Teresa 作文贴～ 6，9 考，还有9日倒数！求爆RP

削梨儿

红色是改的，蓝色是疑问或建议，高亮是写得好的哈~

During the last century witnessed the great advance in science and technology.（,during the last century应该是介词短语吧，不能做一个句子，或者是你想表达的意思是“the last century witnesses...?”）Some people claim that even though science and technology will continue to improve, the most essential progression for the standard of people’s lives has already taken place. I frown on this opinion. I firmly believe that science and technology will continue to upgrade people’s life in a more significant way than in the past.

Admittedly, new breakthroughs in medical science allow human eradicate diseases that have killed millions of lives in the past century, including TB and malaria. Thanks to the medical innovation like laser surgery is helping doctors immensely simplify operations that used to involved complicated scalpels. (Thanks to XXX，后面应该有一个完整句子吧。或者直接去掉Thanks to这句话就通了。)There is no denyingthat health and sanitary condition has improved dramatically during the past decades. Thanks to the modern medicaladvancements, such as immunization vaccines and organ transplants, millions of life safe（lives are/were saved） by the modern medical advancements. However, some diseases are still remaining fatal in the present, including AIDS andcancer. In this case, there are still plenty of rooms for the medical science to improve in order to help million of people suffer fromincurable disease.

Telecommunication is another area where improvement of people’s life（where 后面应该接句子，可以写成where people‘s life improve）. People used to communicate with each other with “sail mail”, which means they have to go to the postoffice, bough(bought) an envelope and stick the stamp before they finally could get (put) their mail into the mail bag. Now telecommunication technologies have fastened (fasten是“使牢固”而不是“使加快”吧，speed up可不可以。这里你想表达的是什么呀，讨论一下哈) the process by a click of bottom to reach our love ones. Even though we now （are）enjoying fastened (同前)and convenient communication with people across globally, new advances in technology and telecommunication are still offering new possibilities for improvement, such as s in telecommunication and information processing are still offering new possibilities for boost （boost如果作动词这里改为boosting，如果作名词最好后面加of）its speed, quality,diversities and cost reduction(这句话有谓语are，但是我木有找到主语在哪儿).The example of China’s internet speed matches my point of view perfectly. In 2013, China will have mobile phone internet speed up to 5 times than current technologies after the establishment of 4G network, and we cannot predict some further improvement in the future.

In a nutshell, I still regard the improvement of the future technology and science as increasingly upgrade（regard as后面应该不接动词的吧）. Indeed, there are countless other areas where the innovations in science and technology can make people’s live （life）healthier, easier and more enjoyable.

第一次改独立作文，欢迎互相交流。总体来说文章逻辑清晰，用词也很好，多注意语法就好了

teresaz318

还有一周就考～！ 加油～！！
还有祝大家儿童节快乐，保持那颗纯真的童心～～

TPO9

Firstly, the professor admitsinternal-combustion engine is relies on petroleum which is a limited resourcethat will deplete in the future. But the instructor reminds us hydrogen is notan easy available resource. In fact, hydrogen requires complicate man-made pureliquid which have to store in extremely cold environment. In other words,hydrogen is not an easy available resource as the reading passage suggests.

Furthermore, the reading passage claimsthat hydrogen-based fuel cells are environmentally friendly resources. Theprofessor admits that the hydrogen-based cars would emit less pollution comparewith the internal-combustion engines, but the manufacture produces pollutionproblems. This is because hydrogen-based fuel cell requires complicatedpurification process, which needs burning coals or oil. In other words, eventhe hydrogen cars are environmental friendly, the purification process willproduce a lot of pollution.

Finally, the passage states the fuel-cellengines are more affordable, but the speaker reminds us the high cost ofmanufacture because they require the addition of platinum, a very rare andexpensive material.

joan31217

Firstly, the professor admitsinternal-combustion engine is relies on petroleum which is a limited resourcethat will deplete in the future (这里句子套句子感觉有点多， 最后这个从句可以改成，and are depleting in the future). But the instructor reminds us hydrogen is notan easy available resource. In fact, hydrogen requires complicate man-made pureliquid which have to store(be stored) in extremely cold environment. In other words,hydrogen is not an easy available resource as the reading passage suggests.

