有志者，事竟成。 小女子的IBT作文，欢迎大家拍砖！虚心求教！共同进步！

pedrohuo

红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议，绿色为段后总结，高亮为精彩！

Government in every country always face(s) the same problems in (感觉faces the same financial problems更好)financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed(类似的还有much-debated) issue. Among many(these感觉和上文的意思更启承) problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than(rather than更好些。否则像中文的杂糅。因为在WHETHER的句子里。一般不用THAN。虽然前面有比较级MORE。) recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal(个人建议：前面是WHETHER句子。并没有明确表态。这里AGREE WITH是不是有点含糊呢，观点不清晰很致命啊).

It's more important(也可用pivotal) for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool, playground)

Government in every country always face the same problems in financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed issue. Among many problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal. (貌似贴重复了.去掉上面的第二段更好。要不然啰嗦)

In the first place, art museums and music performance center can represent and reflect the culture and history of one country, whereas the recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground, are too ordinary to show any culture. For example, Louvre Museum in Paris is one of the biggest, oldest, and most famous museum，which stored an incredible amount of famous antiques, paintings, and sculptures. It represents French art, culture, and history about ancient Greece, Egypt, and Roman. Moreover, it attracts people from all over the world(也可worldwide地道但是字数就少了-_-!) to visit and appreciate its beauty. However, the recreational facilities are so often to see that no one will go to a foreign country just because of them. (也可for the sake of. However, no one would go abroad only for the sake of such common recreational facilities.不一定好。只是小例子。哈哈)
Moreover, recreational facilities can be built commercially by private enterprises for the pursuit of profits, because it needs less money to build compared with art museums and music performance center which require huge investments. And the maintenance fee of art museums are also very expensive since these are such a number of precious articles needed(也可required) special care. Obviously, it is difficult for any citizen or common organization to undertake. Therefore, government has to take the responsibility to invest in those expensive but significant programs without worrying about the lack of recreational facilities. (推荐在段首加入KEY Sentence.这样直接就能知道作者的观点。而不是读到最后才知道。避免误判)
Finally(推荐Admittedly。Finally表示让步段不是特别明显。评分人需要读很久才知道是让步的表述), I have to concede that recreational facilities are one important part of a city because they provide places for citizens to have entertainment. Without those necessary facilities, people in the country would feel boring. But considering the reasons above, the government still should pay more attention on art museums and music performance center. By doing so, the country will not only attracts more foreigners to visit but also earns a larger profits which can be invested in other field.

In conclusion, it is wiser to for government to spend more money on art museums and music performance center that(than) recreational facilities. （比较级的句子略微有些多。能否换一种表达呢。The advantages of art museums and music performance centers overweigh those of recreational facilities undoubtedly.）

文章整体的表述还是非常的好的。但是感觉楼主的句子和句式还可再提炼些。比如加入点倒装句什么的。还有感觉楼主快要进入下一阶段了。就是把长句变成地道的短句。这样长短句的完美搭配才是好作文。最后的最后。除去贴重复的1.2段。才375个字。考试时候不过400字很危险很危险。

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9.2.  独立

it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.  Do you agree?

第一次把作文写成中立的观点啊。还有让步段写的很短，实在想不出说什么了。我一直不觉得字数一定要上400，可是好多同学说要上400。 新东方的老师说不是必要的。 我矛盾了哦，这次真是好不容易上了400字。。。。个人觉得让步段就很鸡肋。好像删掉的说~~~
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Relaxing is one of the most important part of everyone's life. With a sufficient relax, one can relieve all the stress, tension, and stain from work or study. So how to completely relax becomes a widely discussed issue. Some people would like to watch a new movie or read an interesting book, whereas others prefer to go outside and do physical exercise with friends. In my opinion, both of these methods are effective and each of them has its own strengths and weakness. The commend that the former overweights the latter is oversimplified and irrational.

In the first place, every way to relax has its own advantages and disadvantages, so there is no real right or wrong selection of relaxation. . Reading a book in a quiet place, such as library or coffee shop, can make us feel the silence in our heart and learn some scientific knowledge, arts knowledge, and living wisdom; but it seems to be a lonely time when we are reading with no friends to chat with. Now, You might say that watching a new movie with friends is a good way to relax and enhance friendship at the same time, but considering that you have to stare at the screen, it might be harmful to your eyesight. And last, doing physical exercise is benefit to our health and can ease the mood if we have troubles at work. However, it also consume a lot of energy at the same time, which might makes one more tired. Therefore, there is not a completely good or radically bad way to relax.

