【写作小分队acrophobiahy的作文贴】

acrophobiahy

5月27日 2011.2.11 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allowtheir children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Itis our parents that teach us to walk, to speak and to recognize the world. Theyare the most committed, and almost the best teachers we have. It is under theprotection of their love that we began to learn how to face the society and howto interact with others. But it doesn’t mean that parents should make all thedecisions for us for the purpose of preventing us from injuries. On thecontrary, parents should allow us explore and experience the society on ourown. It is definitely true that we would make mistakes on the way, but we canalso learn a lot from the mistakes, and then we will become more rational andbrave.

Admittedly,as responsible parents, they should provide suggestions for children,especially when a child made an insane decision, which might be detrimental forhis or her future development. For example, a boy, who is not interested innumbers and formats, decides to choose mathematics as his major. Then at thistime, parents should have a conversation with him, and help him to recognizethe current conditions, and let him to make the decision again. In such case,it might be beneficial for children.

However,we should realize that no one can help us identify what is right and what iswrong all the time, including our parents. Though our parents might help usrecognize mistakes at the present, on day, we have to step the protection ofour parents and face the society on our own. In an increasingly competitive society,few people would like to sacrifice their energy and efforts to assist you likeyour parents do. If we want to make fewer mistakes in our work, parents shouldallow us to make the mistakes and let us learn from it. Because if we made amistake, we would reflect on why the mistake happened and how to avoid the sameone next time. Then, the mistakes may also offer us something useful in return,which is beneficial to our development of analytical thinking, though it mightcost us a little energy or time.

Moreover,being shielded by our parents, we will never grow up, and will lack the abilityto face the serious situations in the future. A national survey shows thatabout 30 percent of youngsters put back the age at which they expect to befinancially independent; most of those youngsters are the children who used tobe over protected by their parents. We should realize that mistakes are part oflife, and dealing with mistakes is part of the process of growing up.Coping with mistakes also enhance our ability to handle stress and despair, andeven help develop an optimist attitude to overcome the difficulties. In general,allowing children to make mistakes is helpful for their mental health.

In anutshell, though parents should protect children to some degree, they should allowus to experience the world on our own. The mistakes that we make will help usgrow up rapidly, and we will soon become brave enough to confront theunpredictable future in a positive way.

lxc1989614

Itis our parents that teach us to walk, to speak and to recognize the world. Theyare the most committed, and almost the best teachers we have. It is under theprotection of their love that we began to learn how to face the society and howto interact with others. But it doesn’t mean that parents should make all thedecisions for us for the purpose of preventing us from injuries. On thecontrary, parents should allow us explore and experience the society on ourown. It is definitely true that we would make mistakes on the way, but we canalso learn a lot from the mistakes, and then we will become more rational andbrave. 你第一段写的实在太长了。。能把观点浓缩提炼下么。。。
还有单词之间别忘了打空格啊~
Admittedly,as responsible parents, they should provide suggestions for children,especially when a child made an insane decision, which might be detrimental forhis or her future development. For example, a boy, who is not interested innumbers and formats, decides to choose mathematics as his major. Then at thistime, parents should have a conversation with him, and help him to recognizethe current conditions, 你这句话有点问题啊~这个和孩子谈话不正是不让孩子自己犯错的体现么。。。and let him to make the decision again. In such case,it might be beneficial for children.

However,we should realize that no one can help us identify what is right and what iswrong all the time, including our parents. Though our parents might help usrecognize mistakes at the present, on day, we have to step the protection ofour parents and face the society on our own. In an increasingly competitive society,few people would like to sacrifice their energy and efforts to assist you likeyour parents do. If we want to make fewer mistakes in our work, parents shouldallow us to make the mistakes and let us learn from it. Because if we made makeamistake, we would reflect on why the mistake happened and how to avoid the sameone next time. 我不太确定这句是不是语法错了。。。Then, the mistakes may also offer us something useful in return,which is beneficial to our development of analytical thinking, though it mightcost us a little(some) energy or time.

Moreover,being shielded by our parents, we will never grow up, and willlack the abilityto face the serious situations in the future. A national survey shows thatabout 30 percent of youngsters put back the age at which they expect to befinancially independent; most of those youngsters are the children who used tobe over protected by their parents. We should realize that mistakes are part oflife, and dealing with mistakes is part of the process of growing up.Coping with mistakes also enhance our ability to handle stress and despair, andeven help develop an optimist attitude to overcome the difficulties. In general,allowing children to make mistakes is helpful for their mental health.