Furthermore, the reading passage claimsthat hydrogen-based fuel cells are environmentally friendly resources. Theprofessor admits that the hydrogen-based cars would emit less pollution compare (compared) with the internal-combustion engines, but the manufacture produces pollutionproblems. This is because hydrogen-based fuel cell requires complicatedpurification process, which needs burning coals or oil. In other words, eventhe hydrogen cars are environmental friendly, the purification process willproduce a lot of pollution.

Finally, the passage states the fuel-cellengines are more affordable, but (感觉这里换成while好些）the speaker reminds us （这里要不有个of, 要不就写个从句吧） the high cost ofmanufacture because they（指代不明） require the addition of platinum, a very rare andexpensive material.

感觉：1.还是加个开头结尾好些，至少有个开头。
       2.MM句式可以变化一些，比如but 可以换成although, however什么的。
       3. 我今天作业晚点交，不好意思哈

teresaz318

TPO10

The professor actually contradicts thestatement made in the reading passage. She is of the view that the pollutiontheory is not the reason of sea otter's decline. In fact, the instructor claimsthat the predation hypothesis is more convincing. In the lecture, she usesthree specific points to demonstrate her idea.

Firstly, even though the reading suggeststhat water samples reveal the high level of ocean contaminants and chemicals,the professor argues that there is no actual evidence of sea otters' deadbodies found on the Alaskan beach. In other words, the predator theory is morereliable. This is because the predators consumed sea otters' bodies, so thereare no dead bodies wash up on shore.

Moreover, despite the reading passage saysthat predators such as orcas prefer to hunt whales other than small mammals ofsea lions and seals, the professor disproves the statement by citing the factthat orcas have change their diet habits. She then proves by the fact thathuman hunting pose a great threat to whales, which has left orcas no otherchoices, but start to hunt small marine creatures, such as sea otters, sealsand sea lions. That is the reason why the number of seals and sea lions weredecreasing.

Finally, the professor disproves the finalstatement of the random pattern of otter reduction is corresponds to thepollution problem which mentioned in the reading passage. The speaker remindsus the orcas' huge body size, which they cannot expose to the shallow and rockyarea. Therefore, sea otters would not be hunt in those area where orcasdifficult to reach, so the sea otters have a higher population in thatsurrounding.

teresaz318

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Communication skill is the most important character of those who aresuccessful.

What do you mean by success? Of course, thedefinition of “success” can be interpreted by myriad ways. Actually, it has beenincredible diversity of individuals’ understandings of this concept that hasled to the amazing variety of personal pursuits. But in this essay, I willfocus on career success. Some people claim that communication skill is the mostessential element for people becoming successful. I strongly agree with thisopinion. In fact, communication skills are not just important for our careerbut also play a critical role in our daily life.

Firstly, communication skill is of great importancefor effective self-expression. Effective communication can make people easier tounderstand your ideas, thinking and emotions. Actually the ability to expressour emotions, our thoughts and views is vital to a happy survival. Be happy isactually the life goal of all the human kind, so sound communication skillmakes happy conversation easy for us.

Communication is a key instrument to createrelations, to strengthen relations between the two people or a group of people.Without effective communication methods, there will be easy to produce misunderstanding,arguments and disagreement. Effective and timely communication promotes cordialrelations and work culture among the employees for increasing production andcreates healthy and happy environment within and outside the organization. Morespecifically, a successful manager should have the ability to understand theneeds and requirements of both employees and customers, thus onlyeffective communication skills can lead him/her understand their demands.

Moreover, communication is not just about oralcommunication. In fact, communication skills comprise writing skills, speechskills, listening skills, non verbal skills. One should have communicationskills, while reading, writing, listening, speaking, conversation with variousgroups of people, government officials, bankers, family members etc. Therefore,communication skill is actually a comprehensible skill to ensure an effectiveconversation.

