呼仔的作文帖！求指导！握拳！有口语建议也进来呀！

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误

The lecturer claims that the passage is too optimistic toward the fuel-sell engine. She explains that the fuel-cell engine actually would cause lots of problems. （这句话其实没什么实际用处，不知道楼主是这么觉得么?） This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which argues that fuel-cell engines have more advantages over internal-combustion engines. 略长这个which 可以直接
In the first place, the writer points out that internal-combustion engine uses the finite fuel-petroleum -as energy resource. But we can find multiple of resources available for fuel-cell engines. （多余了）However, the lecturer argues that it is not easy for us to use the hydrogen in water as the resource for fuel-cell engines. Scientists need to（这个楼主明白的）pure(形容词这是 purify) the hydrogen liquid which is hard to produce as well as store. The liquid requires temperature as low as -253 centigrade degree.
it is adj for sb to do 这个用了太多次了
In the second place, the writer mentions that using hydrogen-based fuel will solve many pollution problems that harm the environment. Nevertheless, the lecturer contends that the process to generate pure hydrogen definitely create much more pollution than we expected by taking into account the energy cost and pollution created by burning coal and oil.

Furthermore, by calculating the cost of fuel-cell engines, the writer is convinced that people will spend less money to operate a fuel-cell engine due to the high efficiency of it. However, the lecturer believes that people underestimate the cost of fuel-efficient engine. She points out that an expansive（expensive）metal is a must （不能做形容词an essential） resource for the chemical reaction of fuel-cell engines. In other words, we cannot positively conclude that running fuel-cell engine is cheaper than running internal-combustion engine.（应该不是running的事情吧主要是制作engine比较耗钱）

少了一个chemical reaction

lemonyhu

8.13 know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A


As the magnificent development of technology and science, there is a heated debate over whether knowing about the events happening around the world affect our life. Some people think that we should only focus our attention on our own lives. Others hold that it is essential and useful to pay attention to the events happening around the world. As far as I am concerned, it is not wise for us to ignore the events around. As part of the world, we should definitely comprehend the events over the world to live a better life.


In the first place, having access to the news around enables us to secure our life. Wherever we live, we are living around people. If we want to handle our lives, we should undoubtedly handle the news around us first. According to the survey conducted by China Today, one of the famous Chinese newspapers, people who pay more attention to the crime rates and warnings around their community and within their country will do some precaution to prevent bad news from happening, and thus obsess a better sense of secure. On the contrary, as for the people who focus on their own lives while leave alone these warnings, crimes such as steal happened a lot to them during night times.


In the second place, people will find it meaningful to relate to some world-class news. Take the Olympic Games as an example. As we all know, the London Olympics recently came to an end in the Great Britain. We witnessed an successful and exciting Olympics. For me, watching competitions on the television and discussing those games with my friends on social websites has become an necessary activity for me every day. The topic for me with my parents also focused on my favorite athletes as Sun Yang and Liu Xiang and their performance. We will felt excited to see Sun broke the world record but quite sad when saw Liu kissed the hurdle and left on wheelchair. I deeply felt that people’s relationship and point of view toward our motherland and the world is getting closer these days. By communicating the issue happened around us, people share their happiness and sorrow together so that build bridges between their hearts.


Admittedly, for people who live in harsh environment, the priority of their lives is to overcome hunger and live. To some extent, knowing the issues taken place far away from them have no practical meaning. More importantly, if they are living in villages on mountains, they may not have no equipment to receive the news.


All in all, as the reasons mentioned above, we cannot say that knowing the events happening around the world is of no use. In most cases, we should at least get to know the news of our own country. Only in this way, can we guarantee our lives and strive for our dreams with more confidence.

lemonyhu

814 综合
The lecturer claims that there isn't enough evidence to demonstrate that the subject of the professional painting is Jane Austen. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which is convinced that the teenage girl portraited in the painting is undoubtedly Jane Austen.

In the first place, the writer holds that the fact Austen's family gave permission to use the portrait in one of Austen's books proves that the girl in the painting is Jane Austen. However, the professor mentions that this book was not published until 1882. By that time, no one in her family has ever seen Austen. As a result, they were not able to confirm whether this portrait belongs to Jane Austen.

