白冬冬916就要考，独立写作恳请大家多拍砖! 楼主一定回访！

白冬冬

To steigen：
说来惭愧，都是严重超时才写出来的。steigen 提出的意见都很中肯！
用词：illuminate 和 vital 确实存在如你所说的问题，谢谢你~我会一一改过来.
段落：第二篇的缺乏例子，第二段罗嗦的问题也是让我头疼已久~~。我回头按你的想法修正一下~~~
我也是开始不久的，一起加油吧~~~！！

白冬冬

8.31作业
Do you agree or disagree, people who go out from their villige will be more successful and happier than people who stay in their village?


It is tempting that citizens living outside the villages can enjoy a oppuluent life; therefore, people who go out of the villages could be more successful, even happier. In my opinion, however, the conclusion is partial. Although people in cities possess more changes to succeed, making difference depends on a lot more qualities, while happiness should not be determined by the places where they live .



First and foremost, admitting that there exist more resources in towns and cities than in villages, I still believe that some other factors, namely persvaservrance and goodluck, are need for people to succeed. For instance, located in Tianjin Province, Shawo
Village is such a poor county where villagers there only cultivate single product and lack sales channels. Obviously, these villagers have been suffering from the resource sarcity and could hardly make ends meet. Comparing with what small villages possess, ample natural and human resources indeed serve as guarantee for success in such big cities as Beijing and Shanghai. However, the ablity to maximum the resources and the quality of perservance are equal essential for one to succeed. Hence, even though people go out the village possess more opportunity, it is not sufficient to guarantee their success, since it also depends on who and how to use the resource.


Furthermore, it is such a harsh conclusion to say that people living out of the village are happier. Admittedly, the living standard and quality are much better in some of the cities than that in small villages; however inner happiness would not be influenced by outer situation. On the one hand, both citizens and villagers could live happily. A good case in point is that citizens in metropolis enjoy hitech facilities that provide much convenience, while villagers in farreaching mountains likewise possess the quietness and picturesque sceneries of the nature. On the other hand, from another perspective, villagers could have live even happilier for they can get rid of lots of terrible urbanized problems, such as traffic congestions and air pollution. In all, villagers not only live a equal happy life, but can be even much happier than the citizens.


To put it in a nutshell, the places where people live should not determine one’s success. Although people in cities have more resources, which enhance the possibility to succeed, success depends on how people use the resource. Meanwhile, villagers could have live a happy life, if they take care about their own inner happiness.

steigen

从作文语言里可以看出来，你的英语基础很扎实的。

可以教教我怎么去提高语言吗？ 我语言组织好差劲啊。。。 用词也极其低级。。。

分享一下作文备考经验好吗？ 我现在只是就看看范文呢 感觉不到太大的用处啊。。。

白冬冬

我还好吧，其实贴上来的已经是改过好多遍的了...

我是这么准备的哈
先不记时写三篇，每篇改很多遍。改的时候先改词汇，从简单词汇改到高级一点的，这个时候可以用个总词典。比如important--eccential，等等，改个两三次就记住了~
然后改句型。之举出一个方面的一定要用not only but also 扩充。只说了一方面的，一定用although扩充。这样能扩充不少字数，逻辑上更复杂一点~
网上有一篇35句型的帖子，我把它抄过一遍放在旁边，现在经常写的时候去看看，用了三遍左右就能记住了。这样考试的时候也不会忘了~~

最后给你推荐一个软件，易改，改作文很方便，去下载一个哈~~

steigen

真的好谢谢你啊~  我只是就匆匆用半个小时写一篇，然后根本就不修改的直接发帖了。。。
已经下载易改了 感觉真的很好用啊~  真的好谢谢你噢~   一起加油哈~~

steigen

8.31 独立批改

It is tempting that citizens living outside the villages can enjoy a oppuluent（？？？） life;（亲的分号每次用的都好恰当，学习了~） therefore, people who go out of the villages could be more successful, even happier. In my opinion, however, the conclusion is partial. Although people in cities possess more changes（chances/opportunities） to succeed, making difference depends on a lot more qualities, while happiness should not be determined by the places where they live .



First and foremost, admitting that there exist more resources in towns and cities than in villages, I still believe that some other factors, namely persvaservrance(perservance) and goodluck(good luck/fortune), are need for people to succeed. For instance, located in Tianjin Province, Shawo Village is such a poor county where villagers there only cultivate single product and lack sales channels. Obviously, these villagers have been suffering from the resource scarcity(???) and could hardly make ends meet. Comparing with what small villages possess, ample natural and human resources indeed serve as guarantee for success in such big cities as Beijing and Shanghai. However, the ablity(ability) to maximum the resources (这个句子读起来怪怪的)and the quality of perservanceare equal essential for one to succeed. Hence, even though people go out the village possess more opportunity(opportunities), it is not sufficient to guarantee their success, since it also depends on who and how to use the resource. （这一段论点很好，但是觉得缺少具体一点的例子。到最后希望能有更多的具体说明来强调个人努力的重要性吧。觉得中间转的有点突兀啊）


Furthermore, it is such a harsh conclusion to say that people living out of the village are happier. Admittedly, the living standard and quality are much better in some of the cities than that in small villages; however inner happiness would not be influenced by outer situation.On the one hand, both citizens and villagers could live happily. A good case in point is that citizens in metropolis enjoy hitech(不知道提不提倡这种缩写词啊，high-tech/high-technology) facilities that provide much convenience, while villagers in far reaching mountains likewise possess the quietness and picturesque sceneries of the nature. On the other hand, from another perspective, villagers could have live even happilier for they can get rid of lots of terrible urbanized problems, such as traffic congestions and air pollution. In all, villagers not only live a(可以没有) equal happy life, but can be even much happier than the citizens.

（在这一段，好像都在阐述外界怎么影响着人的幸福啊，能有人们怎么去自身方式去寻找快乐的句子就更好了）


To put it in a nutshell, the places where people live should not determine one’s success. Although people in cities have more resources, which enhance the possibility to succeed, success depends on how people use the resource. Meanwhile, villagers could have live(lived) a happy life, if they take care about their own inner happiness.

语言还有语法是很好的，但是有几处拼写错误啊~ 以后多多注意哈
文章立意是蛮好的，但是段中的论述上，可以有更加具体的，一得出结论的那种感觉就更好了

很是惭愧啊，因为自身实力有限，不能给出更好的建议

白冬冬

To gre:
不好意思，上传晚了~~~请指正！
ps：我就是卓子...晚上口语见~~!

超级无敌小鹤鹤

把你的还有个贴（就是你自己删的那个）屏蔽了哈~~ 省的GRE童鞋还以为你还没写~~

白冬冬

好的好的~~~我正愁该怎么办呢~~~~确实是开错贴子了~~多谢鹤鹤~~~！

白冬冬

9.2 独立作业
写下载附件~~多谢！