【写作小分队】sang的作文贴，求狠拍！

sang824

5月10日11.8.20 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important investment for a big company is to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.


So fierce is the competition today that each company has to come up with thousands of ways to enlarge their market share and attain large profits. When it comes to what is the most important investment for a big company, I’m undoubtedly in favor of the statement that a company is supposed to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

To begin with, efficiency is the most important factor when considering the performance of a company. Great achievement as a company obtain, if it takes much more time than its competitors, people are unlikely to regard the success positively. As is know to all, time always plays an overwhelming role in the production process. The fewer time it takes to finish a projection, the easier it is to grasp the best opportunity and take the dominant position in the market. A famous computer company, which enjoys the most eminent projectors and testers, fails to publish its new product before deadline just because of the conflicts among employees. Consequently, it lost large amount of consumers and suffers from a negative impact on its future development. In this way, it never too exaggerate to assert the importance of efficiency, especially for those companies which pay special attention to cooperation and teamwork.

Additionally, it is obvious that proficiency of employees is an indispensable consistent of the general efficiency. Only when people have a deep understanding about their daily job and work proficiently can they contribute to the improvement of the whole efficiency. At that note, large quantities of money need to be invested on employees’ training in order to ensure them to adapt to their jobs as soon as possible. By practicing and training, employees gain experience and make progress, thus finish more tasks in the limited hours. Never neglect the importance of each individual because it is each member’s hard work that creates the prosperity of the company.

Admittedly, the method to invest is diversified. A company can either purchase stocks or disperse loans. However, if a company cannot garantee its internal issues such as efficiency and proficiency of employees, how can they leave a positive impression on the public and ensure other investments move smoothly? It is necessary to emphasize that internal investments stand first, then come external investments.

To sum up, in view of the development of company both internally and externally, a company should by every means to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

Herisson0509

不好意思啊sang 因为我要跑到西安考试所以这两天有些忙一直拖着没改上sorry啊



It is undoubtedly that parents have an overwhelming influence on their children throughout their lives. They teach their children how to speak, how to behavior well in the society and how to build up their value of life. Dose it mean children should choose the same career as their parents? As far as I’m concerned, children should be totally uncontrolled when choosing a career.

For one thing, children are human beings, they have their own likes and dislikes, in this way they have the ability to find out what they really interested in and choose a suitable career for themselves. As is know to all, interest is the best teacher, choosing a career perfectly to their satisfactory是adjsatisfaction has positive influence on their behaviors at work as well as plays an important part in their career development. A friend of mine, who goes against their parents’ wish to become a doctor, works as a computer engineer instead. Arduous as the job is, he shows great passion in his daily life, puts his heart and soul into every subject and experiment he attends and is always enthusiastic and curious about the unknown fields. When faced facing with difficulties and challenges, he never gives up and his passion and interest function as the dominate motivations that push him forward. As time goes by, he succeed in achieving a high level in computer field. Currently he lives a joyful life because the most exciting thing is to work with computer everyday. It is never too exaggerate to regard interest as the best incentive in one’s career.

For another, it is not uncommon for children to choose an identical career as their parents, only if they show strong interest in such fields. At that note, parents can teach them basic knowledge related at a very young age and provide them with all they can offer in these areas, such as best guildence, most advanced theory and practice, not to mention introduce them to a well fame instructor. However, if their children are forced to take the same career as their parents, something unfortunate happens. They get bored of what they handle with everyday, complain their parents about oblige them to deal with issue totally opposite to their apitites, or feel desperate because of the darkness side of their lives. Admittedly, parents provide best resources for children unless they themselves have a negative attitude towards an identical career.

To sum up, taking individual’s interest and willingness into consideration, it is necessary for children to choose a career they really fascinate with. Otherwise would it does harm to their career or lives, even they enjoy the best resource and atmosphere.