In anutshell, though parents should protect children to some degree, they should allowus to experience the world on our own. The mistakes that we make（have made) will help usgrow up rapidly, and we will soon become(so that we are) brave enough to confront theunpredictable future in a positive way.

1、文章太长了。。很多语言不够简练，从句套从句的。。可以再精简一下，不知你的文章是否是在规定时间内完成的。。。
2、单词与单词之间记得打空格啊~
3、建议多看一些比较地道的词组表达神马的

acrophobiahy

Conclusion:

Good, applauds~ ~ ~

1. There are so many words in your article, do pay attention of the management of time.

2. Good vocabulary

3. be careful with some firmed collocation

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/5/25 16:29:49)

谢谢婷婷帮忙修改我的作文
刚刚又重新看了一遍，你的建议很受用的～～
不知道婷婷能不能帮忙看一下我２７号的独立作文呢？希望听听你的建议啊

婷婷connie

Conclusion:

Good, applauds~ ~ ~

1. There are so many words in your article, do pay attention of the management of time.

2. Good vocabulary

3. be careful with some firmed collocation

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/5/25 16:29:49)

谢谢婷婷帮忙修改我的作文
刚刚又重新看了一遍，你的建议很受用的～～
不知道婷婷能不能帮忙看一下我２７号的独立作文呢？希望听听你的建议啊

-- by 会员 acrophobiahy (2012/5/28 19:22:00)

呵呵，木有问题，这就给你改哦~
在lxc的基础上改的，这次用紫色了~

Itis our parents that teach us to walk, to speak and to recognize the world. Theyare the most committed, and almost the best teachers we have. It is under theprotection of their love that we began to learn how to face the society and howto interact with others. （婷婷感觉这一句不错，可以不删的）But it doesn’t mean that parents should make all thedecisions for us for the purpose of preventing us from injuries. On thecontrary, parents should allow us （to固定搭配哦）explore and experience the society on ourown. It is definitely true that we would make mistakes on the way, but we canalso learn a lot from the（删掉，表泛指） mistakes, and then we will become more rational andbrave. 你第一段写的实在太长了。。能把观点浓缩提炼下么。。。（同意，第一段说说背景就行，on the contrary 后面可以留在结尾说，第一段直接来个in my opinion+观点）
还有单词之间别忘了打空格啊~


Admittedly,as responsible parents, they should provide suggestions for children(provide children with suggestions用固定搭配好一些),especially when a child made an insane decision, which might be detrimental forhis or her future development. For example, a boy, who is not interested innumbers and formats, decides to choose mathematics as his major. Then at thistime（重复了）, parents should have a conversation with him, and help him to recognize(realize) the current conditions, 你这句话有点问题啊~这个和孩子谈话不正是不让孩子自己犯错的体现么。。。and let him to make the decision again. In such case,it might be beneficial for children.

However,we should realize that no one can help us identify what is right and what iswrong all the time, including our parents. Though our parents might help usrecognize mistakes at the present(at present), on day, we have to step（感觉少了一个介词） the protection ofour parents and face the society on our own. In an increasingly competitive society,few people would like to sacrifice their energy and efforts to assist you likeyour parents do. If we want to make fewer mistakes in our work, parents shouldallow us to make the mistakes and let us learn from it. Because if we mademakeamistake, we would reflect on why the mistake happened and how to avoid the sameone next time. 我不太确定这句是不是语法错了。。。（这句语法没错）Then, the mistakes may also offer us something useful in return,which is beneficial to our development of analytical thinking, though it mightcost us a little(some) energy or time.

Moreover,being shielded by our parents, we will never grow up, andwilllack the abilityto face the serious situations in the future. A national survey (可以具体写一个survey比如China Juvenile Fund)shows thatabout 30 percent of youngsters put back the age at which they expect to befinancially(感觉不对) independent; most of those youngsters are the children who used tobe over protected by their parents. We should realize that mistakes are part （parts）oflife, and dealing with mistakes is part of the process of growing up.Coping with mistakes also enhance our ability to handle stress and despair, andeven help develop an optimist attitude to overcome the difficulties(frustration/adversity). In general,allowing children to make mistakes is helpful for their mental health.

