Jijismile的作文贴

beiyezi

The reading passage presented some ideas thatChevalier, considered as a somewhat controversial figure, distorted or inventedmany events in the memoir to make his life seem more exciting and glamorousthan it really was. However, the professor suggests that everything in hismemoir is true in the listening passage.

Firstly, the professor advocates that Chevalierwere very rich and he had a lot of properties to make money. She also thinks thatthe reasons of critics were very poor. According to the memoir, Chevalier was awealthy person, and he had huge money. (according 这句和professor那句表达的意思一样,这一段没有表达出professor有什么证据表明她的观点是正确的Chevalier had toconvert his property to cash. And that required time to complete. Therefore,Chevalier borrowed money from a Swiss merchant. So borrowing money doesnot necessarily mean his poverty)

Secondly, the professor believes that nobody could remember everything happened years ago accurately. But Chevalier had portrayed everything he could remember. Chevalier'staking notes every time after the conversation that determines the accuracy Moreover, several years later writerVoltaire had verified the conversation between them. So, conversation isreliable in the memoir.

Thirdly, in the Venetian prison there wereseveral much more powerful persons, but they could not get out of the prison bytheir connections with politics. So, Chevalier could not live the prison eitherthrough his well-connected friends. And there was a document found in thegovernment that is used to make sure that the room for Chevalier had beenrepaired. It is suggested that Chevalier had destroyed the room climbing the roof. and escape fromthe prison.

jijismile

The reading passage is about the issue of alternative source of energy of cars. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that internal-combustion engine could not be instead by the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine, which contradicts what reading states. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points to support her view.


Firstly, even though the reading passage suggests that the hydrogen needed for fuel-cell engine cannot easily be depleted and hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, including natural gas and even water, the professor argues in the lecture that various sources cannot be easily used. Because the various sources cannot be used without purification process. The purification process is very difficult, and it also needs very high technology and much more money. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves her counterpart in the reading.


Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that hydrogen-based fuel cells would not cause the pollution problems, the professor contends that it also would cause a lot of carbon dioxide which is the reason of pollution problems. Then she supports her view with the fact that the coal or oil must be used in the purification process. And it may cause much more carbon dioxide that internal-combustion engine. In other words, hydrogen-based fuel cells could not solve the pollution problems.


Finally, the professor asserts that hydrogen-based fuel cells would cost a lot of money whereas the author of the reading claims that hydrogen-based fuel cells can save money. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that the components of hydrogen-based fuel cells are very expensive.

问一句 ，最后需要in conclusion一下吗？

hdf1990

Thereading passage is about the issue of alternative source of energy of cars. Theprofessor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks thatinternal-combustion engine could not be instead（instead是什么词性？副词吧，这里用的不对吧，还是用be replaced by） by the hydrogen-basedfuel-cell engine, which contradicts what reading states. （童鞋，学gmat了吗？which最好不要修饰前面整句话，reading前面加一个the） And inthe lecture, she uses three specific points to support her view.（这句话我也用过哦，嘿嘿，一本书上的吧）


Firstly, even though the readingpassage suggests that the hydrogen needed for fuel-cell engine cannot easily bedepleted and hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, includingnatural gas and even water,（前面这段再精简一些吧） theprofessor argues in the lecture that various sources cannot be easily used.Because the various sources cannot be used without purification process. Thepurification process is very difficult, and it also needs very high technologyand much more money. 再详细一些吧，是听力没听到吗？有点空泛）Obviously,the professor‘s argument disproves her counterpart inthe reading.


Moreover, despite the statement in the reading thathydrogen-based fuel cells would not cause the pollution problems, the professorcontends that it also would cause a lot of carbon dioxide which is the reasonof pollution problems. Then she supports her view with the fact that the coalor oil must be used in the purification process. And it（这里用一个非限制性定语从句修饰poress会更好） may cause much morecarbon dioxide that internal-combustion engine. （没有谓语啊）In otherwords, hydrogen-based fuel cells could not solve the pollution problems.