Moreover, everyone has different preference and conditions, and they choose mental relaxation or physical relaxation, as appropriate. For workers or farmers, who have a large amount of manual labor at work, they are willing to choose some relaxing way that do not need to drain fatigue, such as enjoying a movie or reading a fiction; however, for office worker, who sit in front of the computer and stare at the screen all the time, they prefer to go to the park or fitness center to do physical exercise. Therefore, with various conditions and circumstances, different people would have different choice.

Admittedly,  I have to concede that the energy consumed by reading a book or watching a movie is less than that of doing physical exercise. However, proper exercise can keep people health, make people energetic, and think more clearly during the work and study.

In conclusion, there is no absolutely good way to relax and every method has its own benefits. In other words, effective relaxation depends on one's condition and preferences.

白冬冬

Relaxing is one of the most important part of everyone's life. With a sufficient relax, one can relieve all the stress, tension, and stain from work or study. So how to completely relax becomes a widely discussed issue. Some people would like to watch a new movie or read an interesting book, whereas others prefer to go outside and do physical exercise with friends. In my opinion, both of these methods are effective and each of them has its own strengths and weakness. The commend(conclusion?) that the former overweights the latter is oversimplified and irrational. (开头简洁有力！很好~~~要是有一些高级词汇会更好~！)

In the first place, every way（method） to relax has its own advantages and disadvantages, so there is no real right or wrong selection of relaxation. . Reading a book in a quiet place, such as library or coffee shop（in such  a quiet place as library or coffee shop）, can make us feel the silence in our heart(chinglish了一点，可以说listen to our own heartbeat ) and learn some scientific knowledge, arts knowledge, and living wisdom（题目说让我们找一个最有用的relax方式，这个例子跑题了）; but it seems to be a lonely time( 还是chinglish 了一点，可以改成lonely for us if） when we are reading with no friends to chat with. Now, You might say that watching a new movie with friends is a good way to relax and enhances friendship at the same time, but considering that you have to stare at the screen, it might be harmful to your eyesight. And last, doing physical exercise is benefit to our health and can ease the mood if we have troubles at work. However, it also consume a lot of energy at the same time, which might makes one more tired. Therefore, there is not a completely good or radically bad way to relax.

Moreover, everyone has different preference and conditions, and they choose mental relaxation or physical relaxation, as appropriate. For workers or farmers, who have a large amount of manual labor at work, they are willing to choose some relaxing way that do not need to drain fatigue, such as enjoying a movie or reading a fiction; however, for office workers, who sit in front of the computer and stare at the screen all the time, they prefer to go to the park or fitness center to do physical exercise. Therefore, with various conditions and circumstances, different people would have different choices. （补一个自己的例子呗？）

Admittedly, I have to concede that the energy consumed by reading a book or watching a movie is less than that of doing physical exercise.（这个转折不是很有力，因此在这句后边加一句解释的话就比较有力了。即：； hence， ****）However, proper exercise can keep people health, make people energetic, and think(这个think与make 并列，逻辑不通，动词的主语发出者有混淆~）more clearly during the work and study.

In conclusion, there is no absolutely good way to relax and every method has its own benefits. In other words, effective relaxation depends on one's condition and preferences.

整体的逻辑还是很清楚的！框架什么的都没问题。就是倒数第二段的admittedly不够有力。可以再补充一句。

语言的话，我觉得可以在修改一下。把简单句扩充成复杂句，套一些句型，比如not only but also ， on no account should we forget that 。。。。这样就更好啦~~

字数方面我觉得没必要追求400+，350足矣，语言地道+逻辑清楚是王道~~

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9.5 独立
in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.
这次写到了400+字~~

As an old Chinese saying: take history as a mirror.  History, as a fortune leaved by time, can not only teach us the attitude toward difficulties but also reduce the possibility of problems. So can we depend on the past to solve our current or future troubles?  After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree that people should review the history in order to solve the problems of the present and the future.