In anutshell, though parents should protect children to some degree. they should allowus to experience the world on our own. The mistakes that we make（have made) will help usgrow up rapidly, and we will soon become(so that we are) brave enough to confront theunpredictable future in a positive way.

1、文章太长了。。很多语言不够简练，从句套从句的。。可以再精简一下，不知你的文章是否是在规定时间内完成的。。。
2、单词与单词之间记得打空格啊~
3、建议多看一些比较地道的词组表达神马的

Conclusion：1.还是先夸夸词汇，婷婷也记了很多，就是每次都感觉用不上

           2.注意一些固定搭配，想provide... With

          3.文章都在说理，建议加一个例子，显得更有说服力

acrophobiahy

[/quote]
呵呵，木有问题，这就给你改哦~

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/5/28 22:35:35)

[/quote]婷婷真好～～

婷婷connie

呵呵，木有问题，这就给你改哦~

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/5/28 22:35:35)

[/quote]婷婷真好～～

-- by 会员 acrophobiahy (2012/5/28 22:51:02)

[/quote]
呵呵，完工~

acrophobiahy

6月1日091031 NA
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move toa new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Friends are thoserare people who can understand all your troubles by just looking in your eyes;can soothe your fears with a simple hug; can make you laugh when all you wantto do is cry. So no one can deny significance of friends. Concerning the issue ofmoving to a new city or a new country, some people insist that it is not a goodthing due to the loss of friends. However, from my perspective, distance willnot set up a barrier between friends and cannot voilate the friendship.

Admittedly, moving toa new city or a new country might result in some inconvenience for friends. Ifwe are in the same place, we can get together frequently and have a fun time.For example, on weekends, we can go to a cafeteria nearby, just sit down, enjoythe peaceful atmosphere, and talk about latest Hollywood films. But moving to anew place may make it tougher. However, the long distance cannot break thefriendship.

First and foremost,with the rapid advance of science and technology, the problems resulted by thelong distance can be resolved. Thanks to the invention of the cell phone, wecan hear our friends' voices as if they are next to us. What's more, we can seethem merely with a computer connected to the Internet. In this case, we stillcan keep close contact with our friends though we are millions of thousandsmiles away. Furthermore, one some special holidays, it is convenient for us tofly back and have fun with our old friends, which might only cost a few hours.

Moreover, living in anew city or a new country might improve, but destroy the relation betweenfriends, for it offers more interesting topics for conversation. For example,one of my friends, Jessica moved abroad to California two year ago. Every timewe chat on line, we would find various topics, such as the native deliciousfood, the special customs there, and the cultural difference between the twocountries. As a result, the conversation will never be boring. Last summer, sheeven invited me to California, and the time I spent there became my preciousmemories. So, in my opinion, living in a new place can also enhance our friendship.

In a nutshell, thoughfriends play an important role in out life, we cannot be afraid of moving to anew city or a new country out of fare loss of old friends. We should believethat the distance is not a problem.

teresaz318

蓝色个人建议阿
红色明显错误
橙色 怀疑~

Friendsare those rare people who canunderstand all your troubles by just looking in your eyes; can soothe yourfears with a simple hug; can make you laugh when all you wantto do is cry. Sono one can deny significance of friends. (Theimportance of friends cannot be more exaggerated) Concerning the issueof moving to a new city or a new country, some people insist that it is not agood thing due to 后面只能加名词 the loss of friends. However, from myperspective, distance will not set up a barrier between friends and cannot violate 我觉得这词用错了，你应该是想说破坏友谊？ Destroy 好嘛？the friendship.

Admittedly, moving toa new city or a newcountry might result in some inconvenience for friends. Ifwe are in the sameplace, we can get together frequently and have a fun time.For example, onweekends, we can go to a cafeteria nearby, just sit down, enjoythe peacefulatmosphere, and talk about latest Hollywood films. But moving to anew place maymake it tougher这词用错这是坚强的意思 . difficult ..However,the long distance cannot break thefriendship.

First and foremost,with the rapid advance ofscience and technology, the problems resulted by thelong distance can be resolved solve. Thanks to (后面应该是一个完整的句子，而不是短语) the invention of the cell phone, wecan hearour friends' voices as if they are next to us. What's more, we can seethem merely just? with a computerconnected to the Internet. In this case, we stillcan (can still ?) keep close contact with our friends though we are millionsof thousandsmiles away. Furthermore, one some specialholidays, (on some special holidays?) it is convenient for us to fly back (take the airplane to visit our friends) 你这里没讲清楚，就说飞好奇怪，而且去别的国家不一定要飞啊，我觉得作文应该要解释的清楚点，不然考完看也会有种不明不白的感觉  and have fun with our old friends, which mightonly cost a few hours.