In a nutshell, I still regard communication skillis a critical ingredient contributes to success in this modern society. However,we cannot over emphasis the importance of communication. To be successful is alifelong process of improvement, self confidence, opportunities and numerous ofdifferent factors. As long as we keep a balance mood on communication, it willsure to contribute more in the future.



写完有种累思的感觉T_T

不知道今天干嘛了！！

joan31217

The professor actually contradicts thestatement made in the reading passage. She is of the view that the pollutiontheory is not the reason of sea otter's decline. In fact, the instructor claimsthat the predation hypothesis is more convincing. In the lecture, she usesthree specific points to demonstrate her idea. (开头很棒）

Firstly, even though the reading suggeststhat water samples reveal the high level of ocean contaminants and chemicals,the professor argues that there is no actual evidence of sea otters' deadbodies found on the Alaskan beach. In other words, the predator theory is morereliable. This is because the predators consumed sea otters' bodies, so thereare no dead bodies wash（washed) up on shore.

Moreover, despite the reading passage saysthat predators such as orcas prefer to hunt whales other than small mammals ofsea lions and seals, the professor disproves the statement by citing the factthat orcas have change their diet habits. She then proves by the fact thathuman hunting pose a great threat to whales, which has left orcas no otherchoices, but start to hunt small marine creatures (好词）, such as sea otters, sealsand sea lions. That is the reason why the number of seals and sea lions weredecreasing.

Finally, the professor disproves the finalstatement of (that) the random pattern of otter reduction is corresponds to thepollution problem which mentioned in the reading passage. The speaker remindsus the orcas' huge body size, which they cannot expose to the shallow and rockyarea. Therefore, sea otters would not be hunt in those area where orcasdifficult to reach( 改成could not reach easily 感觉舒服些）, so the sea otters have a higher population in thatsurrounding.

整体感觉不错，加油~

teresaz318

TPO11

The professor actually contradictswith the reading passage. She is of the view that fewer people readingliterature does not mean a bad effect on the society. In the lecture, she usesthree specific points to support her idea.

Firstly, the reading passagesuggests that literature provides stimulating ideas to readers. Therefore thepublic is suffering great loss as fewer people reading literature. On the contrary,the professor argues that many other reading materials are beneficial to thereaders as well, such as science novels and political writings. In other words,many forms of reading genres can benefits public intellectually.

Moreover, the lecture explains thateven if it is true that a lot of people switch to other forms of entertainmentother than reading books, but it does not necessary mean that the culture isdeclining. In fact people can still lean from different types of entertainment,such as appreciate music and art. Television and firms are simply modern formsof cultural expression that are also intellectually inspiring.

Finally, the instructor admits thedecreasing of readers in literature today, but she points out that theliterature writers themselves alienated themselves form public audience byusing complex language. In contrast, the reading blames the lower standard ofthe public for fewer people tend to enjoy reading literature, which makes fewerpublishers to publish literature and pose a threat to literature writers.

teresaz318

6.3

If you need todiscuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail ortext messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.


Whatwill you do when you need to discuss some problems with others? Some peoplehave a stereotype that is better to solve the problems by talking instead oftextual communication, since talking seems have comparative advantages to directlyconquer the problem and more convenient. It may be true to some extent. But I, givea chance, prefer to endorse text communication rather than verbal interaction.

Firstof all, writing makes me focus on the issue itself rather than on other irrelevantelements. In fact, interpreting our situation, feeling, sadness or even angerinto words is a sound way to help us calm down. Writing is a way to express ourselvesin a more thought provoking way. More specifically, take my personal experienceas an example. One time my next door neighbor was holding a party at Fridaymid-night, with his friends talking, laughing and loud pop-music. I was soangry and disturbing. I couldn’t sleep or even have concentration on my study.But I didn’t go to knock his door and argue with him; instead I calmed down andwrote an email to him. In the letter, I express my disturbance, inconvenienceand suggestions to him. After he read my email, he felt embracing about his disturbanceand never held a party at mid-night anymore. Besides, a recent study conductedby Peking University, one of the most prestige universities in China, revealsthat "When you look at the brain, it looks a whole lot like emotionregulation is going on when people put feelings into words." Obviously, textualmessage is a means of control your temper, emotion and anger on thecontroversial problems rather than argues with people.