Sang 是不是研究过长难句啊好多长句子啊写的都很不错呢膜拜膜拜高亮都标不完了

结构内容都超级棒呢很赞 好后悔这么晚才来给你改啊  等我考完一定要好好研究下你的大作

sang824

不好意思啊sang 因为我要跑到西安考试所以这两天有些忙一直拖着没改上sorry啊



It is undoubtedly that parents have an overwhelming influence on their children throughout their lives. They teach their children how to speak, how to behavior well in the society and how to build up their value of life. Dose it mean children should choose the same career as their parents? As far as I’m concerned, children should be totally uncontrolled when choosing a career.

For one thing, children are human beings, they have their own likes and dislikes, in this way they have the ability to find out what they really interested in and choose a suitable career for themselves. As is know to all, interest is the best teacher, choosing a career perfectly to their satisfactory是adjsatisfaction has positive influence on their behaviors at work as well as plays an important part in their career development. A friend of mine, who goes against their parents’ wish to become a doctor, works as a computer engineer instead. Arduous as the job is, he shows great passion in his daily life, puts his heart and soul into every subject and experiment he attends and is always enthusiastic and curious about the unknown fields. When faced facing with difficulties and challenges, he never gives up and his passion and interest function as the dominate motivations that push him forward. As time goes by, he succeed in achieving a high level in computer field. Currently he lives a joyful life because the most exciting thing is to work with computer everyday. It is never too exaggerate to regard interest as the best incentive in one’s career.

For another, it is not uncommon for children to choose an identical career as their parents, only if they show strong interest in such fields. At that note, parents can teach them basic knowledge related at a very young age and provide them with all they can offer in these areas, such as best guildence, most advanced theory and practice, not to mention introduce them to a well fame instructor. However, if their children are forced to take the same career as their parents, something unfortunate happens. They get bored of what they handle with everyday, complain their parents about oblige them to deal with issue totally opposite to their apitites, or feel desperate because of the darkness side of their lives. Admittedly, parents provide best resources for children unless they themselves have a negative attitude towards an identical career.

To sum up, taking individual’s interest and willingness into consideration, it is necessary for children to choose a career they really fascinate with. Otherwise would it does harm to their career or lives, even they enjoy the best resource and atmosphere.



Sang 是不是研究过长难句啊好多长句子啊写的都很不错呢膜拜膜拜高亮都标不完了

结构内容都超级棒呢很赞 好后悔这么晚才来给你改啊  等我考完一定要好好研究下你的大作

-- by 会员 Herisson0509 (2012/5/11 11:36:14)

刺猬过奖啦..其实都是用过好多次的句子，都不知道怎么写出新的了55
还要多向大家学习才是


考试加油！

sang824

5月12日10.2.13NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannotaccept criticism will not succeed working in teams.

In the contemprory contemporary society, the tendency of working inteams has occupied a dominant position. It is obvious that working in groupscan to some degree increase the efficiency as well as proficiency of eachindividual. In view of the importance of cooperation in teams, I am stronglysupportive to the statement that people who cannot accept criticism will notsucceed working in teams.


To begin with, team-workalways intends to finish a general projection with everyone’s effect, in this way, people should pick up the most innovative ideas and improve them throughcountless meetings and discussions. It is inevitably that some group member’sproposal will be denied or even criticized for the lack of inspiration oraccuracy. The ability to receive criticism is an indispensable part in teambecause no one can make perfect decision by himself all the time. A computerengineer, who has achieved an overwhelming position in his research institute,is used to make the final decision because he is confident that everyone willapprove his idea sooner or later. However, a failure happens owning to hisneglect of customers’ appetite. As a result, he feels too embarrass to becriticized in front of his collegues colleaguesand quits his office. At that note, it is never too exaggerate to assert thatthe ability to accept receive criticism is necessary in teams.

Furthermore, criticism alsofunction as a warning of avoiding making identical mistakes next time as wellas a motivation to make self-improvement. As is know to all, the outsiders usually have a clear awareness of others’ weakness. In this way, people are supposed to appreciate that working in teams provides them a unique opportunity to find out their weaknesses and shortcomings. By realizing their shortcomings and paying special attention to conquer them, they are likely to come up with better contentions in the future. On the contrary, for people who feel toodifficult to receive criticism, they would addict to their self-satisfactory all the time instead of awaring of their weaknesses and making progress.Consequently they cannot catch up with their humble collegues colleagues and get obsoleted from their teams.


