【8.18+独立】求指导，感激！！！

JennyW9261

Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with helpfrom one's family than what is like before.

Thereis a saying “rich second generation” which refers to the ones whose parents arerich and readily be rich because of inheritance. Some people think that thesechildren will achieve success more easily with help from their family than whatis like before. There are increased amounts of ironic stories spreading on theinternet talking about that the success of some young rich should attribute tothe help of their family. However, I hold an opposite opinion about this issue.Through I do not deny the truth that many young rich gain an advantage from theirfamily, I want to point out that with the development of society, it becomefairer than before, the advantage from superb family background is weakened.
Firstly, withthe civilization, education is successfully spread to more places than before.In China, the government has intensified the effort to spread nine-year compulsoryeducation. Children from rural areas can change their fate by the power ofknowledge. Tremendous amounts of children get the opportunities to enter theuniversity to gain higher education. This will facilitate their competitiveability with children from rich family.
Moreover, sincethe competition of society is extremely fierce than before, a lot of factors ofsuccess should be accounted other than strong family background. Family advantagepales in comparison with excellent leadership, communicate skills, effectivenessand efficiency. Meanwhile, companies have more channel than before to contactwith diversified candidates. The network advantage gained from family is not assignificant as before. Companies will assess the personalities of thecandidates other than their family situation. I know many of my schoolmatesapplied for big four accounting firms last term. Some of them come from veryrich family and some do not. But what they encountered during the applyingprocess were same assessment, same competition and same pressure. The successof their application depended entirely on their personal qualifications.
To summary,although family assistance can endow some superiority in success, thisadvantage is not larger than before. Instead, with the development of society,education increases the competitive ability and gives more people opportunitiesto success.  Furthermore, in fiercecompetition nowadays, people do not have so much superb strength by family background.What account more to success is personal characteristics.

winnie98

批改【8.18+独立】 我回来的晚了点O(∩_∩)O
Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with helpfromone's family than what is like before.

Thereis a saying “rich second generation” whichrefers to the ones whose parents are rich and readily be rich(and平行结构前后不平行,而且我没懂readily be rich是和the ones 平行,还是后面的定从。应该是the ones whose parents arerich and who are readily rich) becauseof inheritance. Some people think that thesechildren will achieve success moreeasily with help from their family than whatis like before. There are increased(increasing) amounts of ironic stories spreadingon the internet talking(which spread on··· and talk,此处后面修饰过长,最后选用定cong) about that the success of some youngrich(rich youngsters) should attribute to the help of their family.However, I hold an opposite opinion about this issue. Through(Though) I do not deny the truth that many youngrich gain an advantage from their family, I want topoint out that with the development of society, it become fairer than before,the advantage from superb family background is weakened.

Firstly, with the civilization, education issuccessfully spread to more places than before. In China, the government hasintensified the effort to spread nine-year compulsory education. Children fromrural areas can change their fate by the power of knowledge. Tremendous amountsof children get the opportunities to enter the university to gain highereducation. This will facilitate their competitive ability with children fromrich family.

Moreover, since the competition of society is extremelyfierce than before, a lot of(可用a host of替换) factors of success should be accounted otherthan strong family background. Family advantage(此前加the更好) pales in comparison with excellent leadership,communicate(communication/communicating) skills, effectiveness and efficiency.Meanwhile, companies have more channel than before to contact with diversifiedcandidates. The network advantage gained from family is not assignificant(significant)as before. Companies will assess the personalities of the candidates other than(应该用ratherthan) their family situation. I know many of myschoolmates applied for big four accounting firms last term. Some of them comefrom very rich family and some do not. But(可用However/Incontrast替换) what they encountered during the applying processwere same assessment, same(same需与the同时使用) competition and samepressure. The success of their application depended entirely on their personal qualifications(此处是想表达证书还是能力?能力应该是competence/capacity).