Surely,there has always been another advantage of use email or text messaging. It is away to practice my writing skills. Even though telecommunication technologyhave been increasingly popular in recent years, writing seems irrelevant tomany of us. But writing is actually an important skill for employment, studyand even our daily life. The more we write the better we are, so I wouldcapture every opportunity to improve my writing which puts me in a favorableposition in the career development.

Nevertheless,there are still some people prefer oral contact (e.g. telephone or voice-message)rather than writing text message or emails, since oral contacts are moredirect, convenient and time-saving. But I will not walk away from my viewpoint.According to the study conducted by Fudan University, reveals that 67% wouldget misunderstanding and misinterpretation when they discuss important issuesover the phone, let alone they can successfully solve the problem by voicecommunication.

Forthose reasons listed, I still regarded writing text message or emails is abetter means to solve complicate issues.

teresaz318

6.3

If you need todiscuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail ortext messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.


Whatwill you do when you need to discuss some problems with others? Some peoplehave a stereotype that is better to solve the problems by talking instead oftextual communication, since talking seems have comparative advantages to directlyconquer the problem and more convenient. It may be true to some extent. But I, givea chance, prefer to endorse text communication rather than verbal interaction.

Firstof all, writing makes me focus on the issue itself rather than on other irrelevantelements. In fact, interpreting our situation, feeling, sadness or even angerinto words is a sound way to help us calm down. Writing is a way to express ourselvesin a more thought provoking way. More specifically, take my personal experienceas an example. One time my next door neighbor was holding a party at Fridaymid-night, with his friends talking, laughing and loud pop-music. I was soangry and disturbing. I couldn’t sleep or even have concentration on my study.But I didn’t go to knock his door and argue with him; instead I calmed down andwrote an email to him. In the letter, I express my disturbance, inconvenienceand suggestions to him. After he read my email, he felt embracing about his disturbanceand never held a party at mid-night anymore. Besides, a recent study conductedby Peking University, one of the most prestige universities in China, revealsthat "When you look at the brain, it looks a whole lot like emotionregulation is going on when people put feelings into words." Obviously, textualmessage is a means of control your temper, emotion and anger on thecontroversial problems rather than argues with people.

Surely,there has always been another advantage of use email or text messaging. It is away to practice my writing skills. Even though telecommunication technologyhave been increasingly popular in recent years, writing seems irrelevant tomany of us. But writing is actually an important skill for employment, studyand even our daily life. The more we write the better we are, so I wouldcapture every opportunity to improve my writing which puts me in a favorableposition in the career development.

Nevertheless,there are still some people prefer oral contact (e.g. telephone or voice-message)rather than writing text message or emails, since oral contacts are moredirect, convenient and time-saving. But I will not walk away from my viewpoint.According to the study conducted by Fudan University, reveals that 67% wouldget misunderstanding and misinterpretation when they discuss important issuesover the phone, let alone they can successfully solve the problem by voicecommunication.

Forthose reasons listed, I still regarded writing text message or emails is abetter means to solve complicate issues.

刚刚那篇字儿太丑～写道最后没有心机写～ 请某位牛人帮我补一下！感激不尽
今天看到某位牛人的好文章膜拜了一下，如果正巧是他看到希望不要介意
还有写说谢谢你la ~

just would like to express my gratitute to all of you who have been help me fix my poor writing!!
i hope we can all gain excellent score at Toefl !! lets rock it ~yoyoyoyoi

Crystaljoy

我就是看你快考了，来瞅瞅，顺便了解了一下可爱的你。哈哈哈哈。
上一篇是joan改，ta写文章很棒我之前拜读过，所以我就挑了你上上篇改咯，希望本来应该改你这篇文章的同学原谅我吧，继续交流哈。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Communication skill is the most important character of those who are successful.