To sum up, according to thearguments above, I can definitely come to the contention that people who cannot receive criticism would hardly find their place in teams, especially in groups which put great significance on cooperation and self-realization.      
 

晨依Jacqueline

啊啊我玩了半天才想起来还没有给sang改作文！
不能自己考完了就不管大家了。。。罪过罪过。。。占个地方一会贴上啦
So fierce is the competition today that each company has to come up with thousands of ways to enlarge their market share and attain large profits. (开头让人眼前一亮！其实我之前用手机上CD的时候看了一眼你的作文，当时就镇住了！)When it comes to what is the most important investment for a big company, I’m undoubtedly in favor of the statement that a company is supposed to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.

To begin with, efficiency is the most important factor when considering the performance of a company. Great achievement as a company obtain, if it takes much more time than its competitors, people are unlikely to regard the success positively. As is know(known) to all, time always plays an overwhelming role in the production process. The fewer time it takes to finish a projection, the easier it is to grasp the best opportunity and take the dominant position in the market. A famous computer company, which enjoys the most eminent projectors and testers, fails to publish its new product before deadline just because of the conflicts among employees. Consequently, it lost large amount of consumers and suffers(suffered) from a negative impact on its future development. In this way, it never too exaggerate(it is never too exaggerated?) to assert the importance of efficiency, especially for those companies which pay special attention to cooperation and teamwork.

Additionally, it is obvious that proficiency of employees is an indispensable consistent of the general efficiency. Only when people have a deep understanding about their daily job and work proficiently can they contribute to the improvement of the whole efficiency. At that note, large quantities of money need to be invested on employees’ training in order to ensure them to adapt to their jobs as soon as possible. By practicing and training, employees gain experience and make progress, thus finish more tasks in the limited hours. Never neglect the importance of each individual because it is each member’s hard work that creates the prosperity of the company.

Admittedly, the method to invest is diversified. A company can either purchase stocks or disperse loans. However, if a company cannot garantee(guarantee)its internal issues such as efficiency and proficiency of employees, how can they leave a positive impression on the public and ensure other investments move smoothly? It is necessary to emphasize that internal investments stand first, then come external investments.

To sum up, in view of the development of company both internally and externally, a company should by every means to improve the efficiency and proficiency of its employees.



Sang写得太好了，好想点亮全篇！

易雨水巷

sang 我晚上给你改5.12哈O(∩_∩)O~稍等

红色为错误  高亮为精彩， 蓝色为意见或建议 绿色为总结
Inthe contemprory contemporary society, thetendency of working in teams has occupied a dominant position. It is obviousthat working in groups can to some degree increase the efficiency as well asproficiency of each individual. In view of the importance of cooperation in teams, I am strongly supportive to （哈哈，又学到一种表达支持的说法O(∩_∩)O~）thestatement that people who cannot accept criticism will not succeed working inteams.

To begin with, team-work always intends to finish a general projection witheveryone’s effect, in this way, （两个句子了， in this way 可以另起一句，或者加个and啥的了）people should pickup the most innovative ideas and improve them through countless meetings anddiscussions. It is inevitably that some group member’s proposal will be deniedor even criticized for the lack of inspiration or accuracy. The ability toreceive criticism is an indispensable part in team because no one can makeperfect decision by himself all the time. （雨巷建议这句挪到最前面，当成TS!）（要不要加个连接词， for example/instance之类的）Acomputer engineer, who has achieved an overwhelming position in his researchinstitute, is used to make the final decision because he is confident thateveryone will approve his idea sooner or later. However, a failure happensowning to his neglect of customers’ appetite. As a result, he feels too embarrass（embarrassed） tobe criticized in front of his collegues colleagues andquits his office.At that note, it is never too exaggerate （exaggerated）to assert that the ability to accept receive criticism is necessary in teams.