Finally, the professor asserts that hydrogen-based fuelcells would cost a lot of money whereas the author of the reading claims thathydrogen-based fuel cells can save money. The professor proves that this claimis indefensible by pointing out that the components of hydrogen-based fuelcells are very expensive.最后一段，可以写的在具体一些，而不要只写一个save money 。

最后那个总结段可写可不写，如果时间够的话，写个一两句也行，你换位思考一下，如果你是考官，你会因为最后一个简单的概述多给几分吗？我作文写得也不好，这是第一次改别人的作文，如有错误还请多多包涵。

综合写作主要是听力的能力和记笔记的能力，瞬时记忆很重要。一起加油吧！

hdf1990

顺便问一下 我看你以前的帖子  你已经拿到offer了？怎么还写作文？

jijismile

9月5日 综合
The reading passage is about the issue of reason of rapidly declining otters. The professor's lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that reason of declining otters is not environmental pollution, but predators, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture the professor uses three points to support her view.


Firstly, although the reading passage suggests that oil rigs and other sources of industrial chemical pollution cause the declining otters, the professor advocates that the reason of declining otters is predators. Because no one has found a dead sea otter on the beach, which is also evidences of that the predators have eaten the sea otters.


Secondly, despite the statement in the reading that other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions along the Alaskan coast are also declining because of pollution, the professor contends that the reason of it is orca. In order to support her view, the professor states the fact that whales are going to decrease by the reasons of human hunting. Therefore, it leads orca to hunt other small sea animals, such seals and sea lions. In other words, the reason of other declining sea animals is also predator, such as orca.


Thirdly, the professor asserts that uneven pattern of otter decline is caused by accessibility of orca whereas the author of reading claims that the reason of it is ocean currents or other environmental factors. The professor proves that the claim is indefensible by the fact that orcas can access to catch otters where otters are going to decrease, and for otters the safe places are somewhere orcas could not approach.


In conclusion, though the lecture the professor reputes the view of the reading that declining otters are caused by pollution, and she advocates that the reason is predators.

Serena0710

The reading passage is aboutthe issue of reason of rapidly declining （中间加个of是不是好些？我觉得最后改成decline of otter）otters. The professor'slecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that reason of decliningotters is not environmental pollution, but predators, which contradicts whatthe reading states. And in the lecture the professor uses three points tosupport her view.


Firstly, although the reading passage suggeststhat oil rigs and other sources of industrial chemical pollution cause the declining otters（这里同第一段的问题）, the professor advocates thatthe reason of declining otters is predators. Because no one has found a deadsea otter on the beach, which is also evidences（单数哦这里） of that the predatorshave eaten the sea otters.


Secondly, despite the statement in the readingthat other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions along the Alaskan coast arealso declining because of pollution, the professor contends that the reason of it（it在这里指代不明，改成this） is orca. In order to support her view,the professor states the fact that （populations of ）whales are going todecrease by the reasons of(for,一个for表原因，言简意赅。) human hunting. Therefore, it（it依然指代不明，改为this） leads orca to huntother small sea animals, such （as）seals and sea lions.In other words, the reason of other decliningsea animals（此处错误见文章尾） is also predator, such as orca.


Thirdly, the professor asserts that unevenpattern of otter decline is caused by accessibility of orca whereas the authorof reading claims that the reason of it(亲，表乱用it来指代啊~~~) is ocean currents or other environmental factors. The professorproves that the claim is indefensible by the fact that orcas can access tocatch otters where（where前面要跟地点的，建议这句话改为，otters living in the place where orcas can access easilydecease greatly. Otters will be safer when orcas can’t approach them.） otters are going to decrease,and for otters the safe places are somewhere orcas could not approach.


In conclusion,though (这里用through吧)the lecture theprofessor reputes the view of the reading that declining otters are caused bypollution, and she advocates that the reason is predators.

有一个逻辑语义问题比较严重哈~~~ the reason of other decliningsea animals/ reasonof rapidly declining otters    这两个短句中，of后的中心词都落在animal或otter上，但是根据语义，你不能说reason of animal或reason of otter是吧？所以应该把中心落在decline上面~~~这样说能明白不？

其他的都还不错了，注意一下细节问题就好。其实我也不太会改综合作文，建议可以看看网上给出的范文，学习一下~~~

谢谢smile给我的修改。我没考过GRE，GMAT作文分很低。。。然后听得比较好事因为听了3遍。。。惭愧惭愧。。。