To summary, although family assistance can endow some superiorityin success, this advantage isnot larger than before(比较结构前后应该一致,不能前面是advantage与后面的before相平行.改为thisadvantage is not so effective at present as that in the past类似这种的，上面还有好几句类似情况). Instead, with thedevelopment of society, education increases the competitive ability and givesmore people opportunities to success.  Furthermore, in fierce competition nowadays(别扭,可改为in the modern fiercely competitive society), people do not have so much superb strength byfamily background. What accountmore to success is personal characteristics.(account用法不对,Personal characteristics play a more vital rolein the way to success这样比原句看起来更舒服,想用主从也行,但不能像原句那么写)


大体思路情绪，多需要多注意语法及词汇的正确使用。
内容方面：最好些5段文，开头+结尾，
                中间部分3段(2个正面观点，1个反面观点--当然3段都是一个观点的方向也可以，但还是2正1反更好些）。
               阐述观点时，如果能再加上具体例子的描述会更生动。
格式方面：注意段与段之间要空行；经常出现两个词之间没空格；每个标点后需要空一格。


加油，多写就好了。

JennyW9261

先上综合。TPO 17 8.19
The reading passage mainly illustrated three effects leadingto birds population declining resulted from shrinking of human population.However, the lecturer rebuts the viewpoints one by one.
First, the author of the passage claimed that the expandingof human population replaced the natural habitats and turned them intohuman-use land such as homes, malls and offices. But the lecturer hold anopposite view by arguing that people virtually provide large other kinds ofhabitat which is suitable for birds living. And a piece of evidence that peoplecomplained about increasing birds in the city is raised to support her argument.
Moreover, the lecturer did not confirm the second reasonfrom the passage that increasing agriculture land due to pressure of supportinggrowing population caused the destruction of bird habitats. She argued thatwith the introduction of modern fertilizing technology, less land for agricultureis demanded. Instead, the existed land can support more population by increasethe productivity of crops per unit land. Therefore, the point of view cannotstand.
Finally, the lecturer argued against the statement that useof pesticide asserted an effect on bird population declining by raising twoimprovements in agriculture. The first change is that new pesticide widely usedat present is not as toxic as what is before. Furthermore, use of chemicalpesticide is gradually decreasing by introducing more pest-resistant crops. Bothof these changes indicated a decrease use of poison pesticide. So the negativeeffect by pesticide is actually reduced.

JennyW9261

Do you agree or dis agree, the way a persondressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character
Appearance is crucial because it is the first impressionwhen we meet a person. It is natural to judge a person according to the ways/he dressed. Since I was young, I am educated not to judge a person by his orher appearance. However, I am convinced that the way a person dressed willaccord with the characters of a person. Therefore, it is, to some extent, agood and reasonable indication of his/her personality.
To start with, we can speculate whether a person isopen-minded and pursue being distinct dressed. Someone like this would probablydress in more fashionable way, or sometimes in a way out of main stream. Forinstance, there was a trend in past few years that outlets showed a minimum amountof fabric and a maximum amount of skin. To follow up with this trend andexpress their independent character, some girls will dress in miniskirts. Inaddition, some people have the personality of simplicity and austerity. Theirclothes tend to be in simple style and in single color. In addition, take myteach Lady Martha Cowley as an example. Although she is an English, she extremelyloves Chinese mandarin coat. So people can always see her wearing mandarin coatevery day. She is pretty conspicuous.
Moreover, the way a person dressed can, in general, reflectthe life attitude of a person. Whether a person care about his/her appearance orwhether he/she pursues a delicate life quality can be examined.  I noticed that my friend Eva, she value thequality of clothes more than me. Her always dressed in clothes which own a goodquality of material and maybe not in a very fashionable or fancy style.
But appearance cannot reflect everything. To know a personfully should not arbitrarily relay on his or her way of dress. It happens a lotthat an impression concluded from appearance of somebody is subverted after getfamiliar with him or her.
In conclusion, I asserted that the way a person dressed canbe taken as an indication to his or her character because it reflect how he orshe think in some aspect. However, if we intend to fully acquaint a person,there are more aspects about that person than appearance which we should takeinto account.