Furthermore, criticism also function (functions)as a warning of avoiding making identical mistakes next time as well as amotivation to make self-improvement. As is know (known)to all, the outsidersusually have a clear awareness of others’ weakness. In this way,(用过了，可以换成，under this circumstance/inthis case) people are supposed to appreciate that working in teams providesthem a unique opportunity to find out their weaknesses and shortcomings. (我觉得这个如果换成accepting criticism willprovides them a unique …会更切合题目)By realizing their shortcomings and paying specialattention to conquer them （看意思应该是指shortcomings 但前面的their指的的是people, 后面的they 也指people…会凌乱的，建议直接改成， by realizing shortcomingsand paying attention to conquer them, people are likely to come up…）, theyare likely to come up with better contentions in the future. On the contrary,for people who feel too difficult to receive criticism, they would addict to (addict sb to sth 改成， be addicted to) their self-satisfactory all the time instead of awaring (awareness/ being ware of) of their weaknessesand making progress. Consequently they cannot catch up with their humblecollegues colleagues and get obsoleted (obsolete, 另外小疑惑，这个可以get么 感觉好奇怪额) fromtheir teams.

Tosum up, according to the arguments above, I can definitely come to the contention thatpeople who cannot receive criticism would hardly find their place in teams,especially in groups which put great significance on cooperation andself-realization.      
To sang:
嘿，不要被我的颜色给吓到，大部分都是个人意见了，仅供参考
1. TS一定要强有力，支持你的中心论点O(∩_∩)O~
2. 我觉得第三段有些略微啰嗦，可以缩减一下或者再加一段，一般是5段式八股文的
  另外感觉这段很多 aware of weakness and makeprogress,,,,
3. 词汇神马的，sang 很强哦，学到很多O(∩_∩)O~
4. 红色的好多单词是sang自己回来检查改的吗，好赞哦\(^o^)/~
加油加油
异常抱歉 现在才贴， 希望sang多多包涵了O(∩_∩)O~

sang824

5月13日11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.）

Undoubtedly, job is the major composition of our daily life. We spend enormous time doing everyday work in order to earn money and finishing the assignment society brings us. However, does job have more effect on one’s happiness than social life does? From my perspective, I am supportive of the opposite viewpoint, that is social life can bring me more pleasure than job does.

To begin with, it is inevitably that when just graduated from university, I choose job at the mere wish to find us a social position or earn money. In this way, I unavoidably make sacrifice in front of the huge temptations, such as social statue and wealth, namely neglect my own interest as well as ambition. One of my school-fellow, who has already obtained PHD of chemistry in a well-known university overseas and performs perfectly in such areas, decides to be a consultant just because of the brightness future and the tempted salary. Consequently, his career becomes much more arduous than expected and he spends day and night dealing with businesses and clients which really drives him crazy, not to mention the countless time in the way. This seemingly brilliant job didn’t bring him any sense of happiness.

On the contrary, I am inclined to have more freedom choosing my social activities. I can participate in all kinds of clubs, visit my old friends who just live in my vicinity, or access to theater and cinema at the mere wish to realize spiritual enjoyment. The priority of taking their personal feelings into consideration guarantees the sense of happiness. To a large degree, social life functions as contribution to our life sentimentally. In contradiction, it is occupation that forces me to weigh between interests and benefits.

Admittedly, a job identical to my appetite does exert profound influence on my sense of pleasure. At that note, I am able to handle my works with greatest passion and enthusiasm. However, this kind of situation does not happen invariably because I feel oblige to take all factors into consideration. And it is common that, especially for people in China, money stands first, then comes happiness.

In a nutshell, according to the reasons above, I am definitely under the impression that social life plays a more overwhelming part when it comes to one’s happiness than job does.