What do you mean by success?(好像质问读者，哈哈，有点太像讲话了。What does success mean?) Of course, the definition of “success” can be interpreted by（in） myriad ways（+according to specific personal background. 跟下文呼应一下）. Actually, it has been incredible diversity of individuals’ understandings of this concept that(删去更好) has led to the amazing variety of personal pursuits. But in this essay, I will focus on career success. （我肿么读着读着就晕乎啦，题目说Communication skill重要性，你肿么先限定了success啊，而且下面自己再not only..推翻） Some people claim that communication skill is the most essential element for people becoming successful. I strongly agree with this opinion. In fact, communication skills are not just important for our career but also play a critical role in our daily life.


Firstly, communication skill is of great importance for effective self-expression. Effective communication can make people easier to understand your ideas, thinking and emotions.（make ourselves easily understood.） Actually the ability to express our emotions, our thoughts and views is vital to a happy survival.(这个论点好新颖啊，express-happy,跳跃太大了，中间应该提提create less misunderstanding, settle disputes effectively之类。) Be happy is actually the life goal of all the human kind, so sound（a grasp of）communication skill makes happy conversation easy for us.（这段纯说理，论据不够，推理跳跃还太大。其实就围绕你的communication skill is of great importance for effective self-expression写就好了。先阐释下原因像你文中那样，接着举个例子，最后做个总结。完美了~）

（Besides self-expression, 承上启下一下，更衔接）Communication is a key instrument to create relations, to（and） strengthen relations between the two people or a group of people. Without effective communication methods, there(it 作为形式主语) will be easy to produce misunderstanding, arguments and disagreement(并列情况下，单复数最好保持一致). Effective and timely communication promotes cordial relations and work culture among the employees for increasing production and creates healthy and happy environment within and outside the organization. More specifically, a successful manager should have the ability to understand the needs and requirements of both employees and customers, thus only effective communication skills can lead him/her understand their demands. （这个因果倒置了吧？最后不管扯多远了，一定拉回主题哇。More specifically, a successful manager with effective communication skills has the ability to better understand the needs and requirements of both employees and customers， thus create and strengthen closer ties with them.）

Moreover, communication is not just about oral communication. In fact, communication skills comprise writing skills, speech skills, listening skills,（such 后面是个大类啊） non verbal skills. （That is to say,）One should have communication skills, while reading, writing, listening, speaking, conversation with various groups of people,（such as 后面是小分类啊） government officials, bankers, family members etc. Therefore, communication skill is actually a comprehensible skill to ensure an effective conversation.

In a nutshell, I still regard communication skillis a critical ingredient (which) contributes (much) to success in this modern society. However, we cannot over emphasis the importance of communication. (你竟然临结尾了再自我攻击一下，危险啊。万一写不完没转过来你就惨了。我觉得，承让要么再倒数第二段，要么就干脆不要了。) To be successful is a lifelong process of improvement,(in terms of 我隐约嚼的你又要开始乱分类了) self confidence, opportunities and （such）numerous of different factors. As long as we keep a balance mood on communication（= = ）, it will sure tocontribute more in the future.（为啥不回归大主题Communication skill is most important character of those who are successful。为啥为啥？哈哈~我的意思是回归了更圆满嘛~）



你可创新了，我读着觉得你好好玩啊~ 但是快考了，建议看看MUSIC的八股文思路吧，写作经验贴有。还是要投ETS所好的，不然小命危险啊。

你的论点都不错，但是论证有点弱。要是考场想不到了，就编一个自己的小段子，或者列举出来一大推情况，用排比写。但是不能乱分类啊，你每次分类都气死我了。

具体的小意见在文中写了，加油哇乖~~~