332211abc

Appearance is crucial(n.是adj.)? because it is the first impression(appearance is impression)?? when we meet a person(people). It is natural to judge a person according to the ways/he dressed. Since(when) I was young, I am be educated被动 not to judge a person by his orher appearance. However, I am convinced that the way a person dressed will accord with the characters of a person. Therefore,it is, to some extent, agood and reasonable indication of his/her personality.
To start with, we can speculate whether a person is open-minded（不知道形容连词能不能直接当名词） and（a person......and pursue....并列有问题。）pursue being distinct dressed. Someone like this would probably(like …probably??) dress in more fashionable way, or sometimes in a way out of main stream. Forinstance, there was a trend in past few years that outlets showed a minimum amountof fabric and a maximum amount of skin. ???To follow(following) up with this trend(tendency) andexpress(ing) their independent character, some girls will dress in miniskirts. Inaddition, some people have the personality of simplicity and austerity. Theirclothes tend to be in simple style and in single color. In addition, take myteach Lady Martha Cowley as an example. Although she is an English, (COME FROM GB)she extremelyloves Chinese mandarin coat. So people can always see her wearing mandarin coatevery day. She is pretty conspicuous.
Moreover, the way a person dressed can, in general, reflectthe life attitude of a person. Whether a person care about his/her appearance orwhether he/she pursues a delicate life quality can be examined. I noticed that my friend Eva, she(重复主语) value thequality of clothes more than me. Her always dressed in clothes which own a goodquality of material and maybe not in a very fashionable or fancy style.
But appearance cannot reflect everything. To know a personfully should not arbitrarily relay on his or her way of dress. It happens a lotthat an impression concluded from appearance of somebody is subverted after getfamiliar with him or her.
In conclusion, I asserted that the way a person dressed canbe taken as an indication to his or her character because it reflect how he orshe think in some aspect. However, if we intend to fully acquaint a person,there are more aspects about that person than appearance which we should takeinto account.

有些错误感觉很怪，不知道该怎么改。
另外关于逗号： I noticed that my friend Eva, she(重复主语) value thequality of clothes more than me.
i have noticed that my friend eva, who valued clothe quality,………………
逗号之间加入的都应该是形容短句，
另外有些基本语法错误，不一一该了。

lemonyhu

先上综合。TPO 17 8.19
好句需要加的词时态语态有问题



The reading passage mainly illustrated three effects leadingto birds population declining resulted from shrinking（文章里说的是增加人口，不是减少啊） of human population.However, the lecturer rebuts the viewpoints one by one.


First, the author of the passage claimed that the expandingof human population replaced the natural habitats（什么habitat？我觉得有必要说一下 of birds） and turned them into human-use land such as homes, malls and offices. But the lecturer hold an opposite view by arguing that people virtually provide large other kinds of（这部分用的有点奇怪。直接other kinds of感觉更清楚）habitat which is suitable for birds living. And a piece of evidence that peoplecomplained about increasing birds in the city is raised to support her argument.（这段的细节貌似不全，还有一些鸟比较多啊，pigeons啊sea gulls 啊，hawk也increase to prey pigeons）


Moreover, the lecturer did not confirm the second reasonfrom the passage that increasing agriculture land due to pressure of supportinggrowing population caused the destruction of bird habitats. She argued thatwith the introduction of modern fertilizing technology, less land for agricultureis is demanded. Instead, the existed land can support more population by increase（ing）the productivity of crops per unit land. Therefore, the point of view cannot stand.


Finally, the lecturer argued against the statement that the use of pesticide asserted an effect on bird population declining by raising two improvements in agriculture. The first change is that new pesticide widely used at present is not as toxic as what it is before. Furthermore, the use of chemical pesticide is gradually decreasing by introducing more pest-resistant crops. Both of these changes indicated a decrease use of poison pesticide. So the negative effect by pesticide is actually reduced.



1、首先，不好意思jenny我真不是故意的，我以为还是两个互改结果居然咱们仨互改==看错人了，也改错认了太不好意思了。

2、文章和讲座的陈述用一般现在时就行了不用过去式
3、稍微有的地方少一些细节但是总体来说很好啦

JennyW9261

TPO 18 8.20
The reading passage mainly explores solutions to solve theproblem of Torreya declining. Yet, none of these three solutions is effective,according to the professor. All options are disputed by the lectures one byone.
First, in the passage, it is suggested that the Torreya canbe reestablished in the original location where the microclimate is wetter andcooler than surrounding areas that is favorable for Torreya to grow. However,the professor points out that affected by globe warming, the climate isvirtually changed. It is not as cooler as what it was before and becomes drier.Therefore, it is no longer a suitable place for Torreya to survive.
Second, moving to an entirely new location is raised tofulfill the requirements of cooler climate. And there was successful case thatthe Torreya can survive in the forest. Nevertheless, the professor argues thatsome unexpected consequence may occur by mention the case of blank locas as ananalogy. The migration of blank locas endangered the area it moved to bykilling the native plants and tree. There is large possibility that the samedangerous situation will occur in Torreya relocation. Thus, this option shouldconsiderably be rejected.
In addition, the professor asserts that the proposal of preservingTorreya in research center is indefensible by pointing out that the researchcenter does not have the capacity to maintain large amount of Torreya population.However, if large diversity of the plants cannot be guaranteed, the populationwill not resist for a long term. Apparently, this advice is unconvincing.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weaknessesof the solutions in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the threeoptions are ineffective.