超时吖55.写着写着感觉出了审题错误，这个effect除了正面也可以是负面影响的吖..所以不知道这样写会不会算偏题？
还有这个题目中的your,和平时以大众角度写的感觉很要费一番功夫吖..
求狠拍！！

易雨水巷

5 月13日11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on yourhappiness than your social life does.）

Undoubtedly, job is the major composition of our daily life. We spend enormoustime doing everyday work in order to earn money and finishing the assignmentsociety brings us. However, does job have more effect on one’s happiness thansocial life does? From my perspective, I am supportive of the oppositeviewpoint, that is （is 去掉吧，这样that 是opposite viewpoint的同位语从句，不然就成了两个句子了呵呵）social life can bring me more pleasure than job does.

To begin with, it isinevitably that when just graduated（graduating,你在查一下，这个主从句主语一致省略从句主语的句式哈，不过sang很棒哦，这样的句式都记得并且运用到作文中，我就只记得高中天天做题O(∩_∩)O~）from university, I choose job at the mere wish to find us （us?前面是I） a social position or earn money. In this way, I unavoidably makesacrifice in front of the huge temptations, such as social statue and wealth,namely neglect my own interest as well as ambition. （建议这之前的I都改错people吧）One of my school-fellow, who has already obtained PHD ofchemistry in a well-known university overseas （这个我看举例子，一般直接要说出哪个学校的，编也好）and performsperfectly in such areas, decides to be a consultant just because of thebrightness future and the tempted salary. Consequently, his career becomes muchmore arduous than expected and he spends day and night dealing with businessesand clients which really drives him crazy, not to mention the countless time in the way（改成on which he spent）. Thisseemingly brilliant job didn’t bring him any sense of happiness.(貌似开头木有ts，这段明显长句一个接一个)。。长句合理分配在整个文章里吧)

On the contrary, I am inclined to have more freedom choosing my socialactivities. I can participate in all kinds of clubs, visit my old friends whojust live in my vicinity, or access to theater and cinema at the mere wish (用过了，可以换成in the mere hope of realizing)to realize spiritual enjoyment. The priority of takingtheir personal feelings into consideration guarantees the sense of happiness.To a large degree, social life functions as contribution to our lifesentimentally. In contradiction, it is occupation that forces me to weighbetween interests and benefits.

Admittedly, a job identical to my appetite does exert profound influence on mysense of pleasure. At that note, I am able to handle my works with greatestpassion and enthusiasm. However, this kind of situation does not happen invariablybecause I feel oblige (obliged)to take allfactors into consideration. And it is common that, especially for people inChina, money stands first, then comes happiness.

In a nutshell, according to the reasons above, I am definitely under the impression that sociallife plays a more overwhelming part when it comes to one’s happiness than jobdoes.(我觉得把one’s 去掉，然后将when it comes to happiness放到that后面吧，不过我一般在开头用when it comes to 这个句式，现在发现sang用在结尾很棒哎O(∩_∩)O~ )

超时吖55.写着写着感觉出了审题错误，这个effect除了正面也可以是负面影响的吖..所以不知道这样写会不会算偏题？
还有这个题目中的your,和平时以大众角度写的感觉很要费一番功夫吖..
求狠拍！！

[本帖最后由 sang824 于 13小时32分钟前 编辑]

To sang 在写的过程中和你出现了同样的过程,负面影响—我觉得应该不算偏题，最多算论述不全面。。。。
根据题目中的可数名词job用的是单数，所以可以推断是小众,,,雨巷发现sang读的很细O(∩_∩)O~赞一个
另外还是最重要的TS！

sang824

5 月13日11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on yourhappiness than your social life does.）

Undoubtedly, job is the major composition of our daily life. We spend enormoustime doing everyday work in order to earn money and finishing the assignmentsociety brings us. However, does job have more effect on one’s happiness thansocial life does? From my perspective, I am supportive of the oppositeviewpoint, that is （is 去掉吧，这样that 是opposite viewpoint的同位语从句，不然就成了两个句子了呵呵）social life can bring me more pleasure than job does.