In the second place, by contending that the face in the portrait resembles the one depicts Austen in Cassandra's sketch, the writer believes in his guess. Nevertheless, according to the lecturer, Austen lived in a large family where the girls resemble each other. What if the girl is a close cousin of Austen? In fact, some people said that the portrait depicts Austen's niece Mary.

Furthermore, the lecturer refutes the claim in the passage that this portrait was created in the same period when Jane Austen was a teenager. He argues that the style of the painting does resemble that of Ozias Humphrey, the painter hired by Austen’s family. But the stamp behind the painting points out that the converse was sold by William. This man did not started selling converse until Austen was 17 years old.

猫和鸭

8.13 know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A


As the magnificent development of technology and science, there is a heated debate over whether knowing about the events happening around the world affects our life. Some people think that we should only focus our attention on(to) our own lives. Others hold that it is essential and useful to pay attention to the events happening around the world. As far as I am concerned, it is not wise for us to ignore the events around.(这个句套简单易用，学习了） As part of the world, we should definitely comprehend the events over the world to live a better life.


In the first place, having access to the news around enables us to secure our life. Wherever we live, we are living around people. If we want to handle our lives, we should undoubtedly handle the news around us first. According to the survey conducted by China Today, one of the famous Chinese newspapers, people who pay more attention to the crime rates and warnings around their community and within their country will do some precaution（这里需要用复数吗？还有前面的COMMUNITY？） to prevent bad news from happening,and thus obsess a better sense of secure.（这个引用举例的方法用的很赞，从句结构也很通畅） On the contrary, as for the people who focus on their own lives while leave alone these warnings, crimes such as steal happened a lot to them during night times.


In the second place, people will find it meaningful to relate to some world-class news. Take the Olympic Games as an example. As we all know, the London Olympics recently came to an end in the Great Britain. We witnessed an successful and exciting Olympics. For me, watching competitions on the television and discussing those games with my friends on social websites has（前面有两个主词，是不是应该用HAVE呢） become an necessary activity for me every day. The topic for me with my parents also focused on my favorite athletes as Sun Yang and Liu Xiang and their performance（最后一个AND局PERFORMANCE和前面说的ATHLETES成并例关系了，换种格式是否更好呢）. We will felt（时态） excited to see Sun broke the world record but quite sad when saw Liu kissed the hurdle and left on wheelchair. I deeply felt that people’s relationship and point of view toward our motherland and the world is getting closer these days. By communicating the issue happened（可否用一般时态和后面的时态呼应） around us, people share their happiness and sorrow together so that build bridges between their hearts.（这句很经典适合做套句，学习了）


Admittedly, for people who live in harsh environment, the priority of their lives is to overcome hunger and live（这里没看懂，感觉并列的有些牵强，因为感觉LIVE就包括HUNGER，改成COOL之类的是否可行呢）. To some extent, knowing the issues taken place far away from them have no practical meaning. More importantly, if they are living in villages on mountains, they may not have no equipment to receive the news.（多用了一个否定）

文章主体架构很严谨，用了经典的2—1的模式，例证也给得很充分，一些长从句的格式也把握得很到位，总体来说除了一些单三之类的习惯性问题，没能发现特别原则性的错误。另外这是我第一次帮人批改写作，再加上自己水平也比较弱，所以如果有拍得不够狠的地方还请多见谅哈，汗！同时谢谢你对我的批注，纠错得很到位很精准，第一次参加小分队就遇到你这么负责任的搭档让我信心大增啊，LET'S KEEP FIGHTING！同时希望我们以后还有机会合作互改！

fairyfinger

我才发现我做成TPO14了。sign

The lecturer claims that there isn't enough evidence to demonstrate that the subject of the professional painting is Jane Austen. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which is convinced that the teenage girl portraited in the painting is undoubtedly Jane Austen.

In the first place, the writer holds that the fact Austen's family gave permission to use the portrait in one of Austen's books proves that the girl in the painting is Jane Austen. However, the professor mentions that this book was not published until 1882. By that time, no one in her family has ever seen Austen. As a result, they were not able to confirm whether this portrait belongs to Jane Austen.

