturally that you want to join them.

Secondly, grades can bring students a clear target to fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know how good or bad they are. However, since we have grades, students could know exactly where they are and how good they want to be, thus can make an appropriate plan to get their target. For instance, I was one of top students during my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, I got a headache problem and my grades fallen behind a little bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot stand I am not the best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and took actions strictly and got back to the top finally. So grades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to work harder on learning.

Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is a good supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure have bad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However, proper stress does no bad on students, instead, it can push students to give all they got to study. Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people have higher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. You must have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hours before the deadline. Set a example of myself, the knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is more than those I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced the benefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring to students is a good supervision for their study.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.

xeyyxzty

我和你的观点不同哟~

Currently,more and more people think students are constrained by grades while othersstand on the points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it isthat grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, stillbelieve that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students tolearn. From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition(acompetitive atmosphere怎么样~我也不知道两者优劣哈) butalso brings students a target to fight for(target是用来fight的吗？去掉to fight for也可以吧~).Meanwhile, the proper stress itbrings(they bring) is a goodsupervision for students’ study.

First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled withcompetition(和之前的完全一样真的可以吗?不过你三段都这样貌似也没什么哈~忽略我吧…). The law of jungle is the truth of oursociety, including schools. When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair(fairest) way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not.Since almost every students want to be brilliant and get compliment andrecognition from others, they have to compete with each other and try theirbest to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition(这个东西好像第三次了…) willinspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyonearound you is studying, it is naturally thatyou want to join them.

Secondly, grades can bring students a clear targetto fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know howgood or bad they are. However, since we have grades, students could knowexactly where they are and how good they want to be, thus can make anappropriate plan to get their target. For instance, I was one of top studentsduring my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, Igot a headache problem and my grades fallen behind (drop down怎么样)alittle bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot(couldn’t) standI am(was) notthe best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and took actions according to it（我也不知道有没有必要哈） strictly and got back to the top finally. Sogrades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to workharder on learning.

Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is agood supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure havebad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However,proper stress does no bad on students, instead, it can push students to give all they got to study.（没有领悟含义~）Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people havehigher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. Youmust have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hoursbefore the deadline. Set an example of myself, the amount of knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is morethan those(that) I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced thebenefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring tostudents is a good supervision for their study.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.



小问题不断~时态什么的，这个一定要注意哦
用词喜欢重复~这个是共性问题注意就好~再积累一下
总体来说还不错

235852140

917独立修改      Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D      错误建议好

Currently, more and more people think students are constrained by grades while others stand on the （+opposite）points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it is that grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, still believe that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students to learn.（这句话有两个谓语了哦，但却没有连词连接，成了RUN-ON句型了。加了and就好了。） From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition（说create a good learning atmosphere更好） but also brings（not only, but also后面的形式要一致，并且是主谓一致，前面是put,这里面应该是bring）students a target to fight for. Meanwhile, the proper stress it brings is a good supervision for students’ study.   （第一段很好哦，点名主旨并提到了后文要说的内容）

First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled with competition. The law of jungle is the truth of our society, including schools.（这句不太通，including一般是引导短语表伴随，修饰逗号前面的那个词或者主语，表示那个词其中包括什么什么。这里就成了学校包含在社会里/学校包含在胜者为王里。有些中式英语。改：the law of jungle exists not only in the society but also in our schools.或者别的说法亲琢磨琢磨。） When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not. （从翻译过来的意思来看，个人感觉说判断一个学生的学习效果如何会更好。亲翻译一下感觉感觉）Since almost every students（都说every了 就该student了 没有s） want （wants） to be brilliant and get compliment and recognition from others, they（如果前面用every student这里就用he or she。如果前面用almost all students这里就用they。这句的指代有点混乱哦。后面的have形式同理。 ）have to compete with each other and try their best to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition will inspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyone around you is studying, it is naturally that you want to join them （them指代谁？这句里面唯一的可以指代对象就是 those students，但是显然亲是想指代那些学习的学生。所以指代错误了，them复数的怎么能指代everyone。 ）.

Secondly, grades can bring students a clear target to fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know how good or bad they are. （翻译：他们不能知道他们自己是好是坏。应该是他们不知道自己的成绩是好是坏,或者学习效果是好是坏。改：their learning effect is） However, since we have grades,（可以说through the grading system, 来换换句式，since用的有点多） students could know exactly where they are（说知道他们的水平如何更好）and how good they want to be, （+and） thus can make an appropriate plan+s to get their target. For instance, I was one of top students during my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, I got a headache problem and my grades fallen （fell） behind a little bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot stand I am not the best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and（三个并列，后两个之间有and就行，and改逗号）took actions strictly and got back to the top finally. So grades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to work harder on learning.

Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is a good supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure have（has） bad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However, proper stress does no bad on students, instead（instead是adv，不能连接两个句子，前面的逗号改成句号。）, it can push students to give all they got（这是什么。。。改：give every effort）to study. Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people have higher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. You must have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hours before the deadline. Set a （an）example of myself, the knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is more than those I did in days before that.   Since I’ve experienced the benefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring to students is a good supervision for their study.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.

总结：整体结构很好，开头点名主旨并有意引出后面的分论点。但是要多注意：语义，逻辑，单复数，指代等问题。整体语音还有待提高，部分句意不符合逻辑。句子之间的衔接也需要再加强。
希望我的批改对你有帮助，有异议的地方可以互相探讨。祝亲更上一层楼~加油~

搞G战士DB

同学，我下午考了三个小时考试，然后一直在马路上奔波。。刚安顿下来，现在给你看作文哦，不好意思有些晚了，大概一个小时内给你看好。先占个楼。

-- by 会员 235852140 (2012/9/18 20:46:13)

我也刚从图书馆回来，现在给你看哈~

搞G战士DB

918独立 （感觉这两天越写越烂了……）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

People are always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might be the worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patient sometimes,but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should take action now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will waste our time and may cause us loss the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actions immediately can improve our ability of solving problems.

At the very beginning, being patient can really waste our time thus cause us miss those precious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted to learn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should be patient, they will send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older, I had endless homework to do that I did not have time to learn anything else. In another hand, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by taking actions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor and lacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made all the stuff prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bag with the only money he got and began his journey. At last, after all the difficulties and dangers, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in his life and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples I listed above, you can see that being patient all the time can waste our time and miss the chance that we may only have once in our life.

Furthermore, taking actions now can improve our ability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it is not the best time yet. But things won’t be easier through our waiting, the difficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we have to. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, we improved our ability of solving problems without knowing it. Set a example of my classmate Li. She always asked me questions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did not know whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need to ask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will know whether she were good enough. We always got frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should be patient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everything prepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves by trying to solving it.

Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since the present is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.