In the first place, it is no doubt that history leaves us a fortune, including precious ideas, values, and perspectives of life. These valuable heritage, having been proved through the test of time, can provide us with good methods and solutions when we face the difficulties in our modern lives. For instance, Franklin Roosevelt, as one of the greatest presidents in the United States, led the country rebound from the great depression when the society was full of unemployment, bankrupt, collapse, and slump. He said that the only thing we fear was fear itself.  This spirit and courage inspired people in the 1933 as well as people in the modern society. When we faced the financial crisis again in 2008, Roosevelt's word still reminded us of being brave.

Moreover, learning the past can prevent people from possible mistakes even tragedies. Obviously, everyone is not born with knowledge and experience, and along with the growth, parents and teachers taught us keep right from wrong by telling the history as well as their own stories. By doing so, we avoid making mistakes and facing problems. For example, a child may do not know how to cross the road. By listening to parents' warning, he or she might cross the road safely.Similarly, if we review the past or comply with forefather's advice, we could avoid many troubles.

Finally, I have to mention that reflection on some period of historical events would bring people deep thinking, especially national humiliation, and warn them how to behave both at present and in the future. The Chinese people, for instance, have learned from their modern history of humiliation that when a country loses sovereignty, its people lose dignity and status. Remembering this period of history, they would not stop the step of improving in the world competition. And when they face current or future problems among countries, they would take an appropriate action.

In conclusion, the past is a good lesson for contemporary people to solve their present and future problems, because it brings us the positive spirit toward difficulties, helps us deal with issues before they happen, and warn us take every effort to make progress.

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9.5.  综合
The lecture claims that predation is the most likely cause of sea otter declination after all. This is totally in disagreement with that of reading passage, which suggests that the main reason is environmental pollution.

In the first place, the professor said that the pollution theory was weakened by the fact that no one really found any dead sea otter washing off on Alaska beaches. That is not people who believe the pollution theory expect. On the other hand, if a sea otter is killed by a predator, it will be eaten immediately so it will not wash up on shore. The reading passage, by contrast, holds that pollution is the more likely cause since water samples from the area revealed increased levels of chemicals that threatens the sea otter.

The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage is that the professor believes that the declination of sea otters is essentially caused by human hunters. She did not mean that human hunters killed the otter directly, but they hunted a large amount of whales that orca prefer to hunt. That lead the orca changed their diet to hunt some smaller prey such as sea otters, seals, and sea lions. Thus, those species are all endangered at the same time. However, the reading holds that this fact again pointed to environmental pollution, since it usually affects the entire ecosystem rather than a species.

Finally, the lecture claims that the uneven pattern of otter decline better describes the predation theory than the pollution hypothesis. What happened to otters are depend on where they lived in. Because otters are large, they can not arrive at shallow or rocky locations, so these places remain the number of otters. But for other locations where otters are easily to access in, the amount of them declined greatly. This phenomena, by contrast, used to support the opinion of the reading, which suggests that ocean currents or other environmental factors may have created uneven concentration of pollutants along the coast.

In conclusion, the lecture and the reading passage are debating the reason of otters' declination: predation theroy or environmental pollution.

safeandsound

谢谢亲的批改~~很受用呢

haduni

9.5.  综合
The lecturer(演讲者比较好) claims thatpredation is the most likely cause of sea otter declination after all. This istotally in disagreement with thatof(改为the statement in) readingpassage, which suggests that the main reason is environmental pollution.

In the first place, the professor said that thepollution theory was weakened by the fact that no one really found any dead seaotter washing off on Alaska beaches. That is not（改为The fact conflictswith what） people who believe（改为hold更好） the pollution theory expect. On the other hand, if a sea otter is killed by apredator, it will be eaten immediately so it will not wash up on shore.（这一句可以和上一句的内容一起构成一个句子，不用分开写） The reading passage, by contrast, holds that pollution is the morelikely cause since water samples from the area revealed increased levels ofchemicals that threatens the sea otter.

The second point of difference between thelecture and the reading passage is that the professor believes that thedeclination of sea otters is essentially caused by human hunters. She did notmean that human hunters killed the otter directly, but they hunted a largeamount of whales that orca prefer to hunt. That lead（results in that） the orca changestheir diet and hunts some smaller prey such as sea otters, seals, and sealions. Thus, those species are all endangered at the same time. However, thereading holds that this fact again pointed to environmental pollution, since itusually affects the entire ecosystem rather than a species.