To begin with, it isinevitably that when just graduated（graduating,你在查一下，这个主从句主语一致省略从句主语的句式哈，不过sang很棒哦，这样的句式都记得并且运用到作文中，我就只记得高中天天做题O(∩_∩)O~）from university, I choose job at the mere wish to find us （us?前面是I） a social position or earn money. In this way, I unavoidably makesacrifice in front of the huge temptations, such as social statue and wealth,namely neglect my own interest as well as ambition. （建议这之前的I都改错people吧）One of my school-fellow, who has already obtained PHD ofchemistry in a well-known university overseas （这个我看举例子，一般直接要说出哪个学校的，编也好）and performsperfectly in such areas, decides to be a consultant just because of thebrightness future and the tempted salary. Consequently, his career becomes muchmore arduous than expected and he spends day and night dealing with businessesand clients which really drives him crazy, not to mention the countless time in the way（改成on which he spent）. Thisseemingly brilliant job didn’t bring him any sense of happiness.(貌似开头木有ts，这段明显长句一个接一个)。。长句合理分配在整个文章里吧)

On the contrary, I am inclined to have more freedom choosing my socialactivities. I can participate in all kinds of clubs, visit my old friends whojust live in my vicinity, or access to theater and cinema at the mere wish (用过了，可以换成in the mere hope of realizing)to realize spiritual enjoyment. The priority of takingtheir personal feelings into consideration guarantees the sense of happiness.To a large degree, social life functions as contribution to our lifesentimentally. In contradiction, it is occupation that forces me to weighbetween interests and benefits.

Admittedly, a job identical to my appetite does exert profound influence on mysense of pleasure. At that note, I am able to handle my works with greatestpassion and enthusiasm. However, this kind of situation does not happen invariablybecause I feel oblige (obliged)to take allfactors into consideration. And it is common that, especially for people inChina, money stands first, then comes happiness.

In a nutshell, according to the reasons above, I am definitely under the impression that sociallife plays a more overwhelming part when it comes to one’s happiness than jobdoes.(我觉得把one’s 去掉，然后将when it comes to happiness放到that后面吧，不过我一般在开头用when it comes to 这个句式，现在发现sang用在结尾很棒哎O(∩_∩)O~ )

超时吖55.写着写着感觉出了审题错误，这个effect除了正面也可以是负面影响的吖..所以不知道这样写会不会算偏题？
还有这个题目中的your,和平时以大众角度写的感觉很要费一番功夫吖..
求狠拍！！

[本帖最后由 sang824 于 13小时32分钟前 编辑]

To sang 在写的过程中和你出现了同样的过程,负面影响—我觉得应该不算偏题，最多算论述不全面。。。。
根据题目中的可数名词job用的是单数，所以可以推断是小众,,,雨巷发现sang读的很细O(∩_∩)O~赞一个
另外还是最重要的TS！

-- by 会员 易雨水巷 (2012/5/14 7:47:44)

谢谢水巷宝贵的意见和细心批改，对我很有用！
Thanks a loooooot!!!

sang824

514,TPO15 综合

Both reading and listening passage talk about the measures to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. The professor asserts three reasons to contradict the methods mentioned in reading passage.

To begin with, the professor considers it is too general to build a national fence in order to prevent the separation of toad, as the reading passage mentions. She points out that young toads and their eggs spread through stream and water wave. Under this circumstance, only a few toads move through fence, it is obvious that such method is ineffective.

Moreover, the reading passage asserts that toads could be captured and devastated by volunteers. Although agrees with the proposal, the professor also mentions that untrained volunteers may threaten the native frogs, some of which are endangered.

Last but not the least, the reading passage recommends the import of virus to control the cane toad population. On the contrary, the professor casts the recommendation into doubt by indicating that it would affect the king toad’s habitant as well as transport such virus to American by toads, exerting profound influence to native habitants consequently. Furthermore, owing to the dominant position of native spieces, it would do harm to the whole ecosystem in America.

In conclusion, the professor challenges the statement in the above three ways.