In the second place, by contending that the face in the portrait resembles the one depicts Austen in Cassandra's sketch, the writer believes in his guess. Nevertheless, according to the lecturer, Austen lived in a large family where the girls resemble each other. What if the girl is a close cousin of Austen? In fact, some people said that the portrait depicts Austen's niece Mary.

Furthermore, the lecturer refutes the claim in the passage that this portrait was created in the same period when Jane Austen was a teenager. He argues that the style of the painting does resemble that of Ozias Humphrey, the painter hired by Austen’s family. But the stamp behind the painting points out that the converse was sold by William. This man did not started selling converse until Austen was 17 years old.

楼主的思路很清晰，听力句型什么的也很好！有时间的话每段结尾再总结一下就更好了～～
感觉我自己罗嗦得很，要向楼主学习XD

lemonyhu

8.15综合

The lecturer claims that the benefit of commercial fossil business definitely outweights its disadvantages. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which argues that with the growing of fossil business, the development of fossils for scientists and general public purpose has been destroyed.

Firstly, the writer of the passage holds that the public have less access to the precious fossils since private collectors bought the fossils won't allow the public to view their collections. As a result, public interests will decline. However, the lecturer points out that the auction of fossils will enables much more organizations and communities to buy them for the public. For instance, institutions as schools and libraries could purchase some fossils and display them in exhibitions.

Secondly, according to the reading, if scientists cannot do some researches, they are going to lose the chance to discover crucial evidence about extinct life forms. Nevertheless, the lecturer disagrees with this point. She points out that before the fossils are purchased by private ownership, scientists need to identify those fossils first. That is to say, scientists won't miss out any essential fossils as the reading mentions.

Last but not least, concerning the issue of destruction of the fossils, the lecturer uses an comparison to refute the claim in the reading passage. She concludes that without the exploration of those commercial collectors, scientists may not even have the opportunity to see the fossils. Compared with let the fossils remained underground for a thousand years, we would better have them uncovered and uses as much data as we could to do scientific researches. In this sense, it is worthy destroying some locations when discovering fossils.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecturer claims that the benefit of commercial fossil business definitely outweights its disadvantages. This claim is not in accordance with that of the reading passage, which argues that with the growing of fossil business, the development of fossils for scientists and general public purpose has been destroyed.

Firstly, the writer of the passage holds that the public have less access to the precious fossils since private collectors bought the fossils won't allow the public to view their collections. As a result, public interests will decline. However, the lecturer points out that the auction of fossils will enables much more organizations and communities to buy them for the public. For instance, institutions as schools and libraries could purchase some fossils and display them in exhibitions.

Secondly, according to the reading, if scientists cannot do some researches（其实这里主要是表达学者不能接触这些化石，他们总能做研究）, they are going to lose the chance to discover crucial evidence about extinct life forms. Nevertheless, the lecturer disagrees with this point. She points out that before the fossils are purchased by private ownership, scientists need to identify those fossils first. That is to say, scientists won't miss out any essential fossils as the reading mentions.（这里听力的小细节不是很全）

Last but not least, concerning the issue of destruction of the fossils, the lecturer uses an comparison to refute the claim in the reading passage. She concludes that without the exploration of those commercial collectors, scientists may not even have the opportunity to see the fossils. Compared with let the fossils remained underground for a thousand years, we would better have them uncovered and uses as much data as we could to do scientific researches. In this sense, it is worthy destroying some locations when discovering fossils.（有一点就是没有足够的研究中心的人员来发掘这些化石）

听力的细节是得分点额。还是要听仔细点。整体结构木问题，把细节完善就好。

lemonyhu

Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?

When asked about” what do you think the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is”, different people have different opinions toward this question. Some people believe that other factor obviously outweighs the importance of responsibility. Others agree with the statement that a good leader has to obsess the sense of responsibility. As far as I am concerned, taking responsibility is one of the important factors, but not the most important one.