Finally, the lecture claims that the unevenpattern of otter decline better describes(改为bolsters) the predation theory than the pollution hypothesis. What happened（happens） to otters are(删除) depend on where they live in（删除）. Because otters（我觉得你应该说的是orca） are large, they cannotarrive at shallow or rocky locations, so these places remain the number of otters（in these places the number of otters remains）. But for otherlocations where otters are easily to access in(删除), the amount(population)of them declined(declines)greatly. This phenomena(单复数错误), by contrast, usedto support the opinion of the reading, which suggests that ocean currents orother environmental factors may have created uneven concentration of pollutantsalong the coast.

In conclusion, the lecture and the reading passage are debating the reason ofotters' declination: predation theory or environmental pollution.

1.        时态和第三人称单复数问题需要注意
2.        用词不够恰当，但稍加注意即可
3.        lecture中的要点列写的非常详细，这说明你听力很好（让我羡慕），但是应当适当加强一下逻辑连接词的使用。

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9.12  独立Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.


Everyone, with different backgrounds and different circumstances, would form various personalities, and facing problems or dealing with matters, people will take totally different actions. Among them, two kinds of behavior are very common: being patient to think about the best solution, or taking actions immediately. Some people maintain that patience is usually not a good strategy and we should take action now rather than later. After taking various considerations into account, I hold that each of them has its own advantages and which strategy shoud be choosed depends on the situation.


In the first place, it is better to take action immediately when something emergent happens, because under such an emergency, one does not have enough time to consider too much and any delay might cause grave consequences. Taking fire accidence for example, no one in a fire will not make every effort to struggle to survive. Imagining, is it possible to stay in the fire and be patient to escape? Absolutely not. Moreover, taking actions right away can make one grasp opportunities in time. Since opportunity is gone in a flash, it will never wait for your patient consideration. An opportunity to a good job, for example, comes unexpectedly, and if you do not take action quickly to pursue it, others might take your chance.


On the other hand, there are also some situations that need people to be patient before taking actions, such as doing surgery, defusing a bomb, and executing a new policy, etc. With careful and detained considerations about both the superficial benefits and the potential risks, people might be able to make the best and the most appropriate decisions finally. And by doing so, most of possible mistakes and terrible results can be avoided. As an Chinese old saying: look before you leap. For instance, I used to be a very careless person, and I usually handed in my exam papers without any check. That results in many times of failures in my courses, not because I did not know the answers, but because I was so casual that I made many silly mistakes. Afterwards, I tried to be patient to check all the questions twice during every examination, and as expected, my academic results became among the best.


Therefore, based on the various factors, both the patience and the prompt action are significant for solving problems, and they complement each other. Being patient leads to a wise decision, whereas taking action contributes to decisiveness. Thus, it is wise for us to be flexible in the use of both these two methods to adapt to any changes.

frankiyian

修改附件

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9.13 独立
colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.


The issue of education has always been a widely discussed point. And universities, serving as the disseminators of knowledge, always catch much attention from people. Recently, a common belief is that universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. After taking various considerations into account, however, I side on the opposite.


Firstly, I have to concede that by taking more courses, students would obtain more academic knowledges. But does learning more knowledges mean having more strengths when students are hunting jobs? The answer is no， because there are many aspects that employers often take into account, such as communication skills, teamwork spirit, and working experience, etc. No employers will investigate just one of these aspects. And it is far from enough for students if they only take more classes.


Moreover, taking more courses might occupy too much students' time that should be putted into other practical activities, such as taking internships or speech contests. This time wasted by the extra courses comes from not only the class time, but also relatively work time after class, because students are usually forced to finish many homework and researches. Since the social activities play an very important role in developing students' capacity for work, students might even lose the competitive force when looking for jobs. Taking my sister as an example, she took too much courses in the university and did not participate in any activity since she did not have enough time to do so. Although she got an A in almost all subjects, she now has a big trouble in hunting jobs. Everytime that she was interviewed by companies, the interviewer asked her what her most unforgettable internship experience was. Without any working experience, she was rendered speechless and failed the interview.


Finally, it should also be taken into account that is that worth offering more courses for students. Do not forget that more courses will cost more money on employing professors and providing relatively facilities. And thinking of the consequences it brings, it is not a cost-effective investment. But if universities put the investment on other practical fields, they will receive a great return. For instance, they could invest money on organizing a speech contest to improve the skill of presentation of students, or simply help students establish contacts with employing unit. These methods need less money but receive a good report.


In conclusion, providing more courses for students in universities or colleges is not an effective way to improve their capacities for work, and might even get an bad result.