jasonliu119

Since(when) I was young, I am be educated被动 not to judge a person by his orher appearance.

eone1025

The reading passage mainly explores solutions to solve the problem of Torreya’s declining. Yet, none of these three solutions is effective, according to the professor. All options are disputed by the lectures one by one.
First, in the passage, it is suggested that the Torreya canbe reestablished in the original location where the microclimate is wetter and cooler than surrounding areas that is favorable for Torreya to grow. However, the professor points out that affected by global warming, the climate is virtually changed. It is not as cooler as what it was before and becomes drier. Therefore, it is no longer a suitable place for Torreya to survive.（这一段professor说有两个可能的因素，可能是因为温室效应导致气候改变，也可能是因为佛罗里达地区的湿地变干了，总的来说就是因为变干导致地区的气候不同）
Second, moving to an entirely new location is raised to fulfill the requirements of cooler climate. And there was successful case that the Torreya can survive in the forest（there be加that从句是绝对错的句型o）. Successful case of Torreya’s survival in the forest adds up the possibility of this solution. Nevertheless, the professor argues that some unexpected consequence may occur by mention the case of blank locust as an analogy. The migration of blank locust endangered the area where it moved to by killing the native plants and tree. There is large possibility that the same dangerous situation will occur in Torreya relocation.（慎用there be句型哦，这个从句也是there be+ that句型了）It stands a good chance that the same dangerous situation may occur in Torreya’s relocation. Thus, this option should considerably be rejected.
In addition, the professor asserts that the proposal of preserving Torreya in research center is indefensible by pointing out that the research center does not have the capacity to maintain large amount of Torreya’s population. However, if large diversity of the plants cannot be guaranteed, the population will not resist（resist what？） for a long term. Apparently, this advice is unconvincing.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weaknesses of the solutions in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the three options are ineffective.

一些小问题，还有第一个点的细节不够，除此没有了·

JennyW9261

Itis not often a good thing to move to a new city because of the loss of friends.
It is very commonto hear that somebody is not willing to move to a new city because s/he doesnot want to lose friends. When I was a child, I would agree with this opinion,but now, I think it is not always a bad thing to change the environment andmeet some new friends.
When I was insenior school, my mother suggested me to transfer to another school in a newcity because she thought the new school could provide me better education. However,in my age of 15, it was a horrible thing to suddenly leave the city which I wasfamiliar with and separate with all my friends. Perhaps that is an age whenchildren will rely heavily on their friends and extremely afraid of beingalone. Therefore, I finally convinced my mother to let me stay in the citywhere I was born so that I could keep my friend around me.
However, with anindividual matures, s/he will become more independent and more curious aboutthe world outside. The same as me, in my age of 18, I went to a university in acity which is very far away from my hometown. For me, it is not a bad thing tomove to a new city anymore, instead, I was quite exciting and expecting to meetnew friends. It is not at all difficult to make new friend virtually. I met afriend in a club when I was in first year of university, just after a fewtalking, we found the same perspective about life and friends. Now, she is oneof my best friends.  
In addition, withthe development of technology, it is easier and more convenient to keep intouch with old friends. Telephone, email and SNS can all assist (facilitate)the close connection with old friends. Now, I keep close connections with many ofmy old friend through many ways such as online charting and social websites. Wecan be noticed of what happened to each other and show our concern and offerhelp whenever it is needed. For examples, I share the latest news of mine in myblog and many old friends will comment and sometimes discuss some issue withme.
It is not as formidable as many would assume to move to a new city if you considerit as a matter of fact of losing friends not only because you will have moreopportunities to meet new friends but also because with the convenienceprovided by the developed technology, it is entirely possible to keep closeconnections with old friends. In thisway, your social circle is not shrinking due to the loss of friends, butexpanding because you are making new friends continuously.