I agree without conservation that a good political or business leader need to take the responsibility for the mistakes the make. In the business world, one tiny fault might become the weak point of the whole corporation, not to mention the unwise decisions leaders make. As a result, another company in the market would take this mistake as the best opportunity to beat the counterpart. When such unfortunate condition happens, the leader, the core of one company, have to stand out and take the responsibility as soon as possible. To strengthen the point, I will quote the famous sentence by Confucius, the most intelligent philosophy in China:” Nothing great was ever achieved without the courage to take the responsibility.” By taking the responsibility, leaders not only have the chance to revise the mistakes they made. More importantly, they build the example to the employers, to thousands of citizens in the country.

Nevertheless, taking responsibility to whatever bad decisions they made is not the most important characteristic of leaders. In other words, a good leader should behave himself and do his utmost to avoid bad decision from happening.

In my point of view, a leader has to be patient and calm. In the first place, patience enables a leader to overcome the negative emotions that affect his decision making. As we all know, when we are furious and angry about others, we would not able to focus our attention on the object and thus make stupid decisions. For the leaders, their decisions would sometimes have effect on the destiny of the whole group or nation. Take me as an example, once I was responsible for preparing for a huge conference. However, by the time I arrived at the venue, I found out that two of my group member were missing. Neither did they call me in advance or answer my phone. At that time I was so angry that I yelled at other members. As a result, some of my members left their position and I finished most of the works without any help. How terrible was I that I put my anger on the people who had no relation to the mistake?

In all, this issue is a complex and controversial one. For leaders, responsible for their behavior is quite important factor. More importantly, leaders, no matter “Big” or “Small”, have to learn to be patient. Only in this way can they promote the development of corporations and even their party and country.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

When asked about” what do you think the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is”, different people have different opinions toward this question. Some people believe that other factor obviously outweighs the importance of responsibility. Others agree with the statement that a good leader has to obsess the sense of responsibility. As far as I am concerned, taking responsibility is one of the important factors, but not the most important one. 开头的二分法貌似不是很好，没有说到点子上，嘿嘿。

I agree without conservation that a good political or business leader need to take the responsibility for the mistakes the （they） make. In the business world, one tiny fault might become the weak point of the whole corporation, not to mention the unwise decisions leaders make. As a result, another company in the market would take this mistake as the best opportunity to beat the counterpart. When such unfortunate condition happens, the leader, the core of one company, have to stand out and take the responsibility as soon as possible. To strengthen the point, I will quote the famous sentence by Confucius, the most intelligent philosophy in China:” Nothing great was ever achieved without the courage to take the responsibility.” By taking the responsibility, leaders not only have the chance to revise（感觉这里用correct比较好一点） the mistakes they made. More importantly, they build the example to the employers, to thousands of citizens in the country.

Nevertheless, taking responsibility to whatever bad decisions they made is not the most important characteristic of leaders. In other words, a good leader should behave（这里用behave不知是什么意思？称为他自己么？或者是believe？） himself and do his utmost to avoid bad decision from happening.

In（from） my point of view, a leader has to be patient and calm. In the first place, patience enables a leader to overcome the negative emotions that affect his decision making. As we all know, when we are furious and angry about（angry with？）others, we would not able to focus our attention on the object and thus make stupid decisions. For the leaders, their decisions would sometimes have effect on the destiny of the whole group or nation. Take me as an example, once I was responsible for preparing for a huge conference. However, by the time I arrived at the venue, I found out that two of my group member were missing. Neither did they call me in advance or answer my phone. At that time I was so angry that I yelled at other members. As a result, some of my members left their position and I finished most of the works without any help. How terrible was I that I put my anger on the people who had no relation to the mistake?

In all, this issue is a complex and controversial one. For leaders, responsible for their behavior is （a）quite important factor. More importantly, leaders, no matter “Big” or “Small”, have to learn to be patient. Only in this way can they promote the development of corporations and even their party and country.

整体来说写的不错，不过感觉例证的不是最恰当和合适。当然着个都是我自己的看法。

lemonyhu

hehe ~behave是behavior的动词形式啦~~~
一些词汇的搭配超级谢谢lz，自己写的真是看不出来，对于词的运用我还是比较肤浅啊！
需要努力！