Moreover, living in anew city or a new countrymight improve, but (instead of?) destroy therelation betweenfriends, for it offers more interesting topics forconversation. For example,one of my friends, Jessica moved abroad to Californiatwo year ago. Every timewe chat on line, we would find various topics, such asthe native deliciousfood, the special customs there, and the culturaldifference between the twocountries. As a result, the conversation will neverbe boring. Last summer, sheeven invited me to California, and the time I spent there =.= 什么意思became my preciousmemories. So, in my opinion,living in a new place can also even enhance ourfriendship.

In a nutshell, thoughfriends play an importantrole in out life, we cannot be afraid of moving to anew city or a new country out of fare loss of old friends. We should believethatthe distance is not a problem.


LZ 注意一下用词啊，现在只是练习 不确定可不可以用的词最好可以查一下字典
以免考试的时候也是那样～

idea 还是ok 的但是就是有些句子过于简单化，而且有点偏中文的翻译的感觉
好啦～！加油 继续努力

acrophobiahy

6月6日110198 ML
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Food in the past was much healthier than today.

We are what we eat, as the proverb say. When we decide whichfoods to eat and how to prepare them, our choices do much more than please ourtaste buds - they also affect our health. Food and health is the topic ofendless discussion, which also brings about some controversy. Some people claimthat food in the past is much healthier than today, for both foodstuff itselfand the cooking methods are more natural. From my perspective, thanks to therapid advance of technology, and the government supervision on food safety,it's not surprising that the food today are much healthier.

The development of technology enables us to have incrediblevariety of food, which satisfies our increasing need of the different kinds ofnutrition. As we all know, some critical nutrition, such as protein, vitaminand calcium, are mostly acquired through balanced diets. However, due to thelack of food, people in the past may find it hard to meet their need of energyinput, let alone to have adequate nutrition. As a result, numerous peoplesuffered nutritional deficiency. Fortunately, advanced agronomic techniquesmake it possible for us to easily attain abundant food. At the same time, theconvenient transportation system has ensured the freshness. We can easily pickup vegetables, fruits and dairy products according to our need.
Furthermore, along with the increasing awareness of thesignificance of food health, the government has attached greater importance tothe issue. Government agencies has take the responsibilities for setting foodsafety standards, conducting inspections, ensuring the standards are met, andmaintaining a strong enforcement program to deal with those who do not complywith standards. For example, on January 4, 2011, the Food Safety ModernizationAct(FSMA) was signed into law by President Obama, which enables the Food andDrug Administration(FDA) to protect public health by strengthening the foodsafety system. It allows FDA to focus more on the preventing food safetyproblems, rather than reacting to the problems after they occur. Under thesevere protection of the government, it's not surprising that the food today ishealthier than in the past, when little attention was paid on food safety.

Last but not least, some new professions, such as dietitiansand nutritionists, have come up nowadays. They are experts in food andnutrition. They work in hospitals, cafeterias or schools, advising people onwhat to eat in order to lead a healthy life. With their help, people are ableto know how to select and prepare food in a scientific and healthy way. Moreover,universities also offer the courses in food and health and related training forthose who want to become a dietitian or nutritionist in the future.

Though the advantages of food now are considerable, weshould never deny that food in the past has some minor advantages. Food in thepast is more natural with little contamination. Comparatively, we eat junkfood, non-nutritional food sometimes. However, if we treat it properly andbuild healthy eating habits, the problems can be neglected.

In a nutshell, with the help of advanced technology and thesevere supervision of the government, there's no doubt that the food we havetoday is much healthier.

字数：532
时间：不计时

这篇作文耗时挺长的，我就不好意识说具体时间了。也查了很多信息，希望能够将文章写得丰满一点，也为之后的作文积累一点素材。

狠狠地批吧~~
发现错误，就是学习新知识的开始~~

jiaosisisisi

我是music，抱歉啊，我的作文貌似要晚些，今天晚上？  发出来吧。。。
6.6的作业，由于我今天加班写paper，居然还没写，。。实在抱歉啊！！！
多谢你修改噢for me！